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THE 


70UNG    LADY'S 


FRIEND 


THE 


YOUNG     LAD  Y'S 


FRIEND. 


By    MRS.    JOHN    FARRAR, 

AUTHOR    OF    '-'THE    LIFE    OF    LAFAYETTE,"    ''THE     LIFE    OF 
HOWARD,"   "  THE    YOUTH's    LETTER-WRITER,"    &C. 


BOSTON: 

AMERICAN    STATIONERS'    COMPANY. 

JOHN    B.    RUSSELL. 

1838. 


Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1836 

By  the  American  Stationers'  Company, 

in  the  Clerk's  office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of  Massachusetts. 


CAMBRIDGE: 

FOLSOM,    WELLS,   AND    THURSTON, 
FBINTEES    TO    THE    UNITERSITT. 


Ha 


^ 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

INTRODUCTION. 


Paff. 


The  Great  Mistake.  —  Leaving  School.  —  Use  of  School 
Studies.  —  Miss  Edge  worth's  Opinion. — False  Views. — 
Address  to  Girls  leaving  School.  —  Religion  the  Foun- 
dation of  Excellence. —  Sins  of  Ignorance 1 


CHAPTER  II. 

ON    THE    IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

Distribution  of  Time.  —  Care  of  odd  Minutes.  —  A  valua- 
ble Rule.  —  Early  Rising.  —  A  Contrast.  —  Picture  of 
Early  Rising.  —  Effect  of  Heat  and  Cold  on  Industry. — 
Excessive  Nicety.  —  Value  of  a  Day. — Thinking  and 
Sewing.  —  Energy  of  Purpose.  —  Madame  Roland.  — 
Attention.  —  Lord  Chesterfield.     .  ' 12 


CHAPTER  m. 

DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

Woman's  peculiar  Calling.  —  How  to  save  Labor. — Do- 
mestic Affairs  honorable. —  Example. — French  House- 


* 


VI  CONTENTS. 

keeping.  —  Useless  Discussion.  —  Housework  good  for 
the  Health.  —  Pouring  out  Tea  and  Coffee.  —  Prepara- 
tion for  Cookery.  — Preparation  for  Dinner  Company.  — 
Expense.  —  Allowance.  —  Anecdote. —  Uncertainty  of 
Riches.  —  Anecdote.  —  Best  Tilings.  —  General  Rules.     33 


CHAPTER  IV. 

NURSING    THE    SICK. 

First  Requisites  in  a  Nurse.  —  Evils  of  Awkwardness. — 
Noise  to  be  avoided.  —  Cleanliness  and  Ventilation.  — 
Easy  Positions.  —  Lifting  a  Patient.  —  Quiet  Move- 
ments. —  Night  Watching.  —  Bed-Making.  —  Rubbing. 
—  Bathing.  —  Blisters.  —  Leeches.  —  Little  Comforts.  — 
Behaviour  to  Physicians.  —  Diet.  —  Conclusion.     ...    57 


CHAPTER  V. 

BEHAVIOUR    OF    THE    SICK. 

Self-control.  —  Consideration  of  Others.  —  Attention.  — 
Taking  Medicine.  —  Resignation 

CHAPTER  VL 

DRESS. 

Human  Clothing  left  to  Man's  Reason  and  Ingenuity.  — 
Extravagances  of  Costume.  —  Hoops.  —  Revolutions  in 
Dress.  —  English  and  French  Fashions.  —  Climate.  — 
Standard  of  Beauty.  — ElT'M-ts  of  Good  Taste.  —  A  curi- 
ous Comparison.  —  Re,strictiniis  in  Dress.  —  Appropriate- 
ness essential  to  Bc'iiity.-'riistc  fjivorjibli'  to  lv-nn«nny. 


CONTENTS.  Vll 

—  Love  of  Finery.  —  Dress  a  Test  of  Character.  — 
Meedle-work.  —  Darning-  Stockings.  —  Care  to  be 
taken  of  Clothes.  —  Neat  Habits.  —  Punctuality.  — 
Conduct  to  Work-women.  —  Borrowing.  —  Accidental 
Exchanges.  —  Duty  of  Cultivated  Women.  —  Modern 
Examples 92 


CHAPTER  VII. 

MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

Importance  of  the  Subject.  —  Objections  anticipated.  — 
The  Laws  of  our  Being  are  fixed.  —  Extract  from  Dr 
Combe.  —  Advantages  of  the  Study  of  PJiysioIogy. — 
Structure  of  the  Skin.  —  Insensible  Perspiration.  —  An- 
imal Heat.  —  Absorbents.  —  Sensation.  —  Cleanliness.  — 
Warm  and  Cold  Bathing.  —  Mutual  Dependence  of  the 
Skin  and  the  Lungs.  —  Circulation  of  the  Blood.  —  Ex- 
ercise—  Cold  Extremities.  —  The  Lungs.  —  Digestion. 
—  Food.  —  Drink.  —  Fasting  the  Best  Cure.  —  Con- 
stipation.—  Tight  Lacing. — Tight  Shoes 141 

CHAPTER  Vni. 

BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS    AND    THEIR    FRIENDS. 

Irreverence  common.  —  Beauty  of  Reverence.  —  Sympa- 
thy with  Parents.  —  Treatment  of  Elderly  Friends.  — 
Anecdote 202 


CHAPTER  IX. 


CONDUCT    TO    TEACHERS. 


How  to  receive  a  Ma>ster.  — The  Claijns  of  Female  Teach- 
ers —  llnp.rlniiitv  ol"  llichr?! 213 


Vlll  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER   X. 


THE    RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS. 

Influence  of  Sisters  on  Brothers.  —  Confidence  won  and 
kept.  —  Happy  Evenings  at  Home.  —  Mutual  Aid  in 
Choosing  Friends.  —  Fraternal  Love  a  Safeguard.  — 
Little  Annoyances  between  Sisters.  —  Politeness  in  the 
Family  Circle. — Duties  of  Elder  Sisters  to  the  Younger 
Children.  —  Works  on  Education  recommended.      .     .  218 


CHAPTER  XL 

TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS    AND    WORK-WOMEN. 

How  to  make  the  Service  of  Domestics  desirable.  —  Some 
of  their  Trials  mentioned.  —  Anecdote.  —  Blame.  — 
Praise.  —  Politeness.  —  Asking  Favors.  —  Moral  and  In- 
tellectual Lnprovement  of  Domestics.  —  Care  of  those 
who  work  by  the  Day.  —  Hint  to  those  who  employ 
Help 231 


CHAPTER  Xn. 


FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

Friendship.  —  The  Treacherous  Friend.  —  Intimacy.  — 
Keeping  Secrets.  —  Gossip.  —  Reading  Societies.  —  In- 
termeddling. —  Taking  Sides.  — Quarrels.  — Curiosity. 

—  Anecdotes.  —  Jealousy.  —  Dislike.  —  Tenaciousness. 

—  Politeness.  —  Refinement.  —  Flattery.  —  Sins  of  Con- 
versation. —  Laughter.  —  lleserve.  —  Borrowing.  —   ■ 
Presents.  —  Correspondence.  —  Care  of  Books  —  Bad 
Tricks. —Rash  .Tudoments .252 


CONTENTS.  IX 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

A  great  Mistake.  —  Effect  of  Example.  —  A  good  Listener. 
—  Perpetual  Smiles.  —  Personal  Familiarity.  —  Receiv- 
ing Company  alone.  —  Riding.  —  Pecuniary  Favors.  — 
Jokes.  —  Conversation.  —  Platonic  Love.  —  Offers  and 
Refusals.  —  Behaviour  to  Rejected  Lovers.  —  Presents.  — 
Flattery.  —  Distinction  between  Friends  and  Acquaint- 
ances.—  Early  Marriages.  —  Disappointed  Affections. — 
Religion  the  only  Cure  for  a  Wounded  Heart.     .    .     .  286 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

Lyceums.  —  Use  of  Lectures.  —  The  meaning  of  Lady.  — 
Good  Manners.  —  The  Golden  Rule.  —  Suffocating 
Many  to  please  a  Few.  —  Little  Acts  of  Rudeness.  — 
Public  Celebrations.  —  Example  of  111  Conduct. —  True 
Politeness.  —  Shopping.  —  Deportment  in  the  Street.  — 
Avoiding  Contact.  —  Apologies.  —  Taking  the  Wall. — 
Draggled  Clothes.  —  Behaviour  at  Church 317 

CHAPTER  XV. 

DINNER    PARTIES. 

A  Dinner  Engagement  binding.  —  Dress.  —  Entrance. 

Places.  —  Manners  at  Table.  —  Accidents.  —  Eating 
and  Conversing.  —  Refined  Manners.  —  Champagne. — 
Finger- Glasses.  —  Leaving  Table.  —  Coffee.  —  Depart- 
ure. —  Conversation  between  Mr.  Turner  and  his 
Daughter.  —  Desire  for  Improvement  common.     .     .     .  340 


X  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

EVENING    PARTIES. 

Entering  a  Room.  —  Self-possession. —  Means  of  Enjoy- 
ment. —  Popularity.  — Matrons.  —  Simplicity.  —  Dress. 

—  Late  Hours.  —  Politeness  in  a  Crowd.  —  Supper.  — 
Engrossing  Beaux.  —  Departure 361 

CHAPTER  XVn. 

CONVERSATION. 

The  Unruly  Member.  —  Two  Besetting  Sins.  —  Ridicule. 

—  Exaggeration.  —  Misuse  of  Words.  —  Example  from 
Mrs.  Barbauld.  —  Favorite  Words  misapplied.  —  Trifles 
magnified.  —  Irony.  —  Little  Games  and  Riddles.  — 
Advantages  of  Hearing  Good  Conversation.  —  Conver- 
sation made  an  Art.  —  Fluency  without  Method.  —  Ex- 
ample. —  Listening  well 373 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

VISITS. 

Uses  of  Ceremony.  —  Morning  Calls.  —  Friendly  Visits. 

—  Conformity  to  Family  Rules.  — A  Snare  to  be  avoid- 
ed. —  Receiving  and  Returning  Calls. — Trouble  of  Do- 
mestics. —  Neatness  in  your  Chamber.  —  Care  of  Fur- 
niture. —  Change  of  Circumstances  by  Marriage.  — 
Mistakes  of  the  Rich.  —  Usefulness  of  Young  Girls.  — 

A  Caution.  —  Confidence  between  Host  and  Guest.     .  389 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

TRAVELLING. 

Rights  of  Fellow-passengers.  —  Courtesy   to    Women. 
Anecdote.  —  Appurtenances  of  a  Lady.  —  Dress. 


CONTENTS.  XI 

Steam-boats.  —  Hotels.  —  Chamber-maids.  —  A  good 
Traveller.  —  Punctuality.  —  Packing. —  Self-possession. 
—  Anecdote.  — Another.  —  Avoid  a  Rush.  — Anecdote 
of  a  Father  and  Daughter 401 


CHAPTER  XX. 

MENTAL    CULTURE. 

A  Conversation  on  Usefulness.  —  Display.  —  Reading 
without  Thinking.  —  Applications  for  Aid.  —  Periodical 
Literature  unfit  for  the  Young.  —  Reading  with  an  Ob- 
ject desirable.  —  Study  of  History.  —  Exercises  in  Com- 
position. —  A  Course  of  Reading  on  History.  —  Biog- 
raphy. —  British  Poets.  —  Travels.  —  Grammar  and 
Rhetoric.  —  Sentiment   and   Morality 417 


Conclusion 429 

Notes 431 


THE   YOUNG   LADY'S    FRIEND 


CHAPTER   I. 

Introduction. 


The  great  Mistake. —  Leaving  School. —  Use  of  School  Studies. 
—  Miss  Edgeworth's  Opinion.  —  False  Views.  —  Address  to 
Girls  leaving  School.  —  Religion  the  Foundation  of  Excel- 
lence.—  Sins  of  Ignorance. 

"  Now  that  I  have  done  going  to  school,  1 
shall  be  my  own  mistress,  and  can  do  as  I 
please  all  day  long.  I  can  walk  out  in  the 
morning  when  the  shops  and  streets  are  full 
of  people,  and,  having  now  no  lessons  to  get,  I 
can  go  out  visiting  every  evening,  if  I  choose. 
I  mean  to  keep  up  my  music,  and  read  a  little 
French ;  but  as  to  history  and  geography, 
grammar  and  philosophy,  I  have  done  with 
them  for  ever.  There  are  so  many  really  good 
novels  coming  out  every  day,  which  one  ought 
to  be  acquainted  with,  that  they  will  take  up 
all  the  time  I  have  for  reading,  so  that  I  shall 
have  employment  enough,  and  that  of  the  most 
interesting  kind.  How  happy  I  shall  be,  now 
that  I  have  done  going  to  school  !  " 
A  1 


2  INTRODUCTION. 

Such  are  the  feelings  and  opinions,  with 
which  a  great  many  girls  regard  that  epoch 
of  their  life,  when  they  cease  to  attend  school, 
and  begin  their  career  as  young  ladies.  Many 
who  read  this  soliloquy  will  find  in  it  the  echo 
of  what  they  themselves  thought  and  felt  on 
that  occasion.  But  if  such  are  their  views, 
their  school  education  has  failed  in  what  ought 
to  be  regarded  as  its  chief  purpose,  and  the 
years  thus  spent  have  been  wasted.  The  great 
business  of  early  education  is  to  form  habits 
of  industry,  to  train  the  mind  to  find  pleasure 
in  intellectual  eflfort,  and  to  inspire  a  love  of 
knowledge  for  its  own  sake.  If  you  have  at- 
tended school  merely  because  it  was  expected 
of  you  ;  if  you  have  learnt  your  lessons  well 
for  the  sake  of  ranking  high  among  your 
school-fellows  ;  if  you  have  regarded  your 
studies  as  daily  tasks  to  be  performed  till  a 
certain  period,  when  you  will  be  released  from 
them,  you  are  still  uneducated ;  what  you  have 
toiled  to  commit  to  memory  will  soon  be  for- 
gotten, and  your  intellectual  powers,  in  con- 
sequence of  having  never  been  properly  called 
into  action,  will  dwindle  away,  till  it  will  be 
matter  of  wonder  to  yourselves,  how  you  ever 
performed  your  school  tasks. 

This  utter  waste  of  the  precious  morning 
of  life  is  sometimes  the  fault  of  the  teacher, 
sometimes  of  the  scholar  ;   in  many  cases  both 


LEAVING    SCHOOL.  6 

are  wholly  unconscious  of  the  sad  mistakes 
they  are  making.  As  the  business  of  educa- 
tion comes  to  be  better  understood  by  parents, 
by  guardians,  and  by  children  themselves, 
such  fatal  errors  cannot  be  persisted  in  ;  and 
there  are  already  some  honorable  exceptions. 
There  are  schools,  which  the  scholar  leaves 
with  regret,  where  a  true  thirst  for  knowledge 
has  been  given,  where  habits  of  intellectual 
labor  have  been  formed,  where  the  principle 
of  emulation  never  enters,  and  knowledge  is 
its  own  reward.  The  teachers  of  such  schools 
are  worthy  of  all  praise ;  they  should  be  re- 
garded as  the  benefactors  of  their  race  ;  the 
rich  and  powerful  should  delight  to  do  them 
honor;  their  profession  should  rank  with  the 
other  learned  ones  ;  and,  inasmuch  as  the 
influence  of  mothers  is  greater  than  that  of 
fathers  in  forming  the  characters  of  their  chil- 
dren, the  office  of  wisely  developing  the  minds 
of  young  women  should  be  ranked  among  the 
most  honorable  employments  in  the  land. 

But  schools  the  best  conducted,  and  teach- 
ers the  most  competent  and  beloved,  must  at 
last  give  place  to  other  discipline  ;  a  girl  can- 
not always  go  to  school ;  the  time  of  quitting 
her  daily  tasks  must  come ;  and  when  it  does, 
it  is  an  important  era  in  her  life.  If  she  be- 
long to  the  class  whom  I  have  first  described, 
it  is  a  season  full  of  danger   and  temptation ; 


4  INTRODUCTION. 

if  to  the  more  fortunate  class  of  well-educated 
girls,  it  is  still  a  critical  period.  The  salu- 
tary influence  of  the  much  loved  and  honored 
teacher  is  withdrav/n ;  the  pupil  must  now  de- 
pend more  on  herself  than  formerly  in  prose- 
cuting her  studies.  Self-education  begins 
where  school-education  ends ;  and,  with  this 
additional  responsibility,  she  is  placed  in  new 
circumstances  of  temptation  and   trial. 

A  young  lady,  on  leaving  school,  is  expected 
to  take  a  more  important  place  in  her  father's 
house ;  she  must  go  into  society ;  she  must 
perform  her  part  towards  the  poor,  the  sick, 
and  the  afflicted;  she  must  assist  her  mother 
in  domestic  affairs,  and,  with  all  these  added 
duties,  she  must  continue  her  own  education. 
When  that  has  been  properly  begun,  the  pupil 
feels  that  it  can  never  end  but  with  life  ;  she 
will  also  feel,  that  what  has  been  done  at 
school  is  but  furnishing  her  with  instruments 
for  carrying  on  the  work.  If  she  has  there 
learnt  the  French,  Italian,  and  Latin  languages, 
she  will  consider  them  as  the  means,  by  which 
she  is  to  enrich  her  mind  with  the  literature 
of  France  and  Italy  ;  if  she  has  there  read  a 
few  abridged  histories  of  various  countries, 
they  are  to  be  regarded  as  a  mere  introduction 
to  that  study  of  history,  which  is  to  enlarge 
her  views  of  human  nature,  and  give  her  an 
insight  into  the  policy  of  nations  and  the  pro- 


MISS  edgeworth's  opinion.  5 

gress  of  civilization ;  if  she  has  read  in  school 
the  Lives  of  Plutarch,  they  are  to  serve  as 
standards  of  comparison  for  other  biographies, 
and  to  be  recurred  to  in  reading  the  history 
of  the  times  in  which  those  characters  lived  ; 
if  she  has  there  committed  to  memory  pages 
of  geography,  it  is  that  she  may  have  in  her 
mind  sketches  of  countries,  vrhich  she  is  ever 
after  to  be  filling  up  with  additional  details  ; 
and  so  on  of  all  other  school  exercises,  they 
lay  the  foundation,  on  which  she  must  be  ever 
after  building. 

Miss  Edgeworth  has  done  much,  in  her  ad- 
mirable writings  for  the  young,  to  inculcate 
this  idea,  that  education  must  continue  all 
through  life.  In  her  "  Early  Lessons,"  she 
ends  with  this  conversation  between  a  brother 
and  two  sisters. 

"  How  much  reason,"  said  Rosamond,  "  we 
have  to  be  grateful  to  our  parents,  Godfrey, 
for  giving  us  strong  moral  principles,  with  a 
steady  foundation  of  religion  ;  and  for  making 
us  really  good  friends,  instead  of  what  are 
called  great  friends." 

"  Very  true,"  said  Godfrey  ;  "  but  who  would 
have  expected  such  a  really  wise  and  really 
good  reflection,  at  least  from  Rosamond." 

"  Everybody  who  knows  her  as  well  as  I 
do,"  said  Laura. 


b  INTRODUCTION. 

"  Well,"  said  Godfrey,  "  I  could  tell  you, 
and  I  could  tell  Rosamond  something." 

"  Pray  tell  me,  brother ;  you  must,"  said 
Rosamond. 

"  Then  if  I  must,  I  will  tell  you,  that  there 
is  nobody  living,  not  even  yourself,  my  dear 
Laura,  who  has  higher  expectations  of  Rosa- 
mond's sense  and  goodness  than  I  have  ; 
though  I  agree,  I  own,  with  old  Lady  Morral, 
that  Miss  Rosamond's  education  has  been 
going  on  a  great  while,  and  that  it  begins  to 
be  time  to  think  of  finishing  it.  The  day  after 
we  go  home,  she  will  arrive  with  her  old  ques- 
tion, '  Ma'am,  ivhen  ivill  Miss  Rosamond's  educa- 
tion he  finished  ?  '  " 

"  And  you,  I  hope,  will  answer,"  said  Rosa- 
mond, "  '  Never  while  she  lives.'  " 

To  the  young  person  w^ho  does  not  take  this 
view  of  intellectual  culture,  but  considers  that 
so  many  quarters  spent  at  school,  and  so  many 
books  committed  to  memory,  is  the  doing  up 
of  the  business,  that  on  quitting  school  she 
has  "  got  her  education,"  to  use  a  common 
phrase,  this  period  is  one  of  great  moment 
and  of  great  danger.  Between  these  two  ex- 
tremes of  well  and  ill  educated  girls,  there 
are  those  of  every  shade  of  difference.  Some, 
though  very  imperfectly  trained,  have  yet 
been  put  in  the  right  way ;  others  have  la- 
bored  long   and  hard  without  being  so  drawn 


ADDRESS    TO    GIRLS    LEAVING    SCHOOL.  7 

out  as  to  find  pleasure  in  intellectual  effort  ; 
some  have  occasionally  relished  the  feast  of 
the  wise,  but  have  been  called  away  from  it 
by  the  voice  of  pleasure,  or  the  stern  com- 
mand of  necessity. 

How^ever  various  the  causes  that  interfere 
with  the  grand  business  of  education,  all 
young  persons  are  aware,  that,  at  a  certain 
period  of  their  lives,  they  must  cease  to  at- 
tend school,  and  take  upon  themselves  the 
duties  and  pleasures  of  grown  women ;  and 
it  is  to  this  class  at  this  critical  juncture,  that 
I  would  now  offer  some  assistance  in  the  im- 
portant task  of  self-government  and  self- 
instruction  which  then  devolves  upon  them. 

Addressing  myself,  therefore,  to  girls  be- 
tween the  ages  of  fifteen  and  twenty,  I  would 
say,  You  are  now  old  enough  to  reflect  upon 
your  own  characters,  to  consider  in  what  re- 
spects you  are  weak,  in  what  you  are  strong ; 
to  perceive  your  own  deficiencies,  and  to  wish 
to  supply  them.  You  are  about  to  enter  into 
society,  you  naturally  wish  to  make  an  agree- 
able impression  on  those  you  associate  with  ; 
you  have  more  time  than  formerly  at  your  own 
disposal,  you  are  inclined  to  make  rules  for 
yourselves,  and  wish  for  some  advice  as  to 
the  arrangement  of  your  occupations  ;  you  find 
yourselves  in  new  circumstances  and  under 
new  temptations,  and  you  need  all  the  aid  and 


b  INTRODUCTION. 

light  you  can  get  in  learning  to  guide  your- 
selves aright,  in  making  the  most  of  this  life, 
and  preparing  yourselves  for  the  enjoyment  of 
a  higher  and  better. 

Those  who  are  blessed  with  well-educated, 
judicious,  and  experienced  mothers,  and  have 
been  brought  up  in  habits  of  intimate  com- 
munion with  them,  have  within  their  rejich  the 
best  aid,  and  need  only  to  be  urged  to  mistrust 
their  own  inexperience,  and  seek  frequent 
counsel  from  that  tenderest  of  friends,  a  wise 
mother.  But  there  is  a  numerous  class,  who, 
either  by  bereavement  or  estrangement,  are 
without  this  maternal  aid,  and  there  are  others 
whose  mothers  are  incompetent  to  the  task; 
both  these  would  gladly  take  counsel  even  of 
a  stranger,  if  she  came  in  the  spirit  of  love 
and  sympathy  to  offer  them  the  fruits  of  her 
experience,  and  showed  them,  by  her  knowl- 
edge of  their  wants,  that  she  had  some  claim 
to  their  confidence. 

It  is  as  this  friendly  stranger,  that  I  propose 
giving  a  few^  hints  on  the  various  topics  con- 
nected with  the  character  of  a  young  woman 
just  entering  upon  life.  I  beg  my  young  read- 
ers to  consider  the  following  chapters  as  the 
familiar  talk  of  a  friend,  w^ho  has  passed 
through  the  scenes  she  describes,  and  is  still 
young  enough  to  remember  how  she  felt  at 
their  age  ;    of  one,    who    views   the    true    self- 


RELIGION    THE    FOUNDATION    OF    EXCELLENCE.       9 

discipline  she  recommends,  as  added  means 
of  enjoyment,  and,  so  far  from  wishing  to 
abridge  the  pleasures  and  privileges  of  the 
young,  is  only  desirous  of  showing  them  how 
they  may  use  without  abusing  them,  and  so 
prolong  the  happiness  of  their  early  days. 

As  I  do  not  wish  to  address  any  one  class 
in  particular,  I  shall  notice  the  errors  to  which 
all  are  liable  ;  and,  if  the  town-bred  lady  finds 
some  advice  which  does  not  apply  to  her  situ- 
ation, she  must  pass  it  by  and  turn  to  some- 
thing that  does  ;  w^hilst  the  belle  of  a  country 
village  must  appropriate  those  hints  that  suit 
her  condition  in  life,  and  not  wonder  if  some 
temptations  are  mentioned  from  which  she  is 
happily  exempt,  and  some  rules  given  which 
are  inapplicable  to  her  mode  of  life. 

And  now  let  me  premise,  that  I  write  for 
those  in  whom  the  moral  sense  has  been  de- 
veloped with  the  intellectual  faculties,  for 
those  who  feel  and  acknowledge  the  duties 
which  grow  out  of  their  relation  to  God  and 
their  immortal  destiny ;  for,  if  I  did  not  take 
this  for  granted,  I  should  make  the  present 
work  a  series  of  homilies,  or  a  book  of  ex- 
tracts from  all  that  has  been  so  ably  written 
to  urge  young  people  to  "  seek  first  the  king- 
dom of  God."  Fully  persuaded  as  T  am,  that 
there  is  no  other  foundation  for  happiness  in 
every  stage  of  existence  than  that  which  Jesus 


iO  INTRODUCTION. 

Christ  has  laid,  no  means  of  turning  this  life 
to  its  best  account,  but  by  making  a  conscience 
of  all  our  ways,  and  no  improvement  worth 
pursuing,  but  that  which  educates  the  soul  for 
eternity,  all  my  hints  and  instructions  must  be 
based  upon  Christian  principles  ;  though  it  is 
impossible  to  combine,  in  this  small  volume, 
the  advice  which  belongs  to  the  teaching  of 
religion  with  that  which  concerns  the  minor 
morals  of  life.  Enough  has  been  said  and 
written,  and  is  continually  offered  to  the  con- 
sideration of  the  young,  to  convince  them  of 
those  great  truths  which  lie  at  the  foundation 
of  their  happiness  in  time  and  eternity  :  it  is 
the  purpose  of  this  little  w^ork  to  enter  into 
details,  which  cannot  be  found  in  the  longer 
and  graver  treatises  on  religion  and  morals;  to 
point  out  the  means  of  acquiring  those  lesser 
graces  of  character  and  manners,  which  adorn 
and  set  forth  to  the  best  advantage  the  more 
solid  qualities,  and  which,  though  of  little  val- 
ue unless  they  spring  from  that  love  to  God 
and  man,  which  is  the  root  of  Christian  virtue, 
are  not  always  found  growing  by  its  side. 

Many,  who  are  really  conscientious  and  de- 
sire to  carry  their  religion  into  every  thing 
they  do  or  say,  are  ignorant  of  the  thousand 
ways  in  which  they  may  either  please  or  of- 
fend, and  thus  unconsciously  annoy  their  best 
friends,  and  leave  undone  what  would  gratify 
them. 


SINS    OF    IGNORANCE.  11 

How  it  would  startle  many  an  amiable  and 
well-educated  girl  to  be  thus  addressed  by  an 
experienced  friend;  "You  are  in  the  daily 
habit  of  doing  things,  which  shock  my  taste, 
infringe  upon  my  rights,  cause  me  contin- 
ual personal  inconvenience,  remind  me  un- 
necessarily of  the  infirmities  of  your  body, 
make  you  appear  selfish  where  you  least  in- 
tend to  be  so,  coarse  where  you  would  fain 
be  refined,  noisy  where  you  might  be  gen- 
tle, an  incumbrance  where  you  might  be  an 
acquisition."  Yet  this  might  be  said  with 
truth  to  half  the  misses  in  their  teens,  who 
little  know  how  much  they  are  indebted  to  the 
patience  and  good  humor  of  their  elders,  for 
tolerating  them  in  their  awkwardness  and  ig- 
norance ;  but,  if  their  faults  were  once  pointed 
out  to  them,  they  would  see  them  in  their  true 
light,  and  avoid  them  for  ever  afterwards. 

Those  who  are  most  annoyed  by  the  faulty 
manners  of  the  young,  cannot  always  point  out 
to  them  the  little  details  in  which  they  are 
defective  ;  they  condemn  their  conduct  in 
general  terms,  without  attempting  to  analyze 
it,  or  to  help  them  to  correct  it.  To  supply 
this  deficiency  in  the  friends  of  the  young, 
and  to  stand  in  the  place  of  friends  to  those 
who  have  none,  is  the  purpose  for  which  the 
following  pages  are  written.  By  entering  into 
the  most  minute  details  of  every-day  life,  I 
would  hold  up   to  view  those  little  particulars 


12  ~    IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

of  conduct,  which,  though  trifling  in  them- 
selves, go  to  make  up  an  agreeable  or  disa- 
greeable whole  ;  I  would  show  the  numerous 
ways,  in  which  thoughtlessness  of  the  rights 
of  others  leads  to  their  violation. 


CHAPTER  II. 

On  the  Improvement  of  Time. 

Distribution  of  Time.  —  Care  of  odd  Minutes.  —  A  valuable 
Rule.  —  Early  Rising.  —  A  Contrast.  —  Picture  of  Early 
Rising. — Effect  of  Heat  and  Cold  on  Industry.  —  Excessive 
Nicety.  —  Value  of  a  Day.  —  Thinking  and  Sewing.  —  En- 
ergy of  Purpose.  —  Madame  Roland.  —  Attention.  —  Lord 
Chesterfield. 

How  are  very  young  persons  to  be  convinced 
of  the  value  of  time,  when  to  them  a  year 
seems  almost  endless,  and  a  pleasure  that  is 
deferred  for  a  month  seems  too  far  off  for 
happy  anticipation  ?  A  year  appears  very  long 
to  the  young,  because  it  bears  so  large  a  pro- 
portion to  the  whole  period  they  have  lived  ; 
as  we  advance,  this  proportion  becomes  less 
and  less,  till,  in  old  age,  a  year  seems  no 
longer  than  a  month  did  in  childhood.  Abun- 
dant as  time  seems  to  the  young,  we  con- 
stantly hear  them  excuse  themselves  for  some 
duty  omitted,  by  saying  they  had  not  time  to 
do  it,  which   should  convince  them  they  have 


DISTRIBUTION    OF    TIME.  13 

no  more  of  tins  precious  gift  than  they  require, 
and  that  there  is  some  defect  in  their  manage- 
ment of  it,  or  they  would  not  sometimes  be 
wishing  to  accelerate  the  flight  of  a  day,  and 
at  other  times  omit  a  duty  for  want  of  an 
hour  in  which  to  perform  it. 

There  are  a  few  plain  questions,  which,  if 
honestly  answered,  might  serve  to  convince 
any  young  lady,  that,  however  long  a  year  may 
seem  to  her  in  prospect,  the  proper  use  of 
each  day  would  make  it  appear  short.  Let 
her  ask  herself,  if  her  own  clothes  are  in 
complete  order,  if  there  are  no  buttons  and 
strings  off",  no  gloves  or  stockings  that  need 
to  be  mended,  none  of  those  numberless  stitches 
to  be  set,  which  every  young  woman  should  do 
for  herself,  and  the  necessity  for  w^hich  is  of 
perpetual  recurrence.  Let  her  consider,  wheth- 
er there  are  not  many  books,  that  she  has  been 
advised  to  read,  but  which  she  has  not  yet 
found  time  to  begin ;  whether  she  has  not  let- 
ters to  answer,  accounts  to  settle,  papers  to 
arrange,  commissions  to  execute  for  absent 
friends,  visits  to  make,  kind  offices  to  perform, 
which  have  all  been  deferred  for  want  of 
time ;  and  then  let  her  judge,  whether  the  days 
and  weeks  are  too  long  for  the  duties  which 
ought  to  be  performed  in  them,  and  whether 
her  use  of  the  days  that  are  gone  has  been  the 
best  possible. 


14  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

Much  of  a  woman's  time  is  necessarily  con- 
sumed by  the  every-day  business  of  life.  The 
proper  care  of  her  own  person  and  clothing 
demands  much  more  time  than  that  of  the 
other  sex.  Some  household  duties  fall  to  the 
share  of  almost  all  young  women,  and  claim  a 
portion  of  each  day ;  and,  without  a  wise  dis- 
tribution of  her  time  and  a  strict  adherence  to 
her  plan  of  life,  she  is  in  danger  of  having  her 
intellectual  and  spiritual  improvement  con- 
tinually sacrificed  to  the  lesser  interests  of 
clothing  and  feeding  the  body.  To  prevent 
this,  it  is  desirable  that  you  should  take  into 
serious  consideration  the  plan  of  life  which  best 
suits  your  age  and  circumstances,  decide  upon 
what  ought  to  constitute  your  daily  round  of 
occupations,  and  allot  to  each  its  fitting  time. 
By  having  regular  hours  for  the  different  em- 
ployments of  the  day,  you  will  avoid  the  great 
waste  of  time,  which  is  occasioned  by  uncer- 
tainty as  to  what  you  shall  do  next.  Having 
made  a  general  distribution  of  your  time  and 
occupations  for  the  day,  provide  for  unavoid- 
able interruptions  and  delays,  by  having  a 
book  of  easy  reading  to  fill  up  odd  minutes, 
and  a  piece  of  needle-work  always  at  hand  to 
employ  your  fingers  upon,  when  listening  to 
others,  or  when  your  mind  is  so  preoccupied 
that  you  cannot  give  it  to  a  book. 

The    old   adage,  "  Take   care    of  the  pence, 


A    VALUABLE    RULE.  15 

and  the  pounds  will  take  care  of  themselves," 
may  be  thus  parodied,  Take  care  of  the  min- 
utes, and  the  days  will  take  care  of  them- 
selves. If  the  minutes  were  counted,  that  are 
daily  wasted  in  idle  reverie  or  still  idler  talk, 
in  thinking  of  setting  about  a  task  that  is  not 
relished,  and  in  looking  for  things  that  should 
never  have  been  mislaid,  they  would  soon 
amount  to  hoursj  and  prove  sufficient  for  the 
acquisition  of  some  elegant  art,  or  the  study 
of  some  useful  science.  Almost  every  young 
person  has  something  in  view  which  she  would 
like  to  do,  if  she  had  time  for  it ;  and  by  scru- 
tinizing her  appropriation  of  every  hour  in  the 
day,  she  will  generally  find  as  much  time 
wasted  as  would  suffice  for  the  desired  end, 
if  resolutely  redeemed  from  idleness. 

A  professional  gentleman,  of  rare  attain- 
ments, and  one  who  added  to  the  laborious  du- 
ties of  his  calling  a  great  variety  of  learning, 
much  scientific  research,  and  many  elegant  ac- 
complishments, was  asked  by  a  young  lady  how 
he  found  time  for  all  that  he  did.  He  replied, 
"  There  is  one  rule  which  I  have  found  of 
great  use,  and  therefore  recommend  it  to  you  ; 
and  that  is,  always  to  do  small  things,  such  as 
writing  a  letter,  copying  out  some  short  piece, 
making  a  sketch,  reading  a  review^,  &c.,  in  small 
portions  of  time,  and  to  reserve  a  whole  day 
of  leisure  for  some  long  and  important   affair. 


16  IMFROVEMENT    OF    TIME.  , 

Never  use  up  a  rainy  morning  in  doing  a  va- 
riety of  little  jobs,  and  think,  because  you 
despatch  a  great  many,  that  you  have  well 
bestowed  your  time ;  leave  small  affairs  for 
odd  half-hours,  and  use  your  uninterrupted 
morning  for  something  that  cannot  be  done  in 
half-hours.  You  have  sometimes  w^ondered  at 
my  having  time  to  correspond  with  so  many 
absent  friends  ;  but  all  my  letters  of  friendship 
are  written  in  odd  minutes,  whilst  I  am  wait- 
ing for  people  who  are  not  so  punctual  to  their 
appointments  as  1  am." 

You  would  think  it  poor  economy  to  cut 
into  a  whole  yard  of  cloth,  when  you  wanted  a 
little  piece  to  mend  with ;  you  would  take  a 
scrap  from  among  your  remnants  :  just  such 
poor  economy  of  time  is  it  to  use  up  a  w^hole 
day  in  little  unconnected  affairs  ;  let  your 
remnants  of  time  suffice  for  these. 

I  knew  a  family  in  which  all  the  collars 
and  wristbands  of  shirts  were  stitched  in  odd 
minutes,  that  w^ould  otherw^ise  have  been  wast- 
ed. The  lady  of  the  house  w^as  always  pro- 
vided with  one  in  her  bag,  and  used  to  stitch 
upon  it  when  waiting  for  any  body,  and  in 
scraps  of  time  that  must  occur  between  regu- 
larly allotted  portions  of  it.  I  myself  read 
through  all  the  papers  of  the  Sj)ectator  and 
Rambler,  whilst  waiting  breakfast  for  an  un- 
punctual   member   of    the    family ;    and  netted 


EARLY    RISING.  17 

many  yards  of  lace,  whilst  he  was  discussing 
his  toast  and  coffee.  A  friend  of  mine,  going 
to  consult  her  dentist,  found  in  his  parlour  an 
elderly  lady  waiting  to  be  operated  upon,  and 
turning  the  odd  minutes  to  account  by  stitch- 
ing away  upon  a  wristband  she  had  brought 
with  her  for  the  purpose.  This  was  not  only 
good  economy  of  time,  but  an  excellent  seda- 
tive for  the  nerves,  and  must  have  rendered 
less  tedious  and  irksome  the  time  she  was 
obliged  to  wait. 

To  sleep  a  greater  number  of  hours  than  is 
necessary  for  rest  and  refreshment  is  a  volun- 
tary and  w^anton  abridgment  of  life.  She 
who  sleeps  only  one  hour  a  day  more  than 
health  requires,  will,  in  a  life  of  three  score 
years  and  ten,  shorten  her  conscious  existence 
nearly  four  years,  allowing  sixteen  hours  to  the 
day.  Too  much  sleep  weakens  the  body,  and 
stupefies  the  mind ;  but  when  we  take  only 
what  nature  demands,  the  body  is  invigorated, 
and  the  mind  has  its  powers  renovated. 

Early  rising  is  not  only  expedient,  but  it  is 
a  duty,  on  which  many  others  depend.  She 
who  sleeps  late  and  rises  in  haste,  cannot  find 
time  for  those  thoughts  and  meditations  which 
are  calculated  to  prepare  her  soul  for  the  busi- 
ness of  the  day,  neither  will  due  care  and  at- 
tention be  bestowed  upon  her  morning  toilet ; 
her  ablutions  will    not  be  such   as  are  required 

n*  9 


18  IMPROVEMEiNT    OF    TIME. 

by  a  due  regard  to  health  and  cleanliness ; 
her  hair  will  not  be  thoroughly  combed  and 
brushed,  and  put  up  nicely  for  the  day ;  every 
thing  will  be  done  carelessly  and  in  haste,  and 
from  another  portion  of  the  morning  must  be 
taken  the  time  necessary  for  farther  adjust- 
ment of  her  dress. 

When  breakfast  is  late,  the  whole  business 
of  a  house  is  retarded,  and  the  heads  of  the 
family  must  not  be  surprised  if  their  example 
of  late  hours  is  followed  by  ail  in  their  em- 
ploy. When  parents  rise  early,  and  are  ready 
for  an  early  breakfast,  they  should  insist  on 
the  younger  members  of  the  family  conforming 
to  their  hours  ;  for  a  habit  of  punctuality  to  an 
early  breakfast  is  one  of  the  best  gifts  they 
can  bestow  on  their  children.  W^here  this  is 
not  enforced  by  parental  authority,  the  good 
sense  and  good  feelings  of  the  young  people 
ought  to  insure  their  punctual  attendance  at 
this  meal.  Those  who  do  the  work  of  the 
house  feel  it  to  be  a  grievance,  when  their 
business  is  retarded  by  the  breakfast  remain- 
ing on  the  table  for  one  individual  after  the 
rest  have  done. 

Let  us  now  sum  up  the  evils  of  late  rising 
to  a  young  lady.  Her  body  is  enfeebled,  and 
her  eyes  are  heavy;  her  mind  is  stupefied,  her 
devotions  are  neglected,  or  hastily  performed ; 
her    toilet    is    slovenly    and    incomplete  ;    her 


PICTURE    OF    EARLY    RISING  19 

morning  meal  is  taken  alone,  or  with  those 
who  are  annoyed  at  having  waited  for  her,  and 
the  attendants  are  out  of  humor;  to  all  this 
may  be  added  a  painful  sense  of  ill  desert 
hanging  like  a  mill-stone  round  her  neck  all 
day.  The  reverse  of  this  picture  may  be  easily 
drawn.  The  early  riser  is  refreshed  and  in- 
vigorated by  the  right  quantity  of  sleep  ;  her 
eye  is  bright,  and  her  mind  unclouded.  She 
has  time  and  inclination  to  meditate  upon  God 
and  hold  communion  with  him ;  she  prepares 
her  mind  and  heart  for  the  duties  of  the  day. 
Her  body  is  duly  cared  for,  all  the  niceties  of 
a  careful  toilet  are  attended  to ;  she  meets  her 
family  at  the  breakfast-table,  and  relieves  her 
mother  from  the  trouble  of  presiding  at  it ; 
every  thing  is  done  in  season,  the  domestics 
smile  upon  her,  and  she  feels  the  impulse 
which  is  given  by  a  consciousness  of  having 
begun  the  day  well. 

The  advantages  of  early  rising  are  thus  set 
forth  in  that  beautiful,  but  forgotten,  little 
book,  called  "  The  Whole  Duty  of  Woman." 

"  Industry  is  up  with  the  sun,  she  awaketh 
at  the  crowing  of  the  cock,  and  walketh 
abroad  to  taste  the  sweetness  of  the  morning. 

"She  is  ruddy  as  the  daughter  of  health; 
her  ears  are  delighted  with  the  music  of  the 
shrill    lark. 

"  Her  garment  sweepeth  the  dewdrop  from 


20  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

the  new  stubble  and  the  green  grass,  and  her 
path  is  by  the  murmuring  of  the  purling 
brook. 

"  Her  appetite  is  keen ;  her  blood  is  pure 
and  temperate,  and  her  pulse  beateth  even. 

'^  Her  house  is  elegant,  her  handmaids  are 
the  daughters  of  neatness,  and  plenty  smileth 
at  her  table. 

"  She  saunters  not,  neither  stretcheth  her- 
self out  on   the   couch  of  indolence. 

"  She  crieth  not,  What  have  I  to  do  ?  but 
the  work  of  her  hands  is  the  thought  of  a 
moment. 

"  She  listeneth  not  to  the  gossip's  tale,  she 
sippeth  not  her  tea  in  scandal ;  but  employ- 
ment is   the  matter  of  her  discourse. 

"  Her  Avork  is  done  at  evening,  but  the 
work  of  the  slothful  is  put  off  till  to-morrow." 

I  cannot  pretend  to  name  a  proper  hour  either 
for  retiring  or  rising ;  these  must  differ  in  dif- 
ferent states  of  society  :  wdiat  would  be  called 
early  in  one  place,  would  be  deemed  late  in 
another.  Early  rising  naturally  disposes  a 
person  to  retire  early  ;  and  having  ascertained 
the  exact  quantity  of  sleep  which  agrees  best 
with  the  health  of  body  and  mind,  the  hours  of 
rest  should  be  arranged  accordingly ;  always 
taking  care  to  secure  as  much  daylight  as 
possible  for  our  waking  hours,  and  giving  to 
sleep  the  hours  of  darkness. 


EFFECT  OF  HEAT  AND  COLD  ON  INDUSTRY.   21 

The  extremes  of  heat  and  cold  are  unfavor- 
able to  constant  industry,  but  much  may  be 
done  by  intellectual  beings  to  obviate  the  ten- 
dencies of  climate.  A  great  deal  of  time  is 
wasted  in  winter,  in  hovering  over  the  fire  and 
talking  of  the  cold,  in  delaying  to  set  about  a 
piece  of  work,  because  it  requires  one  to  leave 
a  warm  room.  But  a  little  resolution  will 
remedy  all  this.  You  can  make  yourselves  as 
comfortable  by  taking  your  work  or  book,  and 
sitting  at  a  moderate  distance  from  the  fire,  as 
by  hang'ng  idly  over  it;  and  if  you  run  off 
briskly  after  what  you  need,  the  exercise  will 
warm  you  better  than  the  parlour  fire. 

In  summer,  again,  no  less  time  is  consumed 
in  lamenting  that  it  is  so  warm,  and  in  lounging 
idly  about,  undressing  several  times  a  day  in 
order  to  cool,  lying  down  in  the  afternoon,  and 
sleeping  an  hour  or  more,  all  which  practices 
must  be  condemned  as  worse  than  useless,  as 
a  wanton  killing  of  time.  The  less  you  think 
and  speak  about  the  heat,  the  less  you  will  feel 
it ;  the  more  industriously  you  occupy  your- 
selves, the  less  you  will  be  incommoded  by  the 
weather ;  if  you  never  undress  yourselves  un- 
seasonably, you  will  never  feel  any  need  of 
doing  so;  and  for  a  young  lady,  in  good  health, 
to  lie  down  on  a  bed  to  sleep,  in  the  daytime, 
is  a  sad  waste  of  existence,  unless  some  pecu- 
liar exertion  renders  unusual  rest  necessary. 


22  IMPROVEME?^T    OF    TIME. 

Much  time  may  be  saved  by  learning  to  do 
everything  in  the  best  manner,  by  taking  hold 
of  things  in  the  right  way;  but  much  may  also 
be  wasted  in  finical  nicety.  Whilst  it  is  im- 
portant to  do  everything  well,  it  is  equally  so 
not  to  bestow  more  pains  and  time  on  any 
thing,  than  it  is  worth.  In  needle-work,  for 
instance,*  there  is  often  a  useless  sacrifice  of 
time,  labor,  and  eyesight,  and  twice  as  many 
stitches  are  put  into  a  garment  as  are  requisite 
for  durability  or  appearance.  Some  house- 
keepers are  so  nice,  that  the  whole  comfort  of 
the  family  is  sacrificed  to  a  perpetual  warfare 
against  dust.  Cleanliness  and  order  are  in- 
dispensable in  a  house ;  but  I  would  not  have  a 
lady  so  bent  on  removing  dust,  as  to  jump  up 
in  the  middle  of  an  interesting  conversation, 
to  wipe  away  a  few  particles  that  have  settled 
on  a  piece  of  furniture  in  the  room,  or  disturb 
a  set  of  readers,  intent  upon  their  books,  to 
sweep  up  a  few  crumbs  under  their  feet.  Time 
is  of  more  value  than  to  be  spent  in  this  ex- 
cessive nicety  ;  and  whatever  can  be  saved 
from  occupations  of  daily  recurrence,  is  a 
great  gain  in  the  course  of  the  year. 

Time  is  saved,  too,  by  learning  to  keep 
things  in  order,  by  not  letting  crumbs  fall  on 
the  floor,  and  by  not  making  any  litter  about 
the  room.  A  few  moments  spent  in  returning 
things    to  their    proper   places,  will    save  you 


VALUE    OF    A    DAY.  23 

hours  of  setting  to  rights.  A  habit  of  moving 
quickly  is  another  way  of  gaining  time ;  and 
though  there  is  a  great  original  difference  in 
persons,  self-education  can  do  a  great  deal  to 
accelerate  the  movements  of  the  slow. 

Let  a  person  who  has  thought  very  little 
about  the  value  of  time,  try  for  once  how^  much 
can  be  accomplished  in  one  day,  by  going 
industriously  from  one  occupation  to  another, 
by  turning  all  the  odd  minutes  to  account ; 
she  will  be  surprised  at  her  ov,^n  povrers,  and 
at  the  importance  of  even  one  day  in  her 
existence ;  then  let  her  reflect  on  the  much 
that  might  be  done  in  a  year,  if  every  day 
w^ere  used  in  the  same  way.  We  ought  to 
regard  every  day  as  a  valuable  gift,  and  "  be- 
gin it  wath  a  steady  purpose,  to  make  as  much 
of  it,  as  if  it  were  to  be  our  whole  existence." 

There  is  time  enough,  in  a  well-ordered  day, 
for  everything  that  a  young  lady  ought  to  do. 
Time  enough  for  her  morning  and  evening 
consultation  with  her  conscience,  and  seeking 
for  communion  wdth  God  ;  time  enough  for  a 
careful  and  exact  toilet,  for  household  duties, 
for  study ;  time  enough  for  exercise  in  the 
open  air,  for  visits  of  ceremony  and  visits  to 
the  poor,  for  family  intercourse,  for  serious 
and  light  reading,  for  needle-work  and  accom- 
plishments ;  nothing  need  be  left  undone  for 
want  of  time,  if  you  only  know  how  to  econ- 


24  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

omize  that  most  precious  possession,  and  are 
resolute  to  perform  all  that  you  can. 

If  you  are  for  ever  in  a  hurry,  and  tormented 
with  the  sense  of  deficiency,  and  have  things 
laid  up  in  your  memory  as  what  ought  to  be 
done,  but  for  which  you  cannot  find  time,  you 
may  be  sure  there  is  some  defect  in  your  plan 
of  life ;  you  have  either  taken  upon  yourself 
engagements  and  occupations  that  you  had 
better  dispense  with,  or  there  is  some  waste 
of  your  precious  hours,  that  ought  to  be  put 
an  end  to ;  and  the  sooner  you  enter  upon  a 
thorough  investigation  and  reform,  the  better. 

Many  hours  in  a  w^oman's  life  are  devoted 
to  employments  that  do  not  occupy  the  mind, 
such  as  plain  sewing,  embroidery,  knitting, 
netting,  &c.,  and  this  time  is  generally  spent 
in  vague  reverie ;  some  persons  dignify  it  with 
the  name  of  thought,  or  meditation ;  but, 
when  trains  of  ideas  are  allowed  to  pass 
through  the  mind  whilst  the  understanding 
remains  passive,  it  is  nothing  better  than 
reverie,  and  this  is,  at  once,  the  greatest  waste 
of  time  and  injury  to  the  intellect.  Now  a 
little  self-discipline  would  turn  these  hours  to 
account,  by  accustoming  you  to  think  and 
work  at  the  same  time,  and  a  little  manage- 
ment would  provide  for  the  joint  occupation  of 
ears  and  fingers.  When  engaged  with  your 
needle,    a    younger    brother's    lesson    may    be 


THINKIJJG    AND    SEWING.  25 

heard,  reading  aloud  can  be  listened  to  with 
advantage,  or  a  sister's  practising  can  be 
attended  to.  If  you  are  so  situated  that  none 
of  these  resources  are  at  hand,  you  can  exer- 
cise your  memory  by  repeating  something  you 
have  learned,  or  you  can  commit  a  new  piece, 
by  placing  the  book  open  before  you.  Dr. 
Beattie  mentions  a  highly  gifted  lady  of  Jiis 
acquaintance,  who  always  read  whilst  she  was 
sewing  or  knitting,  and  had  so  learned  to 
divide  her  sight  betw^een  her  book  and  her 
needle,  as  to  go  through  many  volumes  in  that 
way.  If  you  are  unable  to  acquire  this  art, 
you  can  certainly  learn  to  think  whilst  you  are 
mechanically  employed,  and  so  redeem  your 
mind  from  that  slothful  state  which  will  ener- 
vate every  faculty.  You  can  begin  by  taxing 
yourself  to  remember  all  the  particulars  of 
something  you  have  read  or  heard,  or  you  can 
make  comparisons,  and  find  differences  and 
likenesses  between  things,  or  characters,  or 
writings.  You  are  doubtless  acquainted  with 
the  works  of  Miss  Edgeworth,  and  have  read 
many  of  Sir  Walter  Scott's.  If  you  have  read 
"  Waverley,"  think  over  the  leading  features 
of  the  story,  consider  the  hero's  character, 
and  whether  you  ever  read  of  any  other  like  it. 
Perhaps  "  Vivian "  may  occur  to  you  as  an- 
other wavering  person,  led  on  by  circumstances 
against   his    better    judgment ;    then    compare 


26  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

the  two  heroes,  find  out  all  the  particulars  in 
which  they  resemble,  and  in  which  they  differ 
from  each  other.  This  will  be  a  useful  exer- 
cise of  the  memory  and  judgment.  When  a 
subject  is  once  started  in  your  mind,  and  you 
find  you  have  some  thoughts  upon  it,  do  not 
suflfer  your  attention  to  wander  away  to  some 
other  topic,  but  keep  on,  thinking  about  that 
one  thing,  till  you  have  fairly  thought  it  out. 
This  will  strengthen  your  mind  as  bodily  ex- 
ercise does  the  muscles,  and  is  a  real  improve- 
ment of  time. 

In  Hannah  More's  beautiful  story  of  "  The 
Shepherd  of  Salisbury  Plain,"  you  will  find  an 
example  of  the  very  economy  of  time  I  am 
recommending.  There,  a  poor  untutored  man 
turns  to  account  the  silent  watches  of  the 
night,  when  he  is  obliged  to  be  abroad,  tend- 
ing his  flocks,  by  meditating  upon  portions  of 
Scripture  which  he  has  previously  committed 
to  memory,  and  by  methodizing  his  thoughts 
and  recollections. 

Just  as  the  finest  library  is  useless  to  the 
student,  unless  arranged  according  to  some 
order  and  with  a  catalogue  to  indicate  its 
treasures  ;  just  as  a  ship-load  of  natural  curi- 
osities would  be  of  little  worth,  until  classed 
and  arranged  scientifically;  just  as  your  own 
work-box  would  be  of  little  use,  if  every  spool 
of  cotton  and  skein  of  silk  were  unwound  and 


ENERGY    OF    PURPOSE.  27 

tangled  up  together,  if  all  your  needles  and 
pins  were  mixed,  and  every  article  in  confu- 
sion;  so  are  the  treasures  of  the  mind  of  little 
avail,  if  all  sorts  of  facts  and  impressions  are 
indiscriminately  remembered  and  laid  up  to- 
gether, without  classification  or  arrangement. 
What  is  taken  into  the  mind  by  means  of 
reading,  observation,  and  conversation,  does 
not  minister  to  its  growth,  unless  assimilated 
to  it  by  reflection,  comparison,  and  all  the 
processes  of  the  mind  necessary  to  mature  our 
thoughts ;  and  these  can  be  carried  on  to  great 
advantage,  whilst  the  fingers  are  mechanically 
employed. 

The  habit  of  setting  yourself  to  work  qui- 
etly, promptly,  and  resolutely,  helps  on  the 
business  of  the  day  wonderfully.  I  have  seen 
one  sister  half  through  a  task  that  was  not 
agreeable  to  either,  whilst  the  other  was 
lamenting  the  necessity  of  doing  it,  and  con- 
sidering how  to  get  through  it  with  the  least 
trouble.  Those  who  talk  much  of  what  they 
do,  or  are  going  to  do,  are  not  those  w^ho 
accomplish  the  most. 

Where  there  is  a  spirit  of  order  and  method 
in  the  heads  of  a  family,  or  the  business  of  it 
is  properly  distributed  among  the  members, 
each  one  knowing  his  or  her  appointed  task, 
and  setting  regularly  and  quietly  about  it,  so 
much  is   despatched  in  a   short  time,  that  the 


28  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

day  seems  to  contain  more  hom's  than  it  is 
found  to  have  in  an  ill-ordered  family,  where 
all  is  hurry  and  bustle,  and  yet  nothing  is 
done  in  its  season. 

In  support  of  this  statement,  I  may  quote  the 
words  of  the  celebrated  Madame  Roland, 
whose  house  was  the  focus  of  political  meas- 
ures and  feelings,  during  the  most  eventful 
days  of  the  first  French  revolution ;  and  who, 
though  deep  in  the  counsels  of  her  husband, 
and  often  employed  by  him  to  draw  up  the 
state  papers  which  he  used  as  minister  of  the 
home  department,  always  found  time  to  prose- 
cute her  own  studies,  and  to  attend  to  do- 
mestic affairs.  In  her  interesting  "Appeal  to 
Posterity,"*  she  says:  —  "Domestic  cares  I 
never  neglected ;  but  I  cannot  comprehend  how 
a  woman  of  method  and  activity  can  have  her 
attention  engrossed  by  them,  let  her  household 
be  as  considerable  as  it  may;  for,  supposing  it 
great,  there  are  the  more  persons  to  take  part 
of  them  off  her  hands ;  and  nothing  is  wanting 
but  a  proper  distribution  of  employments  and 
a  small  share  of  vigilance.  In  the  different 
situations,  in  which  I  have  been  placed,  nothing 

*To  such  as  cannot  obtain  the  original  appeal  in  French, 
or  the  translation  of  it  published  in  London  in  1796,  for 
the  benefit  of  Madame  Roland's  only  daughter,  I  would 
recommend  the  Life  of  that  remarkable  woman  published 
in  the  first  volume  of  "  The  Ladies'  Family  Library." 


ATTENTION.  29 

has- ever  been  done  but  by  my  orders  ;  and  yet, 
when  those  cares  gave  me  the  most  occupa- 
tion, they  scarcely  ever  consumed  more  than 
two  hours  a  day.  People  who  know  how  to 
employ  themselves,  always  find  leisure  mo- 
ments ;  while  those  wdio  do  nothing,  are  in  w^ant 
oi^  time  for  every  thing.  I  have  seen  what  are 
termed  notable  women  rendered  insupportable 
to  the  world,  and  even  to  their  husbands,  by 
a  fatiguing  preoccupation  about  their  trifling 
concerns.  I  think  the  mistress  of  a  family 
should  superintend  every  thing  herself  without 
saying  a  word  about  it,  and  with  such  com- 
mand of  temper  and  management  of  time,  as 
will  leave  her  the  means  of  pleasing  by  her 
good  humor,  intelligence,  and  the  grace  natu- 
ral to  her  sex." 

As  another  means  of  improving  time,  I 
would  advise  you,  whatever  you  do,  to  do  it 
heartily,  and  to  give  your  w^hole  attention  to 
it.  If,  from  any  circumstances,  you  find  your 
mind  incapable  of  fixed  application  to  a  book 
which  you  are  reading,  or  a  translation  you 
are  making,  or  some  new  music  you  are  learn- 
ing, do  not  sit  over  your  task  in  vain,  wdth 
eyes,  which,  though  fixed  on  the  page,  do  not 
convey  one  idea  to  the  mind  ;  but  immediately 
change  your  occupation  for  something  you  can 
attend  to  ;  and  w^hen  you  have  succeeded  in 
fixing  your  attention  on  any  task,  however 
c* 


30  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

light,  you  have  managed  your  mind,  and  econ- 
omized your  time,  better  than  in  reading  the 
profoundest  work  with  wandering  thoughts. 

So  much  has  been  said  and  written  during 
the  last  forty  years  on  the  subject  of  attention, 
and  it  has  been  so  ably  shown  by  Miss  Edge- 
worth,  and  Mrs.  Hamilton,  and  other  writers 
on  education,  to  lie  at  the  foundation  of  all 
intellectual  culture,  to  constitute  the  great  dif- 
ference between  wise  and  foolish  people,  that 
it  is  to  be  hoped  the  young  ladies  of  the  pres- 
ent day  come  forward  in  life  with  that  faculty 
developed  and  strengthened  by  judicious  treat- 
ment in  childhood  and  youth.  It  would  be  well 
for  every  one  to  test  herself  upon  this  point, 
by  seeing  whether  she  can,  at  will,  concentrate 
her  whole  powers  of  mind  upon  a  given  sub- 
ject j  whether  she  can  take  up  a  grave  work 
and  read  in  it  for  half  an  hour  without  one 
wandering  thought ;  whether  she  can  make  a 
translation  of  twenty  lines  without  thinking 
of  any  thing  but  what  she  is  about.  If  she 
cannot  do  this,  it  is  most  likely  that  full  half 
her  reading  is  to  no  purpose,  the  mind  is  wan- 
dering whilst  the  eye  is  fixed,  and  if  she  were 
to  stop  suddenly  and  ask  herself  what  the  last 
page  was  about,  she  would  be  unable  to  give 
any  account  of  the  matter.  Such  an  employ- 
ment of  time  is  the  greatest  waste  of  it,  as 
well  as  a  real   injury  to   the  mind.     When  this 


LORD    CHESTERFIELD.  31 

habit  of  inattention  prevails,  it  prevents  us 
from  reaping  the  full  benefit  of  any  thing  we 
do,  or  see,  or  hear  ;  whereas  an  attentive  ob- 
server is  always  learning,  his  lightest  occupa- 
tions are  still  means  of  knowledge.  Two 
hours  spent  at  an  evening  party  will  leave 
nothing  but  vague  impressions,  and  be  a  mere 
waste  of  time  to  one  person,  whilst  to  another 
they  will  have  furnished  abundant  topics  of 
reflection  and  be  full  of  instruction. 

In  one  of  Lord  Chesterfield's  Letters  to  his 
Son,  is  the  following  passage  on  the  employ- 
ment of  time,  which  is  so  much  in  point,  that 
I  cannot  forbear  to  quote  it ;  and  I  do  this  the 
more  readily,  because  there  is  so  much  that  is 
hollow  in  his  morality  and  anti-christian  in  his 
politeness,  that  I  cannot  recommend  the  pe- 
rusal of  the  whole  book. 

"  Nor  do  I  call  pleasures  idleness,  or  time 
lost,  provided  they  are  the  pleasures  of  a  ra- 
tional being ;  on  the  contrary,  a  certain  portion 
of  your  time,  employed  in  those  pleasures,  is 
very  usefully  employed.  Such  are  some  pub- 
lic spectacles,  and  good  company ;  but  then 
these  require  attention,  or  else  your  time  is 
quite  lost. 

"  There  are  a  great  many  people,  who  think 
themselves  employed  all  day,  and  who,  if  they 
were  to  cast  up  their  accounts  at  night,  would 
find   that   they  had   done  just  nothing.     They 


32  IMPROVEMENT    OF    TIME. 

have  read  two  or  three  hours  mechanically, 
without  either  attending  to  what  they  read, 
and;  consequently,  without  retaining  it,  or  rea- 
soning upon  it.  Thence  they  saunter  into 
company,  without  taking  any  part  in  it,  and 
without  observing  the  characters  of  the  per- 
sons, or  the  subjects  of  the  conversation  ;  but 
are  either  thinking  of  some  trifle,  foreign  to 
the  present  purpose,  or  often  not  thinking  at 
all ;  \vhich  silly  and  idle  suspension  of  thought 
they  would  dignify  with  the  name  of  absence 
and  distraction. 

''Pray  do  you  be  as  attentive  to  your  pleas- 
ures as  to  your  studies.  In  the  latter,  observe 
and  reflect  upon  all  you  read ;  and  in  the  for- 
mer, be  watchful  and  attentive  to  all  that  you 
see  and  hear ;  and  never  have  it  to  say,  as  a 
thousand  fools  do,  of  things  that  were  said 
and  done  before  their  faces,  '  That  truly  they 
did  not  mind  them,  because  they  were  thinking 
of  something  else.'  Why  w^ere  they  thinking 
of  something  else  ?  and,  if  they  were,  w^hy  did 
they  come  there  ?  The  truth  is,  that  the  fools 
w^ere  thinking  of  nothing.  Remember  to  do  -well 
what  you  are  about,  be  that  w^hat  it  will ;  it 
is  either  worth  doing  well,  or  not  at  all. 
Wherever  you  are,  have  your  ears  and  your 
eyes  about  you.  Listen  to  every  thing  that  is 
said,  and  see  every  thing  that  is  done." 


woman's  peculiar  calling.  33 

CHAPTER  III. 

Domestic  Economy. 

Woman's  peculiar  Calling.  —  How  to  save  Labor.  —  Domestic 
Affairs  honorable. —  Example. — French  Housekeeping. — 
Useless  Discussion.  —  Housework  good  for  the  Health.  — 
Pouring  out  Tea  and  Coffee.  —  Preparation  for  Cookery. — 
Preparation  for  Dinner  Company.  —  Expense.  —  Allowance. 
—  Anecdote.  —  Uncertainty  of  Riches.  —  Anecdote.  —  Best 
Things,  —  Greneral  Rules. 

For  a  young  woman  in  any  situation  in  life 
to  be  ignorant  of  the  various  business  that  be- 
longs to  good  housekeeping,  is  as  great  a  de- 
ficiency as  it  would  be  in  a  merchant  not  to 
understand  accounts,  or  the  master  of  a  vessel 
not  to  be  acquainted  with  navigation.  If  a 
woman  does  not  know  how  the  various  work 
of  a  house  should  be  done,  she  might  as  well 
know  nothing,  for  that  is  her  express  vocation ; 
and  it  matters  not  how  much  learning,  or  how 
many  accomplishments,  she  may  have,  if  she  is 
wanting  in  that  which  is  to  fit  her  for  her  pe- 
culiar calling. 

Whether  rich  or  poor,  young  or  old,  married 
or  single,  a  woman  is  always  liable  to  be  called 
to  the  performance  of  every  kind  of  domestic 
duty,  as  well  as  to  be  placed  at  the  head  of  a 
family  ;  and  nothing  short  of  a  practical  knowl- 
edge of  the  details   of  housekeeping  can  ever 

3 


34  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

;iiake  those  duties  easy,  or  render  her  competent 
to  direct  others  in  the  performance  of  them. 

All  moral  writers  on  female  character  treat 
of  domestic  economy  as  an  indispensable  part 
of  female  education,  and  this  too  in  the  old 
countries  of  Europe,  where  an  abundant  popu- 
lation, and  the  institutions  of  society,  render  it 
easy  to  secure  the  services  of  faithful  domes- 
tics. Madame  Roland,  one  of  the  most  re- 
markable women  of  the  last  century,  says  of 
herself,  "  The  same  child  who  read  systematic 
works,  who  could  explain  the  circles  of  the 
celestial  sphere,  who  could  handle  the  crayon 
and  the  graver,  and  who  at  eight  years  of  age 
was  the  best  dancer  in  the  youthful  parties, 
was  frequently  called  into  the  kitchen  to  make 
an  omelet,  pick  herbs,  and  skim  the  pot." 

All  female  characters  that  are  held  up  to 
admiration,  whether  in  fiction  or  in  biography, 
will  be  found  to  possess  these  domestic  ac- 
complishments ;  and  if  they  are  considered  in- 
dispensable in  the  old  world,  how  much  more 
are  they  needed  in  this  land  of  independence, 
where  riches  cannot  exempt  the  mistress  of  a 
family  from  the  difficulty  of  procuring  efficient 
aid,  and  where  perpetual  change  of  domestics 
renders  perpetual  instruction  and  superinten- 
dence necessary. 

Since,  then,  the  details  of  good  housekeeping 
must  be  included  in  a  good  female  education, 


HOW    TO    SAVE    LABOR.  35 

it  is  very  desirable  that  they  should  be  ac- 
quired when  young,  and  so  practised  as  to 
become  easy,  and  to  be  performed  ''3xterously 
and  expeditiously  ;  for,  important  as  they  are, 
they  must  not  be  allowed  to  consume  too  much 
time,  and  the  ready  wit  and  ingenuity  of  a 
woman  cannot  be  turned  to  better  account,  than 
in  devising  methods  of  expediting  household 
arTairs,  and  producing  the  best  effect  with  the 
least  expense  of  time  and  labor. 

It  is  worthy  of  remark,  that  in  this  country, 
where  it  is  so  difHcult  to  procure  a  sufxiciency 
of  household  labor,  the  mode  of  furnishing  a 
house,  and  conducting  the  business  of  a  family, 
is  such  as  to  require  more  attendance,  than  the 
same  style  of  living  v/ould  demand  in  France 
and  other  parts  of  Europe.  The  quantity  of 
brass  to  be  kept  bright,  and  of  mahogany  fur- 
niture to  be  rubbed,  is,  in  a  considerable  de- 
gree, peculiar  to  this  country,  and  might  be 
easily  dispensed  with,  without  any  abatement 
of  comfort  or  neatness  ;  whilst  the  labor,  thus 
wasted,  might  be  turned  to  much  better  ac- 
count. It  is  for  your  own  ease  and  that  of 
your  domestics,  to  abridge  the  work  of  the 
house  as  much  as  possible,  and,  by  endeavour- 
ing to  find  out  the  relative  importance  of  the 
different  branches  of  household  economy,  to 
give  to  each  its  due  weight  and  no  more.  By 
good  management,  the  use  of  mplhod,  and   the 


36  DOMESTIC    ECONOxMY. 

habit  of  moving  quickly,  all  may  be  done  in 
order  and  in  season,  and  much  of  the  day  left 
for  other  things.  Let  those  who  find  them- 
selves so  overloaded  with  these  cares  and  du- 
ties, that  they  do  not  find  time  for  cultivating 
their  minds  and  attending  to  the  claims  of 
benevolence,  carefully  examine  their  way  of 
life,  and  see  if  they  cannot  retrench  some 
hours  from  their  every-day  occupations.  Per- 
haps they  may  be  doing  as  a  young  lady  of 
my  acquaintance  did,  who  used  to  spend  two 
hours  every  morning  in  arranging  the  glasses 
of  flowers  that  adorned  her  mother's  parlour  ; 
and,  when  asked  if  she  had  read  such  and  such 
books,  replied  in  the  negative,  and  gave  as  a 
reason,  that  she  never  could  find  time  to 
read.  Better  would  it  have  been  for  her  nev- 
er to  have  had  a  flower  in  the  house,  than 
thus  to  neglect  the  more  important  duties  of 
mental  culture.  It  is  well  to  bear  in  mind, 
that  there  is  always  time  enough  for  every 
thing  that  we  ought  to  do  and  if  any  duty  is 
neglected  from  a  supposed  want  of  time,  the 
fault  is  in  our  arrangement ;  we  have  given 
too  much  to  some  occupation  or  amusement, 
and  should  immediately  make  a  wiser  distri- 
bution of  our  hours. 

Now,  if  it  is  granted  by  my  young  friends, 
that  they  ought  to  take  a  part  in  domestic  af- 
fairs, then  let  them   do  it  with  a  good  grace, 


KXAMPLE.  .37 

and  not  be  ashamed  of  it.  Some  persons  are  ^ 
very  notable,  but  take  the  greatest  pains  to 
conceal  it,  as  if  it  were  a  disgrace  rather  than 
a  merit ;  their  moral  sense  is  clouded  by  some 
false  notions  of  gentility,  or  their  false  pride 
makes  them  fancy  certain  occupations  to  be  , 
degrading,  as  if  it  were  possible  that  persons 
should  be  degraded  by  doing  that  which  they 
ought  to  do. 

The  young  lady  who  spends  two  hours  a 
day  over  her  flowers,  ought  to  be  ashamed  of 
that ;  but,  if  the  arrangements  of  your  father's 
household  make  it  desirable  and  proper  that 
you  should  assist  at  the  ironing-table,  or  in 
making  cake  and  pies,  or  in  clear-starching 
your  own  muslins,  or  in  making  preserves,  or 
cleaning  silver,  or  doing  any  such  piece  of 
notable  work,  you  should  no  more  think  of 
concealing  it,  or  being  ashamed  of  it,  than  you 
would  be  of  combing  your  hair,  or  hemming  a 
pocket  handkerchief.  This  false  shame  about 
housev/ifery  adds  much  to  its  unpleasantness  ; 
whereas  a  true  view  of  the  beauty  and  fitness 
of  these  feminine  offices,  would  invest  them 
with  a  charm,  and  recommend  them  to  the  most 
refined. 

The  elegant  and  accomplished  Lady  Mary 
Wortley  Montague,  who  figured  in  the  fashion- 
able as  well  as  in  the  literary  circles  of  her 
time,  has    said  that  "  the   most  minute  details 

D 


38  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

of  household  economy  become  elegant  and  re- 
fined, when  they  are  ennobled  by  sentiment ;  " 
and  they  are  truly  ennobled  when  we  do  them, 
either  from  a  sense  of  duty,  or  consid- 
eration for  a  parent,  or  love  to  a  husband. 
"  To  furnish  a  room,"  continues  this  lady,  "  is 
no  longer  a  common-place  affair,  shared  with 
upholsterers  and  cabinet-makers ;  it  is  deco- 
rating the  place  where  I  am  to  meet  a  friend 
or  lover.  To  order  dinner  is  not  merely  ar- 
ranging a  meal  with  my  cook,  it  is  preparing 
refreshment  for  him  whom  I  love.  These  neces- 
sary occupations,  viewed  in  this  light  by  a 
person  capable  of  strong  attachment,  are  so 
many  pleasures,  and  afford  her  far  more  delight 
than  the  games  and  shows  which  constitute 
the  amusements  of  the  world." 

Such  is  the  testimony  of  a  titled  lady  of  the 
last  century  to  the  sentiment  that  may  be  made 
to  mingle  in  the  most  homely  occupations.  I 
will  now  quote  that  of  a  modern  female  writer 
and  traveller,  who,  in  her  pleasant  book,  called 
"  Six  Weeks  on  the  Loire,"  has  thus  described 
the  housewifery  of  the  daughter  of  a  French 
nobleman,  residing  in  a  superb  chateau  on  that 
river. 

The  travellers  had  just  arrived  and  been 
introduced,  when  the  following  scene  took 
place. 

"  The  bill  of  fare  for  dinner  was  discussed 


FRENCH    HOUSE-KEEPING.  39 

in  my  presence  and  settled,  sans  f agon,  with 
that  delightful  frankness  and  gayety,  which  in 
the  French  character  gives  a  charm  to  the 
most  trifling  occurrence.  Mademoiselle  Louise 
then  begged  me  to  excuse  her  for  half  an  hour, 
as  she  was  going  to  make  some  creams  and 
some  pastilles.  I  requested  I  might  accom- 
pany her  and  also  render  myself  useful;  we 
accordingly  went  together  to  the  dairy.  I 
made  tarts  a  VAnglaise^  whilst  she  made  con- 
fections and  bonbons,  and  all  manner  of  pretty 
things,  with  as  much  ease  as  if  she  had  never 
done  anything  else,  and  as  much  grace  as  she 
displayed  in  the  saloon.  I  could  not  help 
thinking,  as  I  looked  at  her,  with  her  servants 
about  her,  all  cheerful,  respectful,  and  anxious 
to  attend  upon  her,  how  much  better  it  would 
be  for  the  young  ladies  in  England,  if  they 
would  occasionally  return  to  the  habits  of  their 
grandmammas,  and  mingle  the  animated  and 
endearing  occupations  of  domestic  life,  and 
the  modest  manners  and  social  amusements 
of  home,  with  the  perpetual  practising  on 
harps  and  pianos,  and  the  incessant  efforts  at 
display  and  search  after  gayety,  w^hich,  at  the 
present  day,  render  them  anything  but  what 
an  amiable  man  of  a  reflecting  mind  and  deli- 
cate sentiments  would  desire  in  the  woman  he 
might  wish  to  select  as  his  companion  for  life. 
"  But  it  was   not  only  in  the  more  trifling 


40  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

affairs  of  the  m'jnage  that  this  young  lady  ac- 
quitted herself  so  agreeably ;  in  the  household, 
the  garden,  the  farm,  among  the  laborers,  their 
wives  and  children,  with  the  poor  in  the  neigh- 
bourhood, and  the  casual  wanderer,  everywhere 
she  was   superintending,  directing,  kind,  amia- 


ble, the  comfort  of  all  around,  and  the  delight 
of  her  family  ;  her  cheerfulness  was  in  propor- 
tion to 

'  —  that  sweet  peace  which  goodness  bosoms  ever.' 

She  flew  up  and  down  the  rocks  with  the  light- 
ness of  a  mountain  roe ;  she  sprang  into  a  boat 
like  the  Lady  of  the  Lake,  and  could  manage 
an  oar  with  as  much  grace  and  skill.  With  all 
this,  her  mind  was  thoroughly  cultivated.  She 
had  an  elegant  taste  in  the  authors  of  her  own 
language,  understood  Latin,  Italian,  and  Eng- 
lish, and  charmed  me  with  her  conversation, 
whilst  she  employed  her  fingers  in  the  fancy 
work,  with  which  the  French  ladies  occupy 
the  moments  which  some  call  idle,  but  which 
with  them  are  always  sociably  and  generally 
carefully  employed." 

May  the  daughters  of  our  republic,  who  er- 
roneously suppose  that  the  first  step  in  gen- 
tility is  a  contempt  for  household  affairs,  lay 
to  heart  the  lesson  contained  in  this  descrip- 
tion of  high  life  in  the  old  w^orld. 

Having  now  shown,  that  to  understand  and 


USELESS    DISCUSSION.  41 

superintend  all  that  belongs  to  domestic  econ- 
omy is  the  proper  vocation  of  a  woman,  let 
her  situation  in  life  be  what  it  may,  and  that, 
so  far  from  being  ashamed  of  it,  she  should 
dignify  it  by  her  manner  of  exercising  it,  a 
caution  may  be  necessary  against  making  its 
details  too  prominent  in  the  social  circle,  and 
talking  too  much  about  them.  Honorable  as 
is  the  performance  of  those  daily  duties,  it  is 
bad  taste  to  say  much  about  them.  A  well- 
ordered  house  has  been  fitly  compared  to  a 
watch,  all  the  wheels  and  springs  of  which  are 
out  of  sight,  and  it  is  only  known  that  they 
exist,  and  are  in  order,  by  the  regularity  wdth 
which  their  results  are  brought  about. 

The  time  necessarily  consumed  by  these 
daily  cares  is  very  considerable  ;  let  us  beware 
how  we  add  to  it  by  wasting  a  moment  on 
needless  recapitulation  and  useless  discus- 
sions of  domestic  affairs.  When  you  have 
done  your  household  tasks  to  the  best  of  your 
abilities,  dismiss  the  subject  from  your  mind, 
and  do  not  let  the  thought  of  it  intrude  upon 
other  things  that  have  their  appropriate  place 
in  the  day's  occupatioil. 

The  disinterested  affection  of  mothers  often 
leads  them  to  dispense  with  all  assistance  from 
their  daughters,  in  their  domestic  affairs,  so 
long  as  they  are  in  daily  attendance  upon 
school,   or,  as    the   common    phrase  is,   whilst 


42  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

they  are  "^'  getting  their  education."  Where 
the  school  hours  are  diligently  employed,  and 
the  tasks  laborigus,  and  much  time  is  required 
to  prepare  lessons  at  home,  it  is  particularly 
important  that  all  the  leisure  a  girl  has  should 
be  wisely  disposed  of;  but  far  better  would 
it  be  for  her  health,  that  some  of  it  should  be 
given  to  the  stirring  occupations  of  the  house- 
hold, than  that  she  should  be  sitting  over  a 
frame  of  worsted  or  lace  work,  hurting  her 
eyes  and  wasting  her  time  in  making  bead 
bags,  or  some  little  ornamental  article  of  dress, 
not  worth  a  tithe  of  the  pains  bestowed  upon  it. 

Next  in  healthfulness  to  exercise  in  the  open 
air,  is  that  which  is  taken  in  the  various  occu- 
pations of  a  notable  housekeeper.  Making  a 
bed  is  such  very  good  exercise  of  the  whole 
body,  that  it  is  often  prescribed,  by  English 
physicians,  to  young  ladies  in  high  life,  who 
are  suffering  from  want  of  sufficient  bodily  ex- 
ertion; and  many  a  titled  lady,  in  the  old  world, 
has  been  condemned  to  share  the  labors  of  the 
housemaid,  in  order  to  bring  back  the  color  to 
her  faded  cheek,  and  improve  the  play  of  her 
lungs. 

An  elderly  lady  of  this  country,  as  much  dis- 
tinguished for  her  skill  in  domestic  affairs  as 
for  her  literary  taste  and  intellectual  attain- 
ments, smiles  when  her  young  friends  speak  of 
walking    in    the   streets  for  health,   and    tells 


HOUSE-WORK    GOOD    FOR    THE    HEALTH.  43 

them  they  would  find  it  much  more  effectual  ex- 
ercise to  sw^eep  a  chamber  or  rub  furniture,  and 
this  being  done  with  the  windows  open  would 
give  them  the  fresh  air  also.  It  is  therefore 
mistaken  kindness  in  mothers,  to  excuse  their 
daughters  from  aj]  participation  in  the  work 
of  the  house  ;  since  it  deprives  them  of  exer- 
cise that  would  benefit  their  health,  and  of  a 
habit  of  usefulness,  highly  valuable  to  girls  of 
all  classes. 

If  this  has  been  the  experience  of  any  of  my 
readers,  I  would  advise  them,  whilst  they  love 
and  honor  the  disinterested  affection  that  has 
spared  them  all  domestic  labor,  to  change 
their  habits  on  leaving  school,  and  to  make  a 
point  of  taking  care  of  their  own  chambers  at 
least,  if  the  arrangements  of  the  family  do  not 
render  further  exertions,  in  that  way,  desira- 
ble. It  is  a  good  plan,  to  strip  the  clothes  off 
your  bed  and  shake  it  up,  as  soon  as  you  rise 
from  it  ;  by  doing  it  then,  your  cap  protects 
your  hair  from  any  lint  or  feathers,  and  being 
lightly  clothed,  your  movements  are  perfectly 
free,  and  the  glow  occasioned  by  the  exertion 
makes  you,  on  a  cold  morning,  feel  less  dread 
of  cold  water.  You  can  finish  making  your 
bed  and  dust  your  furniture  after  you  are  drest 
and  before  breakfast,  if  there  is  time ;  but  if 
not,  return  and  do  it  as  soon  as  possible  after 
that  meal  is  over. 


44  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

At  breakfast,  too,  a  grown-up  daughter 
should  relieve  her  mother  from  the  trouble 
of  pouring  out  tea  and  coffee,  and,  by  giving 
her  mind  to  the  business  and  learning  all  her 
mother's  ways,  make  it  agreeable  to  her  to  re- 
sign the  office.  I  have  seen  some  young  ladies 
very  earnest  to  be  of  use,  and  to  take  some  of 
their  mother's  duties  on  themselves ;  but  by  not 
entering  into  the  true  spirit  of  the  business, 
and  learning  to  do  the  thing  in  the  best  way, 
their  services  have  not  been  acceptable  ;  and, 
far  from  being  conscious  that  the  fault  was  in 
themselves,  they  have  blamed  their  mothers 
for  not  being  allowed  to  relieve  them  of  some 
of  their  burthens. 

There  is  more  to  be  learned  about  pouring 
out  tea  and  coffee,  than  most  young  ladies  are 
willing  to  believe.  If  those  decoctions  are 
made  at  the  table,  which  is  by  far  the  best 
way,  they  require  experience,  judgment,  and 
exactness ;  if  they  are  brought  on  the  table 
ready  made,  it  still  requires  judgment  so  to 
apportion  them,  that  they  shall  prove  sufficient 
in  quantity  for  the  family  party,  and  that  the 
elder  members  shall  have  the  stronger  cups. 
I  have  often  seen  persons  pour  out  tea,  who, 
not  being  at  all  aware  that  the  first  cup  is  the 
weakest,  and  that  the  tea  grows  stronger  as 
you  proceed,  have  bestowed  the  poorest  cup 
upon    the    greatest    stranger,    and    given    the 


POURING  OUT  TEA  AND  COFFEE.        45 

strongest  to  a  very  young  member  of  the  finni 
ly  who  would  have  been  better  without  any. 
Where  several  cups  of  equal  strength  are  want- 
ed, you  should  pour  a  little  into  each,  and  then 
go  back  inverting  the  order  as  you  fdl  them  up, 
and  then  the  strength  will  be  apportioned 
properly.  This  is  so  well  understood  in  Eng- 
land, that  an  experienced  pourer  of  tea  waits 
till  all  the  cups  of  the  company  are  returned 
to  her,  before  she  fills  any  a  second  time,  that 
all  may  share  alike.  You  should  learn  every 
one's  taste,  in  the  matter  of  sugar  and  cream 
too,  in  order  to  suit  them  in  that  respect. 
Delicacy  and  neatness  may  be  shown  in  the 
manner  of  handling  and  rinsing  the  cups,  of 
helping  persons  to  sugar,  and  using  the  cream- 
pot  without  letting  the  cream  run  down  from 
the  lip.  There  are  ^  thousand  little  niceties 
which  will  occur  to  you,  if  you  give  due  atten- 
tion to  the  business,  and  resolve  to  do  it  with 
the  thrift  of  a  good  housekeeper,  and  the  ease 
and  dignity  of  a  refined  lady.  When  you  have 
once  acquired  good  habits  in  this  department,  it 
will  require  less  attention,  and  you  will  always 
do  it  in  the  best  way  without  thinking  much 
about  it.  T  knew  one  very  happy  match,  that 
grew  out  of  the  admiration  felt  by  a  gentleman 
on  seeing  a  young  lady  preside  well  at  the  tea- 
table.     Her  graceful  and  dexterous  movements 


46  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

there,  first  fixed  his  attention  upon  her  and  led 
to  a  further  acquaintance. 

If  you  wish  to  assist  in  the  business  of  a 
family,  and  yet  to  have  fixed  hours  for  other 
things,  you  must  choose  those  departments 
which  are  independent  of  others,  such  as  doing 
up  your  own  muslins  and  laces,  taking  care  of 
your  own  chamber,  presiding  at  the  breakfast 
and  tea  table,  washing  up  the  china  there  used, 
arranging  the  fruit  for  desert,  trimming  the 
parlour  lamps,  and  many  other  things,  that  may 
be  quickly  disposed  of,  and  so  leave  you  at 
leisure  for  your  other  employments.  Where, 
however,  it  is  necessary  to  cooperate  with 
others,  do  it  cheerfully,  and  make  your  private 
arrangements  accordingly.  If  you  are  required 
to  make  cake  or  pies,  and  can  do  it  before 
breakfast,  there  is  a  great  saving  of  time  in  it  j 
as  by  rising  earlier  you  may  accomplish  it 
without  sacrificing  any  of  your  usual  occupa- 
tions. You  can  dress  yourself  at  once  for  the 
business  and  save  time  in  that  way  also.  And 
here  let  me  observe,  that  every  sort  of  cookery 
should  be  done  in  a  dress  that  will  wash,  with 
a  clean  apron  over  it  and  the  hair  covered  up. 
To  those  who  are  w^ell  trained  by  notable 
mothers,  this  hint  will  seem  superfluous;  but 
having  lately  seen  a  lady  making  pies  in  an 
old  black  silk  dress,  trimmed  with  crape,  and 
every  crease  full   of  flour,  I  am  encouraged  to 


PREPARATION  FOR  COOKERY.         47 

give  the  caution.  All  old  silk  is  useful,  either 
to  ourselves  or  others,  for  linings  ;  but  once 
worn  to  make  pies  or  cake  in,  it  will  be  so  de- 
faced as  to  lose  half  its  value.  Being  properly 
equipped  for  your  work,  with  clean  hands  and 
nails,  and  having  used  your  pocket  handker- 
chief and  put  it  away,  wash  your  hands  again, 
the  last  thing  you  do  before  putting  them  into 
the  flour,  and  have  a  w^ash-bowl  and  towel  by 
your  side,  to  repeat  the  operation  whenever 
needed.  Wipe  every  utensil  before  you  use  it, 
keep  all  things  covered  up  from  flies  and  dust, 
be  exact  in  weighing  and  measuring,  and  then 
your  success  will  not  be  matter  of  chance. 

When  you  are  assisting  those  older  than 
yourself,  it  is  your  place  to  follow  their  direc- 
tions, and  do  things  in  their  w^ay,  although  you 
may  not  wholly  approve  of  it ;  and  you  can  be 
laying  up  lessons  for  yourself  against  the  time 
when  you  can  properly  take  the  lead  in  these 
aff'airs. 

Where  dinner  parties  are  given  under  cir- 
cumstances requiring  much  additional  labor  on 
the  part  of  the  mother  and  daughters,  it  is 
well  to  choose  the  dishes  with  a  view  to 
several  of  them  being  such  as  can  be  prepared 
beforehand.  Whatever  care  you  delegate  to 
another,  give  up  entirely;  for  it  is  only  in  this 
way  that  you  can  make  your  deputies  feel  their 
responsibility. 


48  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

Bright  silver  and  steel,  clear  glass,  neatly 
arranged  saltcellars  and  castors,  are  within 
the  reach  of  everybody ;  and  it  is  much  more 
for  the  comfort  of  your  guests,  and  the  credit 
of  your  housekeeping,  that  your  tumblers  and 
decanters  should  be  clean  and  free  from  lint, 
than  that  they  should  be  elaborately  cut ;  that 
your  knife-handles  should  be  perfectly  wiped, 
rather  than  of  a  costly  material ;  and  so  of 
other  things  ;  the  enjoyment  of  a  company,  at 
dinner,  depending  much  more  on  neatness  and 
good  order,  than  on  expensive  table  furniture, 
on  a  few  dishes  w^ell  cooked,  than  a  great 
variety  ill   served. 

When  friends  come  to  see  you,  uninvited, 
do  the  best  you  can  to  entertain  them  well,  but 
make  no  comment  or  apology  ;  for  that  always 
sounds  to  your  guests  like  a  reproach  for  tak- 
ing you  unawares. 

If  you  are  blest  with  affectionate  and  indul- 
gent parents,  beware  how  you  influence  them 
to  incur  expenses  they  can  ill  afford,  either 
in  dress,  furniture,  or  entertainments.  Their 
feelings  are  all  on  your  side ;  and,  instead  of 
appealing  to  them,  you  should  consult  their 
judgment  and  experience,  and  beg  them  not  to 
grant  your  request  unless  they  think  it  right 
and  know  that  they  can  afford  it.  Even  in 
those  cases  where  young  people  think  they 
are  unnecessarily  restricted,  they  are   apt  to 


ALLOWANCE.       ANECDOTE.  49 

be  mistaken ;  the  ambition  of  parents  for  their 
children  is  generally  as  great  as  that  of  the 
children  for  themselves  ;  and,  without  a  full 
knowledge  of  their  father's  affairs,  they  cannot 
judge  of  what  he  can  afford  to  spend  on  their 
pleasures.  Where  it  is  necessary  to  study 
economy  in  every  way,  and  fathers  complain 
of  the  frequent  demands  made  upon  their 
purses  by  their  daughters,  it  is  best  for  both 
parties,  that  an  allowance  should  be  agreed  on, 
and  regularly  paid  every  quarter.  A  girl  is 
thus  taught  the  value  of  money,  and  she  learns 
to  be  careful  how  she  spends  it;  she  is  led  to 
exercise  her  judgment  and  taste,  and  to  re- 
strict herself  in  one  respect,  in  order  to  in- 
dulge herself  in  another.  Without  an  allow- 
ance, young  persons  cannot  know  the  pleasure 
of  denying  themselves  what  might  seem  very 
reasonable  and  proper  for  the  sake  of  bestow- 
ing the  sum  thus  saved  in  charity.  There 
^is  no  generosity  in  making  presents  to  our 
friends,  no  benevolence  in  giving  to  the  poor, 
if  we  are  merely  ^he  distributors  of  another 
person's  bounty,  and  have  not  one  gratification 
the  less  ourselves.  A  feeling  of  responsible- 
ness  grows  out  of  the  disbursement  of  a  cer- 
tain sum  which  we  regard  as  our  own. 

I  have  seen  the  favorable  operation  of  this 
sentiment  among  children  of  my  acquaintance. 
I  once  told  a  story  of  distress  before  several 
E  4 


50  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

boys  and  girls  of  different  ages.  It  did  not 
enter  the  heads  of  any  of  the  children  of  rich 
parents  present,  that  they  had  any  thing  to  do 
in  the  case;  but  one  little  boy  in  less  affluent 
circumstances,  and  accustomed  to  have  an  al- 
lowance of  pocket-money,  drew  me  aside  and 
whispered,  "  How  much  do  you  think  I  ought 
to  give  that  poor  lame  man  you  told  us  of '^  I 
have  a  dollar  and  seventy  cents  in  my  money- 
box." 

But  to  return  from  this  digression ;  it  is  dan- 
gerous for  daughters  to  urge  their  parents  to 
give  entertainments  and  to  make  an  appearance 
beyond  what  they  can  really  afford;  the  conse- 
quence of  such  imprudence  may  be  often  seen. 
How  many,  who  have  flourished  away  for  a  time, 
and  surprised  their  more  cautious  neighbours. 
have  failed,  or  else  have  died,  and  left  so  lit- 
tle property,  that  their  daughters  have  been 
obliged  to  earn  their  own  living. 

In  no  country  of  the  v/orld  are  fortunes  more  ^ 
rapidly  made  or  more  suddenly  lost  than  in 
this ;  and  the  female  part  of  a  family  are  pecu- 
liarly interested  in  a  prudent  line  of  conduct 
during  prosperity,  in  order  that  a  decent  com- 
petence may  be  secured  to  them.  As  daugh- 
ters arrive  at  years  of  discretion,  they  should 
be  informed  of  the  nature  and  proceeds  of  their 
father's  business,  or  of  his  income,  if  a  profes- 
sional man  ;  they  should  know  also  the  family 


ANECDOTE.  51 

expenses,  and  the  various  claims  upon  their 
lather's  purse,  that  they  may  regulate  their  own 
expenditure  accordingly. 

Whatever  economy  it  is  right  for  you  to 
practise,  you  should  never  be  ashamed  of.  If 
at  any  time  you  find  yourself  trying  to  conceal 
your  thrift,  you  had  better  pause  and  examine 
your  motives  ;  for  either  you  are  possessed  of 
that  absurd  weakness,  a  desire  to  appear  richer 
than  you  really  are,  or  else  the  piece  of  econo- 
my in  question  is  not  necessary,  and  therefore 
it  is  that  you  are  ashamed  of  it. 

The  most  refined  and  luxurious  people  of  the 
old  world  are  the  most  careful  to  economize  in 
one  way,  that  they  may  have  the  money  to 
spend  in  another  ;  and,  as  their  wants  are  very 
numerous,  they  husband  well  their  resources  in 
order  to  gratify  them  all.  This  is  only  a  more 
refined  selfishness  than  ours  in  this  country, 
which  spends  all  more  lavishly  upon  a  few 
things.  But  such  care  of  expenditure  among  the 
very  rich  puts  economy  into  better  repute  there 
than  here;  and,  since  we  follow  European  fash- 
ions to  our  cost,  we  may  as  well  learn  from  the 
old  w^orld  some  lessons  of  frugality.  Two  in- 
stances that  came  within  my  own  knowledge, 
in  our  country,  will  show  the  difference  between 
a  mean  saving  and  true  economy. 

Miss  D gave  a  large  party  and   invited 

all  her  acquaintances  ;  she  wrote  all  her  invita- 


52  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

tions  herself  and  would  not  accept  of  any  as- 
sistance; she  shut  herself  up  to  do  it,  and 
seemed  to  have  some  mystery  about  it.  The 
fact  was,  that  she  used  different  kinds  of  paper 
and  various-sized  notes,  according  to  the  sup- 
posed consequence  or  gentility  of  the  persons 
invited.  Some  had  gilt-edged,  hot-pressed 
note-paper,  of  the  largest  size,  and  enclosed  in 
another  half  sheet  ;  whilst  others  had  only  a 
quarter  of  a  sheet  of  coarse,  blue-looking  letter- 
paper.  The  notes  were  compared ;  and  the  con- 
sequence was,  that  some  were  affronted,  and  all 
despised  this  mean  contrivance  for  making  a 
show  and  making  a  saving  at  the  same  time. 
When  the  lady  shut  herself  up  to  w^ite  her 
notes,  she  might  have  known  that  she  was 
doing  wrong. 

When  Miss  G gives  a  party,  she  uses  but 

one  kind  of  paper  for  all  whom  she  invites ; 
she  takes  large  fine  letter-paper  and  cuts  each 
sheet  into  four  notes  ;  and,  being  an  economist 
of  time  as  well  as  money,  she  cuts  and  folds 
her  paper  whilst  she  is  talking  to  some  visiter 
or  listening  to  reading.  A  gay  young  friend 
who  was  sitting  by  her,  whilst  thus  occupied, 
observed  that  she  never  used  any  thing  herself 
but    gilt-edged    note-paper,    and    asked    Miss 

G why  she  did  not  send  for  some  and  save 

herself  the  trouble  of  cutting  up  large  paper. 
"  Because,"  she  replied,  "  that  costs  double  the 


BtST    THINGS.  53 

money,  whilst  this  answers  every  purpose ;  and 
I  take  care  to  cut  and  fold  paper  when  I  should 
otherwise  be  doing  nothing."  Her  friend  then 
advised  her  to  use  half  a  sheet  instead  of  a 
quarter.     "  That  seems  to  me  a  mere  waste  of 

paper,"  resumed  Miss  G ;  "it  would  oblige 

me  to  consume  four  quires  of  paper  for  my 
party,  instead  of  two,  and  do  nobody  any 
good."  Her  friend  smiled,  and  said  something 
about  a  trumpery  saving  of  only  half  a  dollar 
after  all ;  but  Miss  G was  not  at  all  dis- 
turbed by  her  remarks  ;  she  acted  on  principle, 
and  cared  not  who  knew  that  she  chose  to  save 
half  a  dollar  in  paper,  when  she  gave  a  party. 
That  half-dollar  was  afterwards  spent  in  send- 
ing a  carriage  for  a  friend,  who  could  not  walk 
and  could  not  afford  to  hire  a  conveyance ; 
this  no  one  then  knew  but  the  person  obliged. 
If  her  notes  were  neither  large  nor  gilt,  they 
were  all  alike  and  gave  no  offence. 

There  is  in  some  houses  such  a  difference 
between  the  things  used  every  day,  and  those 
which  are  kept  for  company,  that  a  guest  can- 
not be  invited  to  dine  or  take  tea  without 
making  a  revolution  in  the  whole  table  furni- 
ture. The  best  dinner-set  is  often  kept  in  the 
closet  of  a  spare  chamber ;  so  piles  of  plates 
and  arms  full  of  dishes  are  seen  walking  down 
stairs  on  company  days,  and  walking  up  again 
the   day    after ;    every   knife    and    fork,    every 


54  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY 

glass  and  spoon,  is  changed ;  and  this  is  so 
great  a  labor  and  so  much  care  to  the  ladies  of 
the  mansion,  that  I  have  known  it  made  a  suf- 
ficient reason  for  not  exercising  the  rites  of 
hospitality  towards  a  stranger  who  had  every 
claim  to  them.  Where  the  things  in  common 
use  are  so  much  inferior  to  those  paraded  before 
company,  the  family  live  in  continual  dread  of 
accidental  visiters,  and  meal-time  is  a  season 
of  secrecy.  A  ring  at  the  door-bell  produces 
the  greatest  consternation  ;  the  mistress  of  the 
house  snatches  up  a  broken  dish  and  puts  it 
in  the  closet,  tells  one  daughter  to  hide  the 
pitcher  that  has  lost  its  handle,  and  another  to 
carry  aw^ay  the  odd  plates  and  common  spoons, 
whilst  she  runs  to  the  side-board  for  some  bet- 
ter ones  to  supply  their  places.  It  is  only  a  note 
after  all,  so  the  whole  scramble  was  for  nothing. 
Now  would  it  not  be  far  more  refined  and 
dignified,  as  well  as  more  honest  and  comfort- 
able, to  live  better  every  day,  and  make  less 
parade  before  company  1  Instead  of  using 
ordinary  crockery  and  parts  of  several  broken 
sets  of  different  patterns,  when  alone,  and  hav- 
ing a  very  expensive  set  of  French  porcelain 
in  the  best-chamber  closet  for  state  occasions, 
would  it  not  be  better  to  have  blue  and  white 
India  ware  all  the  time  ?  That  can  always  be 
matched,  and  by  using  the  same  as  best  and 
common,  you  will  never  have  a  motley  assem- 


GENERAL    RULES.  55 

blage  of  dishes  and  plates  to  be  used  up.  If 
you  can  afford  to  have  expensive  table  furni- 
ture laid  by  for  company,  you  can  afford  to  use 
whole  dishes  and  handsome  spoons  every  day, 
and,  by  so  doing,  you  will  escape  a  great  many 
uncomfortable  feelings,  and  be  far  more  likely 
to  be  hospitable  and  friendly.  A  person  should 
have  too  much  self-respect  to  use  anything 
when  alone  that  is  unfit  for  her  condition,  or 
to  wish  to  conceal  anything  that  belongs  to  it. 
If  you  think  it  right  to  continue  to  use  any 
utensil  of  glass  or  china  after  it  has  been 
marred  by  some  accident,  do  it  openly,  care 
not  who  sees  it ;  if  you  are  ashamed  to  have  it 
seen,  be  ashamed  to  use  it  at  all;  a  proper  self- 
respect  requires  this. 

The  greatest  hospitality  is  generally  to  be 
found  among  persons  of  small  incomes,  who 
are  content  to  live  according  to  their  means, 
and  never  give  any  great  dinners;  for  nothing 
can  be  further  from  true  hospitality  than  the 
spirit  in  which  such  entertainments  are  gener- 
ally given. 

As  a  general  rule  for  living  neatly  and  sav- 
ing time,  it  is  better  to  keep  clean  than  to  make 
clean.  If  you  are  careful  not  to  drop  crumbs 
of  bread,  or  cake,  on  the  carpet,  you  will  es- 
cape an  untidy  room,  and  save  the  trouble  of 
cleaning  it.  In  working,  if  you  make  a  prac- 
tice of  putting  all  the  ends  of  your  thread  into 


56  DOMESTIC    ECONOMY. 

a  division  of  your  work-box,  kept  for  the  pur- 
pose, and  never  let  one  fall  on  the  floor,  the 
room  will  look  very  differently  at  the  end  of 
the  morning,  from  what  it  does  when  this  is 
not  attended  to.  A  house  is  kept  far  cleaner 
when  all  the  family  are  taught  to  wipe  their 
feet  thoroughly,  on  coming  in  from  out  of 
doors,  than  it  can  be  where  this  is  neglected. 
There  are  a  thousand  ways  of  keeping  clean 
and  saving  labor  and  time,  which  it  is  well 
worth  while  to  learn  and  practise. 

Mrs.  Hamilton,  in  her  admirable  story  of 
"  The  Cottagers  of  Glenburnie,"  gives  three 
simple  rules  for  the  regulation  of  domestic  af- 
fairs, which  deserve  to  be  remembered,  and 
which  would,  if  carried  into  practice,  be  the 
means  of  saving  time,  labor,  and  patience,  and 
of  making  every  house  a  "  well-ordered  "  one. 
They  are  as  follows  : 

"  1.  Do  every  thing  in  its  proper  time. 
"  2.  Keep  every  thing  to  its  proper  use. 
"  3.  Put  every  thing  in  its  proper  place." 


FIRST    REQUISITES    IN    A    NURSE.  57 

CHAPTER   IV. 

Nursing  the  Sick. 

First  Requisites  in  a  Nurse.  —  Evils  of  Awkwardness.  —  Noise 
to  be  avoided.  —  Cleanliness  and  Ventilation.  —  Easy  Posi- 
tions. —  Lifting  a  Patient.  —  Quiet  Movements.  —  Night 
Watching. —  Bed-Making. —  Rubbing.  —  Bathing.  —  Blisters. 

—  Leeches.  —  Little  Comforts.  —  Behaviour  to  Physicians. 

—  Diet.  —  Conclusion. 

It  is  the  privilege  of  woman  to  be  the  minis- 
tering spirit  at  the  couch  of  the  sick.  Of  all 
her  social  duties,  none  is  of  more  importance, 
or  more  frequent  recurrence,  than  this.  It 
recommends  itself  equally  to  the  young  and  the 
old,  to  the  selfish  and  the  generous  As  there 
is  no  possession  more  uncertain  than  that  of 
health,  and  since  the  young  and  vigorous  are 
liable,  as  well  as  the  aged  and  the  infirm,  to 
be  laid  upon  the  bed  of  sickness,  by  an  epi- 
demic, or  by  imprudent  exposure,  or  by  some 
accident,  you  may  be  called  upon  at  any  moment 
to  attend  upon  your  parents,  your  brothers, 
your  sisters,  or  your  companions  ;  it  is  therefore 
very  necessary  to  know  how  to  render  such 
services  in  an  efficient  and  proper  manner. 

Those  who  have  warm  affections,  and  ready 
sympathies,  will  seek  this  duty,  rather  than 
avoid  it ;    and,  though  long-continued  efforts 


58  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

are  not  to  be  expected  from  persons  who  act 
from  impulse,  many  kind  attentions  are  thus 
paid ;  and  a  little  knowledge  as  to  the  best 
manner  of  performing  the  service,  so  readily 
and  generously  undertaken,  will  add  much  to 
its  value.  But  it  is  only  such  as  act  in  this,  as 
in  other  things,  from  the  highest  principle,  who 
can  ever  be  the  ready,  cheerful,  indefatigable, 
persevering,  and  agreeable  nurses,  that  you 
should  aim  to  be,  and  may  become  by  habitual 
self-regulation,  together  with  a  little  instruc- 
tion as  to  the  details  of  a  sick  chamber,  which 
I  here  propose  to  offer. 

The  essential  qualities  of  a  good  nurse  must 
grow  out  of  that  entire  devotion  of  the  heart 
to  do  what  is  right  in  the  smallest  as  in  the 
greatest  affairs  of  life,  which  I  have  already 
shown  to  be  the  only  foundation  of  virtue  and 
happiness.  No  motives  short  of  the  highest 
are  proof  against  the  trials  and  temptations  of 
a  sick  chamber ;  the  duties  of  a  nurse  require 
perfectly  good  faith  and  constant  self-sacrifice; 
truth  and  justice  are  even  more  essential  in 
the  intercourse  of  the  nurse  and  patient,  than 
between  man  and  man,  in  the  more  public 
transactions  of  life  ;  and  without  this  strict 
principle,  this  single  purpose  to  do  right  in  all 
things,  no  instructions,  however  minute,  can 
make  good  nurses. 


EVILS    OF    AWKWARDNESS.  59 

Supposing,  therefore,  that  this  indispensable 
foundation  exists,  a  young  woman  may  easily 
acquire  that  knowledge  of  nursing,  which  shall 
render  her  services  to  the  sick  of  the  highest 
value.  Those  who  have  had  much  personal 
experience  of  illness,  often  learn  from  it  how 
to  minister  to  others,  how  to  avoid  the  awk- 
ward actions  from  which  they  have  themselves 
suffered,  and  how  to  apply  the  remedies  which 
have  alleviated  their  own  pains;  but  those  who 
have  never  been  very  ill  themselves,  and  have 
had  no  experience  in  nursing,  cannot  know  the 
various  ways,  in  which  the  sufferings  of  pa- 
tients may  be  lessened  or  increased  by  the 
mode  of  attending  upon  them.  One  who  has 
never  endured  a  nervous  head-ache,  cannot 
imagine  the  aggravation  of  it,  produced  by  a 
heavy  step  in  the  room,  the  banging  or  creak- 
ing of  a  door,  admitting  light  through  a  crack 
in  the  shutters,  asking  unnecessary  questions, 
jarring  the  bed  on  which  the  patient  lies,  and 
a  thousand  such  inadvertencies  as  seem  the 
veriest  trifles  to  the  well,  but  are  serious  evils 
to  the  sick. 

Now  as  every  young  woman  ought  to  know 
how  to  perform  the  gentle  offices  of  a  good 
nurse,  and  few  can  be  supposed  to  have  had 
much  experience  of  sickness,  it  is  well  to  gain 
the  necessary  information  from  every  source 
that  presents  itself;    and   if,  by  reading  a  few 


60  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

pages  in  this  book,  you  can  learn  to  avoid 
some  awkwardness,  and  to  administer  more 
acceptably  to  the  sick,  you  will  not  think  the 
time  ill  bestowed. 

A  light  step,  quick  but  gentle  movements, 
and  a  dexterous  use  of  the  hands,  are  pre- 
requisites in  a  good  nurse ;  they  seem  to  be 
natural  endowments,  and  to  belong,  in  a  great 
degree,  to  original  temperament  and  conforma- 
tion ;  but,  in  this  as  in  other  things,  something 
may  be  done  by  cultivation,  where  nature  has 
not  done  the  most ;  by  observing  the  alert 
movements  and  nimble  fingers  of  expert  per- 
sons, you  may  improve  your  own,  and  avoid  at 
least  that  degree  of  clumsiness  which  has  been 
described  by  saying  of  a  person,  "  He  uses  his 
hands,  as  if  all  his  fingers  were  thumbs,  and 
his  thumbs  legs  of  mutton." 

If  the  absence  of  all  unnecessary  noise  is  a 
luxury  to  the  well,  it  is  of  the  first  importance 
to  the  sick ;  and  no  one  can  be  acceptable  to 
them,  who  cannot  step  lightly  and  move  gently. 
I  have  seen  a  nervous  patient  seriously  incom- 
moded by  the  attendance  of  a  friend  who  wore 
a  rustling  silk  dress,  and  whose  every  move- 
ment was  accompanied  with  so  much  noise, 
that  the  invalid  could  not  bear  it,  and  was 
obliged  at  last  to  beg  her  to  change  her 
dress,  or  keep  out  of  the  room.  Apart  from 
the  rustling^  noise  of  the  silk,  it  was  an  unfit 


NOISE    TO    BE    AVOIDED.  61 

dress  for  a  sick  room,  where  nothing  should  be 
worn  that  will  not  wash.  But  to  go  on  with 
the  subject  of  noise;  anthracite  coal  is  a  fruit- 
ful source  of  annoyance  in  that  way.  Excellent 
as  it  is  for  keeping  a  steady  fire  with  little 
trouble,  the  noises,  that  accompany  its  renova- 
tion twice  a  day,  are  a  serious  evil  to  the  sick. 
The  occasional  falling  of  pieces  of  half-burnt 
coal  upon  the  sheet-iron  pan  on  the  hearth,  is 
grating  to  the  feelings  of  some  well  persons, 
and  in  extreme  sickness  it  should  be  provided 
against,  as  also  the  throwing  on  of  fresh  coal, 
which  makes  a  dreadful  rattling.  This  should 
be  avoided  by  putting  on  every  piece  of  coal 
with  the  fingers,  having  protected  them  by  an 
old  glove.  In  sweeping  the  hearth,  too,  much 
unnecessary  clatter  is  often  made,  by  holding 
the  tongs  and  shovel  together  in  one  hand,  as 
well  as  in  other  ways,  too  trifling  to  mention ; 
which  may  easily  be  avoided,  if  people  are 
sufficiently  aware  how  trying  such  noises  are 
to  the  patient.  Most  people  refrain  from  loud 
talking  in  the  chambers  of  the  sick  ;  but  few 
are  equally  careful  to  abstain  from  needless 
whispering,  which  is  often  more  trying,  than  a 
common  low  tone.  The  buzzing  noise,  which 
cannot  be  understood  or  shut  out,  is  very 
fatiguing  ;  and  rather  than  inflict  it  on  a  pa- 
tient, the  nurse  and  her  companions  should 
keep  silence. 


62  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

All  creaking  hinges  and  grating  locks  should 
be  immediately  oiled  ;  and  if  by  chance  you 
have  on  a  pair  of  shoes  that  creak  as  you 
walk,  lose  no  time  in  changing  them ;  for 
nothing  is  more  unpleasant  to  the  ear  of  the 
sick  or  well.  Folding  and  unfolding  a  news- 
paper that  has  become  very  dry,  will  make 
noise  enough  to  wake  a  person  from  a  light 
slumber ;  and  so  will  turning  over  the  leaves 
of  some  books,  if  done  carelessly.  I  have 
known  a  whole  night's  rest  lost  to  a  sick  per- 
son by  this  simple  act  on  the  part  of  the 
watcher.  Coughing,  sneezing,  and  blov/ing  the 
nose  may  be  done  at  such  unlucky  moments 
as  to  cause  broken  slumbers.  It  is  therefore 
advisable  to  learn  how  to  do  the  voluntary  acts 
with  the  least  possible  noise,  and  how  to  pre- 
vent the  involuntary  one  by  pressing  the  cor- 
ners of  the  eyes  next  the  bridge  of  the  nose. 
The  instances  I  have  now  mentioned,  are  suf- 
ficient to  show  a  young  nurse  how  many  ways 
there  are  of  making  unnecessary  noises;  and  if 
her  attention  is  once  thoroughly  alive  to  the 
importance  of  stillness  to  the  sick,  she  will  her- 
self find  out  others.  I  shall,  therefore,  pass  next 
to  the  subject  of  cleanliness  and  ventilation. 

Important  as  it  is  to  all  to  sleep  in  airy 
rooms,  and  to  have  frequent  changes  of  linen, 
it  is  doubly  so  to  the  invalid.  Fevers  may  be 
sometimes  prolonged,  and   the   recovery  after 


CLEANLINESS    AND    VENTILATION.  63 

them  retarded,  by  deficiency  in  these  particu- 
lars. Our  sense  of  smell  was  not  given  us  in 
vain,  and  one  of  its  uses  is  to  detect  the  im- 
purity that  would  injure  us.  If  there  is  any- 
thing offensive  in  a  sick  room,  you  may  be  sure 
that  it  requires  very  careful  ventilation ;  to 
effect  this,  without  exposing  the  patient  to 
cold,  is  one  of  the  arts  of  a  nurse. 

Bed  linen  and  body  linen  should  be  changed 
oftener  in  sickness  than  in  health ;  and  every 
day,  when  the  patient  can  sit  up  long  enough 
to  have  it  done,  all  the  bedclothes  should  be 
carried  out  of  the  chamber  and  thoroughly 
aired,  either  out  of  doors  or  in  another  room, 
whilst  the  bed  is  shaken  up  and  remains  un- 
covered and  the  mattress  is  turned.  When 
the  sick  person  can  only  sit  up  a  very  short 
time,  it  is  well  to  have  two  sets  of  pillows, 
blankets,  and  sheets,  and  employ  them  alter- 
nately, that  one  set  may  be  airing  whilst  the 
other  is  in  use. 

Bed  curtains  are  bad  things  in  severe  sick- 
ness, and  ought  to  be  taken  down,  or  turned 
over  the  rail  and  put  quite  out  of  the  way. 

Where  there  is  not  so  much  debility  as  to 
make  the  effort  of  changing  too  exhausting  to 
the  invalid,  no  articles  of  clothing,  worn  dur- 
ing the  day,  should  be  retained  about  the  per- 
son at  night;  they  should  be  so  disposed  of 
as  to  be  well  aired  by  the  time  they  are  wanted 


64  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

in  the  morning  ;  and,  in  like  manner,  every 
thing  worn  at  night  should  be  left  otf  during 
the  day.  Where  the  weakness  of  the  patient 
forbids  these  changes  mor^iing  and  evening, 
the  same  clothing  must  be  kept  on  night  and 
day;  but,  in  such  a  case,  it  must  be  oftener 
changed  for  that  which  is  w^holly  clean. 

Personal  cleanliness  is  so  important  to  the 
sick,  and  daily  ablutions  are  so  necessary,  that 
I  shall  quote  the  words  of  an  eminent  physi- 
cian of  the  present  day  in  favor  of  it. 

"  Few  nurses  are  sufficiently  scrupulous 
about  the  daily  ablution  of  the  sick.  Their 
neglect  arises  from  the  common  fear  about  ap- 
plying water  to  the  sick  for  fear  of  their  taking 
cold.  Instead  of  washing  the  patient's  hands, 
face,  and  neck,  and  often  feet  too,  with  warm 
soap  and  water  once  or  twice  or  three  times  a 
day,  which  should  be  done,  they  merely  daub 
them  over  with  a  rag  dipped  in  hot  rum  or 
vinegar,  which  leaves  on  the  skin  all  its  impuri- 
ties, and  gets  it  into  a  hard,  dry,  and  most 
uncomfortable  state.  In  this  way  I  have  known 
a  lady,  in  very  comfortable  circumstances,  and 
not,  in  health,  deficient  in  person-al  attentions, 
go  for  I  think  not  less  than  four  weeks  of  a 
chronic  disease,  without  having  her  face  or 
hands  washed,  except  with  vinegar  and  rum, 
till  they  became  actually  grim  with  dirt,  when 
I   accidentally   discovered   the  cause   of   their 


CLEANLINESS    AND    VENTILATION.  65 

strange  appearance.  The  fear  of  taking  cold 
is  one  of  the  most  pernicious  superstitions  of 
the  sick  chamber.  Vastly  more  hurt  is  done 
by  the  almost  insane  precautions  frequently 
taken  against  it,  especially  among  children, 
than  is  to  be  attributed  to  the  thing  itself. 
Patients  are  debarred  from  fresh  air,  fresh 
water,  clean  clothes,  and  almost  from  the  light 
of  heaven,  lest  they  should  take  cold.  Not 
that  there  is  ho  fear  of  taking  cold  to  the  sick, 
or  that  no  precautions  should  be  taken  against 
it  ;  but  that  the  danger  itself  is  prodigiously 
overrated,  and  the  means  of  obviating  it  are 
mistaken." 

Let  the  friend,  then,  who  takes  charge  of  the 
sick,  encourage  them  to  perform  more  than 
their  usual  ablutions.  When  too  ill  to  use  a 
tooth-brush,  some  good  may  be  done  by  cleans- 
ing the  mouth  with  a  little  swab,  made  by 
winding  a  piece  of  fine  linen  rag  round  the 
end  of  a  small  stick.  Scraping  the  tongue,  too, 
with  a  little  instrument  made  for  the  purpose, 
or  with  a  silver  knife,  is  comfortable. 

All  the  utensils  in  a  sick  room  should  be 
kept  constantly  clean;  and  generally  speaking, 
this  will  be  best  done  by  the  person  acting  as 
nurse  at  the  time ;  for  sending  away  every  spoon 
and  tumbler  that  has  been  used,  to  be  washed 
in  the  kitchen,  makes  too  much  passing  in  and 
out  of  the  room.     You  should   therefore   take 


66  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

care  to  provide  yourself  with  suitable  towels 
and  a  little  tub  ;  for  washing  up  glass  and 
crockery  in  a  bowl  makes  too  much  noise.  As 
soon  as  possible  after  using  an  article,  wash 
and  wipe  it,  that  it  may  be  ready  for  the  next 
occasion.  It  is  some  comfort  to  the  sick,  to 
take  even  the  most  nauseous  dose  out  of  a 
clean  vessel,  and  the  nurse  should  feel  that  she 
is  bound  in  honor  to  prepare  every  thing  in  the 
most  cleanly  way,  never  using  a  cup  or  spoon 
twice  without  washing  it.  A  bowl  of  water 
should  be  always  standing  ready  for  you  to 
wash  your  hands  in,  and  this  should  be  done 
before  you  touch  either  food  or  medicine  for 
the  patient ;  in  preparing  either,  use  your  fin- 
gers sparingly,  and  never  put  your  lips  to  it ; 
but  if  it  be  necessary  to  taste  the  article,  take 
a  clean  spoon  to  do  it,  and  put  it  aside  after 
using  it.  Many  a  poor,  feeble  sufferer  has  been 
disgusted  with  the  food  his  stomach  craved, 
by  seeing  a  nurse  put  her  lips  to  it  whilst  in 
preparation,  or  by  having  it  presented  in  a 
smeared,  sticky  vessel. 

Always,  in  carrying  any  liquid  to  be  taken  by 
a  person  in  bed,  carry  a  towel  too,  to  spread 
over  the  sheet,  in  case  a  drop  should  be  spilled ; 
for  a  drop  of  gruel  is  of  no  consequence  on  a 
towel,  but  on  a  sheet  it  would  give  an  appear- 
ance of  untidiness  to  the  whole  bed.  You 
should  frequently  straighten  the  bed   clothes, 


EASY    POSITIONS.  67 

and  beat  up  the  pillows,  and  always  have  close 
at  hand,  a  small  blanket  or  a  flannel  gown,  or 
something  else  suitable  to  throw  over  the  pa- 
tient's shoulders  and  back,  when  sitting  up  in 
bed.  In  this  position,  much  support  is  needed 
at  the  back,  for  which  purpose  bed-chairs  are 
made  ;  but  where  they  are  not  to  be  had,  a  small 
footstool,  put  behind  the  pillows  and  the  bolster 
doubled,  makes  a  very  good  substitute ;  and 
so  does  a  baby's  chair,  the  back  put  down  next 
the  patient's  back,  and  the  legs  up,  with  pil- 
lows before  it.  It  also  adds  greatly  to  the  ease 
of  this  position  to  have  something  at  the  feet, 
to  push  against ;  if  there  be  no  foot-board  to 
the  bed,  it  should  be  something  heavy  that  will 
keep  its  place,  but  if  there  be,  any  brace  be- 
tween that  and  the  feet  will  answer.  Sitting 
up  thus  is  often  a  great  relief  to  a  person  con- 
fined to  the  bed,  and  would  be  more  frequently 
resorted  to,  if  those  in  attendance  knew  how 
to  take  the  strain  off  the  back,  by  supporting  it 
in  the  manner  here  recommended. 

When  a  patient  is  too  ill  to  sit  up,  whilst 
the  bed  is  making,  he  can  sometimes  crawl 
over  to  a  cot-bed  made  up,  warmed,  and  put 
close  beside  the  one  he  is  in  ;  or  he  can  be 
lifted  from  one  bed  to  another.  In  shifting 
persons  from  one  bed  to  another,  an  incon- 
venience often  arises  to  the  inexperienced, 
from  attempting  to  lift   the  patient  from  the 


bo  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

first  bed  to  the  second  with  his  head  in  (h<' 
same  direction  after  his  removal  as  before. 
The  persons  lifting  him,  in  this  case,  being  be- 
tween the  patient  and  the  second  bed,  are  in 
their  own  way.  The  difficulty  is  obviated  by 
placing  the  head  of  the  second  bed  toward  the 
foot  of  the  first,  leaving  ample  space  between 
the  two,  that  is,  four  or  five  feet,  and  lifting  the 
body  by  two  or  three  persons,  who  are  then  to 
wheel  round,  like  a  platoon  of  soldiers,  and  de- 
posit the  head  of  the  patient  toward  the  head  of 
the  second  bed,  which  corresponds  to  the  foot 
of  the  first.  This  fatigues  and  strains  the  weak 
person  much  less  than  the  common  method, 
and  is  a  less  effort  to  those  who  lift. 

If,  for  any  reason,  this  removal  from  one  bed 
to  another  is  impracticable,  it  is  easy  to  change 
even  the  under  sheet,  without  much  disturb- 
ance, by  rolling  it  up  from  the  sides  tow^ards 
the  middle,  and  putting  the  clean  one  on  in  its 
place,  with  one  half  rolled  up  likewise ;  then, 
getting  the  patient  over  the  two  rolls,  on  the 
clean  half,  and  adjusting  the  side  which  he 
has  left. 

All  sheets  and  pillow-cases  should  be  well 
dried  and  warmed  by  a  fire  before  being  put 
on ;  and  if  you  bring  in  a  fresh  pillow  from  a 
spare  chamber  in  cold  weather,  be  sure  to 
warm  it  well  through  and  through,  before  you 
put   it   on  a  sick  person's  bed. 


WARMING    CLOTHES.  69 

In  ^.onnexion  with  the  subject  of  cleanliness, 
it  may  be  well  to  observe,  that  when  you  under- 
take to  change  the  clothes  of  a  patient,  and 
wish  the  clean  ones  to  go  on  warm,  you  must 
hold  the  most  important  part,  such  as  the  col- 
lar and  shoulders  of  a  shirt,  close  to  the  fire, 
and  when  hot,  fold  it  in,  and  warm  the  part  that 
enfolds  it ;  then  warm  the  next  fold,  and  so  on, 
always  turning  the  hot  part  in,  warming  and 
folding  till  the  whole  is  one  close  roll,  warmed 
through  and  through ;  then,  fold  the  w^hole  up 
in  your  warm  apron,  and  carry  it  so  to  the 
patient.  Instead  of  this,  many  persons  attempt 
to  give  you  a  warm  garment  by  holding  it  all 
at  once  a  few  moments  before  the  fire,  and 
then  carrying  it  across  the  room  open  to  the 
air,  which  cools  it  before  it  reaches  you. 

All  evacuations  should  be  removed  as  soon  as 
possible  ;  and  if  it  is  necessary  to  keep  them  for 
the  inspection  of  the  physician,  let  them  be  ar- 
ranged in  their  natural  order,  in  some  back 
building,  or  unoccupied  room,  with  covers  on 
the  utensils,  and  an  open  window  near.  When 
examination  is  not  necessary,  a  little  chloride 
of  lime  and  water  put  in  the  pan  will  prevent 
all  unpleasant  effluvia;  but  when  it  is,  this 
must  not  be  used  in  that  way.  The  air  of  the 
room  may  be  purified  by  placing  any  shallow 
vessel  on  the  floor,  with  chloride  of  lime  and 
water  in  it ;   a  table-spoon  full  of  the  lime  to 


70  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

half  a  pint  of  water,  in  a  deep  plate,  answers 
the  purpose  very  well.  It  must  be  renewed 
every  twenty-four  hours.  A  few  cloves  in  vin- 
egar, kept  hot  in  a  covered  vessel  near  the 
fire,  and  carried  round  the  room  occasionally, 
make  an  agreeable  fumigation. 

It  should  be  the  study  of  all  who  are  in  at- 
tendance upon  the  sick,  how  to  accomplish  the 
most  with  the  least  stir  and  the  least  opening 
and  shutting  of  doors;  for  it  is  very  annoying 
to  some  patients,  to  have  a  person  in  the  room 
continually  moving  about,  perpetually  passing 
from  one  side  to  the  other,  opening  and  shut- 
ting drawers  and  closets ;  although  it  may  be 
all  done  to  put  things  away,  and  keep  the 
apartment  neat.  This  end  should  be  accom- 
plished with  the  least  bustle  possible,  and  the 
least  movement,  even  of  the  quietest  sort;  and 
for  this  purpose  a  good  deal  of  thought  and 
contrivance  is  requisite.  Some  nurses  will  do 
all  that  is  necessary  in  a  room  with  half  the 
number  of  steps  that  others  would  take;  and 
the  saving  is  as  great  to  her  patient's  nerves, 
as  to  her  ov>m  muscles.  Never  leave  the  room, 
or  return  to  it,  empty-handed ;  for  there  will 
always  be  something  to  be  carried  out,  or 
brought  in,  if  you  look  sharp  and  think  of 
every  thing. 

The  best  way  of  svv^eeping  a  sick-room  is  on 
your    knees,  with   a   short-handled   brush    and 


NEATNESS    AND    ORDER.  71 

dust-pan  ;  this  makes  the  least  noise  and  bus- 
tle, and  is  the  most  effectual.  Be  sure  to  let 
the  dust  you  raise  have  time  to  settle  before 
you  wipe  the  furniture,  or  you  will  labor  in 
vain.  It  adds  much  to  the  neatness  of  the 
room  to  have  a  waiter  on  which  to  set  all  the 
medicines  in  use,  and  another  on  which  to  put 
the  eatables,  with  a  clean  napkin,  or  towel, 
thrown  over  each. 

There  is  a  homely  proverb  particularly  ap- 
plicable to  the  present  subject,  which  is,  that 
"  one  Iceep-dean  is  worth  ten  make-deans. " 
Where  stillness  is  so  desirable,  every  thing 
should  be  done  to  keep  things  in  order.  One 
fruitful  source  of  stickiness  and  dirt  would  be 
removed  in  a  house,  if  everybody  would,  in 
pouring,  take  care  of  the  drop  that  would 
otherwise  trickle  down  on  the  outside  of  the 
vessel.  All  pitchers,  decanters,  bottles,  and 
phials  may  be  kept  clean  by  taking  off  the 
drop  that  follows  pouring,  either  against  the 
side  of  the  vessel  you  pour  into,  or  with  the 
cork  or  stopper,  or  some  such  thing;  on  no 
occasion  suffer  it  to  run  down,  for  it  will  make 
you  double  work  in  the  end. 

It  is  very  desirable  to  have  hot  water  always 
ready  in  a  sick  room;  and  therefore  a  little 
kettle  over  the  fire  of  the  chamber  is  preferable, 
in  cold  weather,  to  having  hot  water  brought 
up   from   the   kitchen    every  time   it   is   needed. 


72  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

There  should  also  be  plenty  of  cold  water  close 
at  hand,  and  a  supply  of  fuel  within  reach. 

There  is  generally  a  good  deal  to  be  done 
before  a  patient  settles  for  the  night,  and  there- 
fore the  preparations  should  be  begun  in  good 
season,  that  all  may  be  done  and  the  room  still 
at  an  early  hour.  Sick  persons  are  often  made 
feverish,  and  their  night's  rest  spoiled,  by  not 
being  settled  early.  They  may  have  felt  drow- 
sy and  inclined  to  sleep  at  nine  or  ten,  but  the 
continual  passing  in  and  out  of  the  room;  stir- 
ring the  fire,  whispering,  &c.,  have  so  disturbed 
them,  that  all  inclination  to  sleep  has  passed 
away  by  ten  or  eleven  o'clock,  and  a  restless 
night  has  been  the  consequence. 

Nurses,  and  more  particularly  perhaps  watch- 
ers, often  do  injury  by  an  over-anxious  desire 
to  be  attentive  to  the  sick.  They  burden  them 
by  officious  and  unnecessary  attentions.  They 
wake  them  from  sleep  to  ask  them  if  they  want 
anything.  They  urge  them  every  few  minutes 
to  take  a  little  drink  or  nourishment.  In  gen- 
eral, in  acute  diseases,  this  fault  is  more  in- 
jurious than  the  opposite,  of  attending  to  them 
too  little.  It  is  rarely  proper  to  wake  a  pa- 
tient for  anything;  and  it  should  never  be  done 
without  asking  the  physician  if  it  be  proper. 

If  you  are  a  watcher  for  the  night .  only,  be 
very  particular  to  get  the  physician's  directions 
from  some  competent  person,  and  write   them 


BED-MAKING.  73 

down,  that  there  may  be  no  mistake  about  the 
medicine,  or  food,  to  be  given  through  the 
night.  If  you  have  no  watch,  ask  for  one,  that 
you  may  administer  things  at  the  right  hour 
exactly.  A  watch  with  black  figures  on  a 
white  ground  is  preferable  to  a  gold-faced  one. 
Look  carefully  round  the  room  and  see  that 
you  have  everything  necessary  for  the  patient, 
before  the  family  retires  for  the  night.  Always 
have  a  second  lamp  in  the  room,  in  case  one 
fails.  Do  not  refuse  all  eatables  for  yourself, 
but  accept  of  some  plain  food  to  be  eaten  in  the 
night,  as  it  partly  supplies  the  place  of  sleep, 
and  will  aid  you  in  keeping  awake.  When 
you  watch  in  cold  weather,  take  care  to  be 
warmly  dressed,  for  you  will  otherwise  feel  very 
chilly  before  the  night  is  over,  and  may  take 
cold.  Some  young  persons  think  it  generous 
and  spirited  to  take  no  care  of  themselves, 
when  they  are  in  attendance  upon  others  ;  but 
this  is  a  great  mistake.  It  is  their  duty  to 
take  all  the  care  they  can  of  their  own  health, 
without  neglecting  their  patient. 

Every  young  lady  should  know  how  to  make 
a  bed  in  the  best  possible  manner  ;  for,  if  she  is 
so  situated  as  not  to  be  in  the  good  habit  of 
making  her  own  bed  daily,  she  may  be  called 
upon  to  do  it  for  a  sick  friend,  and  find  herself 
incapable  of  such  a  simple  act  of  kindness  from 
ignorance  and  inexpertness.     There  is  an  art 


74  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

in  shaking  up  a  bed ;  if  done  in  the  best  way, 
it  requires  less  strength,  and  the  feathers  are 
more  thoroughly  stirred  up  with  half  the  ex- 
ertion. Much  of  a  person's  comfort,  when 
confined  to  a  bed,  depends  on  having  plenty 
of  feathers  under  the  head  and  shoulders,  and 
on  the  under  sheet  being  well  tucked  in  sep- 
arately from  the  upper.  It  adds  much  to 
cleanliness  and  comfort,  to  have  a  thin  -blanket 
always  put  on  next  the  bed  beneath  the  under 
sheet.  Bolster-cases,  too,  are  far  more  com- 
fortable than  the  sheet  put  over  the  bolster. 
A  bed  made  square  and  even,  with  all  the  bed- 
clothes put  on  straight  and  well,  gives  an  air  of 
neatness  to  a  chamber,  which  it  can  never  have 
when  the  bed  is  ill  made. 

When  a  patient  requires  dry  rubbing  with 
flannel  or  crash,  you  will  find  mittens,  made  of 
either  material,  and  tied  on  at  your  wrists,  far 
better  than  a  cloth  which  you  must  hold  and 
rub  with  at  the  same  time.  You  can  run  up  a 
mitten  in  one  minute,  wdth  a  coarse  needle  and 
thread,  and,  with  this  tied  on,  you  have  all  your 
strength  to  bestow  in  rubbing,  instead  of  using 
any  of  it  in  holding  and  adjusting  a  towel, 
or  piece  of  flannel.  The  surface,  too,  is  more 
even  and  agreeable  to  the  patient.  You  should 
rub  one  way,  not  backwards  and  forwards,  and 
be  very  careful  not  to  injure  the  skin. 


BATHING.       BLISTERS.  75 

When  hot  fomentations  are  needed,  young 
and  tender  hands  are  incapable  of  wringing 
the  flannel  out,  hot  enough  to  do  much  good ; 
but,  where  a  young  nurse  must  attempt  it,  she 
can  help  the  matter  by  wetting  the  flannel  but 
little,  heating  it  with  the  liquid,  and  then  fold- 
ing it  in  a  cool  towel  and  wringing  both  to- 
gether. 

When  the  feet  of  a  patient  are  to  be  bathed 
in  warm  water,  wrap  a  blanket  or  woollen  gown 
round  the  tub  and  over  the  knees  to  keep  in 
the  steam.  Have  a  pair  of  woollen  socks  and 
two  coarse  towels  heating  by  the  fire.  Add  hot 
water  to  the  tub  as  it  cools.  When  the  feet 
have  been  bathed  long  enough,  take  one  of  the 
towels  heated  very  hot,  and  receive  one  foot 
into  it,  wrap  it  round  the  foot  to  dry  all  the 
moisture,  then  give  it  a  good  rubbing,  and 
put  on  a  warm  sock;  do  the  same  with  the 
other  foot,  and  this  will  make  the  blood  circu- 
late quickly  and  do  as  much  good  as  the  warm 
water.  Feverish  patients  may  be  greatly  re- 
freshed by  sponging  the  face,  hands,  and  feet 
with  tepid  water.  I  have  known  children  that 
had  been  restless  with  fever  fall  into  a  sweet 
sleep,  whilst  this  was  doing. 

In  dressing  blisters,  have  your  ointment 
spread  thinly  on  both  sides  of  a  linen  rag 
rather  larger  than  the  blister,  and  lay  this  on 
a  cloth  (which  may  be  cotton  or   linen)  folded 


76  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

many  times  ;  then,  with  a  pair  of  sharp-pointed 
scissors  in  one  hand,  and  a  cloth  in  the 
other,  make  an  aperture  in  the  lowest  part  of 
the  bag  of  waters,  and  another  little  hole  above 
to  give  it  vent.  Take  away  all  that  runs  free- 
ly, but  do  not  trouble  the  patient,  and  keep 
the  blistered  place  exposed  to  the  air,  by  try- 
ing to  empty  every  drop  ;  it  will  run  off  by 
degrees  into  the  cloths.  You  should  break 
the  raised  skin  as  little  as  possible.  This 
dressing  should  be  frequently  renewed  at  first, 
or  the  discharge  may  cause  the  rag  to  stick, 
and  that  will  disturb  the  loose  skin. 

If  you  have  been  with  persons  who  were 
foolish  enough  to  feel  any  disgust  at  leeches, 
do  not  be  infected  by  their  folly ;  but  reason 
yourself  into  a  more  rational  state  of  mind. 
Look  at  them  as  a  curious  piece  of  mechanism ; 
remember,  that  although  their  office  is  an  un- 
pleasant one  to  our  imagination,  it  is  their 
proper  calling,  and  that  when  they  come  to  us 
from  the  apothecary,  they  are  perfectly  clean 
though  slippery  to  the  touch.  Their  ornamen- 
tal stripes  should  recommend  them  even  to  the 
eye,  and  their  valuable  services  to  our  feelings. 

To  make  them  take  hold  in  the  very  spot 
required,  you  have  only  to  take  a  piece  of  blot- 
ting-paper and  cut  small  holes  in  it  where  you 
wish  them  to  bite ;  lay  this  over  the  place,  and 
put  the  leeches  on  the  paper.     Not  liking  the 


LEECHES.       LITTLE    COMFORTS.  77 

surface  of  the  paper,  they  readily  take  hold  of 
the  skin,  where  it  appears  through  the  holes, 
and  much  trouble  is  thus  saved.  When  they  are 
filled,  they  will  let  go  their  hold,  and  you  have 
only  to  put  them  on  a  deep  plate,  and  sprinkle 
a  little  salt  on  their  heads,  and  they  will  clear 
themselves  of  blood  ;  then  wash  them  in  water 
with  the  chill  off,  and  put  them  away  in  clean 
cold  water. 

A  sponge  and  warm  water  should  be  used,  to 
encourage  the  bleeding  of  the  patient,  as  long  as 
this  is  necessary;  when  it  is  sufficient,  squeeze 
the  sponge  dry  and  keep  wiping  the  bitten 
places  with  it.  In  most  cases,  the  blood  soon 
ceases  to  flow ;  when  the  bleeding  is  too  great, 
and  you  wish  to  stop  it,  a  little  lint  w^ill  some- 
times suffice,  or  the  nap  ofl*  a  hat.  But  if  that 
does  not  answer,  shavings  of  leather  will  prove 
an  excellent  styptic ;  they  must  be  applied  in  a 
bunch,  and  held  on  tight  at  first.  Such  alarming 
consequences  have  followed  from  leech-bites, 
that  I  have  ascertained  from  an  experienced 
physician  the  best  method  of  stopping  their 
bleeding ;  he  says,  "  The  only  method  which  I 
have  found  infallible,  except  tying  them  with 
a  ligature,  which  a  nurse  could  not  do,  is  to 
roll  up  a  little  cotton,  or  lint,  or  hat  fur  into  a 
very  small  and  hard  ball,  as  large  as  a  small 
shot,  which  is  to  be  pushed,  with  the  end  of  a 
knitting-needle  or  bodkin,  directly  into  the  hole 


78  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

made  by  the  leech,  so  as  to  fill  up  the  cavity 
entirely  and  thus  produce  a  compression  on  its 
sides." 

When  persons  are  confined  a  long  while  to 
their  beds,  it  is  a  great  relief  to  sit  up,  sup- 
ported at  the  back  as  already  described ;  and 
an  additional  comfort  in  this  position  is  a  short 
flannel  gown  to  protect  the  part  above  the  bed- 
clothes, as  this  can  be  worn  without  any  of 
that  incumbrance  occasioned  by  a  long  gown 
so  used. 

The  little  cushions  now  made  of  India-rubber 
cloth,  and  inflated  with  air,  are  very  useful  in 
sickness  ;  and,  when  these  cannot  be  had, 
small  bags  filled  with  feathers  answer  nearly 
the  same  purpose. 

When  a  patient  is  so  weak  as  to  walk  with 
difficulty,  you  may  place  a  rocking-chair  close 
to  the  bed,  for  him  to  sit  in  when  he  gets  up  ; 
and  then  draw  it,  with  him  in  it,  to  the  fire. 
Some  nurses  forget  to  warm  the  shoes  of  the 
invalid,  which  is  essential  in  cold  weather. 
A  rocking-chair  tipped  back  very  far,  and  sup- 
ported in  that  position  by  a  block  of  wood 
under  the  rockers,  gives  an  easy  posture  to  a 
weak  person. 

In  all  your  intercourse  with  a  physician, 
remember  that  his  w^hole  course  of  study  and 
practice  leads  him  to  consider  the  human  body 
as    a    curiously  complicated    machine,  all    the 


.     BEHAVIOUR    TO    PHYSICIANS.  79 

parts  of  which  are  familiar  to  him,  and  equally 
honorable  in  his  view ;  and  that  you  will  best 
consult  your  own  delicacy,  and  secure  his  re- 
spect, by  speaking  of  the  different  functions 
with  the  same  candor  and  composure.  Answer 
all  the  questions  asked  you  freely  and  directly ; 
and  if  you  cultivate  right  views  of  the  wonder- 
ful structure  of  the  body,  you  w^ill  be  as  willing 
to  speak  to  a  physician  of  the  bowels  as  the 
brains  of  your  patient.  The  real  indelicacy  is 
in  that  state  of  embarrassment  and  difficulty 
which  some  feel  in  mentioning  such  things 
where  it  is  necessary  and  proper  to  do  it ; 
thus  calling  a  person's  attention  to  the  sub- 
ject under  a  more  degrading  view  of  it,  than 
that  taken  by  the  physician  or  philosopher. 

The  person  who  acts  as  nurse  should  take 
care  to  be  present  during  the  doctor's  visit  to 
the  patient,  and  should  help  the  sick  person  to 
give  an  account  of  himself.  In  order  to  do  this 
well,  it  is  best  to  keep  minutes,  through  the 
day  and  night,  of  what  occurs  between  the 
physician's  visits.  Very  short  and  hastily 
written  notes  will  be  a  great  assistance  to 
your  memory  ;  and,  with  these  before  you,  you 
will  be  able  to  give  a  full  and  exact  report ; 
whereas,  without  such  aid,  you  might  omit  to 
mention  some  symptom  which  would  materially 
affect  the  treatment  of  the  case.  In  like  man- 
ner, it  is  best  not  to  trust   entirely  to  memory 


80  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

in  following  the  physician's  directions,  but  to 
take  minutes,  especially  of  the  more  essential 
particulars,  that  you  may  be  sure  not  to  fail. 

Exactness  and  punctuality  in  administering 
the  medicine  prescribed  is  all-important ;  and 
no  one  is  fit  to  take  care  of  the  sick,  who  does 
not  make  a  point  of  conscience  of  it.  In 
measuring  a  dose,  you  should  be  scrupulously 
exact,  particularly  where  drops  are  to  be  count- 
ed. In  most  cases,  it  is  right  to  shake  a  phial 
before  you  begin  to  pour  out  from  it ;  where 
this  is  to  be  avoided,  there  will  generally  be 
directions  to  that  effect.  First  shake  the  phial 
well,  with  your  finger  on  the  cork,  lest  it  should 
fly  out.  When  the  stopper  is  thus  wet,  you 
can  with  it  wet  the  edge  of  the  phial,  w^hich 
should  always  be  done  before  dropping  any 
thing  from  it ;  else  the  first  drop  must  be  count- 
ed as  two.  Then  have  ready  a  clean  silver 
spoon,  into  which  the  drops  may  fall,  so  that  if 
you  miscount,  or  suffer  it  to  run  instead  of 
dropping,  you  may  pour  it  back  into  the  phial 
and  try  again.  If  you  are  directed  to  give  a 
tea-spoonful  of  any  thing,  show  the  spoon  to 
the  physician  and  ask  if  it  is  to  be  heaping 
full,  or  only  even  full,  as  there  is  a  material 
difference  in  the  size  of  spoons,  and  in  the 
manner  of  filling  them. 

There  should  always  be  a  watch,  or  time- 
piece of  some   sort,  in  or   near  a  sick  room,  as 


DIET.  81 

punctuality  in  giving  medicine  is  of  great  im- 
portance. The  delay  of  half  an  hour  may  be 
a  serious  evil,  not  only  on  account  of  that  po- 
tion being  withheld,  but  because  it  may  bring 
two  doses  so  near  together  as  to  render  their 
effect  different  from  what  was  intended. 

If  anything  is  left  to  the  nurse's  judgment 
by  the  physician,  she  must  of  course  exercise 
it  to  the  best  of  her  ability;  but  where  the  di- 
rections are  positive,  she  will  find  it  safest  to 
abide  by  them  very  literally.  It  is  because 
young  women  are  less  apt  to  act  upon  their 
own  responsibility  than  those  who  have  great 
experience  in  nursing,  that  some  physicians 
prefer  the  attendance  of  girls  between  twenty 
and  twenty-five,  in  any  case  of  dangerous  sick- 
ness to  that  of  practised  nurses  who  are  more 
opinionated. 

Where  abstinence  is  recommended,  and  yet 
the  case  is  one  in  which  there  is  no  want  of 
appetite,  the  friend  in  attendance  is  apt  to 
league  with  the  patient  against  the  physician, 
and  to  encourage  his  swerving  from  the  pre- 
scribed course.  This  is  very  wrong ;  for  where 
one  person  suffers  from  abstinence  in  sickness, 
ten  are  made  w^orse  by  taking  food,  when  it 
cannot  be  properly  digested.  You  should  be 
as  particular  in  getting  the  physician's  direc- 
tions about  diet,  as  about  medicine,  and  abide 
by   them   as   faithfully.     If   the   person    under 


82  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

your  charge  insists  on  a  deviation  from  the 
prescribed  rule,  make  a  point  of  informing  the 
physician.  It  is  an  injustice  to  him  to  vary 
from  his  directions,  but  it  is  doubly  so  to  do  it 
without  telling  him  of  it. 

Want  of  good  faith  on  the  part  of  professed 
nurses  towards  physicians  is  almost  prover- 
bial. They  have  no  conscience  about  it ;  they 
consider  it  no  harm  to  give  false  information, 
to  mislead  and  deceive  a  medical  man  about 
important  particulars,  especially  about  the  diet 
of  the  patient.  They  are  governed  by  no  prin- 
ciple ;  they  do  not  consider  it  a  moral  duty  to 
tell  the  whole  truth  ;  they  would  stare,  and  so 
would  patients  too,  if  they  were  told  that  it 
was  an  offence  against  good  morals,  to  tell  a 
practical  lie  to  the  doctor.  You  ought  to  feel 
that  there  must  be  no  concealments,  no  tricks, 
no  half-told  tale ;  but  that  the  medical  man 
must  know  the  whole  ;  and  that  you  are  moral- 
ly bound  to  this  course. 

Some  physicians  are  better  acquainted  than 
others  with  a  number  of  simple  preparations, 
suited  to  a  low  diet.  Where  a  sufficient  variety 
is  not  named,  it  will  be  well  for  you  to  suggest 
several  kinds  for  his  approval,  and  then  vary 
the  diet  accordingly ;  for  every  woman  should 
know  how  to  make  spoon-meats  for  the  sick  in 
the  most  wholesome  and  most  palatable  way ; 
and,  as  books  on  cookery  seldom  give  sufficient 


DIET.  83 

directions  on   this  head,  I  will   subjoin  a  few- 
recipes  for  the  use  of  young  nurses. 

Water-gruel.  —  First  in  importance  comes 
water-gruel,  which  a  writer  on  health  calls, 
"the  king  of  spoon-meats,"  and  "the  queen  of 
soups,"  saying  "  it  gratifies  nature  beyond  all 
others."  Dr.  Franklin's  favorite  breakfast  was 
a  bowl  of  warm  gruel  in  which  there  was  a 
small  piece  of  butter  and  some  toasted  bread 
and  nutmeg.  This,  though  the  simplest  of  all 
preparations,  is  often  ill  made,  and  therefore  I 
recommend  every  woman  to  make  a  point  of 
learning  to  do  it  in  the  best  manner.  To  make 
good  gruel,  four  things  are  necessary;  the  ves- 
sel, in  which  it  is  made,  must  be  thoroughly 
clean  and  free  from  grease,  the  meal  must  be 
well  sifted,  it  must  be  well  mixed  so  as  to  be 
free  from  lumps,  and  then  it  must  be  well 
boiled.  Ask  your  invalid  whether  he  prefers 
it  thick  or  thin  ;  if  the  latter,  mix  together  by 
degrees  one  table  spoonful  of  Indian  or  oat 
meal  with  three  of  cold  water ;  if  the  former, 
mix  two  spoonfuls  of  meal.  Have  ready  a  pint 
of  boiling  water  in  a  skillet  or  saucepan  ;  pour 
this,  by  degrees,  to  the  mixture  in  the  bowl ; 
return  the  whole  into  the  skillet ;  put  it  on  the 
fire  and  stir  it  till  it  boils,  to  prevent  the  meal 
from  settling  and  burning  at  the  bottom  of  the 
vessel.  Let  it  boil  half  an  hour ;  skim  it,  and 
season  it  lightly  with  salt,  as  it  is  easy  to  add 


84  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

more,  and  a  grain  too  much  may  spoil  it.  In 
old  times,  no  one  ever  thought  of  making  gruel 
without  seasoning  it  with  wine,  and  sugar,  and 
nutmeg ;  but  now  that  such  condiments  are 
prohibited,  it  is  more  than  ever  important,  to 
know  how  to  prepare  plain  water-gruel  in  the 
best  way.  Where  milk  is  not  forbidden,  a 
small  tea-cupful  added  to  a  pint  of  gruel, 
after  it  is  made,  and  boiled  up  once  in  it,  is  a 
great  improvement.  Some  invalids  are  better 
pleased  with  gruel  served  up  in  a  tumbler,  set 
on  a  small  plate,  with  a  tea-spoon  beside  it, 
than  when  presented  in  a  bowl  with  a  large 
spoon.     But  this  is  a  matter  of  fancy. 

MiLK-poRRiDGE.  —  This  is  made  nearly  in  the 
same  way  as  gruel,  only  using  half  flour  and 
half  Indian  meal,  and  half  milk  instead  of  wa- 
ter. The  whole  cooking  of  the  meal  and  flour 
should  be  done  with  water,  and  the  milk  added 
afterwards  and  boiled  up  once. 

Beef-tea. —  Take  a  piece  of  lean  but  juicy 
beef,  wash  it  nicely  and  cut  it  up  into  pieces 
about  an  inch  square ;  put  these  into  a  wide- 
mouthed  bottle  and  cork  it  up  closely;  then 
set  the  bottle  into  a  pan  of  water  and  boil  it 
for  an  hour,  or  more  if  you  have  time.  In  this 
way  you  will  get  the  pure  juice  of  the  meat, 
undiluted  by  any  water,  and  a  smaller  quantity 
will  answer  the  purpose  of  nourishment. 


DIET.  85 

Pearl  Sago.  —  When  a  sick  person  is  tired 
of  slops,  pearl  sago,  boiled  in  water  till  it  cools 
to  a  jelly,  may  be  used ;  it  may  be  eaten  with 
powdered  loaf-sugar  and  a  little  cream. 

Arrowroot.  —  A  tumbler  full  of  this  may  be 
made  in  two  minutes,  if  you  have  boiling  water 
at  hand.  Take  a  small  bowl  and  put  in  it  a 
tea-spoonful  of  the  powdered  arrowroot,  mois- 
ten it  with  a  table-spoonful  of  cold  water,  rub 
it  smooth,  add  another  of  warm  water,  and  stir 
it  till  it  is  perfectly  free  from  grains ;  then 
pour  on  boiling  water,  stirring  it  all  the  time, 
till  it  changes  from  a  thick  to  a  transparent 
substance;  a  little  lemon  juice  and  sugar  makes 
this  a  delicious  draught  of  thickened  lemonade. 
When  prepared  in  the  bowl,  pour  it  into  a 
tumbler  without  spilling  a  drop  on  the  outside, 
and  put  it  on  a  little  plate  and  serve  it.  Arrow- 
root prepared  with  milk  instead  of  water  is 
more  substantial  food,  and  must  be  seasoned 
with  salt.  It  may  be  made  as  thick  as  blanc- 
mange, and  eaten  cold  with  cream  and  sugar. 

Calves-foot  blancmange.  Put  a  set  of  calves 
feet,  nicely  cleaned  and  washed,  into  four 
quarts  of  water,  and  reduce  it  by  boiling  to  one 
quart ;  strain  it  and  set  it  by  to  cool.  When 
cold,  scrape  off  all  the  fat,  cut  it  out  of  the  bowl 
avoiding  the  settlings  at  the  bottom,  and  put 
to  it  a  quart  of  new  milk  with  sugar  to  taste, 
and  boil  it  a  few  minutes.    If  you  wish  to  flavor 

H 


86  NURSING    THE    SICK. 

It  with  Cinnamon  or  lemon-peel,  do  it  before 
boiling ;  if  with  rose-water  or  peach-water,  do 
it  after.  When  boiled  ten  minutes,  strain  it 
through  a  fine  sieve  into  a  pitcher,  and  stir  it 
till  it  cools.  When  only  blood-warm,  put  it  into 
moulds  that  have  just  been  wet  in  cold  water, 
and  let  it  harden.  This  is  a  good  dish  for  the 
sick  or  well. 

In  connexion  with  the  duties  belonging  to 
attendance  on  the  sick,  we  may  consider 
those  which  belong  to  the  sick  persons  them- 
selves. In  waiting  upon  a  number  of  different 
invalids,  you  will  learn,  by  what  troubled  you 
in  their  behaviour,  what  to  avoid  doing  when 
you  are  so  attended  yourself;  but  if  it  has 
been  your  lot  to  w^ait  only  upon  the  consider- 
ate, disinterested,  and  patient  sufferer,  you 
may  unconsciously  become  a  very  troublesome 
invalid   yourself. 

Whatever  infirmities  of  temper  are  betrayed 
by  the  sick,  consider  yourself  bound  by  the 
charities  of  your  office,  as  nurse,  to  bear  them 
patiently,  and  never  to  speak  of  them.  The 
only  legitimate  use  to  be  made  of  them  is  that 
of  learning  to  avoid  similar  faults,  when  you 
are  yourself  equally  tempted. 

I  cannot  close  this  chapter  on  nursing,  with- 
out begging  my  young  friends  to  bear  in  mind, 
when  waiting  upon  the  sick,  that  they  are  im- 
mortals ministering  to  immortals  j  and  though 


CONCLUSION.  87 

this  frail  tenement  of  clay  is  the  special  object 
of  attention,  let  not  the  more  important  part 
be  forgotten  or  neglected.  Be  alive  to  every 
word,  look,  or  gesture,  that  indicates  the  state 
of  the  patient's  soul ;  and  if  he  shows  any  in- 
clination for  communion  on  spiritual  subjects, 
encourage  it  by  your  ready  comprehension  and 
sympathy.  Let  your  acquaintance  with  the 
Bible,  and  other  religious  books,  be  rendered 
serviceable  to  your  charge.  Suffer  not  your 
own  very  natural  diffidence  on  such  subjects 
to  throw  a  restraint  over  your  manner,  unfavor- 
able to  confidence ;  but  do  violence  to  your 
own  reserve,  rather  than  repress  the  feelings 
which  may  be  struggling  for  utterance  in  an- 
other. 


88  BEHAVIOUR    OF    THE    SICK. 

CHAPTER  V. 

Behaviour  of  the  Sick. 

Self-control.  —  Consideration  of  Others.  —  Attention.  —  Taking 
Medicine.  —  Resignation. 

Some  persons  think,  that  when  they  are  ill 
enough  to  require  a  physician  and  watchers, 
they  may  be  excused  from  all  effort  at  self- 
government,  and  all  consideration  for  others  ; 
that  they  may  be  as  selfish  and  exacting  as 
they  please;  that  their  sufferings  give  them  a 
right  to  tax  everybody  around  them,  to  the 
utmost  of  their  patience  and  their  strength. 
Judging,  at  least,  from  the  behaviour  of  some 
invalids,  one  might  suppose  they  had  deliber- 
ately come  to  these  conclusions.  Whoever  has 
attended  upon  a  patient  of  this  sort,  would 
learn  better,  by  finding  how  much  the  trials  of 
nursing  are  increased  by  such  unreasonable 
conduct. 

So  far  from  being  excused,  by  illness,  from 
self-command  in  trifles,  it  is  as  necessary  to 
our  own  comfort  and  recovery,  as  to  the  allevia- 
tion of  our  friends.  Nothing  is  more  increased 
by  indulgence,  than  a  fretful  complaining  mood; 
unnecessary  exclamations  of  pain  or  uneasi- 
ness, increase  rather  than  mitigate  suffering 
By  keeping  our  attention  fixed  upon  our  own 


CONSIDERATION    OF    OTHERS.  89 

sensations,  they  have  more  power  over  us, 
than  when  we  disregard  them  as  much  as 
possible  ;  and  nothing  will  help  us  to  turn  our 
mind  from  them  more,  than  a  just  consideration 
of  others,  and  a  proper  appreciation  of  all  they 
are  doing:  ^or  us. 

By  attention  to  the  ease  of  those  about  us, 
we  may  save  them  some  fatigue,  and  avoid 
what  I  have  often  seen  done,  namely,  asking 
for  some  trifle  the  very  moment  that  the  poor 
nurse  drops  into  a  chair  to  rest  her  weary 
limbs.  When  the  feet  are  tender  w^ith  much 
standing,  and  the  legs  and  back  ache,  the 
first  few  moments  after  sitting  down  this 
weariness  is  felt  to  the  utmost  degree,  and  to 
rise  up  again  directly  is  a  great  eff^ort.  Think 
of  all  you  want,  while  your  attendant  is  mov- 
ing about ;  but  when  she  seats  herself,  call  not 
upon  her  for  anything  you  can  do  without. 
The  observance  of  this  single  rule  would  save 
much  fatigue  to  those  who  wait  upon  the  sick. 

A  person,  who,  from  habitual  self-discipline, 
is  capable  of  fixing  his  attention,  at  will,  on 
any  given  subject,  has  great  advantages  in 
sickness;  for  this  control  of  mind  enables  a 
patient,  when  sufl'ering  considerable  pain,  to 
withdraw  his  attention  from  his  own  sensa- 
tions, and  by  fixing  it  upon  some  subject  of 
thought,  or  the  contents  of  a  book,  to  become 
far  less  sensible  of  bodily  suffering;  and  when 
11^ 


90  BEHAVIOUR    OF    THE    SICK. 

the  pain  begins  to  abate,  he  will  be  sooner 
aware  of  it,  than  he  would,  if  attending  wholly 
to  his  sensations. 

Objecting  to  take  medicine  because  it  tastes 
badly,  is  so  childish,  that  I  should  think  it  un- 
necessary to  allude  to  it  here,  if  I  had  not  seen 
it  made  a  source  of  trouble  and  vexation,  by 
persons  who  were  old  enough  to  be  ashamed 
of  such  infantile  weakness.  The  sooner  you 
swallow  a  disagreeable  dose,  the  better;  for 
delay  only  increases  your  repugnance,  and  by 
giving  the  nerves  of  the  stomach  time  to  come 
into  sympathy  with  the  brain,  there  is  a  nausea 
produced,  which  may  render  vain  your  best 
efforts  to  retain  it. 

Docility  to  your  physician  and  those  who 
have  the  care  of  you,  is  one  of  the  first  duties 
of  the  sick,  and  has  already  been  sufficiently 
recommended  in  the  preceding  chapter. 

Some  invalids  wish  to  eat  before  they  have 
any  appetite,  and  are  surprised  to  find  that 
their  food  does  not  taste  as  they  expected  it 
would.  Not  suspecting  that  the  fault  is  in 
themselves,  they  think  the  cookery  is  wrong; 
and  so  they  have  a  variety  of  things  made, 
hoping  to  relish  some  one  of  them,  and  thus 
give  a  great  deal  of  unnecessary  trouble.'  A 
more  reasonable  patient  says,  "  When  I  am 
hungry,  a  cracker,  or  water-gruel,  will  taste 
well  to  me  ;  and  till  then,  T  had  better  not  eat." 


RESIGNATION.  91 

The  views  which  you  secretly  take  of  your 
illness,  will  materially  affect  your  conduct 
under  it,  as  well  as  your  recovery.  If  you  look 
only  at  second  causes,  and  fret  and  repine  over 
the  circumstances  which  were  the  immediate 
agents  in  bringing  on  your  malady,  you  will 
bear  it  with  far  less  patience  and  cheerfulness, 
than  you  would,  if  you  saw  in  it  the  operation 
of  wise  laws,  and  the  arrangements  of  a  wise 
Providence.  Resignation  under  suffering  is  a 
virtue  which,  in  a  remarkable  degree,  brings 
its  own  reward.  The  evil  to  which  we  are 
reconciled  loses  half  its  power  over  us. 
There  is  nothing  like  a  filial  trust  in  God,  for 
harmonizing  the  feelings  and  soothing  the 
irritable  nerves  of  the  invalid;  it  often  does 
more  than  medicine  for  his  recovery. 


92  DRESS. 

CHAPTER    VI. 

Dress, 

Human  Clothing  left  to  Man's  Reason  and  Ingenuity. — Ex- 
travagances of  Costume.  —  Hoops.  —  Revolutions  in  Dress.  — 
English  and  French  Fashions.  —  Climate.  —  Standard  of 
Beauty.  —  Effects  of  Good  Taste.  —  A  curious  Comparison. — 
Restrictions  in  Dress.  —  Appropriateness  essential  to  Beauty. 
—  Taste  favorable  to  Economy. — Love  of  Finery.  —  Dress  a 
Test  of  Character.  —  Needle-work. — Darning  Stockings. — 
Care  to  be  taken  of  Clothes.  —  Neat  Habits.  —  Punctuality.  — 
Conduct  to  Work- women.  —  Borrowing. — Accidental  Ex- 
changes. —  Duty  of  cultivated  Women.  —  Modern  Examples. 

One  of  the  distinctions  between  the  rational 
and  irrational  part  of  God's  creatures,  is,  that 
whilst  the  latter  are  clothed,  by  his  wisdom,  in 
the  manner  best  suited  to  their  inode  of  life, 
the  former  are  left  to  their  own  guidance,  in 
everything  that  relates  to  the  covering  of  the 
body.  It  would  seem  that  the  gift  of  reason 
was  intended  to  be  a  sufficient  guide  in  the 
matter  ;  and,  all  sorts  of  materials  being  fur- 
nished by  the  bounty  of  Providence,  and  their 
various  properties  and  modes  of  adaptation 
beautifully  exhibited  in  the  clothing  of  animals, 
human  beings  were  expected  to  exercise  their 
reason  and  their  ingenuity,  in  turning  all  these 
things  to  the  best  account. 

As  far  as  ingenuity  goes,  man  has  certainly 
fulfilled    his    destiny;    the   endless    variety  of 


EXTRAVAGANCES    OF    COSTUME.  93 

fabrics  for  covering  the  body,  and  the  diversity 
of  shapes  in  which  they  are  made  up,  show  that 
his  fertility  of  invention  is  fully  equal  to  the 
task  devolved  upon  him.  Whether  his  reason 
is  as  successfully  employed,  in  adapting  his 
clothing  to  the  necessities  of  his  body,  may  be 
questioned,  as  long  as  we  see  people  crippled 
by  tight  shoes  and  boots,  rendered  stiff-necked 
by  high  and  hard  stocks,  and  youthful  forms 
distorted,  and  the  animal  functions,  necessary 
to  life  and  health,  impeded  by  tight  lacing 

In  no  way  has  civilized  man  played  more 
fantastic  tricks,  and  sacrificed  his  reason  more 
entirely  to  folly,  than  in  the  matter  of  dress. 
The  clumsy  and  inconvenient  garments  of  the 
savage,  are  attributed  to  his  ignorance  of 
domestic  arts  ;  but  what  can  be  said  in  excuse 
for  civilized  man,  when  he  wears  shoes  that 
project  half  a  yard  beyond  his  feet,  or  ex- 
changes his  own  locks  for  an  enormous  periwig, 
filled  with  powder  and  pomatum  ;  when  the 
graceful  motion  of  a  lady's  head  is  sacrificed 
to  the  stiff  movements  necessary  in  balancing 
a  tower  of  linen  and  wire,  half  a  yard  high, 
with  draperies  that  flow  from  the  top  of  it  to 
the  floor;  when  the  wavy  lines  of  a  female  form 
are  disguised  under  a  stiff  circle  of  whalebone, 
which  imprisons  the  body  from  the  hips  up- 
ward, and  a  buckram  cage  so  surrounds  the 
lower  limbs,  that  she  can  with  difficulty  walk 


94  DRESS. 

or  sit.  Some  false  standard  of  beauty,  invented 
perhaps  to  conceal  deformity,  is  set  up,  and 
then  the  very  bones  and  muscles  of  the  perfect 
body  must  be  made  to  conform  to  it.  When 
this  is  carried  so  far  as  it  is  in  the  case  of  small 
feet  in  China,  its  absurdity  strikes  us  at  once ; 
but  we  may  find,  nearer  home,  instances  of  a 
standard  as  false,  and  consequences  even  more 
fatal  to  health  and  happiness,  than  the  little 
feet  of  the  Chinese. 

The  history  of  national  costume,  in  the  civil- 
ized countries  of  Europe,  shows,  that  for  many 
centuries  the  progress  of  art  and  manufactures 
only  led  to  greater  extravagances  in  dress, 
and  more  preposterous  fashions. 

One  enormity  was  only  displaced  to  make 
way  for  its  opposite  extreme,  as  in  the  case 
of  the  peaked-toed  shoes  already  mentioned ; 
these  were  followed  by  shoes  of  only  the  length 
of  the  foot,  but  as  broad  as  they  were  long 
At  one  time  men's  coats  were  so  short  that 
they  resembled  boy's  jackets  of  the  present 
day,  and  soon  after  they  were  so  long  and  full, 
that  they  looked  like  female  attire.  Women's 
sleeves  were  sometimes  made  so  long,  that 
they  were  tied  in  knots,  to  prevent  the  wearer 
from  treading  on  them  ;  and  nine  yards  of  cloth 
was  a  moderate  quantity  for  each  sleeve ;  then 
they  were  made  as  tight  as  the  skin,  and  reach- 
ed no  farther  than  the  elbow.     It  would  seem, 


HOOPS.  95 

that  for  centuries  the  whole  ingenuity  of  a 
nation  was  taxed  to  invent  monstrous  forms  of 
clothing,  as  well  as  inconvenient  and  useless 
appendages,  and  that  comfort  and  ease  were 
the  things  most  of  all  to  be  avoided  in  dress. 

About  the  middle  of  the  sixteenth  century, 
stiff  stays  and  hoops  were  first  introduced  into 
England;  and  though  nothing  could  be  more 
uncomfortable  to  the  feelings,  or  a  greater  out- 
rage upon  taste  and  nature,  they  continued  in 
fashion,  except  for  a  short  period  during  the 
reign  of  Charles  the  Second,  nearly  two  hundred 
years.  The  hoop  often  changed  its  shape  and 
size,  but  was  never  discarded  till  some  time  after 
the  accession  of  George  the  Third  ;  and,  as  the 
fashion  of  court  dresses  is  fixed  at  the  com- 
mencement of  a  reign,  and  continues  unchanged 
to  its  close,  the  long  reign  of  that  monarch 
caused  the  modes  of  1760  to  be  witnessed  in 
the  beginning  of  the  nineteenth  century.  I 
have  seen  the  ladies,  going  to  attend  a  levee  at 
St.  James'  palace,  dressed  in  enormous  hoop- 
petticoats,  and  have  heard  them  say  that  it  re- 
quired great  practice  to  move  in  them  with  any 
grace,  and  to  avoid  awkward  rencontres,  and 
an  involuntary  exhibition  of  legs  from  under  this 
machinery.  These  hoops  were  constructed  of 
whalebone  and  millinet,  of  an  oval  shape,  the 
length  of  the  oval  being  across  the  figure  from 
hip  to  hip,  and  of  the  same  size  at  top  as   at 


96  DRESS, 

bottom.  That  part  which  extended  beyond 
the  waist  on  either  side,  was  rounded  off  and 
covered  in  with  ribs  of  whalebone  and  miilinet, 
leaving  a  hole  in  the  middle,  through  which 
came  the  living  puppet  that  was  to  carry  this 
load.  When  the  waists  were  worn  short,  the 
hoop  was  lifted  up  till  it  interfered  sadly  with 
the  elbows,  and  obliged  the  wearer  to  carry 
her  arms  in  a  very  constrained  attitude  before 
it.  Over  such  a  machine  were  displayed  the 
rich  materials  of  the  court  dress. 

Looking  upon  this  grotesque  contrivance, 
after  the  general  fashion  of  hoops  had  passed 
away,  and  when  they  were  gazed  after,  on  gala 
days  only,  as  a  raree-show,  it  was  difficult  to 
imagine  rational  beings  reconciled  to  them, 
and  considering  them  an  indispensable  part  of 
female  attire,  or  to  believe  that  they  were  once 
so  universal  in  London,  that  maid-servants 
were  seen  washing  down  the  door  steps  in 
hoop-petticoats !  Yet  such  w^as  actually  the 
case,  before  they  were  left  off  by  the  higher 
classes. 

This  reflection  upon  past  fashions  should 
make  us  look  with  jealous  eyes  on  those  which 
prevail  in  our  day,  in  order  to  discover  whether 
we  are  not  in  the  practice  of  something,  which 
will  appear  equally  absurd  to  future  genera- 
tions. 

The  French  nation  has  long  been  the  arbiter 


REVOLUTIONS    IN    DRESS.  97 

of  fashion  for  most  civilized  countries  and  the 
political  revolution  of  the  last  century  was  ac- 
companied by  a  revolution  in  dress,  almost  as 
signal;  for  it  banished  wigs  and  buckles,  pow- 
der and  pomatum,  stiff  stays  and  full  petti- 
coats, long  waists,  and  high-heeled  shoes. 
One  extreme  led  to  another,  and  the  ladies 
who  had  been  encased  in  whalebone,  buckram, 
and  abundance  of  quilted  petticoats,  stepped 
forth  as  Grecian  goddesses,  without  any  cor- 
sets, any  petticoats,  any  fulness  to  their  gar- 
ments, or  any  heels  to  their  shoes.  White 
muslin  dresses  of  the  scantiest  dimensions, 
drawn  closely  round  the  figure,  with  the  short- 
est possible  waists,  and  not  a  fold  or  a  plait 
that  could  form  any  drapery,  were  the  order  of 
the  day  in  France,  and  quickly  spread  into 
England  and  America.  Only  look  at  the  por- 
traits of  females,  painted  twenty-five  or  thirty 
years  ago,  or  the  historical  pictures  of  that 
period,  such,  for  instance,  as  the  coronation 
of  Napoleon,  and  you  will  be  so  shocked  at  the 
tight  sleeves,  short  waists,  and  narrow  skirts 
of  the  women,  that  it  will  be  difficult  to  believe 
that  such  a  style  of  dress  ever  looked  well. 

I  remember  when  full-grown  women  wore 
dresses  only  a  yard  and  a  half  wide  at  bottom, 
and  sloped  away  at  top  to  the  size  of  the  waist, 
so  that  it  was  difficult  for  a  lady  to  step  across 
a  gutter,  or  into  a  carriage,  without  a  great 
I  7 


98  DRESS. 

exposure  of  silken  hose,  or  running  the  risk  of 
splitting  her  skirts.  The  belt,  too,  was  passed 
across  the  bosom,  so  as  to  press  very  injuri- 
ously upon  it,  and  actually  rode  upon  the 
shoulder-blades  behind. 

The  old  ladies  of  that  day,  who  remembered 
with  partiality  the  flowing  draperies  and  full 
petticoats  they  had  worn  in  youth,  used  to 
groan  over  their  degenerate  daughters,  and 
say  that  their  scanty  dresses  made  them  look 
as  if  they  were  stuffed  into  bolster-cases. 

Now  that  both  these  fashions  are  passed 
away,  we  can  form  an  impartial  judgment  of 
each,  as  we  see  them  in  pictures ;  and,  cer- 
tainly, with  the  exception  of  the  hoop,  the 
fashions  before  the  French  Revolution  were 
more  dignified,  decorous,  and  graceful,  than 
those  which  immediately  succeeded  it.  Those 
of  the  present  day  appear  to  me  to  hit  the 
happy  medium  between  both,  and  to  unite  the 
best  part  of  each.  If  our  ladies  w^ould  cease 
to  compress  the  waist  as  much  as  they  now  do, 
and  abate  something  in  the  size  of  their  sleeves, 
they  need   not  fear  the  criticisms  of  posterity. 

English  ladies  have  never  adopted  the  fash- 
ions of  France  so  implicitly  as  the  American. 
They  always  modify  them  in  a  greater  or  less 
degree,  to  suit  themselves,  and  the  climate  of 
the  country.  A  first-rate  London  dress-maker 
goes   to  Paris   tw^ice   a  year  for  her  fashions  ; 


ENGLISH    AND    FRENCH    FASHIONS.  99 

but  there  she  sees  some  things  which  she  li:novvs 
will  not  accord  with  English  notions,  and  there- 
fore she  passes  them  by,  and  only  brings  over 
what  she  thinks  will  suit  her  more  sober  coun- 
trywomen. At  this  distance  from  the  fountain 
of  taste,  our  dress-makers  cannot  exercise  the 
same  discretion  ;  they,  therefore,  are  obliged 
to  trust  to  agents,  and  to  rely  on  prints  repre- 
senting the  fashions.  The  Parisians,  who  fur- 
nish garments  made  to  order  for  the  Americans, 
are  known  to  send  out  such  extravagant  speci- 
mens, as  ladies  of  bon  ton  *  would  not  wear 
there;  yet  these  are  implicitly  adopted  here, 
as  the  reigning  mode.  There  is  some  con- 
venience in  having  a  standard  of  fashion  that 
all  may  conform  to ;  the  eye  soon  becomes 
reconciled  to  whatever  is  universally  w^orn ; 
but  we  ought  to  mistrust  all  extravagant 
French  models,  and,  by  modifying  our  copies 
of  them,  escape  being  made  ridiculous,  at  the 
will  and  pleasure  of  2i  marchand  dcs  modes  or 
a  Parisian  dress-maker.  The  ladies  of  Phila- 
delphia are  the  best  dressed  in  the  United 
States  ;  and  may  not  this  be  attributable  to 
the  influence  of  the  Quaker  and  the  French 
population  of  that  city  ?  the  one  tending  to 
moderation  from  principle,  the  other  from 
taste. 

*  This  word  means  good  taste,  and  fashion,  and  gen 
tility,  all  united. 


100  DRESS. 

There  is  one  thing  which  is  never  sufficient- 
ly taken  into  account  in  the  fashions  of  this 
country,  and  that  is  climate.  Receiving  our 
models  from  the  more  equable  temperature  of 
France,  they  are  often  unsuited  to  the  scorch- 
ing suns  of  our  summers,  and  the  severe  frosts 
of  our  winters.  The  English  ladies  set  us  a 
good  example  in  this  respect ;  they  always 
accommodate  their  fashions  to  the  dripping 
skies  of  their  moist  climate,  and  the  chilliness 
produced  by  it ;  accordingly  there  never  has 
been  a  winter  for  thirty  years^  when  muffs 
were  not  generally  worn.  Broadcloth  suits 
their  drizzling  weather  particularly  well,  and 
therefore  habits  made  of  it,  and  coats  and 
cloaks  to  wear  in  carriages,  are  always  in  use. 
Beaver  hats,  for  riding  on  horseback,  are  al- 
ways in  fashion  for  the  same  reason ;  and  so 
are  coarse  straw  bonnets,  particularly  in  the 
country,  for  an  undress,  and  thick  leather  shoes 
for  walking  through  the  mud.  The  most  deli- 
cately bred  fine  lady  in  the  land  puts  on  cotton 
stockings  and  thick  shoes  to  walk  out  for  ex- 
ercise, and  would  think  it  very  unlady-like  not 
to  be  so  provided  ;  and  on  more  dressy  occa- 
sions, when  she  wears  silk  hose,  she  would  on 
no  account  go  out  in  cold  weather  without 
warm  shoes,  either  kid  lined  with  fur,  or  quilt- 
ed silk  shoes  foxed  with  leather.  To  walk  out, 
as  our  young  ladies  do,  in  cold  and  wet  weather, 


STANDARD    OF    BEAUTY.  101 

with  thin-soled  prunella  or  kid  shoes,  would 
seem  to  them  very  vulgar  ;  as  betraying  a 
want  of  suitableness,  only  to  be  accounted  for 
by  supposing  the  individual  to  be  unable  to 
provide  herself  with  better. 

The  influence  of  fashion  is  so  strong  in  cor- 
rupting the  eye,  and  perverting  the  taste,  that 
it  has  led  some  persons  to  doubt  the  existence 
of  any  true  standard  of  beauty,  as  applicable 
to  costume ;  but  as  long  as  some  forms  of 
dress,  when  out  of  fashion,  look  better  to  us 
than  others,  w^e  may  fairly  conclude  that  there 
are  some  immutable  principles  of  taste  con- 
nected with  the  subject,  and  that  those  articles 
which  we  admire,  after  they  have  ceased  to  be 
the  reigning  mode,  conform  in  some  degree  to 
true  taste.  Such,  for  instance,  is  the  simple 
cap,  called  after  the  most  beautiful  and  most 
unfortunate  of  Queens.  When  the  prevailing 
fashions  are  most  opposed  to  the  flat  shape  of 
the  Mary-Queen-of-Scots  cap,  it  still  appears 
to  us  beautiful;  and  when  adopted  by  a  modern 
fine  lady,  as  her  costume  in  a  portrait,  or  her 
dress  at  a  masquerade  ball,  it  is  pronounced 
highly  becoming.  Now  this  is  not  the  case 
with  the  monstrous  constructions  of  gauze, 
ribbon,  and  w4re,  that  w^ere  called  caps  fifty 
years  ago  ;  nor  with  any  of  those  head-dresses, 
which  outrage  common  sense,  and  set  all  pro- 
portion at  defiance.     As  soon  as  the  enormous 


102  DRESS. 

horse-hair  cushions,  over  which  the  locks  were 
combed  and  plastered  with  powder  and  poma- 
tum, went  out  of  fashion,  that  style  of  head- 
dress was  condemned  as  hideous. 

The  occasional  triumph  of  good  taste  over 
fashion,  is  shown  by  the  frequent  return  of 
pretty  shapes  into  fashion.  Every  few  years, 
the  Scottish  Queen's  cap  is  brought  into  vogue; 
and,  were  it  not  for  the  insatiable  love  of 
novelty,  it  would  never  be  wholly  laid  aside. 
The  surplice  waist  and  Grecian  boddice  have  an 
inherent  beauty  in  them,  which  has  caused  their 
frequent  revival,  and  has  now  kept  them  in 
fashion  for  several  years. 

Now  if  there  are  principles  of  true  taste  in- 
volved in  the  mysteries  of  a  lady's  toilette,  is 
not  the  study  of  them  worthy  of  a  refined  and 
intellectual  being;  and  would  not  her  time  and 
thoughts  be  better  spent,  in  conforming  her 
style  of  dress  to  them,  than  in  eagerly  follow- 
ing every  change  of  the  mode,  dictated  by  the 
love  of  novelty,  apart  from  real  beauty  ? 

I  do  not  mean  by  this  to  recommend  singu- 
larity of  dress,  and  a  wide  departure  from  the 
prevailing  mode ;  far  from  it,  singularity  is  to 
be  avoided,  and  she  is  best  dressed  whose 
costume  presents  an  agreeable  whole,  without 
anything  that  can  be  remarked.  Dr.  Johnson 
once  praised  a  lady's  appearance  by  saying 
she  was  so  perfectly  well  dressed,  he  could  not 


EFFECTS  OF  GOOD  TASTE.         103 

recollect  anything  she  had  on.  I  would  have 
young  people  of  cultivated  minds,  look  at  every- 
thing with  an  eye  of  taste,  and,  judging  of  the 
merits  of  a  certain  form  of  garment,  apart  from 
the  charm  of  fashion,  so  modify  their  compli- 
ance with  the  reigning  mode  as  not  to  sacrifice 
to  it  their  sense  of  beauty.  Mere  fashion 
should  never  be  allowed  to  triumph  over  com- 
mon sense,  or  good  taste,  but  be  kept  in  check 
by  both.  Thus,  when  your  dress-maker  recom- 
mends you  to  have  your  skirt  so  long  as  nearly 
to  touch  the  floor,  let  common  sense  interfere, 
and  prevent  your  compliance  with  a  fashion 
so  evidently  inconvenient;  and  when,  a  few 
months  afterwards,  you  are  urged  to  let  her 
make  it  so  short,  as  not  to  reach  the  ankle- 
bone,  let  good  taste  arrest  her  scissors,  and 
plead  for  a  few  inches  more,  for  the  love  of 
grace,  if  not  of  modesty. 

When,  at  midsummer,  your  milliner  shows 
you  the  last  Paris  fashion  in  a  bonnet,  and  you 
see  that  what  ought  to  shelter  the  face  from 
the  sun,  is  so  formed  as  to  leave  it  entirely 
exposed,  do  not  lend  your  countenance  to  any- 
thing so  irrational ;  but  call  up  your  ingenuity 
to  invent  a  modification  of  it,  which  shall  com- 
bine shelter  with  beauty. 

In  this  country,  where  there  are  no  dashing 
duchesses  and  elegant  countesses  to  lead  the 
ton,  any  lady  of  sense   and  taste   may  set  a 


104  DRESS. 

pretty  fashion,  and  thus  do  her  friends  and 
neighbours  an  acceptable  service. 

A  pure  taste  in  dress  may  be  gratified  at  a 
small  expense;  for  it  does  not  depend  on  the 
costliness  of  the  materials  employed,  but  on 
the  just  proportions  observed  in  the  forms,  and 
an  harmonious  arrangement  of  colors. 

Dr.  Spurzheim  observed,  that  the  American 
ladies  were  deficient  in  the  organ  of  color,  and 
said,  that,  on  landing  in  New  York,  he  was 
shocked  to  see  ladies  wearing  indiscriminately 
all  the  colors  of  the  rainbow,  without  regard 
to  their  complexions,  or  the  season  of  the 
year,  and  often  with  pink,  blue,  and  yellow  on 
at  the  same  time. 

In  nothing  is  the  taste  of  Parisian  dames 
more  conspicuous,  than  in  the  skilful  selection 
of  colors  ;  and  when  a  taste  for  the  fine  arts  is 
more  diffused  in  this  country,  we  shall  not  see 
our  belles  with  pink  ribbons  on  their  bonnets, 
and  blue  shawls  on  their  shoulders,  while 
their  hands  display  yellow  gloves  and  green 
bogs.  Nor  shall  we  witness  sallow  complex- 
ions contrasted  with  sky-blue,  nor  flushed 
cheeks  surrounded  by  the  hues  of  the  rose,  nor 
pale  ones  made  to  appear  more  colorless  by 
green  linings.  All  these  things  will,  in  time, 
be  better  understood,  when  the  cultivated  and 
refined  portion  of  society  shall  have  learned  to 
regard   dress   less   as  a  matter  to  be   taken   on 


A    CURIOUS    COMPARISON.  105 

trust  from  foreign  dealers  in  finery,  than  as  an 
individual  accomplishment,  and  to  consider, 
that  their  appearance  in  the  world  depends 
more  on  their  own  good  taste,  than  the  length 
of  their  fathers'  purses. 

I  have  seen  two  young  ladies,  of  equal  pre- 
tensions to  personal  beauty,  one  arrayed  in  a 
French  embroidered  pelerine  that  cost  twenty- 
five  dollars,  the  other  with  one  made  of  plain 
cambric,  edged  with  embroidery,  that  cost  two 
dollars  ;  and  any  person,  who  had  an  eye  for 
beautiful  forms,  would  have  preferred  the  ap- 
pearance of  the  latter,  because  the  proportions 
of  this  lady's  cape  and  figure  were  suited  to 
each  other ;  whereas,  the  other  had  chosen  a 
cape  so  much  too  wide  for  her  shoulders,  that  it 
hung  down  in  a  dowdy  style,  and  she  seemed 
encumbered  by  her  finery. 

Conversing  one  evening,  at  a  brilliant  party, 
in  one  of  our  southern  cities,  with  an  in- 
genious gentleman,  who  had  devoted  much 
time  to  the  fine  arts,  having  studied  architec- 
ture and  practised  modelling,  and  was  also  a 
great  observer  of  female  attire,  I  was  amused  to 
hear  him  compare  the  different  modes  of  dress 
to  the  different  styles  of  architecture.  When 
he  saw  a  lady  dressed  with  great  simplicity 
and  her  hair  naturally  arranged,  he  called  that 
style  of  dress  Grecian.  One,  more  elaborately 
attired,  but  still  in  good  taste,  reminded  him 


106  DRESS. 

of  the  ancient  Roman  style.  A  greater  profu- 
sion of  ornament,  and  less  exact  proportions, 
were  compared  to  the  Roman  architecture  of 
later  times,  when  a  spurious  taste  prevailed. 
Anything  cumbrous,  however  rich  in  material, 
or  grand  in  its  form,  was  called  Gothic.  And 
when  a  lady  approached  us,  covered  with 
finery,  that  looked  as  if  it  had  been  showered 
upon  her  from  a  band-box  held  over  her  head, 
and  had  stuck  just  where  it  could,  he  exclaimed, 
"  Here  is  a  specimen  of  the  florid  Gothic." 
He  never  could  bear  to  see  bows  that  tied 
nothing,  rows  of  buttons  that  fastened  nothing, 
and  little  appendages  that  had  no  real  or  ap- 
parent use.  He  insisted  that,  in  dress,  as  in 
architecture,  all  beauty  ivas  founded  in  utility, 
and  asked  me  if  I  did  not  think  that  columns 
which  supported  nothing  would  look  very 
badly.  He  said  he  liked  to  see  borders  to 
room-paper,  because  it  hid  the  terminating 
edge,  and  he  liked  to  see  ladies'  gowns  trimm.ed 
round  the  bottom  of  the  skirt,  because  it  hid 
the  hem,  and  was  a  handsome  finish  to  the 
figure  ;  "  but,"  he  continued,  "  inasmuch  as  I 
should  condemn  the  taste  that  made  a  paper 
bordering  so  wide  as  to  cover.-  half  the  walls, 
so  do  I  denounce  the  fash%n  of  trimmings 
which  extend  half  way  up  the  skirt.  It  has  no 
longer  the  effect  of  a  border  ;   it  is  an  overload 


A    CURIOUS    COMPARISON.  107 

of  ornament,  cuts  up  the  figure,  and  spoils  any- 
dress." 

At  the  time  this  conversation  occurred,  full 
shoulder-caps  over  long  tight  sleeves,  and 
moderately  full  short  sleeves,  were  worn  ;  on 
being  asked  if  he  approved  of  them,  he  said  he 
did.  "  The  play  of  the  shoulder  requires  room 
in  the  sleeve,  and,  there  being  that  reason  for 
some  fulness,  there  is  no  objection  to  its  being 
increased,  so  as  to  form  an  ornament." 

So  much  for  the  criticisms  of  a  man  of  taste 
on  the  fashions  of  fourteen  years  ago  !  If  he 
had  lived  to  see  the  exaggerations  of  the  pres- 
ent day,  even  his  command  of  language  would 
have  been  taxed,  to  find  terms  of  reprobation 
sufficiently  strong  for  a  leg  of  mutton  or  a 
balloon  sleeve.  The  sight  of  a  woman,  carry- 
ing a  projection  on  each  side  of  her,  bigger 
than  her  body,  would  certainly  look  as  pre- 
posterous to  him,  as  an  edifice  in  which  the 
wrings  were  larger  than  the  main  building. 

Having  said  so  much  to  recommend  the 
cultivation  of  a  good  taste  in  dress,  it  may  be 
thought  by  some,  that  I  have  laid  too  much 
stress  upon  the  subject,  and  that  young  women 
should  be  taught  to  view  it  as  a  matter  of  in- 
difference. But  I  consider  the  desire  of  mak- 
ing an  agreeable  impression  upon  others  by 
our  personal  appearance,  as  too  natural  a  feel- 
ing to  be  violently  rooted   out  of  the   female 


108  DRESS. 

heart;  I  would  only  guard  against  its  being 
allowed  too  much  space  there,  and  show  how 
the  desired  end  may  be  attained  without  any 
sacrifice  of  higher  good. 

It  is  in  vain  that  some  religionists  have  en- 
deavoured to  produce  in  the  minds  of  young 
people  a  perfect  indifference  to  dress,  and  that 
some  sects  have  thought,  by  establishing  a 
standard  of  plainness,  to  prevent  them  from 
dwelling  on  the  subject  of  their  outward  ap- 
pearance. To  the  initiated  eye,  even  the  uni- 
form garb  of  the  Quakers  presents  variations 
of  fashion,  and  I  have  seen  a  young  lady  of 
that  society,  as  much  distressed,  by  her  new 
bonnet  having  a  few  plaits  too  many  in  the 
crown,  as  any  fashionable  belle  could  be,  at 
being  obliged  to  appear  in  the  mode  of  the 
previous  year.  Those  who  are  restricted  in 
form  and  color,  generally  indemnify  themselves 
by  an  overweening  anxiety  and  particularity 
about  texture  and  material.  The  cap  in  which 
all  superfluity  is  so  retrenched,  that  it  sits 
close  to  the  head,  and  is  allowed  no  fulness 
even  in  the  border,  is  often  made  of  muslin 
that  costs  five  dollars  a  yard !  The  sad-colored 
silks  are  of  the  richest  manufacture,  and  every 
shop  in  a  large  city  is  often  ransacked,  for  the 
exact  shade  of  drab  that  is  desired. 

Nothing  therefore  is  gained  to  the  character 
of  young  women  by  these  outward  restrictions  ; 


MODERATION    NECESSARY.  109 

but  if  they  can  be  taught  to  give  to  dress  no 
more  importance  than  it  reasonably  demands, 
and  to  make  it  an  occasion  of  exercising  good 
sense  and  good  taste,  their  natural  desire  to 
appear  well  in  the  eyes  of  others,  may  be 
gratified,  and  their  characters  improved  at  the 
same  time. 

There  is  too  much  individual  character 
shown  in  dress,  and  it  is  too  generally  taken 
as  an  indication,  on  which  to  form  our  opinions 
of  people,  for  it  to  be  treated  as  a  matter  of 
no  consequence.  To  be  sure  it  shrinks  into 
insignificance,  compared  with  the  inward 
adornment  of  the  mind  ;  but  a  proper  regard 
to  it  will  not  interfere  with  any  weightier 
matter.  Whenever  dress  occupies  too  much 
time,  engrosses  too  much  thought,  costs  too 
much  money,  it  becomes,  like  any  other  excess, 
a  serious  evil. 

Personal  beauty  we  cannot  command;  but 
there  is  a  degree  of  compensation  for  the  want 
of  it,  in  the  advantages  of  dress,  which  all 
suppose  to  be  within  their  reach ;  and  it  is  for 
this  very  reason,  that  we  so  often  see  the  most 
elaborate  and  ornamental  attire  on  the  most 
homely  persons.  Their  aim  is  good,  but  they 
mistake  the  means  of  reaching  it.  Allow- 
ing, therefore,  that,  to  the  most  rational  and 
intellectual  young  lady,  dress  must  naturally 
be  a  matter  of  some  consequence,  it  is  very 
J 


110  DRESS. 

important  that  her  mind  should  be  so  enlight- 
ened upon  the  subject,  and  her  taste  so  culti- 
vated, that  she  may  attain  the  desired  end  of 
being  always  well  dressed,  with  the  smallest 
possible  sacrifice  of  time,  mind,  and  money. 

Now  there  are  some  rules,  which,  being  based 
on  first  principles,  are  of  universal  application ; 
and  one  of  these  belongs  to  our  present  subject, 
namely,  nothing  can  be  truly  beautiful  which  is 
not  appropriate  ;  nature  and  the  fine  arts  teach 
us  this.  All  styles  of  dress,  therefore,  which 
impede  the  motions  of  the  wearer,  which  do 
not  sufficiently  protect  the  person,  which  add 
unnecessarily  to  the  heat  of  summer,  or  to  the 
cold  of  winter,  which  do  not  suit  the  age  and 
occupations  of  the  wearer,  or  which  indicate 
an  expenditure  unsuited  to  her  means,  are 
inappropriate y  and  therefore  destitute  of  one  of 
the  essential  elements  of  beauty.  Propriety, 
or  fitness,  lies  at  the  foundation  of  all  good 
taste  in  dressing  ;  and  to  this  test  should  be 
brought  a  variety  of  particulars,  too  numerous 
to  be  mentioned,  but  which  may  be  thus  illus- 
trated. The  dress  that  would  be  very  proper 
on  occasion  of  a  morning  visit  in  a  city,  would 
be  so  out  of  place,  if  worn  by  the  same  person, 
when  making  preserves  or  pastry,  or  when 
scrambling  through  the  bushes  in  a  country 
walk,  that  it  would  cease  to  look  well ;  a  clean 
calico    gown    and    white    apron   would    be    so 


APPROPRIATENESS    ESSENTIAL    TO    BEAUTY.      Ill 

much  more  convenient  and  suitable,  that  the 
wearer  would  actually  look  better  in  them. 

The  rich  dress  and  costly  ornaments,  that  be- 
come maturer  life,  and  ceremonious  parties  in 
large  cities,  are  unsuited  to  the  very  young, 
who  need  no  such  "  foreign  aid,"  and  especially 
at  the  more  simple  assemblies  of  a  country 
town.  Some  persons  toil  early  and  late,  and 
strain  every  nerve,  to  procure  an  expensive 
garment,  and  think,  that  once  arrayed  in  it, 
they  shall  look  as  well  as  some  richer  neighbour, 
whose  style  of  dress  they  wish  to  imitate ;  but 
they  forget,  that,  if  it  does  not  accord  with 
their  general  style  of  living,  if  it  is  out  of  har- 
mony with  other  things,  it  will  so  strike  every- 
body, and  this  want  of  fitness  will  prevent  its 
looking  well  on  them. 

Let  a  true  sense  of  propriety,  of  the  fitness 
of  things,  regulate  all  your  habits  of  living  and 
dressing,  and  it  will  produce  such  a  beautiful 
harmony  and  consistency  of  character,  as  will 
throw  a  charm  around  you  that  all  will  feel, 
though  few  may  comprehend.  Always  consider 
well  whether  the  articles  of  dress,  which  you 
wish  to  purchase,  are  suited  to  your  age,  your 
condition,  your  means ;  to  the  climate,  to  the 
particular  use  to  which  you  mean  to  put  them  ; 
and  then  let  the  principles  of  good  taste  keep 
you  from  the  extremes  of  the  fashion,  and 
regulate  the  form,  so  as  to  combine  utility  and 


112  DRESS. 

beauty,  whilst  the  known  rules  of  harmony  in 
colors,  saves  you  from  shocking  the  eye  of  the 
artist  by  incongruous  mixtures. 

The  agreeable  effect  that  all  wish  to  pro- 
duce in  the  eyes  of  others,  depends  much  more 
on  just  proportions  in  the  parts,  thus  forming 
a  pleasing  whole,  than  on  little  ornamental 
additions,  which,  though  pretty  in  themselves, 
add  nothing  to  the  general  effect.  Thus  in 
making  a  pelisse,  it  is  all-important  that  the 
cape  should  be  of  the  right  size  and  shape,  to 
agree  well  with  the  sleeves  and  back,  and  that 
the  collar  should  be  well  proportioned  to  the 
cape ;  but  it  matters  very  little  w^hether  it  have 
one  or  two  rouleaus  of  satin  or  velvet  round 
it,  or  whether  it  have  none  ;  and  so  it  is  with 
a  thousand  other  little  particulars,  which  take 
much  time  in  the  making  and  add  much  to  the 
expense,  without  really  adding  anything  to  the 
general  good  appearance. 

It  is  a  happy  thing  for  the  diffusion  of  good 
taste,  that  it  may,  in  many  things,  be  cultivated 
without  any  peculiar  expense.  The  price  of 
colored  muslin,  or  printed  calico,  is  the  same, 
whether  the  figure  be  pretty  or  ugly;  the 
ribbon  that  is  tastefully  disposed  upon  the 
bonnet,  costs  no  more  than  the  one  that  is  ill 
arranged.  The  shawl  is  the  same  in  value 
whether  it  is  dragged  round  the  shoulders  like 
an  Indian's  blanket,  or  worn  in  graceful  folds. 


TASTE  FAVORABLE  TO  ECONOMY.      113 

It  costs  no  more  to  buy  colors  that  harmonize, 
than  those  that  do  not.  Indeed,  true  taste 
will  generally  be  found  on  the  side  of  economy, 
because  simplicity  is ;  the  first  cost  is  thus 
lessened,  and  garments,  that  are  really  well 
shaped,  are  longer  in  favor.  The  exercise  of 
good  taste,  therefore,  need  not  be  considered 
as  the  privilege  of  the  few  ;  it  may  regulate 
the  toilet  of  her  who  earns  what  she  expends 
upon  it,  as  well  as  of  her  whose  bills  are  paid 
by  a  rich  father  ;  the  more  it  is  studied,  the 
more  good  sense  and  simplicity  will  be  con- 
sulted, because  these  are  included  in  the  prin- 
ciples of  true  taste. 

Whilst  taste  may  be  made  to  regulate  the 
dress  of  all,  even  of  the  working  classes, 
wealth,  unaccompanied  by  it,  cannot  command 
its  beautiful  results.  Your  clothes  may  be 
ordered  of  the  best  dress-maker  and  every- 
thing you  wear  may  be  of  the  most  costly 
materials,  and  in  the  latest  Paris  fashion ; 
and  yet  you  may  spoil  your  appearance  by  your 
manner  of  putting  them  on,  and  by  wearing 
those  articles  together  which  do  not  accord. 
The  most  expensive  dresses  at  a  ball  are 
seldom  those  that  produce  the  best  effect ;  and 
nothing  so  effectually  defeats  its  object,  as  an 
excess  of  ornament. 

Some  persons  seem  to  have  an  inherent 
love  of  finery,  and  adhere  to  it  pertinaciously, 
T*  8 


114  DRESS. 

even  when  their  understandings  are  convinced 
that  it  is  repugnant  to  the  feelings  of  refined 
minds,  and  that  it  is  a  trait  common  to  all 
barbarous  tribes ;  they  cannot  reason  upon 
their  preferences,  they  can  only  say,  that  what 
others  condemn  as  tawdry,  looks  pretty  to 
them. 

This  perversion  generally  takes  place  very 
early,  and  is  much  to  be  regretted,  as  it  pre- 
vents the  growth  of  purer  principles.  I  have 
often  thought,  that  the  very  bad  taste,  in  which 
dolls  are  usually  dressed,  may  have  something 
to  do  with  this  early  love  of  finery.  Children 
have  often  a  real  affection  for  their  puppets; 
and  when  they  are  bedizened  in  all  the  colors 
of  the  rainbow,  and  decked  in  all  the  odds  and 
ends  of  finery  that  can  be  stuck  upon  them,  the 
little  dears  learn,  by  this  association,  to  love 
this  tawdry  ornament ;  whereas  a  well-dressed 
doll  would  have  an  important  influence  in 
establishing  a  correct  taste  in  the  mind  of  a 
child.  I  once  knew  a  family  where  the  dolls 
w^ere  all  very  neatly  dressed,  like  babies  and 
little  children,  and  not  as  fine  ladies,  on  pur- 
pose to  make  them  a  more  rational  and  useful 
source  of  amusement  j  and  I  would  beg  all 
young  ladies  who  dress  dolls  for  little  girls,  to 
do  it  in  such  a  manner  as  not  to  foster  a  love 
of  finery. 

I  have  heard  of  a  mother  who  guarded  her 


LOVE    OF    FINERY.  116 

daughters  against  this  bad  taste  by  making 
it  one  of  their  childish  punishments  to  wear  a 
very  tawdry  cap  full  of  feathers,  and  flowers, 
and  bows  of  ribbons  of  all  colors.  Judging  by 
what  we  sometimes  see  worn  by  grown  people, 
we  might  suppose  that  such  a  cap  had  been 
their  reward  in  childhood,  rather  than  their 
punishment,  and  was  thus  recommended  to 
their  best  affections.  The  love  of  finery  is 
rarely  cured,  and  forms  an  insurmountable 
obstacle  to  the  cultivation  of  a  pure  taste. 
Whosoever  is  conscious  of  possessing  it,  ought 
to  mistrust  her  own  judgment  in  matters  of 
taste,  and  be  willing  to  take  the  advice  of 
others. 

No  plainness  of  dress  can  ever  be  construed 
to  your  disadvantage  ;  but  ornamental  addi- 
tions, which  in  their  best  state  are  a  very 
doubtful  good,  become  a  positive  evil  when 
defaced,  or  soiled,  or  tumbled.  Shabby  feath- 
ers, and  crushed  or  faded  artificial  flowers,  are 
an  absolute  disgrace  to  a  lady's  appearance ; 
whereas  their  total  absence  would  never  be 
remarked.  Next  to  soiled  stockings,  soiled 
bonnet-caps  are  the  most  off'ensive  things  in  a 
young  lady's  dress  ;  and  the  latter  are  but 
too  common.  Whatever  approaches  the  face 
should  be  particularly  clean ;  and  it  is  better 
always  to  wear  those  materials  which  will 
wash,  than    to   use    silk  net   after   it   is   at  all 


1 16  DRESS. 

sullied  by  wear.  Colored  gauze  handkerchiefs 
that  are  worn  till  they  are  faded,  or  sullied,  or 
the  color  changed  by  perspiration,  are  a  dis- 
agreeable sight,  and  will  spoil  the  neat  ap- 
pearance of  a  person,  however  well  dressed 
otherwise;  cleanliness  being  the  first  requisite 
in  a  lady's  dress. 

Such  various  qualities  of  mind  are  called  into 
action  in  connexion  with  dress,  that  we  cannot 
wonder  at  its  having  great  influence  on  the 
opinions  that  are  formed  of  us ;  and  the  more 
Christian  principles  prevail,  the  more  just  will 
be  those  opinions,  and  the  more  truly  will 
dress  be  an  indication  of  the  character. 

Who,  that  sees  a  young  lady  very  carefully 
arrayed  at  a  ball,  and  finds  her  when  at  home, 
and  not  expecting  company,  in  a  torn  or  soiled 
dress,  can  fail  to  draw  conclusions  unfavorable 
to  the  character  of  the  individual  ? 

If  you  have  a  friend  who  has  lately  become 
insolvent,  and  you  see  his  daughters  appear, 
soon  after,  in  new  and  costly  garments,  what 
are  your  feelings  ?  Is  not  all  admiration  of 
their  costume  lost,  in  the  sense  of  its  betraying 
a  want  of  common  honesty,  thus  to  spend  the 
money  that  belongs  to  their  father's  creditors  ; 
and  does  not  this  exhibition  of  lax  principles, 
do  them  more  harm,  than  any  personal  decora- 
tion can  do  them  good  ?  Dress  is  a  very  fair 
index   of    a  young   woman's    neatness,    indus- 


DRESS  A  TEST  OF  CHARACTER.       117 

try,  economy,  good  sense,  modesty,  and  good 
taste;  and  she,  who  is  at  all  times,  in  her 
private  as  well  as  public  hours,  perfectly  well 
dressed,  according  to  all  that  I  include  in  that 
term,  must  have  many  of  the  substantial  quali- 
ties that  constitute  a  good  character  and  are 
essential  to  domestic  comfort. 

The  character  is  much  more  shown  in  the 
style  of  dress  that  is  worn  every  day,  than  in 
that  which  is  designed  for  great  occasions  ; 
and  Avhen  I  see  a  young  girl  come  down  to  the 
family  breakfast  in  an  untidy  wrapper,  with 
her  hair  in  papers,  her  feet  slip-shod,  and  an 
old  silk  handkerchief  round  her  neck,  I  know 
that  she  cannot  be  the  neat,  industrious,  and 
refined  person  whom  I  should  like  for  an  in- 
mate. I  feel  equally  certain  too,  that  her 
chamber  is  not  kept  in  good  order,  and  that 
she  does  not  set  a  proper  value  upon  time. 
However  well  a  lady  has  appeared  at  a  party, 
I  would  recommend  to  a  young  gentleman, 
before  he  makes  up  his  mind  as  to  her  domes- 
tic qualities,  to  observe  her  appearance  at  the 
breakfast-table,  when  she  expects  to  see  only 
her  own  family,  and,  if  it  be  such  as  I  have  just 
described,  to  beware  how  he  prosecutes  the 
acquaintance. 

To  begin  the  day  well,  it  is  necessary  to  rise 
early  enough  to  perform  all  the  ablutions  neces- 
sary to  health  and  cleanliness,  and  to  be  neatly 


1 18  DRESS. 

and  completely  dressed  before  breakfast.  Your 
morning  dress  should  always  be  such  as  you 
would  not  be  ashamed  to  be  seen  in,  by  any 
accidental  visitor;  and  a  clean  muslin  collar,  or 
ruffle,  of  the  plainest  materials,  gives  an  im- 
pression of  far  greater  neatness,  than  a  colored 
handkerchief.  If  you  are  suitably  dressed  for 
the  business  of  the  morning,  you  are  ready 
to  enter  upon  it  at  once,  and  much  time  is 
saved ;  you  are  not  discomposed  by  unexpect- 
ed guests  ;  and,  if  particularly  engaged,  you 
can  wear  the  same  dress  all  day.  Very  young 
girls  are  apt  to  think,  that  the  most  important 
item  in  their  dress  is  the  material  of  which 
their  frocks  are  made,  whe'reas  that  is  really 
of  the  least  consequence.  Clean  stockings, 
neat  shoes  and  strings,  smooth,  well-brushed 
hair,  and  delicately  clean  hands,  nails,  and 
teeth,  would  make  them  look  more  lady-like, 
and  better  dressed,  in  a  nine-penny  calico, 
than  they  would  be,  in  the  finest  merino,  or 
most  costly  French  print,  without  these  accom- 
paniments. 

Those  things  which  are  most  essential  to  a 
neat  appearance  are  most  within  the  reach 
of  everybody,  and  therefore  the  neglect  of 
them  is  not  to  be  excused.  Everybody  can 
mend  stockings  and  gloves,  however  old  they 
may  be  ;  everybody  can  avoid  breaking  shoe- 
strings  by  wearing  them   too  tight,  or  having 


UNDER    CLOTHES.  119 

them  become  untied  by  tying  them  in  false 
knots.  Clean  hands  and  nails,  and  well  brush- 
ed hair  and  teeth,  it  is  in  everybody's  power 
to  possess  ;  and,  without  constant  attention  to 
these  particulars,  the  most  expensive  garments 
will  fail  to  produce  the  effect  you  desire. 

The  same  honesty  and  self-respect,  which 
should  keep  you  from  making  a  saving  that 
you  are  ashamed  of,  should  prevent  your  wear- 
ing anything,  even  out  of  sight,  that  you  would 
be  ashamed  to  have  seen,  if  sudden  indispo- 
sition caused  it  to  be  exposed  before  stran- 
gers. 

It  is  to  be  feared,  that  the  care  which  is 
bestowed  upon  the  fashion  of  outer  garments 
is  greatly  disproportioned  to  that  which  is 
given  to  the  under  clothes ;  and  yet  a  fair- 
minded  person,  and  one  who  is  true  to  herself, 
would  not  sacrifice  the  inside  to  the  outside, 
and  would  not  choose  to  have  a  great  disparity 
between  the  seen  and  the  unseen. 

All  sorts  of  cotton  fabrics  are  now  so  cheap, 
that  there  is  no  excuse  for  any  person's  not 
being  well  provided ;  and  though  some  still 
use  linen,  as  being  more  genteel,  the  extremes 
of  our  climate  render  it  very  unwholesome, 
whilst  health,  convenience,  and  economy  are 
all  in  favor  of  the  use  of  cotton. 

Too  large  a  supply  of  clothes  is  an  encum- 
brance ;   and,  as  there  are  improvements  made, 


120  DRESS. 

from  time  to  time,  in  every  sort  of  garment,  it 
is  undesirable  to  have  a  great  number  made  at 
once.  If  your  clothes  are  washed  every  week, 
you  only  want  changes  enough  to  last  two 
weeks ;  that  allows  you  time  to  mend  your 
clothes  after  they  come  out  of  the  w^ash.  If 
you  are  liable  to  go  from  home  suddenly,  it  is 
well  to  have  some  under  garments,  besides 
those  in  constant  wear,  and  they  should  be 
always  ready  for  use  at  a  minute's  notice.  It 
is  well  to  have  a  place  of  deposit  for  such 
articles  of  clothing,  and  keep  there  the  newest 
and  best  of  everything,  whilst  you  use  con- 
stantly those  partly  w^orn  and  defaced. 

The  sooner  a  garment  is  mended,  after  it 
begins  to  require  it,  the  better.  Fine  muslins 
and  laces  are  ruined  by  being  Vv^ashed  with 
holes  in  them;  and  I  should  think  very  little  of 
the  notableness,  or  neatness,  of  a  young  lady 
who  wore  an  embroidered  cape  with  holes  in 
it,  that  had  evidently  been  there  before  it  was 
done  up.  Silk  stockings,  too,  are  spoiled  if 
not  mended  before  they  are  washed;  but  cotton 
or  woollen  hose  maybe  repaired  afterwards. 

Soiled  clothes  should  be  kept  in  a  bag 
through  the  week,  and  carefully  looked  over 
before  they  are  given  out  to  be  washed.  Some 
neat  persons  make  a  point  of  marking  every 
grease-spot  by  running  a  thread  round  it,  that 
it  may  not  be  overlooked  by  the  washer;  others 


NEEDLE-WORK.  121 

rub  soap  on  the  place  themselves,  to  insure  its 
being  done.  There  is  good  reason  for  being 
particular  to  have  your  clothes  washed  clean, 
and  made  of  a  good  color.  If  your  washing  is 
done  out  of  the  house,  and  you  pay  for  it  by  the 
dozen  pieces,  or  by  the  quarter,  do  not  be  satis- 
fied with  counting  the  number  of  articles  only, 
but  make  an  exact  list  of  them;  so  that  if  one  is 
missing  you  may  know  what  it  is,  and  so  help 
the  washer  to  find  it;  also,  that  if  an  article 
belonging  to  another  is  brought  to  you,  by 
mistake,  you  can  return  it  immediately  to  the 
washer,  that  she  may  restore  it  to  its  owner. 

We  should  gladly  adopt  every  contrivance 
for  saving  time  and  abridging  the  labor  neces- 
sarily bestowed  upon  dress.  Those  who  know 
how  to  use  the  needle  after  the  best  fashion  of 
our  grandmothers'  days,  may  next  acquire  the 
art  of  slighting  certain  parts  of  their  work, 
where  it  will  not  interfere  with  durability,  and 
so  save  some  thousand  superfluous  stitches  in 
a  week.  But  if  you  cannot  make  a  fine  shirt  in 
the  neatest  and  best  manner,  you  need  not  at- 
tempt the  art  of  slighting,  as  that  can  only  be 
safely  done  by  a  really  good  needlewoman; 
your  best  endeavours  will  be  slighting  enough, 
no  doubt. 

If  it  has  been  the  misfortune  of  any  of  my 
readers  to  have  grown  up  without  being  made 
good  needlewomen,  the  sooner  they  undertake 

K 


122  DRESS. 

to  supply  this  deficiency  the  better.  A  woman 
who  does  not  know  how  to  sew  is  as  deficient 
in  her  education  as  a  man  who  cannot  write. 
Let  her  condition  in  life  be  what  it  may,  she 
cannot  be  ignorant  of  the  use  of  her  needle, 
without  incommoding  herself  and  others,  and 
without  neglecting  some  important  duties.  Be- 
sides this,  there  is,  in  this  truly  feminine  em- 
ployment, a  moral  power  which  is  useful  to  the 
sex.  There  is  a  soothing  and  sedative  eflfect 
in  needle-work ;  it  composes  the  nerves,  and 
furnishes  a  corrective  for  many  of  the  little  irri- 
tations of  domestic  life.  Let  no  woman  think 
herself  exempt  from  the  duty  of  "  plying  the 
polished  shaft."  In  every  situation  of  life,  she 
will  find  herself  the  better  for  an  early  and 
thorough  acquaintance  with  plain  sewing. 
Among  other  good  consequences,  I  will  men- 
tion that  of  its  enabling  her  to  revv^ard  ade- 
quately the  services  of  others,  and  preventing 
her  from  being  unreasonable  in  her  requisitions 
of  them.  The  ignorant  are  always  the  hardest 
task-masters.  In  case  too  of  a  reverse  of 
fortune,  it  is  always  a  resource  against  want. 

Where  it  is  the  custom  of  a  family  to  read 
aloud  during  the  long  evenings  of  winter,  there 
will  always  be  ample  opportunity  for  the  young 
ladies  to  do  their  plain  sewing ;  and  this  kind 
of  occupation  for  the  fingers  is  more  favorable 
to  listening   attentively  to  what   is  read    than 


NEEDLE-WORK.  123 

any  embroidery  or  ornamental  work,  as  that 
necessarily  divides  the  attention.  In  order  to 
reap  the  full  benefit  of  this  delightful  mode  of 
passing  an  evening,  you  must  have  your  work 
well  prepared  before  the  hour  of  reading  comes, 
and  your  work-box  properly  furnished  with  the 
implements  and  materials  you  may  need ;  for  it 
spoils  the  pleasure  of  all,  for  one  to  be  obliged 
to  leave  the  circle  in  search  of  anything. 
Avoid  all  whispering  about  your  work,  all 
borrowing  of  scissors  -and  spools  of  cotton. 
Each  one  should  be  properly  supplied,  and  all 
debatable  points  be  settled,  before  the  reading 
begins;  and  then  the  mind  should  be  fixed  on 
the  book  whilst  the  fingers  move  mechanically. 
A  want  of  attention  to  these  little  details  w411 
convert  what  ought  to  be  a  most  agreeable  and 
instructive  occupation,  into  an  occasion  of 
vexation  and  disappointment. 

There  are  few  things  more  trying  to  the 
temper  than  reading  aloud  to  inattentive  per- 
sons, or  more  discouraging  than  frequent  inter- 
ruptions ;  the  father  or  brother,  who  has  been 
thus  annoyed,  will  rarely  be  found  willing  to 
repeat  the  experiment.  If,  therefore,  you  would 
secure  the  pleasure  of  being  read  to,  come  to 
it  well  prepared  ;  and,  if  you  find  yourself  other- 
wise, you  had  better  sacrifice  your  w^ork,  or 
your  share  in  the  reading,  than  disturb  the 
whole   party  by  moving   to  and   fro   after  what 


124  DRESS. 

you  want.  Where  most  of  the  winter  even- 
ings are  thus  spent,  a  young  lady  will  find  it 
easy  to  do  all  her  own  mending  and  plain  sew- 
ing, as  well  as  to  help  her  mother  with  the  shirts 
and  stockings  of  her  father  and  brothers. 

Most  girls  consider  it  a  settled  thing,  that 
darning  stockings  is  the  worst  of  drudgery, 
and,  without  entering  at  all  into  the  merits  of 
the  case,  they  cultivate  an  unreasonable  dislike 
to  it.  This  prejudice  is  often  handed  down 
from  mother  to  daughter;  and,  as  it  is  a  busi- 
ness which  quickly  accumulates  on  being  ne- 
glected, the  basket  of  unmended  stockings  is 
the  dread  of  all  the  household.  But  as  there 
is  nothing  in  the  whole  economy  of  dress  that 
turns  to  such  good  account  as  good  darning, 
it  is  unwise  to  make  it  a  bugbear  by  your  man- 
ner of  regarding  it,  or  of  doing  it.  The  stitch 
used  in  darning  stockings  is  the  same  as  that 
for  working  lace,  which  was  a  favorite  em- 
ployment a  little  while  ago ;  there  can  there- 
fore be  nothing  peculiarly  unpleasant  in  the 
stitch.  There  is  nothing  intricate  and  difficult 
in  the  art;  when  you  have  chosen  a  needle  and 
thread  of  the  proper  size  for  the  texture  of 
your  hose,  and  have  only  to  darn  thin  places, 
it  is  the  easiest  and  prettiest  of  stitchery,  and 
has  this  advantage  over  lace-work,  that  it 
claims  much  less  of  your  attention  whilst  do- 
ing, and,  when  done,  it  will  add  much  more  to 


DARNING    STOCKINGS.  125 

your  appearance  and  comfort,  than  yards  of 
lace  would  do.  Neat-looking  stockings  are  so 
indispensable  to  a  lady,  and  they  so  soon  look 
shabby,  if  not  taken  good  care  of  and  well  re- 
paired, that  your  time  cannot  be  better  bestow- 
ed on  any  article  of  dress,  than  on  your  hose. 
This  is  so  well  understood  in  the  old  countries, 
that  ladies  who  do  no  other  plain  work,  mendr 
their  own  stockings.  If  you  look  with  con- 
tempt upon  this  branch  of  female  industry,  and 
darn  your  stockings  in  a  great  hurry,  just  when 
you  want  to  put  them  on,  it  will  always  be  an 
irksome  task;  but  take  a  pair  of  stockings  in 
hand,  when  nothing  presses  you  for  time,  and 
darn  them  whilst  listening  to  reading  or  con- 
versation, and  you  will  find  it  one  of  the  most 
agreeable  of  mechanical  employments.  If  you 
are  not  hurried,  you  will  seek  out  all  the  thin 
places  and  feel  a  satisfaction  in  guarding  them 
from  becoming  holes  ;  thus  securing  a  neat 
stocking,  and  preventing  accidents  of  the  most 
mortifying  kind.  For  the  very  reason  that 
stockings  are  so  often  badly  mended,  suffered 
to  become  full  of  holes,  and  then  hastily  cob- 
bled up,  the  art  of  repairing  them  has  fallen 
into  disrepute ;  girls  take  it  to  be  a  matter  of 
course  that  they  must  hate  darning  stockings. 
I  have  seen  a  lady  as  much  stared  and  won- 
dered at  for  saying  that  she  liked  to  darn,  as  if 
she  had  expressed  a  fondness  for  the  tooth-ache. 


126  DRESS. 

If  any  one  wishes  to  overcome  this  imaginary- 
evil,  let  her  begin  with  a  new  set  of  stockings, 
take  the  whole  care  of  them  herself,  and  mend 
them  at  a  stated  time  every  week.  If  you 
are  so  situated  in  life,  that  you  can  hire  others 
to  do  your  needle-work  for  you,  you  had  bet- 
ter let  a  seamstress  do  any  other  thing  than 
darn  your  stockings.  That  sort  of  work  is  so 
easily  slighted,  or  done  clumsily,  that  it  re- 
quires the  owner's  interest  in  the  matter  to 
secure  its  being  well  done.  Persons  differ 
very  widely  in  their  standard  of  neatness  with 
regard  to  stockings ;  and  as  the  darning  should 
be  adapted  to  the  texture  of  the  hose,  and  the 
fastidiousness  of  the  wearer,  each  one  is  best 
able  to  suit  herself.  If  you  would  save  your- 
self innumerable  stitches,  always  line  the  heels 
of  stockings  and  run  the  thin  places.  The  tops 
of  old  hose  make  the  best  linings,  and,  if  put 
in  slightly,  and  changed  as  soon  as  worn  out, 
will  save  the  stocking  from  holes  for  a  long 
while. 

There  is  a  great  difference  in  the  manner  of 
wearing  our  apparel,  so  as  to  make  it  look 
well  for  a  longer  or  shorter  time.  Some  girls 
destroy  their  clothes  in  a  very  heedless  way, 
and  their  parents,  from  a  false  delicacy  or 
generosity,  say  nothing  about  it,  but  pay  the 
cost  and  bear  the  inconvenience.  Many  arti- 
cles of  dress  are  more  injured  by  want  of  care 


CARE  TO  BE  TAKEN  OF  CLOTHES.      127 

in  the  disposal  of  them,  when  off  the  person, 
than  when  in  wear ;  capes,  collars,  and  bows 
of  ribbon  are  of  this  description.  If  not  put 
away  properly,  they  are  rumpled  and  made  to 
look  worse  than  when  worn  carefully  for  a 
week.  Smoothing  such  things  with  a  hot  iron 
turns  them  yellow,  and,  if  the  least  sullied,  it 
makes  it  difficult  to  wash  them  clean.  Mrs. 
Willard,  in  her  amusing  book  of  Travels,  has 
a  great  deal  to  say  on  the  care  which  French 
ladies  take  of  their  clothes  when  not  in  wear. 
She  describes  how  they  fold  up  their  dresses, 
and  pin  them  up  in  towels,  and  place  them 
carefully  on  a  shelf.  It  seems  to  have  struck 
her  very  forcibly,  because  it  was  so  differ- 
ent from  the  habits  she  had  observed  in  her 
own  country.  The  French  certainly  under- 
stand the  whole  art  of  making  the  best  ap- 
pearance upon  the  smallest  means ;  and,  as 
every  one  can  do  something  better  with  her 
money,  than  spend  it  unnecessarily  upon  her 
own  dress,  it  is  well  to  learn  the  lesson  which 
they  can  teach.  Other  good  habits  will  help 
you  in  this  ;  if  you  are  orderly,  and  have  a 
place  for  everything,  and  put  everything  in 
its  place  the  moment  you  take  it  off,  this  will 
be  a  great  means  of  preserving  your  clothes  in 
nice  order.  The  practice  of  coming  into  the 
parlour  with  your  walking-dress  on  and  taking 
it  off  there,  throwing  your  bonnet  down  on  one 


128 


DKh;s&. 


chair  and  your  cloak  on  another,  letting  your 
boa  sweep  the  floor,  and  the  collar  that  is 
pinned  to  your  cloak  be  all  tumbled  up  with 
it ;  and  then,  when  at  last  you  must  carry  them 
away,  gathering  them  up  any  how,  and  holding 
your  bonnet  by  one  string,  or  with  a  gripe  of 
the  front  that  bends  it ;  all  these  little  things 
will  in  three  months  greatly  deface  your 
clothes,  and  make  them  look  much  more  shab- 
by than  those  which  are  always  carried  up 
stairs  at  once  on  the  person  of  the  wearer,  and 
put  away  as  they  are  taken  off.  Bonnets  are 
very  much  injured  by  lying  about ;  they  should 
be  put  into  their  proper  box  the  very  moment 
they  are  taken  off  the  head,  unless  they  are 
dusty  or  damp.  In  the  former  case,  blow  or 
wipe  off  the  dust ;  in  the  latter,  adjust  the 
bows  whilst  you  dry  them  ;  for  a  bonnet  should 
always  be  put  away  in  proper  order  to  be  worn 
again  at  a  minute's  notice. 

Veils  should  be  taken  off  and  folded  up,  not 
left  tied  to  the  bonnet  and  crumpled  up  in  the 
band-box.  All  shawls  should  be  folded  up, 
square  and  even,  in  the  same  folds,  every  time 
they  are  laid  by ;  and  if  much  rumpled  in  wear- 
ing, it  is  well  to  put  them  under  some  weight, 
to  be  pressed  smooth  before  they  are  worn 
again.  Gloves  look  well  much  longer,  if,  in- 
stead of  turning  one  in  the  other,  all  in  a 
crump,   you   pull   out    the    fingers   and    stretch 


CARE  TO  BE  TAKEN  OF  CLOTHES.      129 

the  glove  lengthwise,  and,  laying  one  on  the 
other,  put  them  by  without  any  folding.  Belts 
should  be  kept  smooth,  care  being  taken  in 
putting  them  away.  Shoes  are  made  shabby 
by  standing  about  your  chamber,  or  being  kept 
under  beds  and  bureaus.  The  dust  gets  into 
them  and  makes  them  look  irrecoverably  dingy 
and  worn  before  their  proper  time.  Have  a 
box  or  a  covered  shelf  in  a  closet  appropriated 
to  shoes,  and  make  a  point  of  keeping  them  in 
their  place. 

Very  nice  dresses,  which  are  only  worn 
occasionally,  should  not  be  left  hanging  up 
in  closets  for  weeks  and  months  to  gather 
dust,  unless  they  are  turned  wrong  side  out, 
and  hung  up  by  the  belt  hooked  together,  and 
have  the  waist  turned  down  within  the  skirt. 
But  if  you  have  enough  drawers  or  shelves, 
they  had  better  be  folded  and  pinned  up  in 
towels,  and  put  away  from  dust  and  air. 
Dresses  in  every-day  wear  may  very  well  be 
hung  in  closets,  and  should  be  placed  there  the 
moment  they  are  taken  off.  Night-clothes 
should  be  hung  up  to  air  through  the  day,  in- 
stead of  being  placed  under  the  pillow. 

Some  young  ladies,  who  put  their  chambers 
in  good  order  every  morning,  are  content  to 
go  to  bed  at  night  leaving  them  in  the  utmost 
confusion.  They  do  not  consider  how  liable 
every  one  is  to  sudden  indisposition,  or  to  an 

9 


130  DRESS. 

alarm  of  fire,  or  to  some  contingency  that  would 
introduce  their  family  and  even  strangers  into 
the  apartment,  nor  how  mortified  they  would 
feel  to  see  a  gentleman  stumbling  over  their 
petticoats,  dropped  in  a  ring  in  the  middle  of 
the  floor,  or  kicking  a  stray  shoe  or  stocking 
before  him.  It  is  best  to  be  always  prepared 
for  any  exposure,  by  an  undeviating  practice 
of  neatness  and  order.  Every  article  taken  off 
the  person  at  night,  should  have  an  appropri- 
ate place ;  under-garments,  especially,  should 
be  so  arranged,  near  your  bed,  as  to  be  well 
aired  without  exposure  in  full  view,  and  to  be 
easily  seized  and  put  on,  in  case  of  an  alarm. 
Shoes  should  have  a  fixed  place,  w^here  you 
can  always  find  them  in  the  dark.  Stockings 
should  be  drawn  one  w^ithin  the  other,  and 
include  the  garters,  that  they  may  not  be  miss- 
ing when  wanted  in  haste.  Chairs  should  be 
set  in  their  places,  and  all  things  so  arranged 
as  not  to  be  stumbled  over  in  the  dark,  should 
you  have  occasion  to  rise  in  the  night. 

Those  who  sleep  in  short  cotton  gowns,  gen- 
erally use  the  same  article  as  a  dressing  gown, 
over  which  they  comb  and  brush  their  hair  ; 
but  this  is  untidy,  as  loose  hairs  and  dandruff 
will  lodge  in  the  folds,  and  so  be  carried  to 
bed  with  you.  Have  a  separate  gown  for  this 
purpose,  or  else  pin  a  napkin  round  your  neck 
that    will    cover   your   shoulders,   and    receive 


NEAT    HABITS.  131 

every  thing  that  comes  from  your  hair.  It  aids 
a  person  in  being  very  thorough  in  performing 
the  duties  of  the  toilet,  morning  and  evening, 
to  have  a  comfortable  and  seemly  dressing- 
gown,  double  in  winter  and  single  in  summer, 
and  long  as  your  skirts  are,  in  which  you  would 
not  mind  being  seen  by  any  of  your  family. 
With  such  a  garment  on,  you  will  be  more 
likely  to  give  the  proper  time  and  attention  to 
combing  and  brushing  your  hair,  cleaning  your 
teeth  and  nails,  &c. ;  and,  being  made  very 
large  and  loose,  it  allows  you  the  free  use  of 
your  arms  in  shaking  up  your  bed.  Such  a 
garment  should  never  be  worn  about  the  house  ; 
but  in  your  own  chamber,  it  favors  neatness 
and  refinement. 

The  chief  brushing  and  combing  you  give 
your  hair  is  best  done  at  night  when  you  are 
mistress  of  your  time,  and  can  bestow  as  much 
as  is  necessary  to  make  your  head  perfectly 
clean.  I  would  not  recommend  a  hundred 
strokes  of  the  brush  every  night,  which  is  what 
a  celebrated  lady  nightly  bestov^^ed  on  her 
raven  locks  ;  for  some  heads  require  much  less 
than  others  ;  but  I  would  say,  brush  till  your 
locks  are  free  from  every  speck  and  in  perfect 
order  for  dressing  in  the  morning.  If  your 
hair  is  of  the  dry  kind,  that  requires  oil,  beware 
of  using  what  is  rancid,  as  the  odor  of  it  is  very 
disagreeable.     If  you  curl   your  hair  at   night, 


132  DRESS. 

use  clean  light-brown  paper,  not  news-paper, 
for  that  is  dirty  stuff;  and  make  your  night- 
cap cover  your  curl-papers,  for  there  is  no  more 
frightful  appendage  to  a  woman  than  they  are. 
But  to  return  to  the  proper  care  of  clothes. 
As  a  general  rule  those  things  which  are  in- 
jured by  washing  should  never  be  worn  next 
the  skin.  Such  as  woollen  and  silk  shawls,  the 
sleeves  of  silk  dresses,  &c.  Be  not  shocked 
to  be  told  that  it  will  grease  them,  for  the 
fairest  and  most  delicately  clean  skin  is  so 
constituted,  as  to  be  kept  soft  and  healthy  by 
a  lubrication  of  oil,  insensible  to  the  eye,  un- 
less allowed  to  accumulate  on  something  that 
will  not  bear  washing,  but  sufficiently  evident 
w^here  this  is  the  case.  The  slightest  texture 
of  muslin  interposed,  and  frequently  changed 
and  washed,  will  prevent  this  unsightly  accu- 
mulation. I  have  seen  the  back  of  a  high- 
necked  dress  that  was  not  lined,  so  changed, 
where  it  came  in  contact  with  the  skin,  as  to 
mark  distinctly  the  outline  between  that  and 
the  part  which  had  other  clothing  under  it. 
This  is  a  disgusting  sight,  and  might  subject 
a  young  lady  to  the  imputation  of  having  a 
peculiarly  greasy  skin,  when  that  was  not  really 
the  case.  A  refined  person,  who  would  not 
like  to  have  such  marks  seen  on  any  part  of 
her  attire,  should  always  have  a  material,  that 
will  wash,  next   to  her  skin,  and   submit,  even 


CARE  TO  BE  TAKEN  OF  CLOTHES.      133 

in  summer,  to  the  additional  heat  of  muslin 
sleeves  under  silk  ones  These  are  better  than 
linings,  as  they  can  be  washed  more  easily. 

New  gloves  are  often  sacrificed  by  being 
drawn  on  too  hastily  ;  and  if  this  is  done  just 
as  you  are  leaving  the  house  for  a  party,  you 
must  either  keep  your  friends  waiting  whilst 
you  change  them,  or  appear  in  torn  gloves.  It 
is  better  to  fit  them  to  your  hand  deliberately 
before  they  are  worn. 

This  leads  me  to  recommend  the  practice  of 
laying  out  the  things  to  be  worn  on  any  par- 
ticular occasion,  some  hours  before  you  dress. 
In  this  way  you  ascertain  whether  everything 
is  in  order,  in  time  to  supply  a  deficiency,  or 
make  any  necessary  repairs.  By  deciding  be- 
forehand what  you  will  wear,  you  are  more  like- 
ly to  do  it  wisely  than  if  it  is  left  to  the  time  of 
dressing,  and  more  likely  to  be  ready  punctu- 
ally. By  having  your  clothes  laid  out  in  readi- 
ness, you  avoid  confusion  and  that  mislaying 
of  things  which  so  often  occasions  delays.  If 
you  are  in  the  habit  of  putting  away  each  arti- 
cle as  you  take  it  off,  your  room  will  not  get 
into  that  state  of  disorder,  in  which  what  you 
most  want  has  disappeared,  and  cannot  be 
found  without  much  loss  of  time.  Whenever 
this  does  happen,  the  best  way  to  find  the 
missing  article,  is  to  begin  patting  away  every- 
thing that  is  lying  about.     When  you  take  up 


134  .  DRESS. 

anything  to  look  under  it,  you  may  as  well  re- 
store it  to  its  proper  place,  as  lay  it  down 
again  in  the  same  spot,  and  so  put  your  room 
in  order  and  search  for  what  is  lost  at  the 
same  time. 

Although  it  is  a  great  pity  to  devote  more 
time  to  dressing  than  is  actually  requisite,  it 
is  necessary  to  punctuality  that  you  should 
allow  yourself  as  much  as  it  will  take.  If  you 
cannot  learn  to  quicken  your  movements,  or 
save  time  by  due  preparation  beforehand,  you 
must  begin  earlier;  for,  by  not  being  ready  at 
the  hour  appointed,  you  are  guilty  of  a  breach 
of  politeness  to  all  concerned,  and  you  rob 
them  of  two  most  valuable  possessions,  time 
and  patience.  Unpunctual  people  generally 
live  under  a  delusion  as  to  the  time  that  it 
takes  them  to  do  things  ;  they  wilfully  shut 
their  minds  to  the  conviction,  that  if  it  took 
them  a  whole  hour  to  dress  for  a  party  last 
week,  it  v»'ill  probably  take  as  long  this.  They 
seem  to  have  a  dread  of  being  ready  before 
the  time,  as  if  it  would  do  them  some  harm  to 
be  dressed,  and  in  the  parlour,  ten  minutes 
before  the  appointed  hour ;  but  no  dilatory 
person  can  become  punctual,  unless  she  over- 
come that  repugnance,  and  make  an  effort  to 
be  ready  before  the  time. 

The  want  of  punctuality  is  such  a  flagrant 
violation  of  the  rights  of  others,  that  it  will  be 


CONDUCT    TO    DRESS-MAKERS.  135 

more  fully  treated  of  elsewhere;  but  it  is  so 
often  occasioned  by  delays  in  dressing,  that  it 
naturally  connects  itself  with  the  subject  of 
this  chapter. 

There  is  another  topic  intimately  connected 
with  dress,  which  involves  very  serious  conse- 
quences to  a  suffering  portion  of  the  community. 
I  allude  to  unreasonable  exactions  upon  dress- 
makers, milliners,  and  seamstresses.  The  young 
belle,  who  is  very  desirous  of  having  a  dress 
made,  in  order  to  wear  it  on  a  particular  occa- 
sion, near  at  hand,  urges  her  dress-maker  to 
get  it  done  at  a  certain  time,  little  thinking  of 
the  aching  sides,  and  throbbing  temples,  and 
smarting  eyes,  and  toil-worn  fingers,  that  must 
be  overtasked  and  deprived  of  proper  natural 
rest,  in  order  to  gratify  her  in  this  particular. 
She  converses  about  it  with  the  flourishing 
head  of  a  fashionable  establishment,  and  thinks 
not  of  the  pale  and  lean  girls  who  are  to  do 
the  work,  and  lose  a  night's  sleep  to  accom- 
plish it.  A  peep  behind  the  scenes  would  so 
touch  the  sympathies  of  a  generous  nature  as 
to  make  the  new  dress  lose  all  its  importance, 
when  viewed  in  connexion  with  the  sufferings 
of  those  who  are  to  make  it. 

When  you  are  promised  an  article  on  Satur- 
day night,  and  it  does  not  come  till  Sunday 
morning,  you  may  be  sure  that  wholesome  rest, 
if  not  a  portion  of  the  Sabbath,  has  been  sacri- 


136  DRESS. 

ficed  to  its  completion.  Who  that  has  a  heart 
to  feel  would  not  rather  wear  the  old  bonnet 
another  Sunday,  than  be  the  means  of  over- 
working a  fellow  being  ?  These  things,  once 
known  and  borne  in  mind,  must  influence  the 
conduct  of  gentle  natures  towards  those  they 
employ  to  work  for  them  ;  and  each  one  that 
shows  an  interest  in  their  welfare  does  some- 
thing towards  ameliorating  their  condition. 

Let  no  one  try  to  satisfy  her  conscience  by 
saying,  "  If  these  work-women  do  not  toil  for 
me,  they  will  for  some  one  else,  and  I  may  as 
well  reap  the  benefit  as  my  neighbour."  Each 
one  is  bound  to  do  right  for  herself,  whether 
any  good  results  from  it  to  others  or  not.  But 
there  is  such  power  in  goodness,  that  we  cannot 
doubt  the  importance  to  others  of  any  one  per- 
son's acting  conscientiously  in  such  matters, 
whilst  to  the  individual  herself  it  is  of  vital 
consequence. 

Borrowing  clothes  is  a  practice  that  can 
hardly  be  indulged  in,  even  among  sisters, 
without  an  unjustifiable  infringement  of  the 
rights  of  others.  It  is  generally  those  who  are 
the  most  careless  and  improvident  that  wish 
to  borrow,  and  they  are  least  to  be  trusted 
with  what  is  not  their  own.  To  wish  to  make 
an  appearance  beyond  your  own  resources  by 
borrowing  the  ornaments  and  rich  clothing  of 
others,  is   mean   in   the   extreme.     Friends   or 


BORROWING.  137 

sisters  may  occasionally  accommodate  each 
other  by  the  loan  of  a  small  article  ;  but  the 
favor  should  be  reciprocal,  never  on  one  side 
only,  or  it  becomes  a  burden  to  the  lender,  and 
an  indulgence  of  selfishness  in  the  borrower. 
I  have  known  sisters  so  mean  and  exacting, 
as  to  make  a  practice  of  supplying  their  own 
deficiencies  by  borrowing  constantly  of  one 
more  provident  than  the  rest.  The  clean 
bonnet-cap  was  hardly  prepared  before  it  was 
borrowed,  and  the  prettiest  belt  or  cape  was 
oftener  worn  by  these  harpies,  than  by  the 
rightful  owner. 

It  is  very  allowable  to  borrow  a  shawl  or 
cloak,  where  you  would  otherwise  suffer  for 
the  want  of  one;  but,  in  that  case,  beg  for  the 
least  valuable  one  your  friend  has  ;  wear  it 
more  carefully  than  you  would  your  own  ;  fold 
it  up  as  soon  as  you  take  it  off,  and  put  it  in 
a  safe  place  till  returned,  which  it  should  be 
as  early  as  possible,  carefully  \vrapt  up  and 
directed,  lest  it  should  be  injured  or  lost  on  its 
way  back. 

If,  at  a  party,  you  accidentally  exchange 
some  article  of  dress,  and  find,  on  returning 
home,  that  you  have  another  person's  hood,  or 
shawl,  or  over-shoes,  lose  no  time  in  sending 
them  back  the  next  day,  to  the  house  of  enter- 
tainment, with  a  note  describing  your  owni  ar- 


138  DRESS. 

tide,  and  requesting  that  inquiry  may  be  made 
for  it  when  the  article  sent  is  called  for. 

If  this  were  a  general  practice,  such  mistakes 
would  be  easily  rectified ;  but  if  you  do  not 
make  the  house  where  the  exchange  took  place 
a  point  of  meeting,  to  set  things  right,  you  may 
never  find  your  own,  or  restore  what  you  have 
taken  of  another ;  and,  whether  you  are  a 
gainer  or  loser  by  the  mistake,  you  should  be 
equally  anxious  to  correct  it.  I  have  known  a 
very  valuable  boa  exchanged  at  a  party  for  a 
miserable  little  string  of  coarse  fur;  and  if  the 
person,  who  made  the  advantageous  exchange, 
had  taken  half  the  pains  to  restore  what  did 
not  belong  to  her,  that  the  loser  did  to  regain 
her  own,  it  would  have  been  forthcoming  ; 
but,  from  some  obliquity  or  inefficiency,  the 
valuable  boa  was  lost  for  ever  to  its  rightful 
owner.  I  have  heard  girls  triumph  in  an  ad- 
vantageous exchange  of  this  sort,  considering 
it  only  a  good  joke,  instead  of  a  piece  of  dis- 
honesty, and  it  certainly  is  nothing  less  to 
retain  an  article  belonging  to  another  without 
an  effort  to  find  the  owner. 

I  must  not  dismiss  the  subject  of  dress  with- 
out reminding  those  ladies,  who  are  deeply 
interested  in  their  studies,  and  are  pursuing 
knowledge  with  an  eagerness  that  leaves  them 
little  time  or  inclination  for  the  duties  of  the 
toilet,  that   they  are  responsible   to   their   sex. 


DUTY    OF    CULTIVATED    WOMEN.  139 

for  not  bringing  literary  pursuits  into  disrepute 
by  neglecting  their  personal  appearance.  Let 
them  simplify  their  dress  as  much  as  they  can, 
but  at  the  same  time  they  should  be  even  more 
careful  than  others,  to  be  always  neatly  equip- 
ped, and  sufficiently  in  the  fashion  to  avoid 
singularity.  Let  them  consider  that,  for  many 
years,  it  was  a  standing  argument  against 
giving  daughters  a  liberal  education,  that  if 
they  became  learned  or  literary,  they  would 
inevitably  be  slatterns  in  their  dress,  and  in 
their  conduct  of  household  affairs. 

The  connexion,  in  many  minds,  is  still  very 
close  between  hlue  stockings  and  dirty  stockings ; 
let  nothing  be  done  to  strengthen  it ;  but  let 
ladies  of  the  present  day,  who  have  highly  cul- 
tivated minds,  make  a  point  of  showing  the 
world  that  their  attainments  are  not  incompati- 
ble with  due  attention  to  domestic  affairs  and 
personal  neatness;  let  them  follow  the  example 
of  those  distinguished  female  writers  of  the 
last  half  century,  who  have  done  so  much  to 
destroy  the  prejudice  of  the  other  sex  against 
learned  ladies. 

I  can  assure  my  young  friends,  from  personal 
observation,  that  the  classic  lore  of  Mrs.  Bar- 
bauld  never  interfered  with  the  most  exact 
attention  to  personal  neatness  and  propriety 
of  dress  ;  that  the  poetic  inspiration  of  Mrs. 
Joanna  Baillie  never  prevents  her   from  being 


140  DRESS. 

a  notable  house-wife,  a  very  good  dresser,  and 
the  best  of  neighbours  to  the  sick  and  the  af- 
flicted. Neither  do  the  scientific  researches 
and  high  mathematical  attainments  of  Mrs. 
Somerville  interfere  with  other  pursuits  more 
common  to  her  sex,  such  as  botany,  mineralo- 
gy, music,  and  painting,  whilst  the  peculiar 
grace  and  beauty  of  her  toilet  would  lead  a 
stranger  to  suppose,  that  more  than  common 
attention  had  been  bestowed  upon  it. 


MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH.      141 

CHAPTER  VII. 

Means  of  Preserving  Health. 

Importance  of  the  Subject.  —  Objections  anticipated, —  The 
Laws  of  our  Being  are  fixed.  — Extract  from  Dr.  Combe. — 
Advantages  of  the  Study  of  Physiology.  —  Structure  of  the 
Skin.  —  Insensible  Perspiration.  —  Animal  Heat.  —  Absorb- 
ents. —  Sensation.  —  Cleanliness.  —  Warm  and  Cold  Bath- 
ing. —  Mutual  Dependence  of  the  Skin  and  the  Lungs.  — 
Circulation  of  the  Blood. — Exercise. —  Cold  Extremities. — 
The  Lungs.  —  Digestion.  —  Food.  —  Drink.  —  Fasting  the 
Best  Cure.  —  Constipation.  — Tight  Lacing.  —  Tight  Shoes. 

Were  this  chapter  headed  with,  "  The  Means 
of  Preserving  Beauty,"  how  many  eyes,  that 
will  now  turn  away  from  it  with  indifference, 
would  then  be  riveted  to  it ;  and  yet  a  bet- 
ter understanding  of  the  subject  would  make 
those,  who  are  most  anxious  to  preserve  their 
good  looks,  seek  most  eagerly  to  know  how  to 
preserve  their  health,  for  without  that,  no  one 
can  long  be  beautiful,  and  with  it,  the  plainest 
person  is  sure  of  one  kind  of  comeliness. 

We  think  with  horror  of  that  sort  of  suicide, 
which  is  committed  by  hanging,  drowning,  or 
poisoning;  but  take  no  note  of  the  more  nu- 
merous, and  more  responsible  cases  that  are  to 
be  found  among  those  who  destroy  their  health 
by  inattention  to  the  laws  which  a  wise  Creator 
has  affixed  to  the  human  constitution.  Igno- 
rance,  a  blamable  ignorance,   of  the  structure 


142      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

and  functions  of  those  organs  on  which  life 
depends,  has  occasioned  the  death  of  thou- 
sands. 

Women  study  all  the  arts  and  sciences 
which  are  fitted  to  embellish  life,  whilst  they 
fail  to  become  acquainted  with  that  one  sub- 
ject, on  which  depends  the  exercise  and  full 
enjoyment  of  all  else  that  they  know.  They 
spend  years  in  learning  to  sing,  without  devot- 
ing one  hour's  attention  to  the  construction  of 
that  wonderful  instrument,  the  lungs.  They 
pursue  all  other  kinds  of  knowledge,  and 
neglect  that  which  is  necessary  to  the  due 
observance  of  the  laws  of  their  being ;  and,  by 
ignorantly  transgressing  those  laws,  they  bring 
on  disease,  and  are  prematurely  cut  off  in  the 
very  bloom  of  life. 

On  no  other  subject,  connected  with  their 
temporal  well-being,  are  persons  so  blind  to 
their  own  interests.  Suppose,  for  instance, 
that  you  inherited  from  your  parents  a  valuable 
piece  of  mechanism,  by  means  of  which  the 
most  curious  and  complicated  movements  of 
puppets  were  performed,  the  finest  music  was 
produced,  and  a  succession  of  landscapes  was 
presented,  in  which  motion  was  given  to  the 
trees,  as  if  waving  in  the  wind,  brooks  ran  and 
bubbled,  and  clouds  appeared  floating  in  the 
air ;  suppose  that  the  machinery  which  pro- 
duced these  curious  results  was   all  concealed 


IMPORTANCE    OF    THE    SUBJECT.  143 

in  a  closely  shut  box,  which  could  not  be  open- 
ed without  destroying  the  instrument  for  ever. 
You  received  with  the  box,  a  few  directions 
about  winding  it  up,  and  pulling  certain  strings 
and  touching  certain  springs,  at  stated  times, 
without  knowing  the  connexion  between  these, 
and  the  hidden  movements  within.  This  ig- 
norance would  inevitably  lead  to  mistakes  in 
its  management^  and  if  by  chance  any  part 
were  out  of  order,  your  attempts  to  rectify  it 
would  be  made  at  random,  and  be  as  likely  to 
do  harm,  as  good.  Would  you  not,  in  such  a 
case,  be  very  desirous  to  learn  something  of 
the  internal  structure  of  this  curious  and  valu- 
able machine,  more  especially  if  by  a  spell  your 
enjoyment  of  life,  and  life  itself,  were  made  to 
depend  on  its  being  kept  in  good  order  ? 

If  a  friend  should  come  to  you  and  say,  "  I 
have  seen  many  such  boxes  before,  I  have  seen 
them  opened,  and  know  exactly  how  they  are 
constructed,  and  why  touching  this  spring  pro- 
duces one  effect,  and  touching  that,  another ; 
I  know  too  what  ails  your  box,  and  makes  its 
music  imperfect,  and  its  movements  incom- 
plete; shall  I  explain  it  to  you  ?"  Would  you 
not  eagerly  receive  the  proffered  information  ? 

And  yet  your  own  bodies  are  full  of  machin- 
ery far  more  curious  than  was  ever  imagined  by 
man,  performing  far  more  complicated  move- 
ments than  we  can  number  or  describe,  and  on 


144       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

your  right  understanding  of  their  proper  use 
and  treatment  depend  not  only  the  prolonga- 
tion of  your  life,  but  the  power  of  enjoyment, 
activity,  and  usefulness,  while  it  lasts. 

What  avails  it,  that  you  have  every  luxury 
which  wealth  can  procure,  or  that  you  possess 
the  kindest  friends,  and  the  finest  powers  ? 
Without  health,  you  can  neither  enjoy  the  one, 
nor  exercise  the  other. 

Look  back  upon  your  childhood,  and  see 
how  many  of  your  early  schoolmates  are  num- 
bered with  the  dead,  how  many  have  grown  up 
pale  and  feeble,  how  many  are  habitual  in- 
valids ;  look  at  those  who  are  among  your 
mother's  friends,  and  see  who  of  them  arc 
possessed  of  good  health,  and  can  perform  all 
the  duties  of  life  without  hinderance  from  bod- 
ily infirmity ;  and  then  consider,  whether,  for 
the  sake  of  preserving  this  rare  and  valuable 
possession  from  the  evils  occasioned  by  igno- 
rance, you  are  not  willing  to  take  a  little  pains 
to  inform  yourself  upon  the  subject. 

Perhaps  you  are  weary  of  hearing  it  said,  that 
bathing,  and  friction,  and  exercise,  are  neces- 
sary to  health,  that  breathing  the  air  of  hot 
rooms  and  crowded  theatres  is  hurtful  to  it, 
that  certain  kinds  of  food  are  good  for  the 
digestion  and  other  kinds  are  bad;  but  will  it 
not  interest  you  to  know  hoiv  bathing  affects 
the    skin,    and,    by   understanding  its   curious 


OBJECTIONS    ANTICIPATEP.  145 

Structure,  see  for  yourself  what  is  necessary  to 
its  being  in  a  healthy  condition  ?  Would  you 
not  like  to  hear  how  your  lively  feelings  de- 
pend on  your  circulations,  and  how  these  are 
quickened  by  the  motions  of  the  muscles,  which 
we  call  exercise  ?  Will  it  not  interest  you  to 
know  how  that  important  organ,  the  lungs,  is 
rendered  liable  to  become  the  seat  of  the  most 
incurable  of  diseases,  and  how  its  functions 
can  best  be  kept  in  a  healthy  state  ?  Will  you 
not  be  willing  to  learn  how  the  stomach  oper- 
ates on  the  food,  and  why  eating  between 
meals  is  unwholesome,  why  suppers  disturb  the 
sleep,  and  why  pound-cake  gives  you  the  head- 
ache. 

"  Let  it  not  be  said,  that  knowledge  of  this 
description  is  superfluous  to  the  unprofessional 
reader ;  for  society  groans  under  the  load  of 
suffering  inflicted  by  causes  susceptible  of  re- 
moval, but  left  in  operation  in  consequence  of 
our  unacquaintance  with  our  own  structure, 
and  with  the  relations  of  the  different  parts  of 
the  system  to  each  other  and  to  external  ob- 
jects." 

How  few  persons  understand  the  uses  of  the 
skin,  or  how  to  preserve  its  freshness  and 
health !  Yet  it  is  an  organ,  on  which  the  com- 
fort of  the  whole  body  depends.  "  No  one  can 
be  happy  who  does  not  perspire,"  said  an  old 
lady  to  me  one  day,  and  greatly  was  T  amused 

M  10 


146       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

at  the  putting  together  of  two  things  which  I 
had  never  before  thought  of,  as  having  any 
connexion ;  but,  on  reflection,  I  found  the  old 
lady  was  right  I  have  since  seen,  in  Dr. 
Combe's  admirable  little  work*  on  the  means 
of  preserving  health,  ample  reason  for  the 
correctness  of  the  remark. 

Our  bodies  are  constituted  according  to  cer- 
tain laws,  which  are  as  fixed  as  those  which 
regulate  the  planets  in  their  orbits ;  but  with 
this  difference,  that,  whilst  the  heavenly  bodies 
have  no  power  to  deviate  from  their  appointed 
path,  to  man  is  given  that  free  agency  which 
leaves  him  at  liberty  to  maltreat  his  own  body, 
though  he  cannot  do  it  without  incurring  a 
penalty,  that  of  introducing  disease  into  his 
system.  The  law  is  just  as  absolute  in  the 
one  case  as  in  the  other ;  and  it  is  the  prerog- 
ative, as  well  as  the  duty,  of  man  to  acquaint 
himself  with  it  and  obey  it. 

Some  of  these  laws  we  easily  understand 
and  readily  obey.  All  admit  that  we  cannot 
live  without  food,  and  sleep,  and  fresh  air.     It 

*  Entitled,  "  The  Principles  of  Physiology,  applied  to 
the  Preservation  of  Health,  by  Andrew  Combe,  M.  D.," 
republished  in  New  York,  as  the  sixty-first  volume  of 
Harpers'  "Family  Library." —  This  work  is  written  with- 
out any  technical  phrases,  is  adapted  to  the  comprehension 
of  the  unlearned,  and  describes  some  of  the  principal  or- 
gans of  the  body  and  their  functions  in  the  most  perspicu- 
ous and  familiar  manner. 


LAWS  OF  OUR  BEING  FIXED.         147 

is  equally  certain,  but  not  equally  obvious,  that 
we  cannot  enjoy  full  health  unless  our  food  be 
of  a  proper  quality,  taken  in  proper  quantities, 
and  at  proper  times  ;  and  that,  to  answer  its 
full  purpose  of  refreshment,  sleep  must  be  taken 
in  the  right  quantity,  and  at  the  right  time. 
Because  the  consequences  of  breaking  these 
laws  do  not  immediately  appear,  we  expect  to 
escape  them  altogether.  Some  persons  igno- 
rantly  boast  that  they  are  just  as  well  without 
exercise  as  others  are  with  it.  Some  say  they 
have  learned  to  do  with  only  four  hours'  sleep, 
and  others  insist  upon  it  that  ten  or  twelve 
hours  do  not  injure  them.  One  young  lady 
will  tell  you  that  dissipation  agrees  with  her, 
and  her  lungs  are  proof  against  the  vitiated 
atmosphere  of  crowded  rooms  ;  another  will 
gravely  assure  you,  that  rising  early  gives  her 
the  headache,  and  strong  coffee  never  does 
her  any  harm.  But,  sooner  or  later,  nature 
wrill  vindicate  her  rights,  and  the  violator  of 
her  laws  will  find,  that  there  are  few  exceptions 
to  her  rules.  The  elasticity  of  youth  may  re- 
sist such  maltreatment  for  a  while  ;  but  at  last, 
and  often  without  warning,  the  health  fails,  a 
long  train  of  diseases  follows,  the  physician 
catechizes  his  patient,  and  finds  in  her  ac- 
knowledged way  of  living  abundant  reason  for 
the  complaints  that  have  been  induced. 


148       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

"  Happy  would  it  be  for  suffering  man,"  says 
Dr.  Combe,  "  could  he  see  beforehand  the 
great  amount  of  punishment  which  his  multi- 
plied aberrations  from  the  laws  of  physiology 
are  sure  to  bring  upon  him.  But  as,  in  the 
great  majority  of  instances,  the  breach  of  the 
law  is  limited  in  extent,  and  becomes  serious 
by  the  frequency  of  its  repetition,  rather  than 
by  a  single  act ;  so  is  the  punishment  gradual 
in  its  infliction,  and  slow  in  manifesting  its 
accumulated  effect ;  and  this  very  gradation, 
and  the  distance  of  time  at  which  the  full  effect 
is  produced,  are  the  reasons  why  man,  in  his 
ignorance,  so  often  fails  to  trace  the  connexion 
between  his  conduct  in  life  and  his  broken 
health.  But  the  connexion  subsists  although 
he  does  not  regard  it,  and  the  accumulated 
consequences  come  upon  him  when  he  least  ex- 
pects them. 

"Thus  pure  air  is  essential  to  the  full  enjoy- 
ment of  health ;  and  reason  says,  that  every 
degree  of  vitiation  must  necessarily  be  propor- 
tionally hurtful,  till  we  arrive  at  that  degree 
which  destroys  life.  When  we  state  this  fact 
to  a  delicately  constituted  female,  who  is  fond 
of  frequenting  heated  rooms  and  crowded  as- 
semblies, and  call  her  attention  to  the  hurtful 
consequences  of  inhaling  such  vitiated  air,  her 
answer  invariably  is,  that  the  closeness  and 
heat  are  very  disagreeable,  but  that  they  rarely 


EXTRACT  FROM  DR.  COMBE.  149 

injure  her ;  by  which  she  can  only  mean,  that 
a  single  exposure  to  them  does  not  always 
cause  an  illness  serious  enough  to  send  her  to 
her  bed,  or  excite  acute  pain  ;  although  she 
admits  that  such  results  have  sometimes  fol- 
lowed. An  intelligent  observer,  however,  has 
no  difficulty  in  perceiving  that  they  do  hurt 
her ;  and  that,  although  the  effect  of  each  ex- 
posure is  so  gradual  as  not  to  arrest  attention, 
it  is  not  the  less  certainly  the  cause  of  that 
general  delicacy  of  health  by  which  she  is  char- 
acterized, and  from  which  no  medical  treat- 
ment can  relieve  her,  so  long  as  she  pursues 
the  same  course." 

Witness  the  inroads  made  on  the  health  and 
beauty  of  young  girls  that  have  been  all  winter 
engaged  in  the  fashionable  amusements  of  a 
large  city.  You  may  read,  in  those  pallid 
cheeks  and  hollow  eyes,  in  that  languid  air 
and  shrunk  form,  a  lesson  on  the  evil  influences 
they  have  been  under.  Instead  of  having  been 
braced  by  winter  frosts,  and  strong  out-door 
exercise,  to  bear  the  east  winds  and  variable 
temperature  of  spring,  they  are  so  enfeebled  as 
to  become  the  ready  victims  of  disease.  If 
not  fatally  attacked,  the  more  active  out-door 
habits  of  summer  restore  a  portion  of  their 
lost  vigor ;  and  happy  would  it  be  for  those 
of  delicate  constitutions,  if  they  would  profit 
by  this  practical  lesson,  and  learn  in  future  to 

M* 


150      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

avoid  such  fruitful  causes  of  disease  and  death 
But,   instead  of  this,  the   health  and  strength, 
acquired  in  the  journeys  and  rambles  of  sum- 
mer, are  often  lavished  on  the  round  of  fash- 
ionable amusements  in  winter. 

If  I  could  hope  that  my  readers  would  avail 
themselves  of  Dr.  Combe's  book,  here  recom- 
mended, or  any  other  similar  work,  I  might 
save  myself  the  trouble  of  entering  further  upon 
those  subjects  of  which  he  has  treated  so  fully 
and  so  ably ;  but,  knowing  the  prevailing  in- 
difference upon  those  topics,  I  cannot  feel  ex- 
cused from  giving  some  brief  notice  of  them, 
though  I  hope  none,  who  take  any  interest  in 
what  is  here  said,  will  fail  to  prosecute  the 
inquiry  further.  I  am  aware  that,  in  doing  this, 
you  would  have  to  encounter  some  prejudices, 
particularly  among  your  elderly  friends,  who, 
having  passed  the  meridian  of  life  without  any 
such  knowledge  as  you  are  seeking,  are  apt  to 
discourage  others  from  the  pursuit.  They  are 
liable  also  to  confound  a  knowledge  of  the 
structure  and  functions  of  the  different  organs 
with  the  study  of  professional  treatises  on  dis- 
ease, which  are  not  to  be  recommended  to  a 
young  reader.  It  is  the  means  of  preventing, 
not  of  curing  disease,  that  you  should  study. 
The  general  acquaintance  with  the  structure 
and  functions  of  the  different  organs  essential 
to  life,  which   I  would  urge  upon  you,  would 


STRUCTURE    OF    THE    SKIN.  151 

make  you  less  liable  to  be  imposed  upon  by 
the  nostrums  of  quacks  who  pretend  to  have 
discovered  a  specific  for  every  form  of  disease  ; 
it  would  enable  you  to  discover  the  earlier 
symptoms  of  derangement,  and  so  prevent 
much  serious  illness ;  it  would  render  you  a 
more  intelligent  listener  to  the  directions  of 
the  physician,  either  in  your  own  case,  or  that 
of  a  friend ;  it  would  prevent  your  ignorantly 
ruining  your  own  health ;  and,  if  properly  im- 
pressed with  the  importance  of  the  subject,  it 
would  make  you  so  arrange  your  plans  of  life, 
as  to  secure  you  from  a  wanton  sacrifice  of  one 
of  its  greatest  blessings. 

If  my  limits  w^ould  admit  of  my  entering  into 
a  full  description  of  the  structure  of  the  skin, 
you  would  find  that,  simple  and  uniform  as  it 
appears,  "it  is  a  compound  of  many  elements, 
and  the  seat  of  as  great  a  variety  of  functions; 
and  that,  like  every  other  part  of  the  animal 
frame,  it  displays  the  most  striking  proofs  of 
the  transcendent  wisdom  and  beneficence  of 
its  great  Creator."  In  order  to  understand 
anything  of  its  uses,  it  is  necessary  to  bear  in 
mind  that  the  skin  is  composed  of  three  layers, 
each  of  which  answers  a  purpose  peculiar  to 
itself.  The  outermost  layer,  that  which  is 
visible,  is  called  the  epidermis,  cuticle,  or  scarf- 
skin.  It  is  very  thin,  as  Ave  may  see  when  il 
is  raised  in  blisters.     It  has  no  blood-vessels 


152       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

or  nerves  ;  it  does  not  bleed  when  punctured, 
nor  feel  any  pain,  or  school-girls  would  not  be 
so  fond  of  running  pins  and  needles  into  it  for 
amusement. 

Immediately  beneath  the  scarf-skin,  and  be- 
tween it  and  the  true  skin,  is  a  thin  soft  cover- 
ing called  the  mucous  coat,  which  protects  the 
nerves  and  vessels  of  the  latter,  and  gives 
them  their  requisite  softness  and  pliancy.  It 
is  the  seat  of  the  coloring  matter  of  the  skin, 
and  determines  the  complexion,  from  that  of 
the  negro,  to  the  fairest  lady  in  the  land. 

"  The  third  and  most  important  layer  is  the 
dermis  or  true  skin.  It  is  of  considerable  thick- 
ness, full  of  nerves  and  blood-vessels,  very 
delicately  organized,  and  endowed  with  the 
principle  of  life  in  a  high  degree.  Besides 
being  the  beautiful  and  efficacious  protector  of 
the  parts  beneath  it,  it  is  the  instrument  of 
four  important  functions  ;  first,  as  an  exhalant 
of  the  waste  matter  from  the  system ;  second, 
as  a  joint  regulator  of  the  heat  of  the  body ; 
third,  as  an  agent  of  absorption ;  and  fourth, 
as  the  seat  of  sensation  and  touch.  This  true 
skin,  or,  as  we  shall  now  call  it,  the  skin,  is  a 
dense,  firm  tissue  of  nerves  and  blood-vessels, 
as  may  be  shown  by  the  fact,  that  you  cannot 
puncture  it  anywhere  with  the  finest  needle, 
without  drawing  blood  and  causing  pain,  that 


INSENSIBLE    PERSPIRATION.  153 

is,  without  opening  a  blood-vessel  and  trans- 
fixing a  nerve." 

The  whole  animal  system  is  in  a  state  of 
constant  decay  and  renovation.  Of  the  food 
we  take,  a  part  goes  to  supply  the  waste,  and 
that  which  is  not  nutritive  passes  off  by  the 
bowels ;  but,  besides  this  excretion,  there  is 
a  large  quantity  of  old,  altered,  useless  parti- 
cles perpetually  thrown  out  from  the  body,  by 
means  of  visible  and  invisible  excretions,  and 
the  skin  is  one  of  the  principal  outlets  for  this 
waste  matter. 

This  perpetual  exhalation,  being  in  the  form 
of  vapor,  is  invisible  under  ordinary  circum- 
stances, and  is  called  the  insensible  pers])iration. 
It  is  of  the  same  nature  as  that  which  is  sensi- 
ble, and  which,  when  it  shows  itself  in  drops, 
is  called  sweat.  "  Taking  even  the  lowest  esti- 
mate of  Lavoisier,  we  find  the  skin  endowed 
with  the  important  charge  of  removing  from 
the  system  about  twenty  ounces  of  waste  mat- 
ter every  twenty-four  hours  ;  and  when  we 
consider  that  this  large  quantity  of  vapor  is 
sent  forth  in  so  divided  a  state  as  to  be  in- 
visible, and  that  it  is  given  out  by  the  very 
minute  blood-vessels  of  the  true  slan,  we  per- 
ceive at  once  why  these  are  so  extremely 
numerous  that  a  pin's  point  cannot  touch  any 
spot  without  piercing  them ;  and  we  see  a  suf- 
ficient reason  why  checked  perspiration  should 


164      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

prove  so  detrimental  to  health,  because,  for 
every  twenty-four  hours,  during  which  such  a 
state  continues,  we  must  either  have  twenty 
ounces  of  useless  and  hurtful  matter  accumu- 
lating in  the  body,  or  have  some  of  the  other 
organs  of  excretion  grievously  overtasked, 
which  obviously  cannot  happen  without  dis- 
turbing their  regularity  and  well-being.  Peo- 
ple know  the  fact,  and  wonder  that  it  should 
be  so,  that  cold  applied  to  the  skin,  or  con- 
tinued exposure  in  a  cold  day,  often  produces 
a  bowel  complaint,  a  severe  cold  in  the  head  or 
chest,  or  inflammation  of  some  internal  organ ; 
but  were  they  taught  as  they  ought  to  be,  the 
structure  and  uses  of  their  own  bodies,  they 
would  rather  wonder  that  it  did  not  always 
produce  one  of  those  effects." 

Dr.  Combe  traces,  in  the  most  interesting 
way,  the  connexion  between  suppressed  per- 
spiration, and  the  production  of  individual 
diseases  ;  and  shows  the  sympathy  which  ex- 
ists between  the  skin,  the  bowels,  the  lungs, 
the  liver,  and  the  kidneys,  because  they  have 
all  one  common  office  to  perform,  that  of  throw- 
ing waste  matter  out  of  the  system,  each  in  a 
way  peculiar  to  its  own  structure ;  and  I  ear- 
nestly recommend  my  readers  to  pursue  the 
subject  in  his  little  treatise,  if  they  would 
learn  how  to  guard  themselves  from  the  numer- 
ous diseases  that  arise  from  checked  perspira- 


USE    OF    PERSPIRATION.  155 

tion,  and  if  they  would  avoid  doing  from 
ignorance  that  which  may  entail  upon  them 
consumption  and  early  death. 

The  second  important  use  of  the  skin  is  that 
of  regulating  its  temperature.  Animal  heat  is 
constantly  generated  and  constantly  expended 
by  our  bodies,  and  it  is  necessary  to  life  and 
health  that  the  proper  balance  should  be  main- 
tained between  these  two  processes.  During 
repose,  or  passive  exercise,  the  surplus  heat 
is  carried  off  by  the  insensible  perspiration 
from  the  lungs  and  skin,  and  by  contact  w^ith 
the  colder  air ;  but  when  the  amount  of  heat 
is  increased  by  active  exercise  or  otherwise, 
an  increased  expenditure  becomes  necessary 
This  is  effected  by  the  skin  and  lungs  being 
excited  to  a  higher  action,  by  the  latter  send- 
ing out  breath  loaded  with  vapor,  and  the 
former  exhaling  its  fluid  so  rapidly  as  to  form 
sweat.  Every  one  has  experienced  the  sensa- 
tion of  relief  from  heat,  when  we  pass  from  a 
burning,  dry  skin  to  a  copious  perspiration, 
either  in  a  fever,  or  in  a  warm  day  in  summer. 
Women  who  do  not  easily  perspire,  lose  their 
health  when  they  do  the  work  of  a  cook  in 
summer ;  whilst  those  who  do,  can  bear  the 
heat  of  the  fire  without  injury.  Franklin  first 
discovered  the  use  of  perspiration  in  carrying 
off  the  superfluous  heat  of  the  body. 


156       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

"  The  skin  exhales  most  in  a  warm,  dry- 
atmosphere,  because  the  air  then  dissolves 
and  carries  off  the  secretion  as  fast  as  it  is 
produced ;  "  and  for  this  reason  we  can  sup- 
port the  heats  of  summer  best  when  unattended 
by  moisture  in  the  air. 

The  third  use  of  the  skin  is  that  of  absorb- 
ing small  particles  from  the  air  or  any  other 
substance  in  contact  with  it.  The  power  of 
absorption  is  made  use  of  where  we  rub  oint- 
ment or  liniments  on  the  body  of  a  patient, 
or  where,  by  inoculation,  a  small  portion  of 
infectious  matter,  inserted  under  the  cuticle, 
affects  the  whole  system.  The  process  of  ab- 
sorption is  carried  on  by  a  separate  set  of 
exceedingly  small  and  numerous  vessels  in  the 
skin ;  these  are  always  most  active  in  a  moist 
atmosphere,  which  is  the  reason  why  night  air 
is  often  unwholesome,  and  why  miasma  or  bad 
air  is  peculiarly  hurtful  in  marshy  districts, 
and  why  warm  woollen  clothing  is  more  needed 
in  damp  weather  than  dry,  even  though  the 
temperature  should  be  higher. 

The  insensible  perspiration,  or  animal  efflu- 
via, when  it  does  not  pass  off  into  the  air,  but 
is  fixed  and  concentrated  upon  the  skin,  be- 
comes an  energetic  poison,  and  acts  upon  the 
system  as  such,  by  means  of  the  absorbent 
vessels  ;  hence  the  danger  to  the  health  from 
want  of  cleanliness,  and  the  fatal  consequences 


STRUCTURE    OF    THE    SKIN.  157 

which  have  frequently  followed  the  use  of 
water-proof  dresses  by  sportsmen  and  others. 

The  last  of  the  four  uses  of  the  skin  which  I 
propose  to  consider,  is  that  of  its  being  the 
seat  of  sensation  and  touch.  If  we  had  no 
nerves  on  the  surface  of  our  bodies  to  warn  us, 
by  pain,  of  external  injuries,  we  might  serious- 
ly hurt  them  without  being  aware  of  it.  Every 
part  of  the  true  skin  is  therefore  provided  with 
innumerable  little  filaments  from  the  nerves  of 
sensation,  which  convey  to  the  mind  accurate 
intelligence  of  the  impressions  made  upon  the 
body.  These  sensations  would  be  too  acute, 
if  the  cuticle  were  not  interposed  between  the 
nerves  and  external  objects,  as  we  may  observe 
when  any  accident  removes  a  portion  of  the 
epidermis  or  scarf-skin  ;  but,  through  this 
insensible  outside  wrapper,  a  degree  of  sen- 
sibility is  preserved  which  is  both  useful  and 
agreeable. 

It  is  the  nervous  tissue  of  the  skin,  which 
informs  us  of  the  temperature  of  the  bodies 
around  us,  and  imparts  to  the  mind  the  sensa- 
tion of  warmth  or  coldness.  In  a  healthy 
state,  this  sensation  is  a  correct  index  of  the 
real  temperature ;  but  in  disease,  we  often 
complain  of  cold  and  shivering  when  the  skin 
is  positively  warmer  than  usual.  In  this  way, 
those  whose  digestion  is  weak,  and  whose  cir- 
culation is  feeble,  complain  habitually   of  cold 

N 


158  MEANS    OF    PRESERVING    HEALTH. 

hands  and  feet,  where  others,  differently  con- 
stituted, experience  no  such  sensations.  Exer- 
cise dissipates  this  feeling  and  increases  heat, 
by  exciting  the  circulation  of  the  blood,  throw- 
ing more  of  it  to  the  surface,  and  thereby  in- 
creasing the  action  of  the  vessels  and  nerves 
of  the  skin. 

Some  mental  emotions  operate  on  the  skin, 
and  impair  its  functions,  much  in  the  same 
way  as  cold.  Grief,  fear,  and  the  depressing- 
passions,  by  diminishing  the  afflux  of  arterial 
blood,  lower  the  temperature  of  the  skin,  ren- 
der it  pale,  and  at  the  same  time  diminish  per- 
spiration and  nervous  action  ;  while  rage,  and 
other  violent  passions,  by  augmenting  the  af- 
flux of  blood,  elevate  the  temperature  of  the 
skin,  and  give  rise  to  the  red  flush  so  charac- 
teristic of  excitement. 

Facts  like  these  establish  a  connexion  be- 
tween the  brain,  and  the  nervous  system,  and 
the  skin,  which  is  of  great  importance  in  dis- 
covering the  causes  of  disease,  and  the  means 
of  preserving  health ;  but  the  limits  of  this 
chapter  prevent  my  pursuing  this  part  of  the 
subject  any  further. 

One  more  remark,  however,  on  the  structure 
of  the  skin,  is  necessary  to  the  full  under- 
standing of  the  means  proper  to  be  employed 
for  preserving  it  in  health.  In  addition  to 
the  parts   already  noticed,  there   are  numerous 


STRUCTURE    OF    THE    SKIN.  159 

small  follicles  contained  in  its  substance,  and 
opening  by  orifices  at  the  external  surface  of 
the  skin,  which  are  filled  with  an  oily  matter, 
this  easily  concretes  and  becomes  \'isible,  in 
the  shape  of  dust  or  scales  on  the  skin,  and 
roughness  on  the  hairs  of  the  body.  This  oily 
matter  is  necessary  to  preserve  the  skin  from 
being  penetrated  and  relaxed  in  its  fibre  by 
water ;  but  it  is  also  necessary  that  it  should 
be  removed  as  fast  as  it  has  done  its  office, 
and  not  suffered  to  accumulate  on  the  skin  or 
clothing.  These  follicles  exist  in  all  parts  of 
the  body,  except  the  palms  of  the  hands  and 
soles  of  the  feet,  but  they  are  most  abundant 
where  hairs  are  implanted.  It  is  this  oil 
which  renders  the  tresses  of  some  ladies  so 
soft  and  shining.  In  some  persons  it  is  so 
redundant  on  the  hair  as  to  require  careful 
removal;  in  others  it  is  only  sufficient  to  keep 
it  in  good  order;  whilst  a  deficiency  is  the 
cause  of  that  coarse,  rough  look  which  prevents 
some  heads  from  ever  appearing  well-dressed 
and  smooth. 

From  this  sketch  of  the  nature  and  uses  of 
the  skin,  slight  and  imperfect  as  it  is,  you  can- 
not fail  to  perceive  that  much  of  your  comfort 
depends  upon  its  being  preserved  in  a  healthy 
state,  and  that  one  indispensable  condition  of 
its  health  is  perfect  cleanliness.  When  we 
consider  the  great  extent  of  surface  presented 


160      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

by  the  human  body,  and  the  large  quantity  of 
matter  which  it  excretes,  some  of  which  passes 
off  in  the  form  of  vapor  whilst  other  parts  are 
deposited  on  the  skin,  we  shall  see  the  impor- 
tance of  thorough  and  oft  repeated  ablutions. 
Once  at  least,  in  twenty-four  hours,  the  whole 
surface  of  the  body  should  be  washed  in  soap 
and  water,  and  receive  the  friction  of  a  coarse 
towel,  or  flesh-brush,  or  crash  mitten.  This 
may  be  done  by  warm  or  cold  bathing  ;  by  a 
plunging  or  shower  bath  ;  by  means  of  a  com- 
mon wash-tub,  and  even  without  further  ac- 
commodation than  an  ordinary  wash-bowl  and 
sponge.  By  washing  a  small  part  of  the  person 
at  a  time,  rubbing  it  w^ell,  and  then  covering  up 
what  is  done,  the  whole  may  be  washed  in  cold 
water,  even  in  winter  time,  and  a  glow  may  be 
produced  after  it,  in  a  young  and  healthy 
person.  Let  none  suppose  that  because  they 
cannot  see  any  dirt  on  the  skin,  it  must  be 
perfectly  clean.  The  deposit  upon  it  of  the 
w^aste  matter,  carried  out  of  the  system  by  in- 
sensible perspiration,  is  not  easily  discovered 
upon  the  surface;  but  if,  w^hen  you  have  not 
bathed  for  a  week,  you  w^ill  rub  yourself  brisk- 
ly with  a  flesh-brush,  and  then  pass  your  hand 
over  the  brush,  you  will  see  a  quantity  of 
white  powder  escape  from  it,  and  that  is  noth- 
ing but  the  very  deposit  in  question,  which 
ought  to  be  daily  removed. 


INSENSIBLE    PERSPIRATION.  161 

It  may  shock  the  feelings  of  a  young  lady,  to 
be  told  that  this  large  quantity  of  matter,  in 
the  shape  of  insensible  perspiration,  which  is 
constantly  passing  off  through  the  skin,  has  an 
individual  odor,  more  or  less  disagreeable  in 
different  persons  ;  but  it  is  nevertheless  true  ; 
and  it  is  by  this  individuality,  that  dogs  know 
their  owners,  and  whatever  they  have  touched. 
Now,  each  person  is  so  accustomed  to  his  own 
atmosphere,  that  he  is  no  judge  of  its  odor ; 
but  since  most  persons  can  recollect  some  one 
of  their  friends  who  affects  them  disagreeably 
in  this  way,  all  should  bear  in  mind  the  possi- 
bility of  so  offending  others ;  and  though  none 
of  us  can  change  the  nature  of  the  atmosphere 
which  w^e  are  always  creating  around  us,  we 
can  prevent  its  becoming  a  nuisance  by  the 
accumulation  of  excreted  matter  on  the  skin  or 
in  the  clothing ;  we  can,  by  washing  every  part 
of  the  skin  once  in  twenty-four  hours,  be  sure 
of  sending  ofi' only  fresh  exhalations. 

Some  parts  of  the  person  send  off  a  stronger 
effluvia  than  others,  and  no  one  can  be  quite 
certain  of  never  offending  any  one's  delicate 
olfactory  nerves,  whose  arm-pits  are  not  sub- 
jected to  a  thorough  washing  with  soap  and 
water  every  day.  There  the  excretions  abound  , 
and,  being  confined  from  the  air  by  the  clothes, 
they  concrete  and  accumulate  very  quickly. 
In  warm,  moist  climates,  the  whole  person 
N*  11 


162      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

should  be  washed  twice  in  twenty-four  hours ; 
but  in  cold,  dry  weather,  once  will  suffice. 
Some  persons  avoid  the  use  of  soap  as  perni- 
cious to  the  skin  ;  but  good  white  soap,  in  mod- 
erate quantity,  and  with  soft  water,  can  never 
do  any  harm  to  a  healthy  skin  ;  and  there  is  no 
surer  way  to  preserve  the  complexion  from 
pimples,  and  roughness,  and  blotches,  than  by 
keeping  the  whole  surface  of  the  body  free 
from  the  deposits  daily  made  upon  it  by  the 
insensible  perspiration.  This  may  be  done  by 
washing  in  cold  water  with  soap  once  a  day, 
and  a  warm  hath  once  a  week.  Warm  bathing 
is  highly  useful  to  the  health,  and,  if  properly 
indulged  in,  has  no  debilitating  effect.  Dr. 
Combe  says,  "  When  it  is  not  too  warm,  and 
not  prolonged  beyond  fifteen  or  twenty  min- 
utes, the  tepid  bath  may  be  used  daily,  with 
perfect  safety  and  advantage,  by  persons  in 
health." 

It  is  common  for  persons  who  are  in  the  hab- 
it of  sponging  themselves  over  with  cold  water 
every  morning,  or  of  taking  the  shower  or 
plunging  bath,  to  omit  it  when  they  have  a 
slight  cold,  or  sore  throat,  or  a  touch  of  rheu- 
matism ;  whereas,  if  it  were  properly  done,  so 
as  to  produce  a  glow  all  over  the  skin,  their 
habitual  ablutions  would  be  the  best  remedy  for 
those  beginnings  of  evil.  Since  checked  per- 
spiration    produces    such    ailments,    whatever 


WARM    AND    COLD    BATHING.  163 

tends  to  open  the  pores  and  to  increase  the 
action  of  the  skin,  will  be  likely  to  remove 
them.  If  not  sure  in  such  a  case  of  producing 
a  glow  after  the  use  of  cold  water,  it  will  be 
better  to  use  the  warm  bath,  in  order  to  make 
the  skin  do  its  office  freely.  But  to  cease  your 
customary  bathing  at  such  times,  is  to  in- 
crease all  your  difficulties. 

After  this  explanation  of  the  nature  and 
uses  of  the  skin,  you  will  more  readily  un- 
derstand why,  in  the  chapter  on  Nursing  the 
Sick,  so  much  is  said  about  cleanliness  and 
ventilation,  and  in  the  chapter  on  Dress,  so 
much  stress  is  laid  upon  not  wearing  any  thing 
next  the  skin  that  will  not  wash. 

In  the  most  civilized  nations  of  Europe,  great 
attention  is  paid  to  the  health  of  the  skin,  and 
all  the  arrangements  of  domestic  life  include 
the  means  of  copious  and  constant  bathing. 
There,  it  is  thought  more  essential  to  happi- 
ness to  have  a  warm  and  cold  bath  at  com- 
mand, than  to  own  spacious  apartments  and 
costly  furniture.  Large  provision  is  made  for 
washing  in  the  sleeping-rooms  of  the  English; 
and  travellers  are  not  thought  unreasonable  if 
they  require  more  than  a  quart  of  water  for 
their  morning  toilet.  The  primitive  manners 
of  our  forefathers  (and  of  the  back  country  at 
the  present  day),  which  required  that  every 
one  should  wash  at  the  pump  in  the  yard,  or  at 


164       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

the  sink  in  the  kitchen,  were  not  favorable  to 
cleanliness  and  health.  Those  who  labor  hard 
with  their  hands,  and  lead  rugged,  out-door 
lives,  can  better  dispense  with  daily  ablutions 
of  the  whole  body  than  the  children  of  ease 
and  luxury ;  and  yet  it  is  to  be  feared,  that 
many  a  young  lady  who  treads  on  Brussels 
carpeting,  and  wipes  her  hands  on  damask 
towelling,  does  no  more  daily  washing  in 
her  china  wash-bowl,  than  does  the  farmer's 
daughter  at  the  sink;  and  the  scanty  sup- 
plies of  water  and  towels  at  the  best  hotels 
in  the  country  show,  that  the  travellers  who 
frequent  them  do  not  usually  require  more.  If 
every  town  and  village  were  well  supplied 
with  warm  baths  at  a  cheap  rate,  this  defi- 
ciency in  the  sleeping-apartments  would  be  of 
less  consequence,  as  is  the  case  in  France;  but 
since  this  is  not  the  fact,  it  is  to  be  hoped  that 
travellers  will,  by  calling  for  tubs  and  water  in 
abundance,  teach  the  people  what  is  necessary 
to  health  and  cleanliness. 

When  persons  boast  how  few  minutes  they 
require  to  make  their  morning  toilet,  they  little 
think  what  an  unfavorable  inference  may  be 
drawn  from  it  with  regard  to  their  cleanli- 
ness. It  is  not  possible  for  persons  to  wash 
themselves  thoroughly,  and  attend  properly  to 
their  hair,  teeth,  and  nails,  and  put  on  the 
simplest    dress,    in    less    than    half    an   hour; 


WARM    AND    COLD    BATHING.  165 

and  most  women  will  need  an  hour.  There  is 
no  merit  in  making  a  short  and  hasty  toilet 
in  the  morning.  An  hour  is  not  too  much 
to  devote  to  it ;  but,  if  you  have  to  dress  a 
second  and  a  third  time,  in  the  course  of  the 
day  the  less  time  you  give  to  this  the  better. 
Those  who  spend  an  hour  on  their  persons  in 
the  morning,  can  dress  for  a  ball  in  half,  or 
a  quarter,  of  that  time ;  whereas  those  who 
take  but  ten  minutes  to  dress  before  breakfast, 
often  waste  two  or  three  hours  over  the  eve- 
ning toilet,  doing  then,  as  an  extra  affair, 
what  ought  to  be  done,  as  a  matter  of  course, 
every  day. 

From  not  attaching  sufficient  consequence  to 
daily  ablutions,  the  arrangements  of  a  family 
are  often  such  as  to  make  it  very  difficult  for 
the  grown-up  daughters  to  command  the  pri- 
vacy necessary  for  complete  and  sufficient 
washing. 

Where  two  or  three  occupy  the  same  room, 
without  any  dressing-room,  or  closet,  large 
enough  to  wash  in,  it  is  impossible  for  the 
toilet  to  be  properly  made.  A  person  must 
be  alone  and  safe  from  intrusion  for  a  quarter 
of  an  hour,  every  morning,  in  order  to  wash 
thoroughly ;  and  the  heads  of  families  ought  to 
afford  every  member  of  them  the  opportunity 
of  being  thus  alone.  If  you  are  so  situated  as 
not  to  have  any  privacy  in  the  morning,  you 


166      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

may  perhaps  command  it  at  night,  when  the 
eyes  of  younger  sisters  are  closed  in  sleep,  or 
by  retiring  a  quarter  of  an  hour  earlier  than  an 
elder  sister,  in  which  case  you  can  make  your 
chief  ablutions  at  night  instead  of  morning. 
The  whole  surface  of  your  body  may  be  gone 
over  with  one  large  wash-bowl  full  of  water ; 
and  by  practice  you  will  become  so  expert  as 
not  to  make  any  slop  on  the  carpet,  and  thus 
avoid  bringing  your  ablutions  into  disrepute 
with  the  higher  powers. 

Many  think  it  impossible  to  make  this 
thorough  washing  when  the  weather  is  very 
cold  and  they  must  do  it  in  rooms  never 
warmed  by  a  fire.  But,  in  healthy  and  vigo- 
rous young  persons,  the  glow  after  washing 
w^ould  be  so  great  as  to  more  than  compensate 
for  the  momentary  chill ;  and  a  warm  double- 
gowm,  lined  with  flannel,  would  make  them 
comfortable  whilst  doing  up  the  hair  and  fin- 
ishing the  rest  of  the  toilet. 

The  bad  effects  of  sleeping  in  warm  rooms 
is  generally  allowed;  and  in  avoiding  this, 
parents  are  apt  to  refuse  their  daughters,  who 
are  otherwise  delicately  brought  up,  the  neces- 
sary accommodation  for  the  performance  of  a 
careful  toilet  in  winter.  When  the  house  is 
generally  warmed  by  a  furnace  or  entry-stove, 
this  difficulty  is  obviated;  and  w^here  it  is  not, 
there  should   be  some  arrangement   by  which  a 


THE    SKIN    CONNECTED    WITH    THE    LUNGS.      167 

person,  who  has  taken  a  cold  bath,  may  dress 
comfortably  after  it,  and  have  warmth  enough 
in  the  fingers  to  comb  and  brush  her  hair 
properly. 

If  cold  bathing  is  not  followed  by  a  glow,  it 
will  be  prejudicial,  and  should  be  changed  for 
the  tepid  or  warm  bath. 

When  the  skin  is  in  a  healthy  state,  there  is 
an  agreeable  sensation  of  warmth  throughout 
the  surface  of  the  body ;  and,  in  order  to  pre- 
serve it  in  this  state,  we  must  add  to  perfect 
cleanliness  and  daily  friction,  sufficient  and 
suitable  clothing.  All  the  organs  of  the  body 
have  a  mutual  dependence  on  each  other  ;  and 
the  connexion  between  the  skin  and  the  lungs 
is  so  intimate,  that,  whenever  there  is  a  de- 
ficient circulation  and  vitality  in  the  skin,  the 
blood  retires  from  the  surface,  and  becomes  too 
abundant  in  the  lungs,  and  other  organs  are 
overtasked,  causing  irritation  and  laying  the 
foundation  of  incurable  diseases.  When  there- 
fore, you  are  habitually  troubled  with  cold  feet 
and  hands,  or  an  abiding  sense  of  chilliness, 
you  should  attend  to  it  as  a  w^arning  of  nature, 
not  to  be  neglected  with  impunity.  Either  the 
skin  requires  bathing  and  friction,  or  your 
clothing  is  insufficient,  or  you  need  muscular 
exertion  to  raise  the  temperature  of  your  body. 

If  my  limits  would  allow  of  my  entering  as 
fully  into  the  subject  of  the  uses  of  the  muscles, 


168       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

as  I  have  done  with  regard  to  the  skin,  you 
would  see  the  immense  importance  of  exercise 
to  promote  the  health  of  your  body  and  the 
vigor  of  your  mind.  If  I  could  acquaint  you 
with  the  curious  arrangement  and  distribu- 
tion of  the  nerves  throughout  the  body,  and 
show  how  directly  they  are  affected  by  the 
motions  of  the  muscles,  in  which  they  are  im- 
bedded, you  would  know  why  a  walk,  taken  on 
compulsion,  along  a  dusty  road,  or  crowded 
street,  without  any  agreeable  aim,  does  you 
less  good,  than  exercise  combined  with  pleas- 
ure. All  this  is  perfectly  well  explained  in 
Dr.  Combe's  work  already  referred  to. 

As  girls  pass  from  childhood  to  womanhood, 
they  are  apt  to  lose  their  relish  for  bodily  ex- 
ercise ;  and  the  sedentary  habits  acquired  at 
school  are  often  continued  when  they  could 
find  time  and  opportunity  for  exerciee,  if  they 
knew  how  essential  it  is  to  life  and  health. 

In  hopes  of  adding  something  to  the  convic- 
tions of  the  young  on  this  subject,  I  will  briefly 
describe  the  grand  process  of  the  circulation 
of  the  blood,  which  is  going  on  every  moment 
within  us,  with  a  rapidity  and  precision  almost 
beyond  the  belief  of  the  unlearned.  Will  it 
not  surprise  you  to  be  told,  that  the  blood  in 
your  little  finger  is  changed  four  thousand  five 
hundred  times  in  every  hour  ?  Can  you  be- 
lieve that    a  quantity  of  blood,  equal    to   the 


CIRCULATION    OF    THE    BLOOD.  169 

whole  amount  contained  in  the  body,  passes 
twice  through  the  heart  every  three  minutes  1 
Yet  these  are  well  ascertained  facts. 

That  little  heart  whose  pulsations  never  at- 
tract your  attention,  except  when  accidentally 
quickened,  is  carrying  on,  all  unperceived  by 
us,  this  rapid  and  extensive  circulation,  on 
the  regularity  of  which  depend  health  and  life. 
At  each  beat,  it  sends  forward  two  ounces  of 
blood,  and  there  are  about  seventy-five  pulsa- 
tions in  a  minute  ;  it  is  easy  therefore  to  see 
that  thirty  or  thirty-five  pounds,  which  is  the 
amount  of  blood  in  a  common-sized  adult,  may 
pass  through  the  heart  twice  in  about  three 
minutes  ;  that  is,  once  on  each  side,  as  it  passes 
to  and  from  the  lungs.  But  the  process  of  cir- 
culation must  be  explained  a  little  further  in 
order  to  understand  this. 

Every  part  of  the  body  derives  its  nourish- 
ment from  the  blood ;  the  same  portion  of 
blood  answers  its  purpose  but  a  single  mo- 
ment, it  must  be  immediately  replaced  by  a 
fresh  portion,  or  the  organs  will  want  the  re- 
quisite energy  to  carry  them  forward  in  their 
tasks  ;  a  rapid  circulation  is  therefore  neces- 
sary to  supply  this  food  of  life.  The  blood  is 
carried  all  over  the  body  by  innumerable  little 
vessels  called  arteries,  and  on  its  way  certain 
portions  of  it  are  expended  in  the  production 
of  various  necessary  secretions,  such  as  perspi- 
o 


170      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

ration,  saliva,  bile,  the  wax  in  the  ear,  &c. ; 
also  in  promoting  the  growth  of  the  young, 
and  supplying  materials  for  the  growth  of  par- 
ticular parts,  such  as  the  hair  and  nails  of  the 
adult.  All  the  evacuations  of  the  body  are 
maintained  at  the  expense  of  a  certain  amount 
of  blood.  This  waste  in  the  blood  is  supplied 
by  the  food  we  take. 

After  passing  once  through  the  body,  the 
blood  is  so  changed  and  deteriorated  as  to  be 
unfit  for  further  use ;  it  is  therefore  returned  to 
the  heart,  by  a  separate  set  of  vessels,  called 
veins,  and  poured  in  at  the  right  side.  Just 
before  this  venous  blood  reaches  the  heart,  the 
fresh  supply  of  matter  called  chyle,  and  formed 
from  the  food  we  eat,  is  forced  into  it.  The 
heart  then  sends  this  mixture  of  new  and  old 
blood  into  the  lungs,  where  it  is  exposed  to 
the  action  of  the  air  we  breathe,  and  under- 
goes a  chemical  change,  which  again  fits  the 
whole  mass  for  circulation.  It  then  returns  to 
the  left  side  of  the  heart,  fit  for  distribution 
through  the  arteries  to  every  part  of  the  body. 
"  Thus  the  heart  carries  on  two  sets  of  circula- 
tions by  separate  systems  of  vessels,  the  one 
from  the  left  side  of  the  heart  to  every  part  of 
the  body  and  back  to  the  right  side,  and  the 
other  from  the  right  side  to  the  lungs  and  back 
to  the  left ;  the  former  having  for  its  object  the 
nutrition  of  every  part  and  the  maintenance  of 


CIRCULATION    OF    THE    BLOOD.  171 

life;  and  the  latter  the  restoration  of  the  de- 
teriorated blood  and  the  change  of  chyle  into 
blood. 

'•'  As  the  food  cannot  become  a  part  of  the 
living  animal,  or  the  venous  blood  regain  its 
lost  properties,  until  they  have  undergone  a 
change,  produced  by  the  air  in  the  lungs,  the 
action  of  breathing,  by  which  this  change  is 
effected,  is  one  of  preeminent  importance ;  and 
grievous  indeed  is  the  ignorance  and  folly 
which,  for  the  sake  of  a  fancied  beauty  of  form, 
lead  a  young  girl  so  to  compress  her  waist  as 
to  prevent  the  free  play  of  the  parts  necessary 
to  perfect  respiration ;  or,  for  the  sake  of  fash- 
ionable amusements,  to  fill  the  lungs  with  vi- 
tiated air,  which  is  not  fit  to  revivify  the  blood, 
sent  there  to  meet  a  fresh  and  pure  atmo- 
sphere. 

"  The  quantity  and  quaJity  of  the  blood  have 
a  most  direct  and  material  influence  upon  the 
condition  of  every  part  of  the  body.  If  the 
quantity  sent  to  the  arm,  for  example,  be  dimin- 
ished by  tying  the  artery  through  which  it 
is  conveyed,  the  arm,  being  then  imperfectly 
nourished,  wastes  away.  In  like  manner,  when 
the  quality  of  that  fluid  is  impaired  by  deficien- 
cy of  food,  bad  digestion,  impure  air,  or  im- 
perfect change  of  the  blood  in  the  lungs,  the 
whole  body  becomes  more  or  less  disorder- 
ed.    Thus,  in  consumption,  death  takes  place 


172      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

chiefly  in  consequence  of  respiration  not  being 
sufficiently  perfect  to  admit  of  the  formation 
of  proper  blood  in  the  lungs.  It  has  been 
said  that  the  pressure,  occasioned  by  corsets 
and  tight  belts,  has  so  diminished  the  powers 
of  young  females  to  inhale  air,  that  the  quan- 
tity taken  in  at  one  respiration  is  only  about 
half  what  young  men  of  the  same  age  are 
capable  of;  and  we  all  know  how  many  more 
women  than  men  die  of  consumption.  As  we 
were  intended  by  our  Creator  for  a  life  of  ac- 
tivity, all  the  functions  of  the  body  are  con- 
trived to  fit  us  for  this  object ;  and  they  never 
go  on  well,  for  any  length  of  time,  unless  there 
is  a  regular  exercise  of  all  our  organs.  It  is 
accordingly  curious  to  observe  the  admirable 
manner  in  which  each  is  linked  in  its  action 
and  sympathies  with  the  rest.  The  principal 
blood-vessels  in  all  parts  of  the  body  lie  im- 
bedded among  muscles  for  both  the  protection 
and  aid  which  the  latter  afford  them.  Every 
contraction  of  the  muscles  compresses  the  di- 
ameter of  the  vessels,  and  as  the  blood  in  them 
cannot  go  back,  it  is  propelled  in  the  arteries 
from  the  heart  towards  the  extremities,  and  in 
the  veins  from  the  extreme  parts  to  the  heart ; 
this  quickens  the  circulation  of  the  blood  and 
enables  the  parts  to  which  it  is  sent,  to  act 
with  greater  energy  and  effect,  and  the  aug- 
mented  action   is   attended   by  correspondent 


CIRCULATION    OF    THE    BLOOD.  173 

waste  and  exhalation.  To  replenish  the  blood 
thus  exhausted  of  its  nutritive  parts,  a  greater 
quantity  of  food  is  required  ;  and  to  prompt  us 
to  attend  to  this  condition,  the  appetite  be- 
comes keener,  and  the  powers  of  digestion  pro- 
portionally vigorous.  The  food  taken,  is  more 
speedily  converted  into  chyle,  and  added  to  the 
great  current  of  blood  pouring  into  the  heart 
on  its  way  to  the  lungs ;  that  this  mixed  current 
may  be  there  more  speedily  animalized,  respir- 
ation becomes  deeper  and  more  frequent,  thus 
admitting  a  larger  quantity  of  air  and  freer 
circulation  through  them  than  before;  and  the 
blood  thus  renewed  and  reendowed  with  the 
principle  of  life,  imparts  new  vigor  and  fresh 
nutriment  to  all  the  organs  of  the  body,  and 
fits  them  for  that  active  exertion  which  the 
proper  discharge  of  all  the  duties  of  life  re- 
quires from  every  member  of  the  human  race. 

"  We  may  now  see  the  use  of  that  hurried 
breathing,  and  quicker  palpitation  of  the 
heart,  which  we  are  apt  to  complain  of  as 
evils,  when  we  climb  a  hill,  or  run  up  many 
steps,  or  make  any  unusual  muscular  exer- 
tion. Without  the  increased  action  of  the 
heart  and  lungs,  the  blood  would  not  be  suf- 
ficient, or  of  the  proper  quality,  to  support 
the  muscular  action. 

"  Seeing,  therefore,  how  the  whole  econo- 
my of  our  bodies  is  calculated  for  constant 
o* 


174      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

muscular  exertion,  we  may  judge  better  of 
the  evil  consequences  likely  to  ensue  from  a 
deficiency  of  such  exercise.  The  circulation, 
from  want  of  stimulus,  becomes  languid,  espe- 
cially in  the  vessels  of  the  extremities,  (pro- 
ducing cold  hands  and  feet  5)  this  feebleness 
of  action  occasions  little  waste  of  materials, 
the  appetite  and  digestion  consequently  be- 
come weak,  respiration  heavy  and  imperfect, 
and  the  blood  in  such  a  bad  state,  that,  when 
distributed  through  the  body,  it  cannot  give 
the  requisite  stimulus  for  healthy,  vigorous 
action,  and  disease  shows  itself  in  some  of 
those  forms  common  to  persons  of  sedentary 
habits." 

Among  those  who  are  convinced  of  the 
importance  of  exercise,  some  consider  the 
time  which  it  requires  a  serious  objection  to 
it ;  but  if  such  would  narrowly  observe  their 
own  feelings,  they  would  find  that  the  in- 
creased vigor  obtained  by  exercise,  more  than 
compensated  for  the  loss  of  time,  by  enabling 
them  to  accomplish  more  in  what  is  left. 
Others  think  that  they  can  do  without 
regular  exercise  in  the  open  air,  because  for 
a  time  they  can  neglect  it  with  impunity ; 
but  let  such  persons  study  the  structure  of 
their  own  bodies,  only  so  far  as  it  is  ex- 
plained in  these  pages,  and  they  must  see 
that   nature    will    not    be   cheated   out  of   her 


EXERCISE.  176 

rights.  When  some  accidental  cause  of  in- 
disposition arises,  there  will,  in  such  subjects, 
be  a  general  feebleness  of  body  sufficient  to 
convert  it  into  serious  disease.  Many  a  cold, 
which  would  be  thrown  off  easily  by  a  per- 
son in  the  daily  habit  of  walking  and  bath- 
ing, becomes  the  source  of  consumption  and 
early  deaih,  where  the  patient  has  led  a  se- 
dentary life,  and  neglected  to  preserve  the 
skin  in  an  active   and  healthy  state. 

Dr.  Combe  says,  that  "  to  render  exercise 
as  beneficial  as  possible,  it  ought  always  to 
be  taken  in  the  open  air,  and  to  be  of  a 
nature  to  occupy  the  mind  as  well  as  body. 
Social  play  and  active  sports  are  infinitely 
preferable  to  regular  and  unmeaning  walks, 
and  tend  in  a  much  higher  degree  to  develope 
and  strengthen  the  bodily  frame,  and  to  se- 
cure a  straight  spine,  and  an  erect,  firm, 
easy,  and  graceful  carriage.  A  formal  walk  is 
odious  and  useless  to  many  girls  who  would 
be  delighted  as  well  as  benefited  by  spending 
two  or  three  hours  a  day  in  spirited  exer- 
cise." 

There  are  some  games  which  might  be 
played  in  the  open  air  by  grown-up  young 
ladies  with  great  propriety,  if  arrangements 
were  made  for  the  purpose ;  and  it  is  to  be 
hoped  that  the  time  will  come  when  every 
gentleman's  seat    in  the  country  will  be  fur- 


176     MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH 

nished  with  the  means  of  out-door  exercise 
for  ladies,  such  as  bowling-alleys  with  lighter 
and  smaller  balls  to  suit  their  little  hands, 
troco-grounds,  quoits,  bows  and  arrows  for  ar- 
chery, bowls,  &c.  In  stormy  weather,  the 
first  of  these  games  might  be  played  un- 
der cover  with  a  free  admission  of  air,  and 
prove  an  excellent  substitute  for  out-door 
exercise.  Battledoor,  the  graces,  and  skip- 
ping-rope, are  also  very  useful,  as,  by  bring- 
ing the  arms  into  play,  they  exercise  the 
lungs.  If,  instead  of  sitting  a  whole  morn- 
ing over  your  books  and  work,  you  would 
jump  up  at  the  end  of  every  hour  or  two 
and  play  the  graces,  or  skip  the  rope,  for  five 
or  ten  minutes,  it  would  greatly  help  to  keep 
your  circulation  brisk  and  healthy,  and  with 
daily  walks   might   prove  sufficient   exercise. 

Riding  on  horseback  is  a  very  beneficial 
mode  of  exercising ;  and,  where  the  lungs  are 
weak,  it  is  much  better  than  walking,  as  it 
does  not  hurry  the  breathing.  Besides  this, 
it  calls  into  play  a  greater  number  of  mus- 
cles, and  is  very  exhilarating  to  the  spirits. 
Rowing  a  light  boat  with  small  oars  is  ex- 
cellent sport  and  exercise  too,  for  the  young 
and  healthy,  and  may  be  indulged  in  very 
properly  on  a  safe  and  retired  piece  of  water. 
Fishing  is  often  recommended  as  good  for 
calling  into  play  the   muscles  of  the  arms  and 


EXERCISE.  177 

chest,  as  well  as  those  of  the  lower  limbs  ; 
but  it  ought  to  be  so  repugnant  to  the  feelings 
of  a  humane  and  delicate  young  woman,  to 
make  a  pleasure  of  torturing  and  killing  those 
pretty,  harmless  creatures,  that  I  cannot  tol- 
erate the  practice,  much   less  recommend  it. 

Walking  is,  after  all,  the  kind  of  exercise 
most  easily  practised,  and  the  easiest  mode 
of  preserving  health.  It  agrees  with  almost 
everybody,  and,  if  combined  with  some  daily 
exercise  of  the  muscles  of  the  arms  and  chest, 
and  some  agreeable  object,  will  answer  the 
purpose  very  well.  Those  who  live  in  cities 
and  large  villages  can  generally  unite  some 
pleasant  visit,  or  some  necessary  business, 
with  their  daily  walks ;  and  the  sense  of  ac- 
complishing some  little  affair  that  was  on  the 
mind,  as  a  thing  to  be  done,  adds  much  to 
the  pleasure,  and  consequently  to  the  benefit 
of  a  walk.  In  the  country,  where  such  objects 
are  wanting,  the  study  of  mineralogy  or  bot- 
any will  add  an  interest  to  your  walks,  that 
will  render  them  highly  salubrious,  and  beguile 
you  into  spending  many  more  hours  in  the 
open  air  than  you  would  otherwise  do.  Your 
walking-dress  should  be  such  as  will  allow 
free  play  of  the  arms. 

All  exercise,  to  be  useful,  should  be  habit- 
ual ;  and  after  it  has  been,  from  any  cause,  in- 
terrupted for  a  time,  the  return  to  active  habits, 

12 


178       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

should  be  gradual.  Great  evils  have  ensued 
from  a  disregard  to  this  rule.  When  the  fine 
weather  of  spring  bursts  upon  young  persons, 
who  have  led  a  sedentary  life  all  winter,  and 
been  confined  a  great  deal  in  warm  rooms,  it 
tempts  them  to  take  long  walks  and  rides  on 
horseback,  to  which  they  are  wholly  unfitted 
by  their  previous  habits ;  and  not  a  season 
passes,  in  which  health  is  not  more  or  less 
impaired  by  this  injudicious  treatment  of  the 
body. 

All  changes  in  diet  and  clothing,  also,  ought 
to  be  gradual.  Some  persons  are  made  ill  by 
the  fresh  fruits  and  vegetables  of  spring,  only 
because  they  partake  too  largely  of  them  at 
first ;  some  believe  that  walking  or  riding 
does  not  agree  with  them,  because,  when  in- 
dulged in  rashly  and  without  previous  train- 
ing, it  has  caused  them  serious  indisposition. 
But  there  are  few  persons  who,  by  beginning 
with  walking  half  a  mile  out  and  back  again, 
and  adding  a  quarter  of  a  mile  every  day, 
could  not  in  a  fortnight  walk  six  or  eight 
miles  without  inconvenience.  Any  who  will 
fairly  try  this  gradual  increase  of  exercise, 
will  be  astonished  at  the  power  it  developes. 

The  time  at  which  exercise  is  taken,  is 
another  point  of  great  importance.  Persons 
in  perfect  health  may  venture  to  take  it  at 
any  time,  except  after  a  hearty  meal ;  but  how 


EXERCISE.  179 

few  there  are,  who  can  flatter  themselves  that 
they  belong  to  that  class.  All  who  do  not, 
had  better  take  their  walks  in  the  forenoon, 
about  two  hours  after  breakfast,  and  be- 
fore there  is  any  exhaustion  felt  from  want 
of  the  next  meal.  It  requires  considerable 
vigor  to  walk  with  advantage  before  break- 
fast ;  and  those  who  wish  to  inure  themselves 
to  it,  should  begin  very  gradually,  and  not  let 
their  first  experiment  be  some  very  long  ex- 
cursion on  May  morning.  Your  daily  w^alk 
should  not  be  so  prolonged  or  delayed  as 
to  bring  you  home  tired,  just  before  dinner. 
When  you  are  tired,  your  stomach  will  be  so 
too,  and  your  food  will  oppress  you.  And 
when  you  are  not  fatigued  by  your  exercise,  it 
is  better  to  allow  an  hour  to  repose  before 
eating.  This  rule  is  observed  with  respect  to 
horses  ;  they  are  never  allowed  to  feed  imme- 
diately after  work ;  and  shall  we  take  less  care 
of  our  own  health  than  of  theirs  ? 

Exercise  immediately  after  a  full  meal  is 
equally  to  be  avoided,  and  for  the  same  reason, 
namely,  muscular  action  causes  an  afflux  of 
blood  and  nervous  energy  to  the  surface  of  the 
body,  and  w^ithdraws  it  from  the  stomach;  if, 
therefore,  you  eat  directly  after  w^alking,  you 
tax  the  stomach  when  it  is  not  prepared  for 
action  ;  time  should  be  allowed  for  a  change  in 
the  distribution    of  the  vital    powers    to    take 


180      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

place ;  when  also  you  walk  after  a  full  meal, 
you  withdraw  those  powers  from  the  stomach, 
and  leave  it  unfit  for  the  process  of  digestion. 
Where  circumstances  oblige  you  to  exercise 
directly  after  a  meal,  you  should  make  it  a  light 
one.  It  is  on  this  account,  that  abstemiousness 
is  so  necessary  to  travellers.  Invalids  travel 
much  more  comfortably  on  a  low  diet,  than  on 
a  full  one,  when  obliged  to  keep  continually  in 
motion. 

Some  persons  think  to  economize  time,  by 
going  out  for  a  walk  at  the  close  of  day, 
when  they  can  no  longer  see  to  employ  them- 
selves in-doops ;  but  this  is  a  great  mistake  ; 
the  air  is  less  salubrious,  and  you  lose  the 
beneficial  stimulus  from  solar  light  j  besides 
which  yoQ  have  had  less  vigor  of  mind  and 
body  all  day  for  not  taking  your  exercise 
early. 

If  walking  does  not  produce  a  general  glow, 
and  warm  your  hands  and  feet,  it  fails  in  a 
great  measure  of  its  intended  effect,  and  the 
cause  of  this  failure  should  be  carefully  sought. 
It  may  be  that  you  do  not  wear  sufficiently 
warm  clothing,  or  your  skin  may  not  be  in  a 
healthy  condition,  or  your  corset  may  be  so 
tight  as  to  impede  your  breathing  deep  inspir- 
ations; your  arm-holes  may  be  so  small,  as  to 
prevent  the  free  motion  of  the  arms,  and  your 
shoes  may  cramp  your  feet ;   in  all  which  cases 


COLD    EXTREMfTlES.  181 

you  can  hardly  escape  cold  extremities.  But 
if  you  suffer  this  inconvenience  when  warmly 
clad,  w4th  all  your  clothes  comfortably  loose, 
walking  fast  and  breathing  freely,  you  had 
better  try  some  stronger  exercise,  such  as 
dancing  or  riding  on  horseback.  Never  be 
satisfied  with  your  plan  of  life,  until  you  are 
capable  of  a  daily  glow  to  your  fingers'  ends 
from  moderate  exercise.  No  one  can  be  per- 
fectly well,  whose  feet  and  hands  are  habitually 
cold.  Months  may  elapse  without  your  finding 
out  that  any  thing  ails  you;  but  the  day  of 
reckoning  will  come  at  last,  and  you  will  pay 
the  forfeit  due  to  nature,  for  breaking  her 
laws. 

In  very  cold  weather,  it  is  well  to  accumu- 
late a  little  heat  by  sitting  a  few  minutes  in 
a  warm  room  with  your  wrappings  on  before 
going  out ;  but  on  returning  from  your  walk, 
in  a  fine  glow,  it  is  better  not  to  enter  a 
warm  room,  until  you  have  taken  off  your 
extra  clothing. 

Exercise  of  the  arms  is  particularly  useful  to 
the  lungs,  and  may  be  taken  daily  to  great  ad- 
vantage, in  the  way  of  hoase-work.  But  the 
lungs  ought  to  be  directly  exercised  also  by 
means  of  the  voice.  Reading  aloud  in  a  clear 
tone,  with  proper  emphasis  and  cadence,  re- 
quires the  varied  activity  of  most  of  the  mus- 
cles of  the  trunk  to  a  degree,  of  wliirh  few 
p 


182      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

are  conscious,  till  their  attention  is  turned 
to  it. 

The  fatigue  of  reading  aloud  and  reciting  is 
much  lessened  by  learning  to  manage  the  voice 
properly,  and  by  never  exhausting  the  lungs, 
but  taking  breath  frequently.  Singing,  too, 
when  indulged  in  moderately  and  regularly,  is 
likely  to  strengthen  rather  than  injure  healthy 
lungs  j  where  there  are  symptoms  of  disease  in 
that  organ,  the  use  of  the  voice  should  be  reg- 
ulated by  your  medical  adviser.  Laughter  is  a 
very  useful  exercise  of  the  lungs,  and  may  be 
freely  indulged,  in  proper  place  and  time. 

Having  taken  a  brief  survey  of  the  uses  of 
the  skin,  the  heart,  and  the  lungs,  it  now  re- 
mains to  notice  the  stomach  and  its  office  of 
digestion,  on  which  depends  that  supply  of 
nutriment,  which  is  to  make  up  for  the  per- 
petual waste  that  is  going  on  in  every  part  of 
the  system. 

To  reasoning  man  is  given  the  dangerous 
privilege  of  choosing  his  food,  unaided  by 
those  instincts  which  direct  the  lower  orders 
of  animals  ;  and  in  this,  as  in  other  things,  he 
has  often  abused  his  freedom,  and  made  his 
ingenuity  an  instrument  of  destruction.  In 
the  progress  of  society,  from  the  life  of  the 
savage  hunter  to  that  of  the  pampered  gour- 
mand, cookery  has  become  a  very  complicated 
process,   and    the    science    of   srastronomy  has 


DIGESTION.  183 

been  pursued  till  it  has  changed  the  natural 
and  wholesome  uses  of  things  to  that  which  is 
most  unnatural  and  noxious ;  it  has  destroyed 
the  health  of  thousands,  and  caused  it  to  be 
said,  that  "men  dig  their  graves  with  their 
teeth."  It  is  to  be  hoped  that  a  still  further 
advance  in  civilization  will  correct  these  evils, 
and  that  the  science  of  cookery  will  become 
the  means  of  our  finding,  on  every  table,  the 
most  wholesome  as  well  as  palatable  dishes. 
The  circumstance  of  a  learned  physician  and 
philosopher  having  written  a  book  on  cookery  * 
is  a  favorable  indication ;  his  work  is  intended 
to  correct  many  prevalent  errors,  and,  though 
written  for  a  state  of  society  to  be  found  only 
in  the  most  luxurious  countries  of  the  old  world, 
it  contains  many  good  hints  suited  to  republi- 
can America,  and  is  written  with  so  much  spirit 
and  humor,  particularly  the  Preface  and  Intro- 
duction, as  to  be  highly  amusing  as  well  as  in- 
structive. 

All  sorts  of  comparisons  have  been  insti- 
tuted, to  illustrate  the  nature  and  uses  of  the 
stomach ;  some  have  likened  it  to  a  grist-mill, 
others  to  a  stew-pan  j  it  has  been  called  a 
fermenting  vat,  and  a  laboratory.  But  the 
stomach  is  like  none  of  those  things  ;  it  is  a 
most  curious  and  delicate  organ,  carrying  on  a 

*  «  The  Cook's  Oracle  "  by  Dr.  Kitchener. 


184      MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

hidden  process  by  mechanical,  chemical,  and 
living  means,  and  "  so  susceptible  of  impres- 
sions made  upon  it  by  substances  that  are  put 
into  it,  that  it  seems  more  like  a  nervous  ex- 
pansion from  the  brain,  than  a  mere  receptacle 
for  food."  To  make  a  proper  use  of  this  deli- 
cate organ,  and  derive  the  full  benefit  of  what 
we  eat,  we  must  have  our  meals  at  regular  in- 
tervals, they  must  be  composed  of  light  and 
nourishing  materials,  three-fourths  vegetables, 
and  these  must  be  cooked  in  the  best  manner, 
and  eaten  slowly ;  every  mouthful  must  be 
well  chewed  before  it  is  sw^allowed ;  no  liquid 
must  be  taken  till  we  have  nearly  done  eating, 
and  then  in  a  very  small  quantity,  such  as  half 
the  contents  of  a  common-sized  tumbler,  or,  in 
warm  weather,  somewhat  more.  After  each 
meal  we  should  remain  quiet  for  a  while,  and 
nothing  should  be  eaten  between  meals. 

Now,  in  order  to  understand  the  reason  why 
these  rules  are  necessary  to  the  preservation 
of  health,  I  must  explain  what  is  known  of  the 
process  of  digestion. 

There  is  formed  in  the  stomach  a  liquid, 
called  gastric  juice,  which  has  a  solvent  power, 
and  acts  upon  the  food  in  such  a  manner  as  to 
convert  it  into  a  pulp  called  chyme,  and  give  it 
new  properties,  which  fit  it  to  be  applied  to  the 
purposes  of  nutrition.  But,  in  order  to  prepare 
the  food  for  being  thus  operated  upon,  it  must 


DIGESTION.  185 

be  triturated  by  the  teeth,  and  mixed  with 
saliva,  which  is  made  to  flow  freely  into  the 
mouth  by  the  act  of  chewing ;  when  this  is 
neglected,  tasks  are  imposed  upon  the  stomach 
which  do  not  belong  properly  to  it,  and  which 
often  delay  and  derange  its  functions.  Besides 
this  chemical  and  life-giving  change,  produced 
by  the  gastric  juice,  there  is  a  mechanical  ac- 
tion going  on  in  the  stomach,  by  which  the 
food  is  arranged  in  a  particular  manner ;  that 
which  is  first  prepared  is  lifted  up  and  pushed 
out  of  the  orifice  at  the  top  of  the  stomach,  into 
what  are  called  the  smaller  intestines,  where  it 
is  mixed  with  fluids,  poured  out  upon  it  by  two 
neighbouring  organs,  the  liver  and  pancreas. 
Soon  after  its  mingling  with  these,  a  separation 
takes  place  between  that  part  which  is  capable 
of  nourishing  the  body,  and  that  which  is  not. 
The  former,  under  the  name  of  chyle,  is  absorb- 
ed by  certain  vessels,  called  lacteals,  which  col- 
lect and  transfer  the  chyle  into  a  common 
trunk,  by  which  it  is  carried  up  to  the  top  of 
the  chest,  and  poured  into  the  vein  w^hich 
passes  near  the  left  shoulder  and  enters  the 
heart  on  the  left  side,  as  already  described  ; 
there  the  chyle  mingles  with  the  blood,  on  its 
return  from  the  extremities,  and  becomes  an- 
imalized  with  it,  by  a  passage  through  the  air 
vessels  of  the  lungs.  The  residue  of  the  chyme, 
which  is  not   nutritious,  remains  in  the  canal. 


186       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH 

is   carried  downward,    changes   its    character, 
and  is  at  length  discharged  from  the  body. 

As  the  average  time  required  for  the  digest- 
ing of  a  moderate  meal  is  four  hours,  and  it 
takes  two  more  for  it  to  pass  the  smaller  intes- 
tines and  be  ready  for  absorption,  it  is  neces- 
sary that  there  should  be  an  interval  of  six 
hours,  at  least,  between  our  meals,  in  order 
that  the  stomach  may  be  emptied  and  rested, 
before  its  powers  are  again  called  into  use. 
Eating  in  the  intervals  between  regular  meals 
disturbs  and  delays  the  process  of  digestion ; 
and,  in  weak  stomachs,  it  will  stop  it  altogether. 
Whenever,  therefore,  your  food  oppresses  you, 
and  you  have  a  long  and  labored  digestion, 
you  should  omit  the  next  meal,  and  so  give  the 
stomach  time  to  recover  itself.  It  is  an  old 
maxim  that  the  sick  and  feeble  should  eat  little 
and  often;  *' this  maxim,"  says  a  distinguished 
physician,  "  has  killed  more  than  the  sword." 
This  may  be  too  strongly  stated ;  but  all  med- 
ical men  agree,  that  eating  at  too  short  inter- 
vals is  one  of  the  most  fruitful  sources  of 
disease,  and  should  be  especially  avoided  by 
those  in  feeble  health. 

Nothing  can  be  more  contrary  to  common 
sense,  than  the  practice  of  swallowing  large 
draughts  at  the  beginning  of  a  meal ;  to  drink 
at  all,  before  eating,  is  peculiar  to  our  country 
In  Europe  the  business  of  helping  to,  and  eat 


FOOD.  187 

ing  solid  food,  goes  on  for  a  considerable  time, 
before  any  one  thinks  of  drinking ;  and  the  last 
fashion  in  England  is  to  omit  tumblers  altogeth- 
er, and  have  only  wine-glasses  on  the  table, 
which,  as  a  symptom  of  diminished  draught, 
may  be  considered  an  improvement  ;  and  if  the 
wine-glasses  were  used  for  water  only,  it  would 
be  a  still  greater  progress  in  civilization. 

Persons  who  do  not  chew  their  food  proper- 
ly, and  thereby  obtain  saliva  enough  to  moisten 
the  mouthful,  are  very  much  given  to  drinking 
frequently  at  dinne»r,  as  it  is  only  by  wetting 
the  morsel  with  their  beverage  that  they  can 
bolt  it  unchewed.  But  it  makes  the  greatest 
difference  to  the  stomach,  whether  the  food 
comes  into  it,  reduced  to  a  pulp,  and  properly 
mixed  with  saliva,  or  whether  it  comes  un- 
broken, and  wet  with  some  foreign  liquid.  In 
the  first  case,  the  gastric  juice  takes  hold  of  it 
readily ;  in  the  latter,  it  is  forced  into  a  task 
not  intended  for  it  by  its  Creator. 

To  begin  with  drinking  is  at  once  to  dilute 
the  gastric  juice,  and  render  it  less  fit  to  take 
hold  of  the  solid  food.  To  drink  copiously, 
either  before  or  after  eating,  makes  the  con- 
tents of  the  stomach  too  moist,  and  the  busi- 
ness of  digestion  is  necessarily  delayed  till  all 
the  superfluous  liquid  is  removed  from  the 
stomach;  and  thus  a  double  task  is  imposed 
upon  that  organ. 


188  MEANS    OF    PRESERVING    HEALTH. 

Eating  too  fast,  is  another  cause  of  indiges- 
tion. It  operates  in  two  ways ;  first,  by  send- 
ing the  food  down  imperfectly  chewed  ;  and 
secondly,  by  causing  us  to  eat  more  than  we 
really  want. 

The  sensation  of  hunger  is  produced  by  the 
presence  of  gastric  juice  in  the  stomach  with- 
out any  thing  to  operate  upon ;  it  is  appeased 
by  giving  that  solvent  fluid  something  to  do  ; 
but,  as  it  requires  a  little  time  for  it  to  take 
hold  of  the  food,  if  you  hurry  down  the  whole 
contents  of  your  plate  in  ton  minutes,  you  may 
take  more  than  enough  to  satisfy  the  natural 
appetite,  and  so  overload  your  stomach  before 
you  are  aware  of  it ;  whereas,  by  eating  very 
slowly,  chewing  your  food  well,  and  pausing 
between  whiles,  you  give  the  gastric  juice  time 
to  act  upon  the  food  already  swallowed,  and 
can  better  judge  when  you  have  taken  enough. 

People  often  complain  of  the  rules  given  by 
physicians  as  too  strict,  too  artificial,  and  think 
the  natural  appetite  may  be  safely  taken  as  a 
guide.  And  so  it  might,  if  your  food  was  al- 
ways of  the  most  wholesome  kind,  and  cooked 
in  the  plainest  manner;  if  you  confined  your- 
self to  one  kind  of  meat,  and  one  of  vegetables, 
for  your  dinner,  and  to  plain  bread  for  the 
other  meals  ;  provided  too,  that  you  ate  very 
slowly,   and   at    sufficiently   long   intervals   for 


FOOD.  189 

your  stomach  to  be  entirely  emptied  and  rest- 
ed, before  you  tasked  it  afresh. 

It  is  the  artificial  manner  in  which  food  is 
prepared,  tempting  the  palate  to  overload  the 
stomach,  that  makes  so  many  rules  necessary, 
and  so  much  self-command  requisite.  Every 
luxurious  table  is  a  scene  of  temptation,  which 
it  requires  fixed  principles  and  an  enlightened 
mind  to  withstand.  One  w^ould  suppose  that 
the  mistresses  of  families  and  their  cooks  were 
in  league  to  destroy  the  health  of  those  for 
whom  they  provide.  First  comes  the  plain- 
er kinds  of  food,  as  meat  and  vegetables  at 
dinner,  and  bread  and  toast  at  other  meals; 
with  the  former  are  given  certain  condiments, 
in  the  way  of  sauces,  mustard,  pepper,  &c.,  in 
order  to  tempt  you  beyond  your  appetite  for  sim- 
ple flavors  ;  then  follows  a  succession  of  more 
delicate  viands,  such  as  pies,  custards,  tarts, 
jellies,  and  all  the  tempting  dishes  used  in 
second  courses,  with  perhaps  a  desert  of  dried 
fruits,  which  are  the  hardest  of  all  to  digest. 
At  the  tea-table,  hot  cakes  are  followed  by 
preserves  and  sweet  cakes  of  various  flavors, 
and  these  are  pressed  upon  you  by  the  mistress 
of  the  feast,  as  if  she  thought  your  well-being 
depended  upon  your  eating  of  every  delicacy 
on  her  table;  whereas,  a  truer  regard  for  your 
good  would   prevent  her   urging  these  things 


190       MEANS  OF  TRESERVLXG  HEALTH. 

upon  you,  if  custom  obliged  her  to  provide 
them. 

Nothing  can  be  more  seducing  to  the  appe- 
tite, than  this  arrangement  of  the  viands  which 
compose  a  feast ;  as  the  stomach  is  filled,  and 
the  natural  desire  for  food  subsides,  the  palate 
is  tickled  by  more  delicate  and  relishing  dish- 
es, till  it  is  betrayed  into  excess  ;  the  stomach 
is  overloaded,  digestion  goes  on  laboriously, 
and  the  whole  system  sympathizes  in  the  hard 
task.  Heaviness  of  mind,  languor  of  body, 
headaches,  feverish  and  restless  nights,  gener- 
ally follow  such  deviations  from  the  laws  of 
our  being ;  and,  when  frequently  repeated,  they 
produce  the  long  catalogue  of  diseases  which 
are  so  prevalent  among  the  luxurious  classes 
of  society.  It  would  be  better  for  the  health, 
if  this  order  were  reversed,  and  we  partook  of 
the  dainties  first ;  the  stomach  would  deal 
better  with  them  when  empty,  and  we  should 
be  in  far  less  danger  of  eating  too  much,  if  the 
plainest  food  were  served  last.  The  most 
approved  mode  of  treating  children  now,  is 
to  give  them  their  piece  of  cake  first,  and 
then,  to  let  them  satisfy  their  appetites  with 
bread;  and  the  same  arrangement  would  be 
equally  salutary  for  those  of  a  larger  growth. 

Happy  is  it  for  those  w^hose  childhood  has 
been  guided  by  enlightened  parents,  and  who 
then  formed  a  habit  of  simple   living      Happy 


DRINK.  191 

they,  who  are  used  to  drink  nothing  stronger 
than  water  w^ith  their  dinner,  and  that  in  very- 
moderate  quantities;  who  have  a  fixed  habit 
of  dining  on  one  dish  of  meat,  and  one  or 
two  of  vegetables  ;  whose  stomachs  are  never 
filled  wath  trash  between  meals  ;  and  who  can 
deny  their  palates  what  they  know  to  be  unfit 
for  the  stomach.  As  they  grow  older  and 
wiser,  they  will  appreciate  such  a  bringing  up; 
but  it  is  to  be  feared,  that,  in  this  day  of  un- 
limited indulgence,  there  are  few  who  have  to 
thank  their  parents  for  any  such  habits. 

For  those,  then,  who  have  grown  up  without 
any  such  aid  from  others,  it  is  extremely  im- 
portant that  they  should  learn  to  understand 
the  laws  w^hich  govern  their  bodies,  and  form 
rules  for  themselves  which  shall  enable  them  to 
preserve  their  health  from  injury,  amid  all 
those  petty  temptations,  w-hich  become  for- 
midable from  their  frequent  recurrence,  and 
w^hich  are  perpetually  pressed  upon  them  by  the 
example  and  precept  of  those,  who,  though  suf- 
fering themselves  from  similar  indulgence,  are 
wholly  unaw^are  of  the  cause. 

Most  young  persons  in  this  country  drink 
water  at  various  times  through  the  day,  partic- 
ularly in  the  summer  season;  and  would  think 
it  very  unreasonable  in  any  one  to  wish  them 
to  abstain  from  it.  Yet  the  best  judges  w^ill 
tell  you  it  is  altogether  superfluous,  and  really 


192      MEANS  01    PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

injurious.  The  habit  is  generally  formed  at 
school,  where  the  restlessness  produced  by  long 
confinement  makes  any  excuse  for  moving  de- 
sirable, and  therefore  the  scholars  leave  their 
seats  frequently  to  get  a  draught  from  the  ves- 
sel of  water,  kept  ready  for  them  at  one  end  of 
the  school-room.  This  habit,  once  formed,  ap- 
pears like  a  necessity  of  nature,  and  persons  go 
through  life,  slaves  to  this  superfluous  want. 

In  an  academy  of  New  England,  the  precep- 
tor happened  to  be  wise  enough  to  see  the  folly 
of  this  practice,  and  he  began  his  adminis- 
tration by  refusing  to  have  any  water  in  the 
school-room.  Such  an  unheard-of  innovation 
nearly  caused  a  rebellion  in  the  school ;  but,  as 
the  same  w^isdom  which  forbade  the  water, 
made  unusual  provision  for  the  restlessness  of 
the  children,  and  granted  them  many  new  in- 
dulgences, the  master's  whim  about  drinking 
was  submitted  to ;  and,  at  the  end  of  a  week, 
the  pupils  allowed  that  they  no  longer  felt  any 
thirst,  and  did  as  well  without  drinking  any 
water,  as  when  gallons  were  consumed  in  a 
day.  Thirst  is  a  dryness  in  the  throat,  occa- 
sioned by  the  secretions  there  not  being  as 
abundant  as  usual,  and  this  would  be  more 
surely  corrected  by  a  little  warm  liquid,  sipped 
slowly,  or  by  chewing  a  piece  of  hard  biscuit, 
than  by  pouring  down  cold  water,  which,  if  it 
relieves  you  for  a  moment,  increases  the  feel- 


DRINK.  193 

ing  of  dryness  afterward,  and  rather  hinders 
than  promotes  the  sensation  which  would  ef- 
fectually remove  the  thirst.  I  have  it  under 
the  hand  of  one  of  the  first  physicians  of  our 
day,  that  "  man  is  one  of  those  animals  which 
require  very  little  drink.  His  ordinary  food 
contains  nearly  liquid  enough  to  supply  the 
necessities  of  his  system,  whilst  the  function 
of  digestion  is  impeded  and  interrupted  by 
copious  draughts,  either  at  or  between  meals." 
Even  a  little  drink,  taken  frequently,  has  the 
same  disturbing  influence  that  a  little  food  has, 
taken  out  of  season,  and  should  be  avoided  as 
an  idle  and  pernicious  habit.  The  laboring  man, 
who  sweats  profusely,  may  be  allowed  to  drink 
more  freely ;  but  ladies,  who  undergo  no  hard 
toil,  or  exposure  to  a  hot  sun,  are  better  with- 
out those  frequent  draughts. 

Some  delicate  girls  are  oppressed  by  the 
third  meal  in  the  day,  who  get  over  the  two 
first  very  well;  and  they  vary  their  solid  food, 
to  ascertain  what  it  is  that  disagrees  with 
them ;  when  if  they  would  only  omit  their 
second  cup  of  tea,  all  would  be  well  with 
them. 

The  too  common  practice  of  visiting  confec- 
tioners' shops  in  the  morning-walk,  and  eating 
there  a  variety  of  sweet-meats  and  pastry, 
has  ruined  the  health  of  thousands.  If  ever 
you  are  tempted  to  such  an  indiscretion,  let 
Q  13 


194       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

your  luncheon  of  sweets  serve  you  instead  of  a 
dinner,  and  eat  no  more  that  day,  till  your 
stomach  is  entirely  emptied  of  those  contents 
w^hich  are  so  difficult  of  digestion. 

A  person  whose  general  health  is  good,  can 
cure  any  slight  derangement  of  the  stomach  by 
total  abstinence;  and  it  is  much  better  to  re- 
frain from  food  than  to  take  medicine.  The 
habit  of  dosing  yourself  with  soda  and  pepper- 
mint, when  you  have  eaten  imprudently ;  or 
with  bitters,  to  procure  an  appetite ;  or  Ro- 
chelle  powders  to  assist  the  bowels,  is  all  bad 
for  the  health,  very  bad.  A  well-regulated 
diet  and  proper  exercise  will  prevent  the 
necessity  of  any  of  these  nostrums  ;  and  when 
an  excess  has  been  accidentally  committed, 
omit  the  next  meal,  and  that  will  generally 
cure  you. 

It  seems  almost  superfluous,  in  these  days 
of  temperance,  to  say  any  thing  to  the  softer 
sex  against  the  use  of  ardent  spirits  and  fer- 
mented liquors  ;  but,  as  the  subject  of  preserv- 
ing the  health  would  be  incomplete  without  it, 
and  as  the  delicate  frames  of  women  have  their 
peculiar  temptations,  I  cannot  dismiss  the  topic 
of  diet  without  saying  that  it  is  the  opinion  of 
the  wisest  and  best  physicians,  that  all  young 
persons  are  better  without  any  stimulating  li- 
quors, and  that  it  is  a  great  mistake  to  resort  to 
them,  as  a  cure  for  those  nervous  and  debilitat- 


DRINK.  195 

ing  diseases,  which  have  their  origin  in  seden- 
tary habits,  hot  rooms,  tight  lacing,  late  hours, 
improper  diet,  want  of  bathing,  &c.  The  tem- 
porary relief,  gained  by  a  glass  of  wine,  or 
cordial,  is  dearly  paid  for,  by  increased  debility 
after  the  first  effect  passes  off;  and  the  most 
refined  and  intellectual  women  are  not  safe,  if 
they  pursue  this  course,  from  becoming  a  bur- 
den to  themselves,  and  the  shame  of  all  con- 
nected with  them.  It  is  therefore  best  to  form 
a  habit  of  drinking  no  fermented  liquors,  unless 
recommended  by  a  physician,  and  to  take  no 
tonics,  unless  so  prescribed. 

Having  said  so  much  about  the  stomach,  I 
fear  you  may  suppose,  that  I  wish  you  to  be 
continually  watching  its  functions,  and  thinking 
after  every  meal  how  you  are  digesting  it;  but 
nothing  can  be  farther  from  my  intention.  In 
order  to  judge  rightly,  we  must  know  a  great 
many  facts.  Some  of  these  I  have  here  pre- 
sented to  you,  in  order  that  you  may  draw^  your 
own  conclusions,  and  lay  down  general  rules 
for  the  government  of  your  appetite ;  when  you 
have  made  your  plan  and  formed  your  habits 
on  enlightened  principles,  I  would  have  you 
dismiss  all  thoughts  of  your  stomach  and  its 
functions  from  your  mind,  and  never  think  of  it 
again,  till  some  accidental  disturbance  obliges 
you  to  do  so,  and  then  your  rule  of  abstinence 
will  come  to  your  aid. 


196       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

No  one  can  make  rules  for  another  as  to  the 
articles  of  diet  which  will  agree  with  her.  To 
the  healthy,  all  things  naturally  eaten  are  whole- 
some, if  taken  at  proper  times,  and  in  mode- 
rate quantities ;  those  who  are  oppressed  by 
their  food,  must  find  out  for  themselves  what 
agrees  best  with  them  and  what  causes  disturb- 
ance. When  once  you  have  ascertained  clearly 
that  a  certain  kind  of  food  disagrees  w4th  you, 
avoid  it  resolutely ;  for  there  is  no  more  despi- 
cable folly,  than  that  of  indulging  your  palate 
at  the  expense  of  your  health.  Do  not  even 
suffer  your  politeness  to  betray  you  into  an  in- 
discretion of  this  sort ;  but  let  your  reasonable 
self-denial  be  proof  against  the  unreasonable 
importunity  of  those,  who  show  their  hospital- 
ity by  making  war  upon  the  health  of  their 
friends. 

I  cannot  dismiss  this  part  of  my  subject, 
without  a  few  observations  on  the  importance 
of  a  daily  evacuation  of  the  bowels.  The 
practice  of  taking  medicine  to  effect  this 
should  be  avoided  ;  but  no  pains  should  be 
spared  in  regulating  the  diet  and  exercise,  so 
as  to  obtain  it.  If  all  mothers  made  a  point  of 
establishing  regular  habits  in  childhood,  it 
would  not  be  necessary  to  notice  the  subject 
here  ;  but,  knowing  how  carelessly  most  young 
persons  treat  the  subject,  and  that  some  even 
consider  it  a  piece   of  refinement  and   a  privi- 


CONSTIPATION.  197 

lege  not  to  pay  daily  attention  to  this  func- 
tion of  the  body,  I  feel  it  incumbent  upon  me 
to  point  out  the  evil  consequences  of  such  a 
course. 

It  may  startle  some  who  thus  neglect  them- 
selves, to  know  that  they  carry  in  their  face 
the  proof  of  their  bad  habits  ;  and  that  a  med- 
ical man  has  said,  he  could  distinguish,  in  a 
large  company,  all  those  girls  who  were  inat- 
tentive to  their  health  in  this  particular.  He 
says  he  knows  them  by  the  state  of  their  com- 
plexions, and  he  longs  to  remonstrate  with 
them  on  the  impolicy,  if  not  the  sin,  of  so  mal- 
treating their  systems  and  spoiling  their  good 
looks.  To  those  who  have  right  views  of  the 
subject,  there  is  something  the  very  reverse  of 
refinement  in  such  conduct ;  and  young  ladies 
would  certainly  avoid  it,  if  they  were  aware  of 
all  the  consequences.  Besides  the  indirect 
injury  to  the  health,  and  consequently  to  the 
beauty,  of  all,  it  has  a  direct  effect  unfavorable 
to  the  complexion;  it  also  makes  the  breath 
offensive,  and  sometimes  affects  the  whole  at- 
mosphere of  a  person ;  it  is,  moreover,  a 
frequent  cause  of  eruptions  of  the  skin.  If 
this  be  not  already  your  mortifying  experience, 
let  me  persuade  you  to  comply  with  the  laws 
of  your  being,  before  you  find  it  is  too  late, 
before  you  have  felt  the  (hastening  which  will 
sooner  or  later  follow  their  infringement. 


198       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

A  great  deal  has  been  said  and  written,  by 
medical  men,  against  the  unhealthy  practice  of 
tight  lacings  but,  it  is  to  be  feared,  with  very 
little  effect.  So  long  as  gentlemen  admire 
small  waists,  and  praise  those  figures  the  most, 
which  approach  the  nearest  to  the  shape  of  a 
wasp,  or  an  hour-glass,  it  is  in  vain  to  tell 
young  ladies,  that  the  practice  is  destructive  of 
health,  and  that  there  is  no  real  beauty  in  the 
small  dimensions  at  which  they  are  aiming. 
The  taste  of  the  lords  of  creation  must  be  rec- 
tified, and  then  the  evil  w^ill  correct  itself.  Let 
medical  men,  let  painters  and  sculptors  teach 
young  men  that  all  such  unnatural  compression 
of  the  body  is  deformity ;  let  Grecian  models 
of  beauty  be  studied,  till  the  shape  of  a  mod- 
ern belle  shall  no  longer  command  admiration. 
Let  mothers,  too,  make  a  stand  against  this 
general  perversion  of  the  uses  of  the  body; 
let  them  keep  their  daughters  without  corsets, 
until  they  have  attained  their  full  develope- 
ment  of  figure,  and  then  it  would  be  impossible 
for  half  the  mischief  to  be  done  that  now  is  ; 
for,  by  beginning  whilst  the  bones  are  soft  and 
pliable,  the  lower  ribs  can  be  compressed  into 
half  their  natural  dimensions. 

I  have  been  assured  by  a  girl,  shaped  like 
an  hour-glass,  that  she  did  not  lace  tight ;  and 
have  been  called  to  witness,  that  she  was  of  the 
same   size  without,  as    with,  her  corset.      The 


TIGHT    LACING.  199 

case  is  plain,  nature  has  been  completely 
overruled,  early  tight  lacing  has  produced  a 
permanent  deformity,  and  the  space  in  which 
the  lungs  play  has  been  reduced  for  ever  to 
those  narrow  bounds. 

Few  girls  are  aware  of  the  force  they  employ 
when  they  lace  their  corsets;  the  mode  of 
doing  it  deceives  them;  it  is  so  easy  to  gain 
inch  by  inch  of  that  treacherous  silken  cord, 
that  they  are  not  conscious  of  the  effect  they 
are  producing  ;  whereas  if  they  were  obliged 
to  fasten  their  corsets  by  buttoning  them  in 
front,  they  would  soon  find  out  how  tight  they 
are.  Let  me  beg  my  young  friends  to  mistrust 
themselves  on  this  subject,  and  to  refrain  from 
tightening  their  laces  even  as  much  as  they 
can  with  ease. 

Another  fruitful  source  of  pain  and  distor- 
tion is  wearing  tight  shoes.  A  celebrated  sur- 
geon of  the  present  day  has  said,  that  it  is 
the  rarest  thing  to  find  a  foot,  the  bones  of 
which  have  not  been  injured  by  this  practice. 
He  says,  the  foot  is  constructed  on  the  princi- 
ple of  a  double  arch,  one  lengthwise  and  the 
other  crosswise ;  when  the  foot  is  raised,  the 
ends  of  the  arches  contract ;  when  it  is  on  the 
ground,  and  the  weight  of  the  body  rests  upon 
it,  they  expand,  and  the  arches  become  nearly 
flat  ;  and  unless  there  is,  in  the  shoe,  ample 
room  for  this  expansion,  some  part  of  the  deU- 


200       MEANS  OF  PRESERVING  HEALTH. 

cate  structure  must  be  injured.  The  frequent 
complaints  we  hear  of  inflammation  and  pain  in 
the  joints,  are  occasioned  by  shoes  made  too 
tight  to  allow  this  necessary  play  of  the  foot; 
all  the  misery  of  corns  is  produced  in  the 
same  way ;  and  much  of  the  bad  walking  we 
see,  is  referable  to  the  same  cause.  Now  this 
practice  is  doubly  foolish,  because  it  not  only 
produces  much  bodily  suffering,  but  it  misses 
of  the  object  for  which  that  severe  penalty  is 
incurred.  However  pretty  we  may  think  little 
feet,  there  is  no  beauty  in  a  large  one  cram- 
med into  a  shoe  too  small  for  it.  The  moment 
a  shoe  looks  stuffed,  and  the  instep  seems  to 
be  running  over  it,  the  size  of  the  foot  is  more 
apparent  than  it  would  be  in  a  larger  shoe ; 
the  aim  of  the  wearer  is  defeated,  and  the  tor- 
ture is  borne  in  vain.  Shoes  that  are  too 
narrow,  make  the  foot  look  like  something 
rolled  up  and  stuffed  into  them;  they  destroy 
all  form  and  comeliness,  and  render  the  step 
tottering,  as  if  the  soles  of  the  feet  were  round 
instead  of  flat.  Young  ladies  think  every- 
thing of  size,  and  nothing  of  form,  in  dressing 
their  feet ;  but  this  is  a  great  mistake.  If  a 
person  has  a  large  foot,  it  may  be  well  shaped, 
and  will  look  better  in  a  shoe  that  contains  it 
comfortably,  than  when  pressed  out  of  all 
shape,  and  showing  that  it  is  -crowded  into  one 
too  small  for  it.     What  so  disfigures  a  foot,  as 


TIGHT    SHOES.  201 

a  large  toe-joint  growing  out  ?  And  yet  this 
deformity  is  constantly  produced  by  wearing 
shoes  too  short.  When  disease  and  distortion 
have  been  induced  by  tight  shoes,  the  beauty 
of  a  foot  is  gone;  and  the  bad  style  of  walking, 
occasioned  by  suffering,  continues  long  after 
the  wearer  has  been  obliged  to  abandon  the 
practice  of  cramping  her  feet. 

Now,  if,  in  addition  to  all  these  reasons 
against  wearing  tight  shoes,  a  more  correct 
taste  prevailed  as  to  the  dimensions  of  feet, 
we  might  hope  to  see  the  practice  abandoned. 
Our  predilections  in  this  particular  savour  a 
little  of  the  barbarism  of  the  Chinese.  The 
roasters  of  Grecian  art  did  not  so  regard  the 
subject;  their  models  of  beauty  prove  that  free 
scope  was  allowed  to  the  foot,  and  that  its 
perfection  depended  on  its  shape  and  propor- 
tion to  the  rest  of  the  figure,  and  not  on  its 
absolute  smallness.  The  foot  of  the  Venus  de 
Medicis  is  much  larger  than  any  modern  belle 
would  approve ;  it  is  about  double  the  width 
of  the  sole  of  a  French  slipper;  and  distorted 
indeed  would  be  any  statue,  modelled  after 
the  proportions  allowed  to  the  feet  of  the  fair 
ladies  that  parade  Broadway. 


202  BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS. 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

Behaviour  to  Parents    and  their  Friends. 

Irreverence    common.  —  Beauty    of  Reverence.  —  Sympathy 
with  Parents.  —  Treatment  of  Elderly  Friends.  —  Anecdote. 

Having  premised,  that  I  write  this  little 
volume  for  those  who  have  been  morally  and 
religiously  brought  up,  it  will  be  thought  need- 
less here  to  insist  on  the  grave  duties  which 
belong  to  the  filial  relation  ;  it  may  be  said 
that  exhortations  to  these  are  learned  in  the 
Bible,  conned  in  the  spelling-book,  set  forth  in 
every  work  addressed  to  youth,  and  heard  so 
frequently  from  the  pulpit  and  the  elbow-chair, 
that  no  one  can  err  from  want  of  knowledge. 

o 

Whence  comes  it,  then,  that  there  is  so  little 
demonstration  of  respect,  in  the  manners  of  the 
rising  generation,  toward  the  authors  of  their 
being  ?  Wha^-  can  the  state  oi  feeling  be,  when 
the  language  to  a  parent  is  such,  as  would 
be  scarcely  tolerable  when  addressed  to  a 
young  companion  ?  Is  it  compatible  with  fil- 
ial reverence,  flatly  to  contradict  a  father,  to 
laugh  at  a  mother's  ways,  to  reply  to  a  grave 
question  jocosely,  without  giving  the  informa- 
tion required,  to  interrupt  parents  in  the  midst 
of  speaking,  to  oppose  their  opinions  in  a  tone 


IRREVERENCE    COMMON.  203 

of  self-confidence,  implying  that  your  judg- 
ment is  quite  as  good  as  theirs,  or  to  leave 
the  room  whilst  they  are  still  addressing 
you  ?  Yet  all  these  things  are  continually  done 
by  girls,  who,  if  questioned  on  the  state  of 
their  feelings  towards  their  father  or  mother, 
would  say,  they  loved  and  respected  them,  and 
would  not  do  anything  to  give  them  pain. 

Is  the  defect,  then,  one  of  manners  merely  ? 
Is  this  only  a  vibration  to  the  opposite  extreme 
of  that  formality,  which,  two  generations  back, 
prevented  young  persons  from  opening  their 
lips,  unnecessarily,  in  the  presence  of  their  pa- 
rents, and  made  them  rise  and  courtesy  every 
time  their  fathers  entered  the  room  ?  It  is  to 
be  hoped  it  is  so,  and  that,  the  two  extremes 
having  now  been  fully  tried,  a  just  medium 
may  ere  long  be  established,  and  that  the 
rude  familiarity,  now  so  conspicuous,  will  be 
laid  aside  and  become  as  obsolete  as  the  sense- 
less formality  of  the  last  century. 

The  present  state  of  manners,  though  not 
the  best  possible,  has  one  advantage  over  that 
which  preceded  it;  it  is  more  favorable  to  a 
confidential  intercourse  between  children  and 
parents  than  was  the  starched  demeanor  of 
our  forefathers  ;  but  there  might  be  a  much 
greater  infusion  of  respect,  without  any  dimi- 
nution of  confidence ;  indeed  filial  love  can 
never  exist,  in  perfection,  unless  it  be  founded 


204  BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS. 

on  a  deep  sentiment  of  reverence;  and  where 
that  has  not  been  well  cultivated  in  childhood, 
it  is  soon  frittered  entirely  away,  by  habitual 
indulgence  in  the  disrespect,  flippancy,  and 
rude  familiarity,  already  noticed. 

The  sentiment  of  reverence  is  one  of  the 
noblest  attributes  of  the  human  mind ;  to  its 
exercise,  God  has  affixed  an  exquisite  sense  of 
enjoyment;  it  operates,  in  a  thousand  ways,  to 
elevate  and  embellish  the  character.  Its  first 
developement  is  in  the  feelings  of  a  child  for 
its  parents,  and  this  is  the  natural  preparation 
of  the  mind  for  its  rise  to  a  higher  object,  even 
to  the  Father  in  heaven.  As  the  understand- 
ing ripens,  and  this  sentiment  is  cultivated, 
it  embraces  all  that  is  great  and  good  among 
men,  all  that  is  vast  and  magnificent  in  nature 
and  in  art;  shedding  over  the  character  of  its 
possessor  an  indescribable  grace,  softening  the 
very  tones  of  the  voice,  and  rendering  it  im- 
possible for  the  manners  to  be  wanting  in 
deference  and  courtesy  towards  parents,  or 
teachers,  or  the  aged  of  any  description. 

Where  the  sentiment  of  reverence  is  defi- 
cient, a  foundation  is  wanting  for  many  grace- 
ful superstructures ;  and  the  defect  shows  itself 
in  various  ways,  of  which  the  irreverent  are 
little  aware,  or  they  would  endeavour  to  supply 
the  deficiency,  as  a  mere  matter  of  taste,  if  not 
of  principle.       Such  persons  will  have  unpJeas- 


BEAUTY    OF    REVERENCE.  205 

ant  manners  which  no  rules  of  good  breeding 
will  correct ;  and  as  the  irreverent  state  of  feel- 
ing grows  by  indulgence  in  disrespectful  de- 
meanor, they  are  in  danger  of  becoming  bold, 
reckless,  and  even  impious. 

You  whom  I  address  are  yet  young  ;  what- 
ever may  have  been  your  education,  you  are 
yet  young  enough  to  reeducate  yourselves ; 
you  have  hearts  capable  of  being  touched  by 
the  beautiful,  the  true,  the  sublime;  you  fee' 
reverence  for  God  and  the  things  that  belong 
to  religion ;  but  you  have  not  perhaps  consid- 
ered how  the  same  sentiment  is  connected  with 
other  relations  in  life.  In  all  the  great  moral 
authors  whom  you  have  read,  you  have  found 
filial  piety,  and  reverence  for  the  aged,  treated 
as  indispensable  qualities  in  a  virtuous  charac- 
ter, whether  heathen  or  Christian ;  but  you 
may  never  have  reflected  on  the  indications 
which  you  give  of  the  want  of  it  in  your  own 
If  then  your  conscience  tells  you  that  you  are 
guilty  of  those  faults  of  manner,  which  I  have 
described  as  but  too  common  in  our  society, 
you  may  be  sure  that  your  feelings  of  reverence 
need  quickening  and  cultivating  ;  and  if  you 
would  escape  becoming  the  harsh,  ungraceful 
character  which  grows  out  of  such  delinquency, 
you  must  reform  your  manners. 

It  is  to  be  feared,  that   some   young  ladies 
think  themselves  excused  from  the  duty  of  filial 


206  BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS. 

reverence,  because  they  are  more  highly  edu- 
cated than  their  parents  ;  they  have  more 
knowledge,  more  refinement,  and  therefore 
they  may  dictate,  contradict,  and  set  up  their 
judgments  in  opposition  to  their  fathers'  and 
mothers'.  But  this  is  a  great  mistake ;  no 
superiority  of  culture  can  change  the  relation 
of  child  and  parent,  or  annul  the  duties  that 
grow  out  of  it.  The  better  your  education  has 
been,  the  more  cause  for  gratitude  to  those  who 
have  procured  for  you  this  blessing ;  the  higher 
the  culture,  the  more  you  are  bound  to  per- 
form well  all  the  duties  of  life ;  the  greater 
your  refinement,  the  more  perfect  should  be 
your  manners  towards  your  parent;  the  more 
your  influence  is  needed  in  the  family,  the  more 
important  it  is,  that  you  should  not  impair  it, 
by  such  faults  as  the  uneducated  can  judge 
of,  as  w^ell  as  the  most  cultivated.  There  is 
besides  a  great  meanness  in  turning  against 
your  parents  the  weapons  which  their  kind- 
ness has  put  in  your  hands.  The  acquirements 
of  their  children  often  make  parents  feel  their 
own  deficiencies  very  painfully ;  and  nothing 
but  the  most  respectful  behaviour,  on  the  part 
of  the  offspring,  can  lessen  the  mortification, 
and  convince  them  that,  apart  from  all  such 
adventitious  circumstances,  they  have  undenia- 
ble claims  to  the  love  and  reverence  of  their 
children. 


SYMPATHY  WITH  PARENTS.         207 

Nothing  can  justify  the  want  of  respect  in 
the  manners  of  children  to  parents,  of  pupils  to 
teachers,  of  the  young  to  the  aged  ;  not  even 
faiills  of  character  in  the  individuals  claiming 
,•  li  deference  and  regard.  It  is  due  to  your- 
>*if  to  treat  the  relation  with  respect,  and  the 
iiiore  perfectly  proper  your  manners  are,  the 
gnattr  will  be  your  influence. 

"inhere  is  nothing  in  the  whole  circle  of  do- 
mestic relations  so  lovely,  so  pure,  so  honorable 
to  both  parties,  as  the  respectful,  affectionate, 
and  confidential  intercourse  of  some  young 
women  with  their  parents. 

So  much  of  safety  and  happiness  is  gained 
by  being  open  and  confidential  with  the  natural 
guardians  of  your  youth,  that  it  is  worth  while 
to  make  some  sacrifices  to  it  of  momentary 
repugnance  and  fastidiousness  of  taste. 

A  young  lady  of  my  acquaintance,  kept  her 
parents  ignorant  of  a  marriage  engagement 
she  had  entered  into,  because  she  was  afraid 
her  mother  would  shock  her  refinement  by 
talking  to  her  about  being  courted;  and  I 
fear  there  are  many  concealments  made  from 
mothers   for  no  better  reason. 

Parents  are  generally  more  ready  to  sympa- 
thize with  their  daughters,  than  their  young 
hearts  imac^ine.  The  shrinking  timidity  whi(  h 
accompanies  youthful  feeling,  often  renders  you 
unnecessarily   afraid   to   open    your    minds    to 


208  BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS. 

them ;  but  let  the  effort  once  be  made,  and 
however  it  may  be  received,  you  will  find  your- 
self relieved  from  all  the  additional  perplexity 
which  belongs  to  concealment,  sustained  by 
the  sense  of  well-doing.  The  degree  of  con- 
fidence, however,  which  subsists,  must  depend 
upon  the  characters  of  the  individuals;  and 
where  it  is  not  very  great,  you  may  be  justified 
in  not  communicating  such  matrimonial  over- 
tures as  you  are  resolved  to  reject ;  but  I  can- 
not imagine  a  case,  in  which  you  are  not  bound 
to  inform  your  parents  of  such  offers  as  you 
incline  to  accept,  and  to  consult  them  before 
you  engage  yourselves. 

It  may  not  always  be  in  your  power  to  pre- 
vent your  feelings  being  known,  before  you 
seek  their  advice  ;  but  it  should  be  an  avowed 
principle  of  your  life,  that  you  will  never  marry 
without  the  consent  of  your  parents,  nor  merely 
to  please  them.  Never  marry  a  person  because 
you  are  indifferent  to  him,  and  your  parents 
urge  it  upon  you  as  a  desirable  match  ;  this  is 
a  breach  of  integrity,  and  the  penalty  will  be 
yours  not  theirs. 

The  sympathy  you  will  so  often  need  from 
affectionate  parents,  you  must  abundantly  re- 
pay, or  you  will  become  selfish  and  exacting. 
If  you  would  be  the  friend  and  companion  of 
your  father,  as  every  daughter  should  endeav- 
our to  be,  you  must  enter  into  his  feelings  and 


SYMPATHY  WITH  PARENTS.         209 

views,  yoii  must  take  an  interest  in  his  con- 
cerns, talk  of  the  subjects  that  he  talks  of, 
read  or  listen  to  the  news  of  the  day,  be  some- 
what acquainted  with  his  politics,  and  learn  of 
him  the  |)nnci{)les,  on  which  business  is  con- 
hu  ted,  and  of  wliich  women  are  generally  too 
Ignorant. 

With  your  mother,  you  are  called  upon  to 
sympathize  most  tenderly,  in  all  the  daily 
are  s  and  perplexities  of  life  ;  and  when  her 
seli-sacrificing  spirit  would  fain  save  you  from 
partaking  in  her  anxieties,  and  strives  to  pre- 
serve your  young  spirit  free  from  care,  let  it 
not  be  so.  You  will  be  all  the  better  for  shar- 
ing her  labors,  and  relieving  her  of  some  of  her 
cares,  and  when  you  have  done  your  utmost, 
great  are  the  burdens  that  still  must  rest  on 
the  mother  of  a  large  family ;  let  your  feelings, 
therefore,  be  ever  on  the  alert,  to  sympathize 
where  you  cannot  relieve.  Let  her  over-tasked 
frame  and  exhausted  spirit  revive,  if  possible, 
under  the  soothing  influence  of  a  daughter's 
watchful  sympathy  and  cheerful  cooperation  ; 
for  there  are  no  such  unpitied  martyrs  as  the 
mothers  of  large  families,  who  perform  faith- 
fully their  duties,  and  are  worn  out  in  the  ser- 
vice. Daughters  may  do  something  to  delay 
the  sacrifice,  and  it  justly  behoves  them  to  see 
that  they  do   not  hasten  it,  by  their  careless 


14 


210  BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS. 

self-indulgence,  by  inattention  to  their  mother's 
feelings,  and  to  the  true  state  of  her  case. 

Daughters  are  apt  to  think  that  their  mothers 
lay  too  great  stress  upon  trifles,  and  perhaps 
they  do;  but  this  you  cannot  prevent;  and 
since  that  is  important  to  them,  v^hich  appears 
a  trifle  to  you,  is  it  not  better  to  please  them 
in  it,  than  to  add  the  weight  of  a  feather  to 
their  over-burdened  minds'?  Nothing  should 
be  considered  a  trifle  which  adds  to  a  mother's 
cares.  Even  setting  up  your  chair  is  a  duty, 
if  it  saves  her  the  trouble  of  doing  it. 

If  your  heart  and  your  manners  are  right  to- 
wards your  parents,  you  will  behave  with  proper 
respect  and  consideration  towards  their  guests, 
paying  them  those  little  attentions  which  be- 
come your  age  and  theirs,  never  appearing  im- 
patient of  their  presence,  but  deriving  all  the 
good  you  can  from  their  experience  of  life. 
However  uninteresting  some  of  your  mother's 
guests  may  be  to  you,  never  sit  apart  and  read 
in  their  presence,  as  that  is  a  breach  of  good 
manners,  but  occupy  yourself  with  your  needle, 
and  be  ready  to  wait  upon  them  as  occasion 
arises. 

If  you  have  brothers,  or  sisters,  or  young 
companions,  in  the  same  room,  be  very  careful 
that  your  conversation  does  not  interrupt  that 
of  your  elders;  speak  in  an  under  tone,  and  do 
not  indulge  in  laughter,  as  that  is  disrespect- 


TREATMENT    OF    ELDERLY    FRIENDS.  211 

ful  to  your  mother's  guests,  and  might  be  mis- 
taken for  laughing  at  them,  which  would  be 
the  grossest  rudeness.  If  they  join  in  your 
youthful  talk,  do  not  become  silent,  or  in  any 
way  give  the  impression  that  they  have  spoiled 
your  conversation ;  but,  even  if  that  should  be 
the  case,  receive  their  advances  politely,  and 
be  assured  you  will  gain  more  by  this  self- 
government,  than  you  can  lose  by  the  interrup- 
tion of  the  most  agreeable  conversation. 

If  you  happen  to  be  alone  in  your  mother's 
parlour  when  a  friend  of  hers  enters,  who  is  a 
stranger  to  you,  you  should  rise  to  receive  her, 
as  if  you  were  the  mistress  of  the  house;  place 
a  chair  for  her,  and  enter  into  conversation 
with  her,  till  your  mother  appears,  when  you 
may  quietly  withdraw,  unless  she  so  introduces 
you,  as  to  indicate  her  wish  that  you  should 
stay  and  make  the  acquaintance. 

In  meeting  your  elderly  friends  in  the  street, 
look  at  them  enough  to  give  them  the  opportu- 
nity of  recognising  you;  and  if  they  do  so,  re- 
turn their  salutation  respectfully,  not  with  the 
familiar  nod  that  you  would  give  to  one  of  your 
own  age.  Never  remain  sitting,  whilst  your 
elder  is  standing  before  you  and  talking  to 
you.  Nothing  is  a  greater  mark  of  disre- 
spect and  ill  manners.  Never  lounge  on  a  sofa 
or  rocking-chair,  whilst   there  are   those  in  the 


212  BEHAVIOUR    TO    PARENTS. 

room  whose  years  give  them  a  better  claim  to 
that  sort  of  indulgence. 

There  is  something  so  graceful  and  appropri- 
ate in  the  deference  which  youth  pays  to  age. 
that  if  it  were  not  a  Christian  duty,  it  shoul( 
be   insisted  upon  as  a  matter   of   good   taste. 
I  asked  a  gentleman  once,  if  he  did  not  think 

Miss   C very   pretty  and  lady-like  ;  —  "  I 

used  to  think  so,"  was  his  reply,  "  but  I  saw 
her  treat  an  old  gentleman  rudely,  and  she  has 
never  looked  pretty  to  me  since."  I  often 
think  of  this,  when  I  see  young  girls  just  com- 
ing out  into  society,  pushing  themselves  before 
their  elders,  elbowing  their  way  to  the  supper- 
table  before  wives  and  matrons,  accepting  the 
attentions  of  elderly  gentlemen  as  if  they  were 
conferring,  instead  of  receiving  favors,  and 
treating  the  first  dignitaries  of  the  land  as 
carelessly,  as  they  would  their  own  school- 
mates 


HOW  TO  RECEIVE  A  MASTER.       213 

CHAPTER  IX. 
Conduct  to   Teachers. 

How  to  receive  a  Master. — The  Claims  of  Female  Teachers. - 
Uncertainty  of  Riches. 

The  more  enlightened  our  country  becomes, 
and  the  more  we  are  disencumbered  of  those 
false  notions  of  gentility  which  we  inherited 
from  the  land  of  our  fathers,  the  more  will  those 
be  honored,  and  the  better  will  they  be  paid, 
who  make  a  business  of  teaching.  In  the  fluc- 
tuating state  of  our  society,  persons  will  be  so 
employed  for  a  short  time,  who  afterwards  fill 
high  stations  in  the  land ;  whilst  those  also 
who  have  figured  in  the  foremost  ranks  of  life 
will,  at  a  later  period,  be  found  earning  their 
living  by  teaching  a  language,  or  giving  les- 
s-ons  in  music.  Well-educated  foreigners,  also, 
whose  souls  have  been  refined  by  suffering  for 
conscience'  sake,  are  often  engaged  in  this 
mode  of  earning  a  living.  This  being  the  case, 
language  and  music  masters  do  not  form  a 
class  by  themselves,  as  in  the  old  countries  of 
Europe;  they  belong  here  to  all  well-educated 
circles,  and  should  be  treated  with  no  less 
politeness,  and  a  little  more  respect,  than  you 
show  to  other  gentlemen  of  your  acquaintance. 

When  a  master  comes  to  give  you  a  lesson, 
you  should  receive  him  as  your  particular  guest, 


214  CONDUCT    TO    TEACHERS. 

with  a  serious,  polite,  and  deferential  manner, 
readily  entering  into  conversation  with  hiiu- 
till  he  chooses  to  begin  the  lesson.  Then  de- 
vote your  whole  attention  to  the  business  in 
hand,  remembering  that  the  labor  of  teachino 
the  best  scholar  is  irksome  enough,  and  thar 
you  must  reward  your  masters  by  your  pro- 
gress, no  less  than  by  your  money.  Th( 
greatest  delicacy  is  required  in  consulting  tht 
interests  of  a  teacher  without  hurting  his  feel- 
ings ;  but  you  should  never  forget  that  time  is 
money  to  him,  and  if  you  keep  him  waiting, 
let  the  loss  be  yours  not  his,  and  never  over- 
run the  allotted  hour,  to  make  it  up. 

A  scrupulous  attention  to  politeness  is  not 
only  useful  to  prevent  hurting  the  feelings  of 
others,  but  it  is  the  best  shield  to  your  own 
delicacy;  and  as  there  are  all  sorts  of  masters, 
as  well  as  the  refined  and  dignified  beings  I 
have  alluded  to,  (and  some  are  very  young  and 
indiscreet,)  it  is  best  to  maintain  a  strict  re- 
serve, never  talking  of  your  private  concerns, 
never  speaking  freely  of  persons,  never  indulg- 
ing in  jokes  and  laughter,  because  that  leads  to 
familiarity  which  may  be  unpleasant.  Serious 
politeness  is  the  best  shield  a  young  lady  can 
have,  and  a  shield  you  may  need  in  a  tete-a- 
tete  with  a  youthful  instructor;  this  sort  of 
defence  protects  you,  without  offending  others. 

When  the  ofhce  of  teacher  is  filled  by  one  of 


CLAIMS    OF     FEMALE    TEACHERS.  215 

your  own  sex,  all  your  kindest  sympathies 
should  be  enlisted  in  her  favor,  and  you  should 
endeavour,  by  every  means  in  your  power,  to 
render  her  task  agreeable,  and  to  sustain  her 
in  that  position  in  society  to  which  her  man- 
ners and  acquirements  entitle  her.  Nothing 
can  be  meaner  than  the  false  pride  exhib- 
ited by  some  girls  towards  the  ladies  who 
give  them  lessons  in  music,  drawing,  or  lan- 
guages. Some  have  even  been  known  to  pass 
their  instructresses  in  the  street,  without  ac- 
knowledging the  acquaintance  even  by  a  pass- 
ing bow  ;  others  salute  in  passing,  but  would 
on  no  account  invite  the  lady  to  their  house  as 
a  guest ;  and  she,  whose  cultivation  and  refine- 
ment may  far  exceed  that  of  her  pupils,  is  con- 
sidered by  them  of  inferior  rank,  because  she 
has  added  to  her  other  merits,  that  of  render- 
ing herself  independent  by  the  exercise  of  her 
talents.  Now  all  this  is  wrong,  entirely  wrong, 
and  in  this  country  it  has  no  meaning  but  one 
of  excessive  folly,  in  those  who  practise  it. 
Where  there  are  no  hereditary  distinctions, 
and  no  long-established  division  of  society 
into  castes  or  ranks,  the  only  mode  of  classifi- 
cation is  that  of  wealth,  or  individual  merit, 
comprising  refinement  of  manners  and  cultiva- 
tion of  mind. 

If  wealth  is   to  be  the  standard  of  gentility 
or    importance,    in    a    country  where    fortunes 


216  CONDUCT    TO    TEACHERS. 

are  often  suddenly  acquired  by  persons  without 
any  education,  or  any  native  refinement,  and 
where  the  fluctuating  nature  of  property  often 
deprives  those,  who  have  been  the  most  luxuri- 
ously brought  up,  of  the  means  of  living,  we 
may  expect  to  see  the  grossest  manners  prevail 
and  civilization  decline.  But,  much  as  riches 
are  valued,  there  is  an  instinctive  homage  paid 
to  mental  culture  and  refined  manners,  beyond 
what  wealth  can  command  ;  and  those  who 
pass  by  their  female  teacher  in  the  street, 
without  bowing  to  her,  would  yet  hesitate  to 
acknowledge  that  they  did  so  because  she  had 
fewer  dollars  at  her  disposal,  than  they  had. 
They  probably  avoid  all  scrutiny  of  their  mo- 
tives, and  try  to  make  themselves  believe  there 
is  a  propriety  in  so  doing,  which  cannot  be 
easily  explained.  They  are  right  there,  it  can- 
not be  explained  on  any  principle  of  justice  or 
sound  reason.  If  a  female  teacher  of  unblem- 
ished reputation,  has  a  refined  and  cultivated 
mind;  if  she  has  good  manners,  and  the  habits 
of  society  which  belong  to  the  circle  in  which 
she  teaches  ;  what  should  hinder  her  being  re- 
ceived into  it  on  a  footing  of  perfect  equality  ? 
Certainly  not  the  simple  circumstance  of  her 
turning  her  talents  to  account,  in  a  commu- 
nity of  shop-keepers  and  merchants,  lawyers 
and  doctors,  bankers,  and  manufacturers.  Why 
should  the  lady  who  makes  her  living  by  im- 


UNCERTAINTY    OF    RICHES.  217 

parting  to  others,  one  of  her  accomplishments, 
be  less  regarded  than  the  man  who  gains  his 
livelihood  by  selling  goods  or  manufacturing 
them  ?  and  can  there  be  any  sense  in  the  half- 
educated  daughter  of  a  lawyer  or  merchant, 
treating  her  more  mature,  and  more  accom- 
plished teacher  as  an  inferior  ?  That  such  a 
thing  can  take  place,  in  a  republic  like  ours, 
shows  how  many  generations  it  requires  to  re- 
move the  taint  of  aristocracy,  derived  from  the 
mother  country.  It  is  to  be  hoped  that  the  day 
of  its  utter  extinction  is  at  hand. 

If  policy,  if  propriety,  if  Christianity  fail  to 
give  you  the  right  tone  of  feeling  towards  your 
teachers,  let  the  reflection  that  the  gayest  and 
richest  belle  among  you,  is  continually  liable 
to  such  a  reverse  of  fortune,  as  may  place  her 
in  the  very  condition  of  life  which  she  now 
contemns.  The  uncertainty  of  riches  has  been 
the  theme  of  the  moralist  in  every  age,  and  in 
no  country  in  the  world  are  the  fluctuations  of 
fortune  more  frequent,  or  more  sudden,  than  in 
this  republic.  So  common  is  it  for  young  Vv^o- 
men,  who  have  been  brought  up  in  easy  circum- 
stances, to  find  themselves,  on  their  father's 
decease,  obliged  to  provide  for  themselves, 
that  one  of  the  best  arguments  in  favor  of 
learning  certain  accomplishments  is,  that  they 
may,  on  a  change  of  fortune,  furnish  the  means 
of  obtaining  an  honest  livelihood. 
s 


218        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS- 
CHAPTER    X, 
The  Relation  of  Brothers  and   Sisters. 

Influence  of  Sisters  on  Brothers.  —  Confidence  won  and  kept 
—  Happy  Evenings  at  Home. —  Mutual  Aid  in  Choosing- 
Friends.  —  Fraternal  Love  a  Safeguard.  —  Little  Annoy- 
ances between  Sisters.  —  Politeness  in  the  Family  Circle.  — 
Duties  of  Elder  Sisters  to  the  Younger  Children.  — Works 
on  Education  recommended. 

The  important  relation  which  sisters  bear  to 
brothers  cannot  be  fully  appreciated,  without 
a  greater  knowledge  of  the  world  and  its 
temptations  to  young  men,  than  girls  in  their 
teens  can  be  supposed  to  possess ;  and  there- 
fore I  would  beg  you  to  profit  by  my  experi- 
ence in  this  matter,  and  to  believe  me  when  I 
assure  you,  that  your  companionship  and  influ- 
ence may  be  powerful  agents  in  preserving 
your  brothers  from  dissipation,  in  saving  them 
from  dangerous  intimacies,  and  maintaining  in 
their  minds  a  high  standard  of  female  excel- 
lence. 

If  your  brothers  are  younger  than  you,  en- 
courage them  to  be  perfectly  confidential  with 
you;  win  their  friendship  by  your  sympathy  in 
all  their  concerns,  and  let  them  see  that  their 
interests  and  their  pleasures  are  liberally  pro- 
vided for  in  the  family  arrangements.  Never  dis- 
close their  little  secrets    however  unimportant 


CONFIDENCE  WON  AND  KEPT.        219 

they  may  seem  to  you ;  never  pain  them  by  an 
ill-timed  joke,  never  repress  their  feelings  by 
ridicule ;  but  be  their  tenderest  friend,  and 
then  you  may  become  their  ablest  adviser.  If 
separated  from  them  by  the  course  of  school  or 
college  education,  make  a  point  of  keeping  up 
your  intimacy  by  full,  free,  and  affectionate 
correspondence  ;  and  when  they  return  to  the 
paternal  roof,  at  that  awkward  age  between 
youth  and  manhood,  when  reserve  creeps  over 
the  mind,  like  an  impenetrable  veil,  suffer  it  not 
to  interpose  between  you  and  your  brothers. 
Cultivate  their  friendship  and  intimacy  with 
all  the  address  and  tenderness  you  possess ; 
for  it  is  of  unspeakable  importance  to  them 
that  their  sisters  should  be  their  confidential 
friends.  Consider  the  loss  of  a  ball  or  party, 
for  the  sake  of  making  the  evening  pass  pleas- 
antly to  your  brothers  at  home,  as  a  small 
sacrifice;  one  you  should  unhesitatingly  make. 
If  they  go  into  company  with  you,  see  that  they 
are  introduced  to  the  most  desirable  acquaint- 
ances, and  show  them  that  you  are  interested 
in  their  acquitting  themselves  well. 

If  you  are  so  happy  as  to  have  elder  broth- 
ers, you  should  be  equally  assiduous  in  culti- 
vating their  friendship,  though  the  advances 
must  of  course  be  differently  made.  As  they 
have  long  been  accustomed  to  treat  you  as  a 
child,  you  may  meet  with   some  repulses  when 


220        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS. 

you  aspire  to  become  a  companion  and  friend; 
but  do  not  be  discouraged  by  this.  The  ear- 
lier maturity  of  girls,  will  soon  render  you 
their  equal  in  sentiment,  if  not  in  knowledge, 
and  your  ready  sympathy  will  soon  convince 
them  of  it.  They  will  be  agreeably  surprised, 
when  they  find  their  former  plaything  and  mes- 
senger become  their  quick-sighted  and  intel- 
ligent companion,  understanding  at  a  glance 
what  is  passing  in  their  hearts ;  and  love  and 
confidence  on  your  part  will  soon  be  repaid 
in  kind.  Young  men  often  feel  the  want  of  a 
confidential  friend  of  the  softer  sex,  to  sympa- 
thize with  them  in  their  little  affairs  of  senti- 
ment, and  happy  are  those  who  find  one  in  a 
sister. 

Once  possessed  of  an  elder  brother's  confi- 
dence, spare  no  pains  to  preserve  it ;  convince 
him,  by  the  little  sacrifices  of  personal  conven- 
ience and  pleasure  which  you  are  willing  to 
make  for  him,  that  wdien  you  do  oppose  his 
wishes,  it  is  on  principle  and  for  conscience' 
sake ;  then  will  3^ou  be  a  blessing  to  him,  and, 
even  w^hen  differing  from  you,  he  will  love  and 
respect  you  the  more  for  your  adherence  to 
a  high  standard. 

So  many  temptations  beset  young  men,  of 
which  young  women  know  nothing,  that  it  is 
of  the  utmost  importance  that  your  brothers' 
evenings  should  be  happily  passed  at  home,  that 


HAPPY    EVENINGS    AT    HOME.  221 

their  friends  should  be  your  friends,  that  their 
engagements  should  be  the  same  as  yours,  and 
that  various  innocent  amusements  should  be 
provided  for  them  in  the  family  circle.  Music 
is  an  accomplishment,  chiefly  valuable  as  a  home 
enjoyment,  as  rallying  round  the  piano  the 
various  members  of  a  family,  and  harmonizing 
their  hearts  as  well  as  voices,  particularly  in 
devotional  strains.  I  know  no  more  agreeable 
and  interesting  spectacle,  than  that  of  brothers 
and  sisters  playing  and  singing  together  those 
elevated  compositions  in  music  and  poetry 
which  gratify  the  taste  and  purify  the  heart, 
whilst  their  fond  parents  sit  delighted  by.  I 
have  seen  and  heard  an  elder  sister  thus 
leading  the  family  choir,  who  was  the  soul  of 
harmony  to  the  whole  household,  and  whose 
life  was  a  perfect  example  of  those  virtues 
which  I  am  here  endeavouring  to  inculcate.  Let 
no  one  say,  in  reading  this  chapter,  that  too 
much  is  here  required  of  sisters,  that  no  one 
can  be  expected  to  lead  such  a  self-sacrificing 
life;  for  the  sainted  one  to  whom  I  refer,  was 
all  that  I  would  ask  any  sister  to  be,  and  a 
happier  person  never  lived.  "  To  do  good  and 
make  others  happy,"  was  her  rule  of  life,  and 
in  this  she  found  the  art  of  making  herself 
so. 

Sisters   should  be  always  willing    to    walk, 
ride,  visit  with  their  brothers,  and  esteem   it   a 


222        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS. 

privilege  to  be  their  companions.  It  is  worth 
while  to  learn  innocent  games  for  the  sake  of 
furnishing  brothers  with  amusement  and  mak- 
ing home  the  most  agreeable  place    to   them. 

If  your  brothers  take  an  interest  in  your 
personal  appearance  and  dress,  you  should 
encourage  the  feeling  by  consulting  their  taste, 
and  sacrificing  any  little  fancy  of  your  own  to 
a  decided  dislike  of  theirs.  Brothers  will  gen- 
erally be  found  strongly  opposed  to  the  slight- 
est indecorum  in  sisters  ;  even  those  who  are 
ready  enough  to  take  advantage  of  freedom  of 
manners  in  other  girls,  have  very  strict  notions 
with  regard  to  their  own  sisters.  Their  inter- 
course with  all  sorts  of  men  enables  them  to 
judge  of  the  construction  put  upon  certain 
actions,  and  modes  of  dress  and  speech,  much 
better  than  women  can  ;  and  you  will  do  well 
to  take  their  advice  on  all  such  points. 

Brothers  and  sisters  may  greatly  aid  each 
other  in  judging  of  their  friends  of  the  opposite 
sex.  Brothers  can  throw  important  light  upon 
the  character  and  merits  of  young  men,  be- 
cause they  see  them  when  acting  out  their 
natures  before  their  comrades,  and  relieved 
from  the  restraints  of  the  drawing-room ;  and 
you  can  in  return,  greatly  assist  your  brothers 
in  coming  to  wise  and  just  conclusions  con- 
cerning their  female  friends.  Your  brothers 
may  be  very  much  indebted  to  the  quicker  pen- 


FRATERNAL  LOVE  A  SAFEGUARD.      223 

etration  of  women  into  each  others'  characters, 
and  saved  by  your  discernment  from  being 
fascinated  by  qualities  that  are  not  of  sterling 
value  ;  but,  in  order  to  have  the  influence  ne- 
cessary to  such  important  ends,  you  must  be 
habitually  free  from  a  spirit  of  detraction,  can- 
did in  all  your  judgments,  and  ever  ready  to 
admire  whatever  is  lovely  and  good  in  your 
own  sex.  If,  when  you  dissent  from  your 
brother's  too  favorable  opinion  of  a  lady,  he 
can  with  any  justice  charge  you  with  a  preju- 
dice against  her  family,  or  a  capricious  dislike 
of  her,  your  judgment,  however  correct,  will 
have  no  weight,  and  he  will  be  very  likely  to 
become  not  only  the  lady's  champion,  but  her 
lover. 

If  your  brothers  have  received  a  classical 
education  and  are  studiously  inclined,  you  may 
derive  great  assistance  from  them  in  the  culti- 
vation of  your  own  mind,  and  bind  them  still 
closer  to  you  in  the  delightful  companionship 
of  literary  pursuits. 

I  have  been  told  by  men,  who  had  passed 
unharmed  through  the  temptations  of  youth, 
that  they  owed  their  escape  from  many  dan- 
gers to  the  intimate  companionship  of  affec- 
tionate and  pure-minded  sisters.  They  have 
been  saved  from  a  hazardous  meeting  with  idle 
company  by  some  home  engagement,  of  which 
their  sisters  were  the  charm  j  they  have  refrain- 


224        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS 

ed  from  mixing  with  the  impure,  because  they 
would  not  bring  home  thoughts  and  feelings 
which  they  could  not  share  with  those  trusting 
and  loving  friends  ;  they  have  put  aside  the 
wine-cup  and  abstained  from  stronger  pota- 
tions, because  they  would  not  profane  with 
their  fumes  the  holy  kiss,  with  which  they 
were  accustomed  to  bid  their  sisters  good 
night. 

The  duties  of  sisters  to  each  other  are  so 
obvious  and  well  understood,  that  it  will  be 
needless  to  enter  fully  upon  them  here.  If 
your  heart  is  right  towards  God,  and  you  feel 
that  the  great  business  of  life  is  the  education 
of  your  immortal  spirits  for  eternity,  you  will 
easily  bear  with  the  infirmities  of  others,  be- 
cause you  will  be  fully  impressed  with  a  sense 
of  your  own ;  and,  when  you  can  amicably 
bear  and  forbear,  love  will  come  in,  to  soften 
every  asperity,  heal  every  little  wound,  and 
make  a  band  of  sisters  "  helpers  of  each 
other's  joy." 

A  few  cases  may  arise,  in  the  most  harmo- 
nious families,  wherein  sisters  may  not  fully 
understand  each  other's  rights,  and  may  there- 
fore ignorantly  trespass  upon  them ;  such,  for 
instance,  as  where  one  of  the  family  is  very 
fond  of  reading,  and  wishes  to  have  a  certain 
portion  of  her  time  uninterruptedly  given  to 
that  employment,  and  a  sister  keeps  interrupt- 


LITTLE    ANNOYANCES    BETWEEN    SISTERS.      225 

ing  her  by  conversation,  or  appeals  to  her  for 
aid  in  some  lesson  or  piece  of  work.  Some- 
times a  great  reader  is  made  the  butt  of  the 
rest  of  the  family  for  that  very  valuable  pro- 
pensity, and  half  her  pleasure  in  it  destroyed 
by  its  being  made  a  standing  joke  among  her 
brothers  and  sisters. 

Sisters  should  as  scrupulously  regard  each 
other's  rights  of  property,  as  they  w^ould  those 
of  a  guest  staying  in  the  house ;  never  helping 
themselves  without  leave  to  the  working  ma- 
terials, writing  implements,  drawing  apparatus, 
books,  or  clothing  of  each  other.  It  is  a  mis- 
take to  suppose  that  the  nearness  of  the  rela- 
tionship makes  it  allow^able ;  the  more  intimate 
our  connexion  with  any  one,  the  more  neces- 
sary it  is  to  guard  ourselves  against  taking 
unwarrantable  liberties.  For  the  very  reason 
that  you  are  obliged  to  be  so  much  together, 
you  should  take  care  to  do  nothing  disagreea- 
ble to  each  other. 

Love  is  a  plant  of  delicate  grov/th,  and, 
though  it  sometimes  springs  up  spontaneously, 
it  will  never  flourish  long  and  well,  without 
careful  culture ;  and  when  I  see  how  it  is 
treated  in  some  families,  the  wonder  is,  not 
that  it  does  not  spread  so  as  to  overshadow 
the  whole  circle,  but  that  any  sprig  of  it  should 
survive  the  rude  treatment  it  meets  with. 

Genuine   politeness  is    a    great    fosterer   of 

15 


226        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS. 

family  love  ;  it  allays  accidental  irritation,  by 
preventing  harsh  retorts  and  rude  contradic- 
tions ;  it  softens  the  boisterous,  stimulates  the 
indolent,  suppresses  selfishness,  and,  by  form- 
ing a  habit  of  consideration  for  others,  harmo- 
nizes the  whole.  Politeness  begets  politeness, 
and  brothers  may  be  easily  won  by  it  to  leave 
off  the  rude  ways  they  bring  home  from  school 
or  college.  Never  receive  any  little  attention 
without  thanking  them  for  it,  never  ask  a  favor 
of  them  but  in  cautious  terms,  never  reply  to 
their  questions  in  monosyllables,  and  they  will 
soon  be  ashamed  to  do  such  things  themselves. 
You  should  labor,  by  precept  and  example,  to 
convince  them,  that  no  ane  can  have  really  good 
manners  abroad,  who  is  not  habitually  polite 
at  home. 

Elder  sisters  exert  a  very  great  influence 
over  the  young  children  of  a  family,  either  for 
good  or  for  evil.  If  you  are  impatient,  unfair 
in  your  judgments,  or  assume  too  much  author- 
ity, you  injure  the  tempers  of  these  little  ones, 
make  them  jealous  of  their  rights,  and  render 
your  own  position  a  very  unpleasant  one; 
whereas,  if  you  are  patient  and  kind,  and 
found  your  pretensions  to  dictate,  not  on  your 
age,  but  on  truth  and  justice,  the  younger  chil- 
dren will  readily  allow  your  claims. 

Young  children  are  excellent  judges  of  the 
motives    and    feelings    of  those    who    attempt 


DUTIES    OF    ELDER    SISTERS.  227 

to  control  them ;  and,  if  you  would  win  their 
love,  and  dispose  them  to  comply  with  your 
reasonable  requests,  you  must  treat  them  with 
perfect  candor  and  uprightness.  Never  at- 
tempt to  cheat,  even  the  youngest,  into  a  com- 
pliance with  your  wishes  ;  for,  though  you  suc- 
ceed at  the  time,  you  lessen  your  influence,  by 
the  loss  of  confidence  which  follows  detection. 

With  every  disposition  to  treat  the  younger 
ones  kindly,  elder  sisters  are  often  discouraged 
and  discomforted  by  what  they  consider  the 
over  indulgence  of  their  parents  towards  the 
younger  members  of  the  family;  but  where  this 
complaint  is  well  founded,  much  is  still  in  their 
power.  They  can,  by  judicious  conduct,  do  a 
great  deal  to  counteract  the  bad  effects  of  this 
parental  fondness,  and  make  the  little  ones 
ashamed  to  take  a  mean  advantage  of  it.  The 
very  indulgent  are  seldom  just  -,  now  children 
value  justice  and  strict  adherence  to  promises 
more  than  indulgence,  and  you  may  mould 
them  to  your  will  by  the  exercise  of  those 
higher  qualities. 

It  is  the  duty  of  elder  sisters  to  take  a 
lively  interest  in  the  education  of  the  younger 
children,  and  to  use  all  the  advantages  which 
they  have  received,  for  the  benefit  of  those  that 
are  coming  forward  in  the  same  line.  They 
should  aid  their  parents  in  the  choice  of 
schools,  and   ascertain  what   is  actually  learnt 


228        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS. 

at  them.  Where  circumstances  render  it  ne- 
cessary that  the  elder  children  should  assist 
in  teaching  the  younger  ones,  it  should  be 
done  cheerfully ;  not  as  a  duty  merely,  but  as 
a  useful  discipline.  Some  writers  upon  edu- 
cation consider  teaching  others  as  the  best 
and  most  effectual  way  of  learning  one's  self. 
When  Madame  de  Genlis  described  what  she 
considered  as  a  perfect  system  of  education, 
she  represented  her  models  as  taking  younger 
children  to  teach  as  a  part  of  their  own  in- 
struction. It  has  been  said,  that  we  are  never 
sure  that  we  know  a  thing  thoroughly,  until 
we  have  taught  it  to  another. 

If  the  duty  of  teaching  has  its  advantages, 
it  has  also  its  dangers ;  it  is  a  very  fatiguing 
occupation,  and  ought  not  to  occupy  too  much 
of  a  young  person's  time.  Where  this  is  re- 
quired of  a  daughter,  other  home-duties  should 
be  remitted,  and  her  day  should  be  so  appor- 
tioned as  to  leave  her  ample  time  for  exercise 
and  recreation,  or  the  labor  may  prove  injuri- 
ous to  her  health.  It  is  very  seldom  that  one, 
who  has  never  attempted  to  teach  others,  can 
duly  appreciate  the  labor  of  it ;  and  a  father, 
so  circumstanced,  will  sometimes  think  that  as 
many  hours  may  be  given  to  it  as  he  gives  to 
his  business;  but  this  is  a  great  mistake; 
nothing  is  so  heavy  a  tax  on  mind  and  body, 
as   the    act    of   communicating    knowledge    to 


DJTIES    OF    ELDER    SISTERS.  229 

other  minds ;  and  the  more  intelligently  and 
lovingly  it  is  done,  the  greater  is  the  fatigue. 

This  duty  should  not  be  allowed  to  inter- 
fere with  the  further  progress  of  the  young 
teacher,  for  though  it  may  be  useful  to  go  over 
old  ground,  with  those  who  are  learning,  she 
should  still  be  careful  not  to  narrow^  her  mind 
down  to  the  standard  of  their  habits;  but  re- 
fresh and  invigorate  it,  at  the  same  time,  by 
exploring  new  fields  of  literature. 

Those  who  are  not  called  upon  to  teach 
younger  brothers  and  sisters,  may  yet  do  them 
great  good  by  exercising  their  minds  in  con- 
versation, and  by  communicating  useful  infor- 
mation to  them  in  their  daily  intercourse.  The 
reverse  of  this  I  have  sometimes  observed  with 
sorrow.  I  have  seen  amiable  and  well  inform- 
ed girls  act  towards  these  little  ones,  as  if  they 
were  not  at  all  responsible  for  the  impressions 
they  made  on  their  tender  minds.  They  would 
mislead  a  young  inquirer  by  false  information, 
and  consider  it  a  good  joke  ;  or  they  would 
harrow  up  young  and  susceptible  minds  by 
frightful  stories,  w^hich,  though  amusing  at  the 
time,  could  not  fail  to  send  the  little  dears 
trembling  to  bed,  afraid  of  the  dark,  and  un- 
able to  sleep  for  terror.  Where,  however,  the 
elder  children  have  been  properly  trained  by 
the   parents,   such  mistakes  cannot  occur,  and 

T 


230        RELATION    OF    BROTHERS    AND    SISTERS. 

where  they  have  not,  it  would  require  a  volume 
to  do  justice  to  the  subject. 

It  is  as  necessary  for  those  who  are  much 
with  children,  to  have  right  notions  about  the 
manner  of  treating  them,  as  for  the  parents 
themselves  ;  it  is  therefore  very  desirable  that 
elder  sisters  should  read  some  of  the  excellent 
works  which  have  been  written  on  education. 
Among  these,  I  would  particularly  recommend, 
Edgeworth's  "  Practical  Education,"  Mrs 
Hamilton's  "  Letters  on  the  Elementary  Prin- 
ciples of  Education,"  "  Hints  on  Nursery  Dis- 
cipline," a  valuable  little  book,  republished  in 
Salem  a  few  years  ago,  and  a  late  French  work 
of  great  merit,  entitled  "  L'Education  Progres- 
sive," by  Madame  Necker  de  Saussure.  These 
works  are  as  entertaining  as  they  are  instruc- 
tive, and  great  pleasure  might  be  found,  in 
testing  some  of  the  theories  and  maxims,  which 
they  contain,  by  the  living  experience  of  a 
family  circle.  By  studying  the  subject  of  edu- 
cation, elder  sisters  would  learn  to  regard  the 
children  around  them,  not  merely  as  necessary 
interruptions  and  occasional  playthings,  but  as 
moral  and  intellectual  problems,  which  they 
may  find  profit  in  solving. 


MAKING    DOMESTIC    SERVICE    DESIRABLE.        231 

CHAPTER   XL 

Treatment  of  Domestics  and  Work-women, 

How  to  make  the  Service  of  Domestics  desirable.  —  Some  of 
their  Trials  mentioned.  —  Anecdote.  —  Blame.  —  Praise. — 
Politeness.  —  Asking  Favors.  —  Moral  and  Intellectual  Im- 
provement of  Domestics.  —  Care  of  those  who  work  by  the 
Day.  —  Hint  to  those  who  employ  Help. 

The  unexampled  prosperity  of  this  great  re- 
public makes  it  so  easy  for  young  women  to 
find  lucrative  employment  in  the  way  of  trades 
and  manufactures,  that  the  service  of  private 
families  is  less  sought  than  formerly,  by  the 
active  and  industrious ;  hence  arises  the  scar- 
city of  domestics,  and  the  numerous  complaints 
which  we  hear  from  the  mistresses  of  families, 
whose  burdens  are  much  increased  by  this 
state  of  things.  Since,  however,  it  is  a  proof  of 
the  flourishing  condition  of  the  people  at  large, 
let  us  not  groan  over  it  as  an  unmixed  evil, 
but  try  to  meet  it  by  changes  in  our  domestic 
arrangements,  and  by  that  moral  power  which 
goodness  and  intelligence  must  ever  give.  Let 
us  try  to  make  the  service  of  private  families 
more  desirable,  not  by  extravagant  wages,  but 
by  justice  and  kindness,  and  a  liberal  consider- 
ation of  the  convenience  and  pleasure  of  those 
who  do  the  drudgery  of  our  houses.  Let  us 
attach   them  to   us  by   a  sincere  sympathy  in 


232  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

their  feelings,  interests,  and  concerns  ;  if  we 
make  them  see  that  we  are  not  selfishly  bent  on 
getting  all  the  service  we  can  for  our  wages, 
but  that  their  happiness  is  a  large  item  in  the 
account,  they  will  in  return  consult  our  interest 
and  convenience,  and  we  shall  have  the  willing 
labor  of  love,  instead  of  reluctant  eye-service. 

In  much  of  the  fault-finding  that  is  heard 
about  domestics,  may  be  traced  the  influence  of 
aristocratic  feeling,  and  that  spirit  of  domina- 
tion which  invariably  accompanies  a  state  of 
society,  in  which  domestics  are  numerous,  and 
labor  can  be  commanded  at  a  cheap  rate ;  and 
though  it  is  long  since  this  was  the  state  of 
things  in  the  northern  and  eastern  States  of 
America,  the  feeling  is  transmitted,  and  ladies 
often  talk  as  if  they  were  living  in  olden  times 
and  had  a  right  to  govern  with  absolute  sway 
those  whom  they  hire.  They  talk  of  the  con- 
tracts made  with  house  servants,  as  if  the  obli- 
gations were  all  on  one  side,  and  as  if,  in  con- 
sideration of  the  wages  paid,  the  hired  persons 
were  to  lose  all  free  agency;  to  hold  every 
moment  at  the  command  of  their  employers ;  to 
have  no  will  but  theirs;  to  perform  the  same 
round  of  duties,  month  after  month,  without 
relief  or  variety  ;  to  seek  no  amusements ;  to 
gain  no  further  knowledge ;  but  be  content  to 
drudge  on  thus  to  the  end  of  their  days. 


TRIALS    OF    DOMESTICS.  233 

Some  ladies  frown  upon  all  lovers,  and  con- 
sider the  indulgence  of  a  matrimonial  project 
in  the  kitchen,  as  a  wrong  done  to  them.  All 
gay  dressing,  too,  is  a  sin  in  their  eyes,  and  all 
visiting  a  waste  of  time.  Now^,  when  I  hear 
such  unreasonable  task-mistresses  talk  of  the 
difficulty  of  getting  good  domestics,  I  cannot 
help  rejoicing,  that,  in  this  happy  land,  there  is 
not  a  surplus  population  which  makes  it  neces- 
sary for  any  class  of  beings  to  submit  unresist- 
ingly to  this  system  of  domestic  tyranny. 

The  lesson  of  justice,  which  housekeepers 
are  so  slow  to  learn  from  the  teachings  of  re- 
ligion, is  brought  home  to  them  by  necessity. 
Those  who  have  long  maintained  the  strict  dis- 
cipline of  their  grandmothers,  find,  that  unless 
they  relax,  they  cannot  get  any  one  to  serve 
them  ;  and,  though  they  grumble,  and  reluct, 
and  discourse  much  of  the  degeneracy  of  the 
times,  they  are  obliged  to  let  their  domestics 
dress,  visit,  have  lovers,  and  do  their  work  in 
their  own  time,  or  not  have  it  done  at  all 
Thus  the  scarcity  of  servants  is  ameliorating 
their  condition ;  and  when  it  is  made  sufficient- 
ly desirable,  we  shall  have  more  respectable 
young  women  willing  to  work  in  private  fami- 
lies instead  of  factories. 

Even  now,  there  are  persons  who  never  find 
any  difficulty  in  being  well  served ;  yet  it  is 
not  because  they  give  extravagant  wages,  or 


234  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

allow  their  domestics  unwarrantable  liberties  ; 
that  is  not  the  way ;  it  is  by  following  that 
simple  rule,  given  by  our  Saviour  to  his  disci- 
ples, and  which  is  of  universal  application, 
though  many  do  not  seem  to  see  its  bearing 
upon  this  particular  social  relation ;  it  is  by 
"  doing  unto  others  as  you  would  that  they 
should  do  unto  you."  In  families  where  this 
broad  Christian  ground  is  taken,  the  domestics 
feel  that  their  rights  are  respected  and  their 
happiness  is  cared  for ;  that  though  they  are 
expected  to  do  the  work,  and  are  to  be  well 
paid  for  it,  their  labors  are  to  be  rendered  as 
easy  as  possible,  and  to  be  relieved  by  all  the 
recreation  and  improvement  compatible  with 
their  performance  of  it. 

When  they  find  their  comfort  provided  for 
in  the  family  arrangements,  and  that  their  em- 
ployers are  willing  to  make  occasional  sacri- 
fices of  convenience  to  their  special  enjoyment, 
they  become  considerate  and  generous  in  their 
turn ;  and,  instead  of  encroaching  upon  this 
kindness,  they  avail  themselves  of  it  very  scru- 
pulously. A  chambermaid  has  been  known  to 
refuse  the  most  tempting  invitation,  because 
she  thou(yht  her  absence  would  be  an  incon- 
venience,  and  to  keep  it  a  secret  from  her  em- 
ployers lest  they  should  insist  on  her  going ; 
yet  the  same  person,  when  certain  she  could 
be    spared,  would   announce    her   intention   of 


REFORM    MUST    BEGIN    WITH    THE    YOUNG.      235 

going  out,  like  an  equal,  not  asking  leave,  as  a 
dependent.  And  I  pity  those  who  would  not 
prefer  this  friendly  understanding  to  the  mere 
exercise  of  authority.  Yet  some  there  are,  who 
would  rather  forego  the  valuable  services  of 
such  a  woman,  than  not  have  their  love  of 
power  gratified  by  more  subordination  on  her 
part. 

Where  domestics  are  selfish  and  deceitful, 
they  have  frequently  been  rendered  so  by  the 
exactions  and  the  domineering  spirit  of  those 
whom  they  have  served ;  and  it  yet  remains  to 
be  shown  how  much  the  characters  of  both  may 
be  improved,  when  the  bond  of  Christian  broth- 
erhood shall  be  fully  acknowledged  and  acted 
upon  in  this  relation  of  life. 

My  young  reader  will  perhaps  exclaim,  "  All 
this  about  domestics  is  well  enough  for  our 
parents,  but  what  have  we  to  do  with  it  ? " 
Much,  very  much,  I  assure  you.  It  is  very  im- 
portant to  the  happiness  of  all  concerned,  that 
the  prevalent  errors  upon  this  topic  should  be 
corrected;  and  if  you  would  not  add  to  the 
numbers  of  complaining  and  care-worn  mis- 
tresses of  families,  you  must  avoid  their  errors, 
and  practise,  in  your  father's  house,  the  vir- 
tues that  will  lighten  the  cares,  which  may  at 
some  future  time  devolve  upon  you. 

If  the  spirit  of  domination  is  hard  to  be 
borne  with  in  the  heads  of  families,  it  is   ten 


236  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

times  harder  to  put  up  with  it  in  the  younger 
members  ;  and,  without  a  thorough  understand- 
ing of  the  rights  and  feelings  of  hired  persons, 
young  ladies  will  be  apt  to  trespass  upon  them, 
without  knowing  that  they  do  so.  Numerous 
unreasonable  requisitions  are  made  from  mere 
thoughtlessness,  which  are  not  the  less  irk- 
some for  that.  It  is  your  duty  seriously  to 
consider  the  nature  of  your  demands  upon  the 
time  and  attention  of  others,  and  to  appreciate 
their  feelings  by  imagining  what  yours  would 
be  in  their  place.  So  far  from  indulging  the 
idea,  that  their  situation  in  life  makes  such  a 
wide  distinction  between  you,  that  you  cannot 
sympathize  with  them,  you  should  consider  all 
your  superior  advantages  of  education  as  so 
many  calls  upon  you  to  a  more  scrupulous  ful- 
filment of  your  duties  towards  them ;  and  the 
more  enlightened  you  :re,  the  more  perfectly 
ought  you  to  sympathize  in  their  feelings. 

It  often  happens  that  those  who  wait  upon 
young  ladies  are  many  years  their  seniors,  and 
have  much  more  practical  wisdom  than  they ; 
imagine,  then,  how  irksome  it  must  be  to  them, 
to  be  called  off  from  their  work,  twenty  times  a 
day  for  some  trifling  want  of  yours.  Perhaps 
the  business  they  are  about  is  hindered  or  spoil- 
ed by  these  interruptions,  and  they  are  blamed 
for  what  they  could  not  help.  Your  attendant 
may  be  very  much  tired,  and  your  bell  may  call 


TRIALS    OF    DOMESTICS.  237 

her  up  many  flights  of  stairs,  and  when  she 
gets  up,  she  may  find  that  you  have  summoned 
her  to  do  something  for  you,  which  you  might 
just  as  well  have  done  for  yourself.  Her  judg- 
ment may  be  better  than  yours  ;  she  may  know 
what  you  ought  to  do,  better  than  you  do  your- 
self; and  yet  she  is  expected  to  be  subservient 
to  your  will ;  now  if  you  were  in  her  place, 
would  you  not  be  inclined  to  rebel  ?  Suppose, 
however,  that  her  patience  and  good-nature  are 
equal  to  the  occasion,  and  that  you  speak  to  her 
so  pleasantly,  that  your  wants,  though  trifling, 
are  cheerfully  supplied  ;  having  done  what  you 
wish,  she  hurries  back  to  her  more  important 
labors  below  stairs.  Now  imagine  her  feelings, 
when  your  bell  rings  again  in  five  minutes, 
and  up  she  is  obliged  to  go  for  something  you 
forgot  to  say  when  she  came  up  before.  Can 
you  wonder  if  her  brow  is  clouded  and  her 
answer  short  1  Yet  such  are  the  trials,  to 
which  women  are  continually  subject,  who  do 
the  work  of  private  families,  and  all  for  want 
of  proper  consideration  on  the  part  of  their 
employers. 

Interruption  at  meals  is  another  great  an- 
noyance to  domestics,  and  ought  to  be  avoided 
if  possible  After  waiting  upon  others  through 
their  meals,  they  ought  to  be  allowed  to  eat 
their  own  in  peace  and  quietness.  But  so  far 
from  this  being  usually  the  case,  they  no  sooner 


238  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

seat  themselves  at  table,  than  ring,  ring,  goes 
the  parlour  bell,  and  they  must  leave  the  meat 
untasted  on  their  plates,  to  do  something  which 
might  just  as  well  be  done  half  an  hour  af- 
terwards. 

I  have  been  in  some  families,  w^here  the  com- 
fort of  those  who  eat  in  the  kitchen  is  as  scru- 
pulously guarded  as  that  of  those  who  eat  in 
the  parlour,  and  no  one  is  permitted  to  ring 
the  bell,  till  the  domestics  have  had  a  quiet 
half  hour  for  their  meal,  and  children  are  for- 
bidden to  open  the  kitchen  door  during  that 
time.  This  privilege  is  of  far  more  importance 
to  those  who  have  been  running  about  all  day, 
than  it  is  to  their  employers ;  and  yet  you 
would  think  it  a  great  hardship  to  be  called 
away  from  table  two  or  three  times  in  the 
course  of  your  dinner  or  tea.  Think  then  of 
the  comfort  of  those  who  serve  you,  and  pro- 
vide for  it  in  this  particular. 

In  accomplishing  the  work  of  a  large  family, 
much  depends  upon  the  order  in  which  it  is 
done ;  a  task  is  rendered  doubly  burdensome 
by  being  done  at  an  inconvenient  time,  and  of 
that  no  one  can  judge  so  well  as  the  person 
who  does  it ;  and  therefore  it  is  best  for  your 
interests  as  well  as  theirs,  that  they  should 
know  beforehand  what  you  wish  done,  and 
then  they  can  make  their  arrangements,  so  as 
to  do  it  in  the  best  time.      If  you  wish  to  have 


TRIALS    OF    DOMESTICS.  239 

a  dress  smoothed  with  a  warm  iron  to  wear  at 
dinner,  do  not  call  upon  the  chamber-maid  to 
do  it,  just  before  you  put  it  on,  when  they  are 
taking  up  dinner  in  the  kitchen,  and  it  is  incon- 
venient to  heat  an  iron  or  use  it ;  but  tell  her 
of  it  in  the  morning,  and  let  her  do  it  in  her 
own  time.  In  like  manner,  when  you  have  a 
commission  for  the  man-servant  to  do,  tell  him 
of  it  beforehand,  and  let  him  take  the  most 
convenient  opportunity  of  doing  it,  instead  of 
calling  him  off  from  his  regular  business  and 
giving  him  extra  trouble. 

When  people  find  that  their  convenience  is 
thus  considered,  they  take  more  pleasure  in 
their  business,  do  it  better,  and  are  more  wil- 
ling to  exert  themselves  when  a  pressing  emer- 
gency comes,  in  which  their  ease  cannot  be 
consulted. 

The  ringing  of  a  bell  is  the  most  imperative 
command  that  can  be  given,  and  young  per- 
sons should  be  very  scrupulous  about  the  man- 
ner of  using  it,  lest  they  call  the  domestics  from 
some  important  business  to  answer  a  trifling 
demand  of  theirs.  It  is  well  to  be  in  the  habit 
of  thinking  twice,  before  you  ring  once,  instead 
of  ringing  twice,  as  some  do,  before  they  think 
once  ;  and  when  you  must  ring,  do  it  gently,  and 
think  of  every  thing  that  you  wish  to  say,  that 
you  may  not  have  occasion  to  ring  again  soon. 
It  is  often  much  better  for  young  persons  to 


240  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

go  to  the  kitchen  to  see  how  the  domestics  are 
occupied  before  they  make  their  wishes  known, 
than  to  sit  in  the  parlour  and  ring  the  bell  at 
the  risk  of  doing  it  at  the  most  inopportune 
moment ;  this  will  often  save  the  feelings  of 
both  parties. 

Persons  who  have  been  brought  up  in  the 
country,  and  have  worked  only  in  houses  where 
they  are  treated  as  equals  and  where  the  sound 
of  a  bell  was  never  heard,  are  very  much  averse 
to  being  summoned  by  that  iron-tongued  mon- 
itor ;  it  affects  them  very  unpleasantly.  A 
certain  family  moved  into  the  country  and  had 
their  house  fitted  up  with  bells,  which  conven- 
ience they  had  always  been  accustomed  to  ;  and 
when  they  began  to  use  the  parlour  bell  one 
evening,  they  rang  several  times  without  any 
notice  being  taken  of  it ;  at  last,  one  of  the 
girls  from  the  kitchen  opened  the  door  a  little 
way,  and  putting  her  nose  in,  said,  "  The  more 
you  ring  the  more  we  won't  come."  Instead 
of  being  angry  as  some  silly  persons  would 
have  been,  the  lady  of  the  house  went  out  to 
the  kitchen  and  told  them  in  a  pleasant  way, 
that  they  mistook  the  meaning  of  a  bell,  that  it 
was  contrived  for  the  mutual  convenience  of 
parlour  and  kitchen,  and  to  save  calling  and 
screaming  about  the  house.  "  Now,"  said  the 
lady,  "  if  you  want  me  at  any  time,  you  may 
ring  such   a  bell,    and  I  will  oro  to  you,  and  if 


ANECDOTE.  241 

I  want  you,  I  will  ring  the  parlour  bell,  and  ex- 
pect you  to  come  to  me."  To  prove  her  words, 
the  domestics  rang  for  their  employer  once; 
she  attended  the  summons  and  gave  out  some 
little  article  that  was  wanting;  after  that  they 
never  rang  again,  but  always  attended  the 
bells  willingly  and  cheerfully. 

As  an  instance  of  kind  consideration  for  do- 
mestics in  the  old  country,  where  they  abound, 
and  where,  consequently,  they  cannot  bargain 
for  their  rights  as  they  can  here,  I  may  cite  a 
fact  that  came  to  my  knowledge  lately.  A 
distinguished  female  writer,  living  with  her 
mother  in  London,  was  asked  by  her  whether 
the  bell  in  her  room  was  in  order,  as  she  liked 
to  be  sure  it  was  so,  in  case  of  her  daughter's 
being  taken  ill  in  the  night.  The  daughter 
said  she  would  try  it  and  see  if  it  was,  but  she 
could  not  tell  then,  as  she  had  not  rang  it  for 
years.  Her  room  was  so  far  from  the  kitchen, 
that  she  conscientiously  forbore  to  call  the 
servant  girl  up  there  by  the  bell ;  she  alw^ays 
contrived  to  tell  her,  when  in  the  parlour,  all 
that  she  wanted  her  to  do,  and  so  saved  her 
many  weary  steps. 

In  a  country  where  labor  is  scarce,  it  is  right 
and  proper  to  wait  upon  ourselves  as  much 
as  possible ;  and  those  who  have  always  been 
used  to  have  the  best  of  domestics,  and  to  keep 
them  a  long  while,  will  generally  be  found  in 
u  \6 


242  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

that  habit.  Whereas  those  who  have  but  re- 
cently attained  to  a  situation  that  allo^\JS  of 
being  waited  upon,  are  the  most  tenacious  of 
their  dignity  in  that  respect,  and  use  the  bell 
in  the  most  unsparing  manner. 

Keeping  your  domestics  up  late  at  night, 
and  expecting  them  to  rise  early  too,  is  very 
unreasonable,  and  is  often  thoughtlessly  done, 
when  it  adds  nothing  to  your  comfort,  but 
proceeds  merely  from  forgetfulness  of  theirs. 
When  you  are  out  late  at  parties,  you  should 
so  arrange  matters  at  home,  that  only  one 
person  shall  sit  up  for  you,  and  she  should  be 
allowed  to  lie  in  bed  as  much  later  in  the 
morning,  as  will  make  up  her  necessary  sleep 
If  one  of  your  family  sits  up  for  you,  do  not 
keep  a  domestic  up  also,  for  the  sake  of  her  ren- 
dering you  some  petty  service  in  undressing, 
which  you  can  very  well  dispense  w^ith ;  for 
the  sacrifice  of  rest  to  her  is  too  great  for  any 
trifling  accommodation  it  may  be  to  you. 

When,  at  home,  you  choose  to  sit  up  late, 
be  very  careful  not  to  keep  any  one  sitting  in 
the  kitchen  to  wait  your  pleasure  before  she 
goes  to  bed.  Those  who  work  hard  require 
more  sleep  than  you  do,  and  having  to  rise 
early  and  do  their  morning  work  before  you 
come  down  stairs,  they  ought  to  be  allowed  to 
go  to  bed  at  ten  o'clock.  Think,  for  a  moment, 
how  heavily  the  hours  must  pass  with  a  person 


BLAME  243 

who  is  tired  and  sleepy,  and  who  is  sitting- 
alone  and  unoccupied  in  the  kitchen,  waiting 
another's  pleasure  to  go  to  bed.  The  very 
idea  of  inflicting  such  a  penance  on  any  one 
would  prevent  a  benevolent  person  from  enjoy- 
ing any  thing  so  dearly  purchased ;  and  yet, 
from  not  considering  the  matter  sufficiently,  I 
have  known  persons  of  benevolent  feelings,  to 
keep  their  domestics  up,  unnecessarily,  night 
after  night.  Whenever  you  have  been  obliged 
to  inflict  any  hardship  on  others,  the  kind  ex- 
pression of  your  regret  will  do  much  to  re- 
concile them  to  it,  and  this  should  never  be 
omitted. 

If  you  sufficiently  consider  the  trials  incident 
to  a  life  of  service,  and  judge  of  the  feelings 
of  others  by  your  own,  you  will  see  abundant 
reason  why  you  should  be  prompt  to  praise  and 
slow  to  blame.  Any  extra  service,  any  little 
attention  that  you  receive  should  be  cour- 
teously and  heartily  acknowledged  ;  nor  should 
the  regularity  and  exactness,  with  which  the 
daily  work  is  done,  be  suffered  to  pass  unno- 
ticed, whilst  the  slightest  omission  is  talked 
of  and  made  of  great  importance.  Think  how 
you  would  like  to  do  the  same  things,  in  the 
very  same  way,  every  day  in  the  year,  and 
allow  for  its  irksomeness  to  them. 

Scolding  has  long  been  considered  ungen- 
teel,  and  now,  I  believe,  it  is  obsolete  3   for  I 


244  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

have  not  for  years  heard  such  a  sound.  It  is  to 
be  hoped  that  harsh  reproof,  of  all  kinds,  will 
become  equally  so.  Finding  fault  in  a  severe  or 
pettish  tone,  never  does  any  good;  it  is  the  last 
whj  in  the  world  to  make  any  one  sorry  for  an 
omission,  mistake,  or  accident.  When  any  de- 
linquency must  be  noticed,  it  is  better  to  begin 
by  a  gentle  and  kind  inquiry,  why  it  was  so  ; 
that  affords  the  person  an  opportunity  of  justify- 
ing herself,  when  right ;  and  when  in  the  wrong, 
she  will  be  more  likely  to  see  and  allow  it,  if- 
she  is  questioned  instead  of  blamed.  If  you 
feel  your  temper  raised  by  anything  that  has 
occurred,  never  open  your  lips  to  a  domestic 
till  it  has  entirely  subsided  ;  for  you  may  inflict 
a  wound  which  you  can  never  heal,  and  lose 
more  respect  than  you  can  ever  win  back  again. 

Politeness  is  as  necessary  to  a  happy  inter- 
course with  the  inhabitants  of  the  kitchen,  as 
with  those  of  the  parlour ;  it  lessens  the  pains 
of  service,  promotes  kind  feelings  on  both 
sides,  and  checks  unbecoming  familiarity ;  al- 
vv^ays  thank  them  for  what  they  do  for  you,  and 
always  ask  rather  than  command  their  services. 

Whilst  you  are  slow  to  notice  those  little 
faults  which  affect  only  your  own  convenience, 
you  ought  to  deal  promptly  and  strenuously 
with  anything  which  shows  a  defect  of  princi- 
ple in  those  around  you.  Any  disposition  to 
falsify  or  backbite,  any  lightness  of  conduct  or 


ASKING    FAVORS.  245 

conversation,  should  be  seriously  reprehended  ; 
no  gossipping  should  ever  be  listened  to,  nor 
should  your  confidence  in  their  kind  feelings 
ever  lead  you  to  make  indiscreet  disclosures 
of  your  own  affairs.  However  respectable  they 
may  be,  and  entitled  to  constant,  kind  con- 
sideration, they  are  not  proper  confidants  for 
young  ladies,  and  should  not  be  encouraged 
to  talk  to  you  of  your  beaux  and  conquests ; 
as  that  is  a  most  unprofitable  kind  of  inter- 
course for  both  you  and  them. 

When  you  have  necessarily  been  so  situated 
as  to  require  much  extra  labor  of  those  who  at- 
tend upon  you,  you  should  always  acknowledge 
it  by  a  present  in  money,  if  you  can  aflford  it, 
and  they  are  saving  of  their  wages ;  if  not, 
by  consulting  with  your  mother,  you  can  gene- 
rally fix  upon  some  articles  of  clothing  which 
you  can  spare,  and  which  will  be  useful  to 
them. 

Be  very  careful  to  pay  them  every  little 
debt  you  may  chance  to  owe  them ;  for,  if  you 
forget  it,  they  will  not  like  to  remind  you  of  it, 
though  a  few  cents  may  be  more  to  them,  than 
as  many  dollars  to  you.  Never  think  them 
mercenary,  because  they  value  money  more 
than  you  do ;  remember  what  a  serious  thing 
it  is  to  have  nothing  but  what  you  can  earn 
with  your  own  hands,  and  to  be  dependent  in 
sickness  upon  your  own  scanty  savings.      You 


246  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

should  encourage  them  to  be  economical,  and 
to  put  every  dollar  they  can  spare,  into  a 
savings  bank. 

Some  persons  oblige  their  friends  at  the  ex- 
pense of  their  domestics,  which  is  just  as  unfair, 
as  if  you  were  to  make  a  present  of  something 
that  does  not  belong  to  you. 

I  have  heard  a  young  lady  admire  her  friend's 
ruffled  cape,  saying  she  should  like  to  have 
one,  if  she  could  get  it  plaited  so  beautifully, 
adding,  "  Whom  do  you  get  to  do  up  yours  so 
elegantly."  The  wearer  of  the  cape  replied,  "  It 
is  done  by  our  chambermaid ;  she  plaits  ex- 
quisitely ;  and  if  you  would  like  to  have  one  made 
like  mine,  I  will  get  her  to  do  it  up  for  you." 
"  0,  you  are  very  kind,"  rejoins  the  other, ''  I 
should  like  it  of  all  things."  Now,  if  the  young 
lady  had  plaited  her  own  ruffles,  and  chose  to 
make  a  tender  of  her  services  to  her  friend,  it 
would  deserve  the  name  of  kindness  ;  but  to 
offer  the  services  of  another,  as  if  they  were 
your  own,  is  anything  but  kind  or  just.  The 
chambermaid  agreed  with  your  mother  to  do 
the  work  of  the  family,  but  not  that  of  her 
friends,  and  you  have  no  right  to  require  it  of 
her.  But  perhaps  you  have  treated  her  so  well, 
and  done  her  so  many  favors,  that  you  are  sure 
she  has  a  disposition  to  do  more  for  you,  than 
she  is  bound  to  do  by  her  contract ;  if  this  is 
the  case,  you  may  ask  her  whether  she  is  willing 


MORAL    AND    INTELLECTUAL    IMPROVEMENT.    247 

to  oblige  you  by  doing  up  your  friend's  cape, 
but  never  claim  it  as  a  matter  of  right ;  and  if 
she  answers  readily  and  cheerfully,  that  she 
will  do  it,  be  sure  to  thank  her  for  it,  and  to 
receive  it  as  a  favor,  for  that  will  be  some  re- 
ward to  her  for  the  time  and  pains  it  will  cost 
her. 

You  cannot  be  too  careful  to  keep  in  view 
the  rights  of  others  ;  there  being  a  constant 
tendency,  in  our  selfish  natures,  to  think  only 
of  our  own,  it  requires  a  perpetual  watchfulness 
to  avoid  infringing  on  those  of  others;  indeed, 
it  is  so  difficult  to  draw  the  line  between  them 
correctly,  that  it  is  much  safer  to  ask  than  to 
command  a  service,  and  the  habit  of  so  word- 
ing your  requirements,  alleviates  the  evils  of 
service,  and  produces  a  more  agreeable  inter- 
course than  the  habit  of  command;  and  when 
you  ask  a  favor,  acknowledge  it  as  such. 

The  moral  and  intellectual  improvement  of 
those  who  live  with  you,  ought  to  be  provided 
for,  and  the  advantages  which  you  have  receiv- 
ed ought  to  contribute  to  their  progress.  Much 
useful  knowledge  may  be  communicated  by  the 
young  ladies  of  a  family  to  those  who  serve 
them,  both  by  conversation  and  by  the  selection 
of  proper  books  for  them  to  read.  The  arrange- 
ments of  the  family  on  Sunday  ought  to  be 
made  with  reference  to  their  convenience  and 
leisure  ;   and  you   should  never    suffer  your  en- 


248  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

gagements  to  interfere  with  their  attendance 
upon  public  worship  or  private  instruction. 
You,  who  have  so  many  sources  of  knowledge 
open  to  you,  can  scarcely  appreciate  the  value 
to  them,  of  the  few  w^hich  they  partake  of. 
They  should  be  allowed  to  attend  Lyceum  lec- 
tures, Temperance  meetings.  Peace  societies, 
and  to  see  sights  that  convey  instruction.  All 
such  opportunities  are  of  more  importance  to 
them  than  to  you,  and  therefore,  if  one  party 
must  stay  at  home,  it  had  better  be  you  than 
they. 

Most  of  what  has  been  said,  concerning  do- 
mestics, will  apply  with  equal  force  to  those 
who  work  for  you  by  the  day;  but,  as  the  lat- 
ter class  often  consists  of  persons  in  reduced 
circumstances,  greater  delicacy  is  required  in 
consulting  their  feelings  so  as  not  to  wound 
them.  If  not  convenient  to  admit  them  to  your 
table,  see,  yourself,  that  they  have  their  meals 
sent  to  them  in  good  order ;  never  trust  to 
your  domestics  to  wait  properly  on  a  dress- 
maker or  seamstress,  for  there  is  often  an 
unfriendly  feeling  produced  in  the  former  by 
the  latter's  not  choosing  to  eat  in  the  kitchen, 
which  would  interfere  with  her  being  well 
taken  care  of. 

If  you  have  any  feeling,  any  sympathy  for 
your  own  sex,  let  this  portion  of  the  community 
share  largely  in  it.     Look  at  their  emaciated 


KINDNESS    TO    DRESSMAKERS.  249 

forms  and  pallid  faces  ;  see  how  languid  their 
circulations  are,  how  frequently  their  heads 
and  sides  ache,  how  cold  their  feet  are,  and 
yet  how  steadily  they  pursue  their  tasks  from 
morn  till  night,  day  after  day,  and  week  after 
week.  Let  your  consideration  for  them  show 
itself,  not  in  giving  them  rich  cake,  or  sweet- 
meats and  wine,  for  luncheon,  than  which  noth- 
ing can  be  worse  for  them;  but  in  giving  them 
an  opportunity  to  take  a  walk  in  your  garden, 
or  do  an  errand  for  you  at  a  shop  ;  in  making 
them  occasionally  cease  plying  the  needle,  to 
look  at  something  amusing  or  instructive  ;  in 
abridging  their  evening  hours  of  toil,  and  so 
arranging  your  work,  that  their  eyes  shall,  if 
possible,  be  saved  from  dark  work  at  night. 
Let  them  do  that  by  day-light,  and  work  on 
white  or  light  materials  by  lamp-light. 

You  can  sometimes  cheer  them  in  their  labors 
by  getting  your  younger  brothers  or  sisters  to 
read  aloud  to  them,  and  you  can  lend  them 
books  to  take  home  with  them.  You  can  also 
enlighten  them  on  the  subject  of  their  health, 
and  teach  them  how  they  can  best  obviate  the 
evils  incident  to  their  way  of  life.  You  can 
exhort  them  to  take  exercise  in  the  open  air, 
and  show  them  the  danger  of  not  doing  so. 
You  can  tell  them  the  mischiefs  which  arise 
from  not  being  sufficiently  clothed,  and  from 
eating  cake,  sweetmeats,  and  pastry,  between 


250  TREATMENT    OF    DOMESTICS. 

meals.  If  you  have  made  yourself  acquainted 
with  the  best  means  of  preserving  health, 
you  will  be  able  to  lecture  well  on  this  impor- 
tant subject,  and  may  do  a  great  deal  of  good 
to  a  class  of  females,  whose  lives  are  now  ren- 
dered burdensome  by  disease,  or  prematurely 
cut  short  by  death. 

If  you  have  a  right  appreciation  of  the  toil- 
some life  these  people  live,  you  will  never  fail  to 
pay  them  promptly  and  liberally,  and  to  watch 
over  their  interests,  not  suffering  them  to  over- 
task themselves  on  your  account ;  you  will 
endeavour,  by  every  means  in  your  power,  to 
relieve  the  tedium  of  their  lives,  and  to  make 
a  day  spent  in  your  service,  one  of  the  few 
remembered  with  pleasure  long  afterwards. 
Let  it  be  a  red-letter  day  in  their  calendar. 

I  am  aware  that  there  is  a  large  class  of 
readers,  to  whom  the  foregoing  observations 
on  the  treatment  of  domestics  will  not  fully 
apply.  Persons  living  in  the  interior  of  the 
country,  on  farms  or  in  villages,  where  the 
population  is  thinly  scattered  over  the  land, 
generally  share  in  all  the  labors  of  their  house- 
hold, and  will  be  under  no  temptation  to  com- 
mit many  of  the  errors  pointed  out  in  this 
chapter.  When  the  only  assistance  they  re- 
ceive is  from  a  person  who  is  treated  as  an 
equal,  and  sits  at  the  same  table  with  the  fami- 
ly, there  will  be  no  room  for  much  of  the  incon- 


HINT    TO    THOSE    WHO    EMPLOY    HELP.         251 

siderateness  here  mentioned.  To  such  I  would 
only  say,  act  courteously  and  gen-erously  to- 
wards your  help;  and  endeavour,  by  showing 
confidence  and  addressing  the  best  feelings,  to 
procure  a  willing  service,  and  to  excite  an  hon- 
orable desire  to  act  up  to  the  full  spirit  of  the 
contract,  instead  of  each  construing  the  letter 
of  it  to  her  own  advantage 


252  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

CHAPTER  XII. 

Female   Companionship. 

Friendship.  —  The  Treacherous  Friend. —  Intimacy.  —  Keep- 
ing Secrets.  —  Gossip.  —  Reading  Societies.  —  Intermed- 
dling. —  Taking  Sides.  —  Quarrels. —  Curiosity.  —  Anec- 
dotes. —  Jealousy.  —  Dislike.  —  Tenaciousness.  —  Polite- 
ness. —  Refinement.  —  Flattery.  —  Sins  of  Conversation.  — 
Laughter.  —  Reserve.  —  Borrowing.  —  Presents.  —  Corre- 
spondence. —  Care  of  Books.  —  Bad  Tricks.  —  Rash  Judg- 
ments. 

The  instability  of  giriish  friendship  has  be- 
come a  by-word  in  society,  in  consequence  of 
young  persons  having  dignified  with  the  name 
of  friendship,  the  transient  partialities  that 
grow  out  of  accidental  circumstances.  There 
are,  however,  few  youthful  intimacies,  which 
deserve  that  sacred  name,  or  which  are  sutfi- 
ciently  well  founded  to  be  w^orth  preserving. 
Whilst  the  judgment  is  unripe,  the  affections 
will  often  be  misplaced  ;  the  changes,  too,  which 
take  place  in  the  characters  of  girls,  in  the 
course  of  a  few  years,  often  destroy  all  ground 
of  sympathy ;  and  in  this  case,  it  is  better  to 
drop  the  intimacy  than  to  keep  up  any  false 
professions  and  appearances.  It  is  better  to 
subject  yourself  to  the  charge  of  inconstancy, 
than  to  continue  an  unprofitable  intercourse 
with  a  person  whom  you  have  ceased  to  esteem. 

Let  not  your  heart  be  seduced  by  the  beauty, 
the   blandishments,  or  the  accomplishments  of 


FRIENDSHIP.  253 

a  young  companion.  Unless  her  principles 
are  fixed,  her  aims  are  high,  and  she  regards 
life  as  an  education  for  eternity,  unless  you  can 
sympathize  with  her  in  your  serious  moments, 
and  talk  with  her  of  your  immortal  destiny, 
take  her  not  to  your  bosom,  give  her  not  your 
confidence  ;  for  her  counsel  will  not  strengthen 
your  high  and  holy  resolves,  and  when  you  most 
need  her  sympathy,  she  will  fail  you,  and  you 
w^ill  find  yourself  to  be  leaning  on  a  broken 
reed.  None  but  the  upright  in  heart  are  capa- 
ble of  being  true  friends  ;  and  none  are  upright, 
who  do  not  make  a  conscience  of  all  their  ways, 
and  learn  wisdom  by  communion  with  the 
Father  of  spirits.  Choose  your  friends  from 
among  these,  and  you  will  be  saved  many  dis- 
appointments. 

So  much  has  been  written  on  the  subject  of 
friendship,  and  so  much  advice  has  been  given 
to  young  girls  on  the  choice  of  friends,  that  it 
is  useless  to  expatiate  on  it  here.  If  you  wish 
to  read  some  excellent  remarks  upon  it,  I  would 
refer  you  to  Mrs.  Barbauld's  "Essay  on  Friend- 
ship "  ;  and,  though  somewhat  out  of  fashion, 
Mrs.  Chapone's  Letters  contain  much  valuable 
matter,  and,  with  a  few  allowances  for  the  differ- 
ent state  of  society  in  which  they  were  written, 
may  be  profitably  consulted  by  young  ladies 
at  the  present  day.      Mrs.  Sigourney,  too,  has 


254  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

a  letter  on  friendship*  which  you  will  do  well 
to  peruse. 

My  purpose  is  to  exhibit  the  defective  inter- 
course between  inexperienced  young  girls,  who 
fall  into  intimacies,  which  do  not  deserve  the 
name  of  friendship,  but  which  consume  much 
time,  and  expose  them  to  ill-natured  observa- 
tion and  misconstruction. 

As  a  specimen  of  what  you  may  uncon- 
sciously subject  yourself  to,  by  unprofitable 
and  uncongenial  intimacies,  I  will  here  repeat 
a  conversation  from  real  life,  just  as  it  was 
told  to  me  by  one  of  the  parties. 

"  A  young  lady  making  me  a  visit,  we  hap- 
pened to  speak  of  a  pretty  girl  with  whom  I 
had  observed  that  she  passed  a  great  deal  of 
time,  and  whom  she  called  her  intimate  friend,. 

I  began    as   follows,  '  Is   Miss  at  school 

this  afternoon  ? '  'Oh  no,  she  does  not  go  to 
school.'  —  '  She  has  a  governess  at  home,  I 
suppose  ?  '  —  '  No,  she  is  considered  old  enough 
to  study  by  herself.  They  call  it  study,  but  I 
don't  know  how  much  she  really  does  study. 
Nobody  hears  her  lessons  but  her  brother,  and 
I  fancy  he  is  as  ignorant  as  herself.  They  are 
none  of  them  great  geniuses.^  —  '  'Tis  singular 
to  let  her  go  on  so,  at  her  age.'  —  '  0,  the  rea- 
son for  keeping  her  at  home  is,  lest  confine- 

*  "  Letters  to  young  Ladies,  by  Mrs.  L.  H.  Sigourney  " 
published  by  William  Watson,  Hartford. 


THE    TREACHEROUS    FRIEND.  255 

ment  should  hurt  her ;  you  know  her  spine  is 
diseased.'  —  '  No,  I  did  not.'  — '  What,  when 
she  is  so  crooked  !  have  you  never  observed 
how  crooked  she  is.  I  thought  everybody  had 
observed  that.'  — '  I  never  have;  it  would  be 
a  pity  for  her  form  to  be  spoiled,  she  is  such  a 
pretty  girl.'  —  '  Yes,  most  people  call  her  pret- 
ty ;  but  I  think  her  features  are  too  small,  and 
I  have  often  heard  it  remarked,  that  she  has 
absolutely  no  expression  at  all.  My  mother 
says  she  will  not  be  pretty  when  she  is  growm 
up ;  she  has  so  little  mind ;  and  her  color  is 
quite  coarse,  when  you  come  near  enough  to 
examine  it.'  " 

"  Ah,  poor  intimate  friend  !  "  thought  I.  The 
speaker  was  reported  to  be  a  very  amiable  girl, 
for  she  said  all  these  bitter  things  in  a  soft 
tone  and  with  a  sweet  smile.  A  discrimin- 
ating listener  would  discover  the  Hack  spot  in 
her  heart,  in  spite  of  her  voice  and  smile ;  and 
when  youth  is  passed,  it  will  no  longer  escape 
anybady's  notice,  and  she  will  be  know^n  for 
what  she  really  is. 

You  can  always  judge  better  of  a  person's 
character  by  her  manner  of  talking  with  others, 
than  by  what  she  addresses  directly  to  you, 
and  by  what  she  says  of  others,  than  by  what 
she  says  to  them.  A  conversation  like  the 
above  ought  to  put  you  on  your  guard  against 
any  intimacy  with  a  girl  capable  of  it. 


256  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

The  vivacity  of  youthful  feelings  is  such, 
that  it  often  hurries  girls  into  intimacies,  which 
soon  after  prove  uncongenial  and  burdensome. 
You  mistake  an  accidental  agreement  for  a 
real  sympathy,  one  agreeable  interview  for  an 
insight  into  the  whole  character ;  and  thus,  by 
judging  too  hastily,  you  judge  wrong.  Far  be 
it  from  me  to  recommend  a  suspicious  temper. 
I  would  rather  see  a  young  heart  deceived 
again  and  again,  than  see  it  nourishing  sus- 
picion as  a  habit  of  the  mind;  but  I  would 
have  you  make  it  a  rule  never  to  pledge  your- 
self to  any  intimacy,  until  you  have  taken  time 
to  reconsider  your  first  impressions,  and  to 
distinguish  between  the  charm  that  really  be- 
longs to  a  new  acquaintance,  and  that  which 
was  thrown  over  your  first  interview  by  acci- 
dental circumstances  and  associations. 

Supposing,  now,  that  your  acquaintances  are 
well  chosen,  and  your  intimate  friends  are  wor- 
thy of  your  confidence  ;  what  are  the  mistakes 
that  you  are  most  likely  to  commit  in  this  re- 
lation ? 

Inadvertently  betraying  the  secrets  of  one 
friend  to  another  is  a  cruel  injury  and  a  fruit- 
ful source  of  difficulty.  Do  not  suffer  your- 
self to  be  easily  bound  to  secrecy,  for  keeping 
a  secret  is  a  very  troublesome  and  disagreeable 
thing ;  but,  when  you  are  thus  pledged,  be 
scrupulously  faithful.      Many  girls  have  a  silly 


KEEPING    SECRETS.  257 

way  of  making  a  secret  of  something  of  no 
consequence  whatever,  and  of  telling  it  to  each 
of  their  friends  separately,  and  enjoining  se- 
crecy on  each.  When  you  have  been  taken  in 
once  in  this  way,  it  is  your  own  fault  if  you 
allow  it  a  second  time. 

Never  encourage  your  young  friends  to  tell 
their  family  secrets ;  if  they  are  indiscreet 
enough  to  wish  to  do  it,  you  should  repress 
their  confidence.  Never  invite  them,  by  direct 
or  indirect  questions,  to  tell  you  of  the  matri- 
monial overtures  which  they  may  have  receiv- 
ed; respect  their  secrets,  and  love  your  friend 
the  better  for  her  reserve  upon  a  point  of  such 
delicacy,  and  one  in  which  the  feelings  of  an- 
other are  so  deeply  concerned.  If  you  have 
been  privy  to  any  such  affair,  keep  the  secret 
strictly  ;  and  let  no  impertinent  questionings 
induce  you  to  reveal  it.  Make  it  a  rule  to  have 
nothing  to  do  with  any  love  affair  that  is  carri- 
ed on  without  the  knowledge  and  consent  of 
parents.  If  you  have  inadvertently  become  a 
confidant  of  the  beginning  of  any  such  affair, 
use  all  your  influence  to  induce  your  friend  to 
break  it  off,  or  to  open  her  mind  to  her  natural 
protectors ;  if  you  cannot  prevail  upon  her  to 
do  this,  refuse  any  further  confidence  on  the 
subject,  and  warn  her  in  the  most  friendly  way 
of  her  danger.  In  some  cases,  you  would  do 
right  to  inform  her  friends  yourself  of  such  a 
V*  17 


258  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

clandestine  affair,  having  previously  given  her 
notice  that  you  intend  to  do  it. 

There  is  generally  something  wrong,  where 
there  is  much  secrecy  in  the  affairs  of  the 
young.  If  your  aims  are  high,  and  your  life  is 
one  of  useful  and  honorable  action,  if  you  love 
mental  cultivation,  and  live  much  in  the  com- 
pany of  the  great  spirits  of  all  ages,  you  will 
be  lifted  above  the  petty  interests  of  gossiping 
girls;  you  will  not  care  to  know  how  much 
Miss  such  a-one  gave  for  her  new  bonnet ;  nor 
that  Mr.  A thinks  Miss  B ■—  told  some- 
thing to  his  disadvantage  which  broke  off  his 
match;  nor  any  of  the  thousand  things,  as 
trifling  as  these,  which  are  made  the  theme 
of  so  much  whispering  among  young  ladies. 

One  of  the  great  uses  of  reading  is,  that 
it  furnishes  you  with  interesting  and  safe 
topics  of  conversation  with  your  young  friends. 
To  live  with  books  is  to  inhabit  a  region  far 
above  the  din  and  turmoil  and  petty  vexa- 
tions which  unnecessarily  engross  the  minds 
of  some  who  pretend  to  cultivation  ;  and  you 
cannot  turn  your  advantages  of  education  to 
better  account,  than  by  inducing  your  female 
friends  to  read  with  you,  and  to  exchange  the 
frivolous  gossip  of  the  day  for  communion 
with  the  mighty  spirits  of  the  dead. 

It  is  very  difficult,  and  requires  all  "  the 
wisdom  of  the  serpent  and  the  harmlessness  of 


READING    SOCIETIES.  259 

the  dove,"  to  talk  of  people,  without  violating 
the  laws  of  charity  or  of  truth ;  it  is  therefore 
best  to  avoid  it.  By  substituting  books,  and 
the  vast  variety  of  characters  and  opinions 
which  they  present,  you  give  yourself  and  your 
companions  ample  scope  for  the  expression  of 
your  thoughts  and  feelings,  for  the  discus- 
sion of  various  questions,  for  sharpening  each 
other's  wits  by  collision  of  sentiment,  correct- 
ing the  judgment  by  comparison  and  discrim- 
ination, and  strengthening  the  memory  by  re- 
petition and  quotation. 

Stated  meetings  for  reading  are  useful  to  fix 
the  attention,  and  induce  a  habit  of  mental 
culture,  where  it  is  wanting ;  but,  where  it 
exists,  solitary  reading  turns  to  the  best  ac- 
count, especially  if  you  have  an  intelligent 
friend  with  whom  to  talk  over  the  ideas  you 
have  just  acquired.  Those  who  are  beginning 
to  educate  themselves  by  the  study  of  standard 
authors,  and  form  reading  societies  for  that 
purpose,  would  do  well  to  seek  some  more  cul- 
tivated person  to  preside  over  their  meetings, 
and  to  rouse  their  minds  to  action  by  discours- 
ing w^ith  them  of  what  they  read.  Much  good 
might  be  done  to  girls  who  have  left  school,  if 
they  could  form  classes  and  get  highly  culti- 
vated persons  to  read  the  English,  French,  and 
Italian  classics    with    them,  pointing  out   the 


260  FEMALE     COMPANIONSHIP. 

peculiar  merits  of  each  author,  and  lecturing 
upon  them  as  they  went  along.* 

I  have  heard  of  reading  parties  among  young 
ladies,  where  they  meet  to  run  through  a  few 
pages  of  a  fashionable  novel  or  modern  poem, 
and,  without  having  gained  one  idea  from  it, 
worth  preserving,  finish  the  evening  in  gos- 
sip, or  flirtation,  or  perhaps  a  dance.  Such  are 
not  the  reading  parties  that  I  would  recom- 
mend ;  and  yet  the  perusal  of  any  moral  work 
is  better  than  a  great  deal  of  talk  about  noth- 
ing; and  dancing  is  far  better  than  gossiping; 
but,  when  a  reading  party  might  be  made  a 
high,  intellectual  treat,  without  any  such  ac- 
companiments, it  is  sad  to  see  such  opportuni- 
ties wasted. 

When  you  receive  your  young  friends  at 
your  own  house,  you  should  consider  yourself 
responsible  for  the  direction  w^hich  the  conver- 
sation takes;  and,  if  it  is  becoming  uncharit- 
able or  unprofitable,  you  should  feel  bound  to 
give  it  a  safer  and  better  impulse.  The  in- 
troduction of  a  beautiful  annual,  or  portfolio 
of  prints  and  drawings,  will  often  answer  the 
purpose;  and  the  fashion  of  strewing  centre 
tables  with  books  of  fine  engravings  has  a 
moral  use    which    makes   it   very   valuable.     I 

*  This  has  been  done  by  a  gifted   individual  in  Boston  to 
largeclassos  of  ladies,  and  has  been  attended  by  the  best  results. 


DUTY    OF    A    HOSTESS.  261 

have  seen  the  breath  of  scandal  stopped,  and 
an  unpleasant  topic  changed,  by  the  timely 
opening  of  one  of  these  volumes.  It  must,  of 
course,  be  done  with  expertness,  and  you  must 
have  something  to  say  about  the  book,  that  will 
command  the  attention  of  the  person  whom  you 
wish  to  divert  from  her  own  topic,  or  it  will  be 
only  a  rude  interruption,  and  will  not  answer 
the  desired  end.  When  courteously  and  clev- 
erly done,  it  is  a  lawful  use  of  your  office  as 
hostess. 

Intermeddling  with  the  affairs  of  others  is 
a  sure  way  of  getting  into  trouble.  A  real 
wish  to  do  good,  may  sometimes  lead  you  in- 
to it ;  and  therefore  it  is,  that  you  need  to  be 
v/arned  of  its  dangers  by  one  old  enough  to 
have  seen  numerous  instances,  in  which  this 
good  intention  has  failed,  or  resulted  in  noth- 
ing but  harm.  It  is  well  to  bear  always  in 
mind,  that  you  can  never  know  the  merits  of 
any  case  by  hearing  an  account  of  it  from  one 
of  the  parties  only.  Let  that  party  be  ever  so 
honest  and  truth-telling,  her  statement  must 
be  colored  by  her  own  peculiar  views  and  feel- 
ings ;  and  this  coloring,  unconsciously  given, 
may  cause  you  to  take  a  very  incorrect  view  of 
the  affair,  and  to  think  that  your  interference 
would  do  a  great  deal  of  good,  when  if  you  had 
heard  the  other  side  of  the  story,  you  would 
be  convinced  of  the  propriety  of  not  intermed- 


262  FEMALE     COMPANIONSHIP. 

dling.  When,  however,  you  feel  it  to  be  your 
duty  to  become  a  mediator,  you  must  be  sure 
to  hear  both  sides,  before  you  make  up  your 
own  judgment  on  the  merits  of  either,  and,  in 
offering  any  mediation,  be  very  careful  to  make 
yourself  clearly  understood,  and  be  very  exact 
in  reporting  the  words  of  others. 

Avoid,  if  possible,  taking  sides  in  quarrels  ; 
do  not  think  it  necessary,  because  you  are  in- 
timate with  a  person,  to  take  part  in  all  her 
differences  with  others.  By  keeping  yourself 
aloof,  you  will  be  a  more  impartial  judge  of 
your  friend's  course  than  any  partisan  can  be, 
and  can  better  advise  her  what  to  do.  Take 
especial  care  not  to  widen  the  breach  by  indis- 
creet repetition  of  what  either  says  to  the  dis- 
advantage of  the  other. 

Beware  lest  you  become  a  meddler,  in  the 
vain  hope  of  being  a  peace-maker. 

If  you  have  felt  a  real  esteem  and  liking  for 
a  person,  do  not  let  a  trifling  offence  separate 
you  ;  and,  however  strange  her  conduct  may 
appear,  do  not  judge  it  till  you  have  given  her 
an  opportunity  of  explaining  it  to  you.  It 
often  happens,  that  two  persons  think  very 
hardly  of  each  other's  conduct,  when  ten  min- 
utes' explanation  would  set  it  all  right  in  the 
minds  of  each.  When  an  intimacy  is  broken 
off,  let  the  memory  of  former  kindness  keep 
your  lips   closed  upon  the  subject;  and  let  the 


CURIOSITY.  263 

faith,  pledged  in  days  of  confidence  and  love, 
be  honorably  maintained  when  these  have  pass- 
ed away.  No  conduct  on  the  part  of  a  former 
friend  can  excuse  your  betraying  her  secrets 
or  exposing  her  faults. 

The  indulgence  of  idle  curiosity  is  a  fault 
which  equally  torments  its  possessor  and  her 
friends.  To  desire  vehemently  to  know  things, 
which  do  not  at  all  concern  you,  and  are  not 
in  themselves  interesting,  is  a  disease  of  the 
mind,  to  which  some  persons  are  more  liable 
than  others ;  it  is  also  one  which  grows  by 
indulgence,  and  ought  therefore  to  be  speedily 
checked.  I  know  an  instance  in  which  a  lady's 
happiness  was  disturbed  for  years  by  being  un- 
able to  find  out  how  one  of  her  friends  dispos- 
ed of  her  cast-ofF  clothes  ;  and  another,  in 
which  the  whole  pleasure  of  a  summer  excur- 
sion was  marred  for  one  of  the  party,  because 
there  was  a  box  among  their  baggage,  the  con- 
tents of  which  she  could  not  find  out. 

It  is  inconceivable  to  me,  how  any  one  can 
care  for  such  things ;  but,  since  some  persons 
do,  it  is  well  to  guard  against  the  first  symp- 
toms of  such  a  disorder,  or  it  may  overgrow  the 
mind,  as  in  the  following  instance. 

Two  old  ladies  lived  in  a  small  town  on  a 
great  public  road  ;  and,  having  secured  a  resi- 
dence directly  opposite  the  only  inn  in  the 
place,    their    chief   employment    and    pleasure 


264  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP 

consisted  in  watching  the  arrival  of  travellers, 
and  sending  their  only  domestic  over  to  the 
public  house,  to  ask  where  they  came  from, 
whither  they  were  going,  and  what  refresh- 
ment they  had  called  for.  Such  idle  curiosity 
as  this  argues  a  very  weak  and  vacant  mind ; 
but  there  are  persons  of  considerable  talent  and 
some  cultivation  and  refinement,  who  are  nev- 
ertheless inordinately  curious  to  know  things 
which  do  not  in  any  way  concern  them.  To 
these  I  would  say,  give  not  the  least  entertain- 
ment to  such  a  propensity;  starve  it,  keep  it 
down,  till  it  is  stifled.  Fill  up  your  time  and 
your  thoughts  with  pursuits  worthy  of  a  rational 
and  immortal  being,  and  there  will  be  no  room 
for  impertinent  and  vagrant  fancies. 

Of  another  kind  of  curiosity,  an  old  writer 
has  said,  "  As  the  first  of  all  evils,  as  the 
source  of  calamity,  as  the  beginning  of  pain, 
avoid,  0  daughter  of  Eve,  the  bewitching 
charm  of  curiosity.  Seek  not  to  know  what  is 
improper  for  thee,  thirst  not  after  prohibited 
knowledge  ;  far  happier  is  she  who  but  know- 
eth  a  little,  than  she  who  is  acquainted  with 
too  much." 

Never  countenance,  even  by  sitting  in  si- 
lence, any  conversation  that  is  meant  to  grat- 
ify the  curiosity  here  alluded  to.  If  there  are 
any  points  in  natural  history  that  you  have  a 
reasonable  desire  to  be  enlightened  upon,  go  to 


JEALOUSY.  265 

your  mother,  and  ask  her  in  all  soberness  and 
simplicity  to  explain  them  to  you ;  and  if  she  has 
wisely  considered  these  things,  or  has  read  the 
excellent  advice  on  this  subject,  given  in  "  The 
Mother's  Own  Book,"  she  will  answer  your 
inquiries  with  plainness  and  directness ;  and 
you  will  acquire  the  knowledge  you  desire, 
without  any  sacrifice  of  modesty. 

Do  not  suppose  that  jealousy  is  a  proof  of 
love,  as  those  say  who  wish  to  excuse  it  in 
themselves.  It  is  a  proof  of  a  want  of  proper 
confidence  either  in  yourself  or  your  friends, 
and  often  produces  the  very  coolness  it  fears. 
Jealousy  is  the  offspring  of  a  restless  self-love, 
and  should  never  be  tolerated  as  an  amiable 
weakness,  or  a  proof  of  humility.  Some  girls 
are  perpetually  asking  their  young  companions 
if  they  love  them,  and  how  much  they  love 
them,  and  if  they  are  loved  more  than  such  and 
such  persons,  and  think  this  solicitude  a  proof 
of  an  affectionate  disposition;  whereas  it  is,  in 
reality,  the  sign  of  an  overweening  selfishness. 
I  knew  one  case,  where  love  was  changed  to 
hatred  by  this  perpetual  questioning  about  the 
degree  in  which  it  was  felt. 

A  true  Christian  humility  makes  us  readily 
believe  that  we  are  loved  as  much  as  we  de- 
serve to  be,  and,  if  we  see  others  loved  more, 
we  are  willing  to  admit  that  they  may  be  more 
worthy  of  it.  If  we  are  accustomed  to  strict, 
w 


266  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

impartial  self-examination,  we  shall  find  so 
much  evil  in  ourselves,  as  will  excuse  any  want 
of  love  in  those  about  us,  and  make  us  feel  that 
we  generally  have  more  than  we  merit. 

God,  in  his  goodness,  has  so  constituted  us, 
that  the  generous  feelings  of  our  nature  not 
only  tend  to  good,  but  are  a  good  in  them- 
selves, and  produce  their  own  reward,  whilst 
the  malevolent  ones  have  an  opposite  nature 
and  tendency.  Thus  love  and  admiration  are 
agreeable  sentiments  j  dislike  and  ill-will  ren- 
der their  possessors  unhappy,  and  constitute 
their  own  punishment.  If  you  feel  dislike  to- 
ward any  of  your  companions,  beware  that  it 
do  not  make  you  unjust ;  do  not  foster  it,  or 
express  it  unnecessarily  to  others ;  but  learn 
this  lesson  from  it,  that  others  have  a  perfect 
right  to  dislike  you,  and  that,  too,  without  any 
very  cogent  reason,  merely  from  distaste. 

In  the  private  journal  of  that  elegant  scholar 
and  accomplished  man,  Sir  James  Mackintosh, 
lately  published  with  his  Life,  may  be  found 
this  beautiful  and  candid  statement. 

" has,  I  think,  a  distaste  for  me,  which 

I  believe  to  be  natural  to  the  family.  I  think 
the  worse  of  nobody  for  such  a  feeling ;  indeed 
I  often  feel  a  distaste  for  myself;  I  am  sure  I 
should  not  esteem  my  own  character  in  anoth- 
er person.  It  is  more  likely  that  I  should  have 
disrespectable   or    disagreeable  qualities,  than 


TENACIOUSNESS.  267 

that should  have  an  unreasonable  antipa- 

thy." 

From  how  many  heart-burnings  and  unhappy 
feelings,  would  such  a  candor  as  this  preserve 
us !  If  we  fully  settle  it  in  our  own  minds, 
that  people  have  a  right  to  dislike  us,  we  shall 
feel  no  disposition  to  resent  it  ;  and  thus  we 
shall  be  saved  the  pain  of  anger,  and  the  sins 
to  which  it  leads. 

A  readiness  to  take  offence  is  a  sign  of  a 
narrow  mind  or  a  bad  temper.  The  excuses 
which  people  make  for  noticing  slight  affronts 
will  not  stand  a  moment  before  the  law  of 
Christ,  and  are  brought  to  nought  even  by  the 
wisdom  of  this  world ;  for  testy  and  tenacious 
persons  are  always  defeating  their  own  ends. 
1  have  seen  a  lady,  who  would  otherwise  have 
appeared  very  dignified  and  respectable,  be- 
come the  laughing-stock  of  a  whole  company, 
by  tenaciously  insisting  on  her  rights. 

The  various  ceremonies  observed  in  refined 
society  are  very  useful  in  settling  little  points, 
on  which  there  might  otherwise  be  much  doubt 
and  perplexity ;  but  they  should  never  be  so 
strenuously  insisted  upon,  as  to  make  an  acci- 
dental omission  of  them  a  ground  of  resent- 
ment, and  an  apology  should  always  be  accept- 
ed in  their  place. 

Without  being  ceremonious,  you  may  always 
be  polite ;  and,  as  in  the  case  of  brothers   and 


268  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

sisters,  the  greatest  possible  intimacy  should 
never  induce  you  to  dispense  with  politeness. 
This  does  not  require  that  you  should  tell  a 
young  friend  who  calls  on  you  at  a  very  incon- 
venient time,  that  you  are  delighted  to  see  her; 
but  it  requires  that  you  should  rise  to  receive 
her,  and  set  a  chair  for  her,  and  speak  kindly 
of  something  that  interests  her;  and  when  you 
have  put  her  into  a  pleasant  mood  by  your 
polite  reception,  you  may,  if  necessary,  tell  her 
that  you  have  an  engagement  which  prevents 
your  staying  longer  with  her  then,  but  you  hope 
to  see  her  again  soon.  There  is  a  polished  sin- 
cerity of  manner,  which  it  is  very  desirable  to 
possess ;  and,  so  far  from  true  politeness  hav- 
ing anything  in  common  with  deceit,  I  have 
always  observed  that  persons  of  the  most  pol- 
ished manners  could  best  speak  the  truth  with- 
out giving  offence.  A  French  writer  *  on  Po- 
liteness, says,  "  Instead  of  being  artificial,  in 
order  to  please,  it  is  sufficient  to  be  good- 
natured;  instead  of  being  insincere,  in  order 
to  flatter  the  weaknesses  of  others,  it  is  suffi- 
cient to  be  indulgent." 

If  you  would  cultivate  refinement  of  manners, 
you  must  never  allow  yourself  to  be  rude  or 
boisterous  with  your  young  companions.  You 
may  have  all  sorts  of  games,  and  play  blind- 
man's  buff  with   the    little   children,  and    yet 

*  Duclos. 


REFINEMENT.  269 

never  lose  the  command  of  yourself,  so  as  to 
become  hoidenish  and  unfeminine.  Whenever 
snatching  and  slapping  is  going  on,  if,  instead 
of  joining  and  retaliating,  you  withdraw  from 
the  sport,  it  will  soon  cease.  There  is  much 
truth  in  the  Italian  proverb, 

"  Giuoco  di  mano,  giuoco  di  villano." 

Nor  is  such  rude  play  of  the  hands  all  that 
should  be  avoided  ;  there  is  a  custom  among 
young  ladies  of  holding  each  other's  hands,  and 
fondling  them  before  company,  which  had  much 
better  be  dispensed  with.  All  kissing  and  ca- 
ressing of  your  female  friends  should  be  kept 
for  your  hours  of  privacy,  and  never  be  indulg- 
ed in  before  gentlemen.  There  are  some  rea- 
sons for  this,  which  will  readily  suggest  them- 
selves, and  others,  which  can  only  be  known 
to  those  well  acquainted  with  the  world,  but 
which  are  conclusive  against  the  practice. 

Be  on  your  guard  against  girls  who  begin 
their  acquaintance  with  you  by  getting  you 
away  by  yourself,  and  there  questioning  you 
about  the  names  of  your  beaux,  and  the  num- 
ber of  your  embroidered  capes.  Put  an  end  to 
such  ridiculous  talk  at  once ;  you  need  not 
mince  the  matter ;  they  will  \)eav  plain  dealing, 
and  they  require  it.  Be  equally  careful  with 
those  who  begin  by  flattering  you.  Let  them  see 
that  your  opinion  of  your  own  merits  and  de- 
fects is  not  in  the  least  altered  by  anything  that 


270  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

they  can  say ;  and  make  them  feel  that  they  are 
taking  a  liberty  with  you,  which  you  do  not  like. 

We  should  not  encourage  our  best  friends  to 
repeat  to  us  the  flattering  things  that  are  said 
of  us.  The  heart  is  so  prone  to  take  for  true, 
the  over-estimate  of  others,  and  become  puffed 
up  with  vanity,  that  we  should  sedulously 
guard  it  from  all  such  temptations. 

Young  girls  who  have  much  personal  attrac- 
tion, are  often  more  injured  by  the  flatteries 
of  their  own  sex,  than  by  those  of  the  other. 
Some  think  it  the  height  of  generosity  to  tell 
a  friend  how  much  she  is  admired,  and  what 
such  and  such  gentlemen  have  said  of  her ; 
they  estimate  the  kindness  of  this,  by  the  effort 
it  costs  them  to  do  it,  and  the  desire  they  have 
for  similar  praises  ;  but,  in  so  doing,  they  show 
very  little  regard  to  the  modesty  or  delicacy 
of  the  object  of  their  mistaken  kindness. 

Sometimes  there  is  carried  on  between  young 
girls  a  complete  traffic  in  flattery ;  they  barter 
one  scrap  of  praise  for  another.  "  I  have  a  tell 
for  you,  if  you  have  one  for  me,"  is  often  said 
in  a  jesting  tone ;  but  it  has,  to  those  who  are 
accustomed  to  live  on  this  unwholesome  diet,  a 
very  important  meaning.  I  have  often  heard  the 
bribe  thus  administered  in  a  party,  or  at  a  ball, 
"  How  well  you  are  looking  to-night,  how  do  I 
look?" 

The  appetite  for  praise  is  like  that  for  ar- 


SINS    OF    CONVERSATION.  271 

dent  spirits  ;  it  grows  by  indulgence,  till  its 
cravings  cannot  be  resisted ;  they  must  be 
satisfied  at  any  sacrifice;  and  the  effects  in  the 
two  cases  are  alike,  the  balance  of  the  mind 
is  destroyed  and  its  healthful  action  impaired. 
If  we  would  not  become  the  victims  of  either 
kind  of  intemperance,  we  must  be  on  our  guard 
against  the  first  step  toward  it;  against  the 
small  draught,  which  seems  at  first  so  harmless, 
but  which  makes  us  crave  a  repetition  of  it  till 
our  ruin  is  complete. 

Who  has  not  experienced  the  sad  revolution 
of  feeling  which  takes  place,  when,  after  an 
evening  spent  in  the  utmost  gayety  with  an 
agreeable  party  of  young  friends,  you  begin  to 
reflect  on  what  has  passed,  and  perceive  that, 
in  the  hilarity  of  the  moment,  you  have  been 
betrayed  into  errors,  which  your  conscience 
condemns  I  This  is  a  very  painful  experience; 
but  you  should  welcome  the  suffering,  since  it 
proves  that  your  conscience  is  not  hardened  by 
the  allowed  commission  of  such  faults.  The  de- 
sire of  entertaining  induced  you  to  exaggerate 
and  embellish  every  story  you  told ;  it  led  you 
to  ridicule  those  who  are  really  worthy  of  re- 
spect ;  for  the  sake  of  saying  something  funny, 
or  witty,  you  sacrificed  truth,  justice,  and  char- 
ity. The  laugh  is  over,  your  companions  are 
gone,  and  you  are  left  alone  with  a  wound- 
ed conscience ;  you  repent,  and  resolve  to  do 


272  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

better  in  future ;  and  yet,  when  the  temptation 
recurs,  you  sin  again.  The  most  gifted  in 
conversation  are  most  liable  to  the  commission 
of  these  errors ;  it  is  so  delightful  to  be  the 
life  of  the  company,  to  have  all  hanging  on 
your  lips  for  entertainment,  to  make  all  eyes 
sparkle,  and  all  hearts  bound  with  merriment. 
There  is,  to  be  sure,  great  enjoyment  in  this  ; 
but  if  you  have  fine  parts  and  a  ready  wit, 
exercise  your  powers  in  producing  the  same 
amount  of  gayety  by  innocent  means  ;  and  think 
how  delightful  it  will  be,  w^hen,  after  enter- 
taining the  company  all  the  evening,  you  are 
left  with  an  approving  conscience. 

The  commonest  mode  of  amusement,  is  that 
of  turning  people  into  ridicule,  and  it  requires 
very  little  sense  or  wit  to  do  it.  It  is  the 
cheapest  of  all  kinds  of  fun,  and  the  meanest. 
Its  effect  upon  those  w^ho  indulge  in  it,  is  to 
harden  the  heart,  sear  the  conscience,  and 
blunt  the  perception  of  moral  beauty.  The 
pleasure,  which  its  most  unbridled  exercise 
gives,  is  of  a  far  lower  order  than  that  which  a 
quick  perception  of  goodness  and  moral  great- 
ness affords,  and  the  two  are  incompatible. 
The  happiness  of  admiring  is  great  and  last- 
ing, and  can  be  enjoyed  alone  ;  the  pleasure 
of  ridicule  is  transient,  and  requires  an  audi- 
ence. The  one  trains  the  soul  for  future  joys, 
the  other  incapacitates  it  for  tasting  them. 


RIDICULE.  273 

It  will  cost  you  something  to  refrain  from 
the  faults  of  conversation  here  mentioned ;  but 
if  you  will  make  the  effort,  you  will  be  abun- 
dantly repaid.  You  will  seem  to  feel  your 
soul  grow  within  you ;  though  your  powers 
may  be  cramped  in  one  direction,  they  will  put 
forth  more  abundantly  in  another ;  and  you 
will  soon  perceive  that,  in  avoiding  exaggera- 
tion and  ridicule,  you  have  but  got  rid  of  rank 
weeds,  that  interfered  with  the  growth  of  more 
valuable  plants. 

When  the  love  of  ridicule  leads  girls  to  de- 
ride the  beaux  and  lovers  of  their  friends,  they 
may  inadvertently  do  much  harm.  For  though 
ridicule  is  no  test  of  character,  and  should 
never  affect  our  estimation  of  any  individual, 
the  very  girl  who  is  most  prone  to  indulge  in 
it,  will  be  most  liable  to  be  misled  by  it ;  and 
may,  in  consequence  of  its  effect  on  her  mind, 
look  coldly  on  the  very  man  who  is  most  desir- 
able as  a  match  for  her,  and  who  would  have 
succeeded  in  making  himself  acceptable,  but 
for  the  distorted  view  she  took  of  him  through 
the  ridicule  of  herself  and  her  companions. 

Some  believe  that  ignorance  is  a  legitimate 
subject  of  derision ;  but  there  cannot  be  a 
greater  mistake.  Your  superior  education  has 
done  little  to  raise  and  ennoble  your  nature,  if 
you  have  not  perfect  charity  and  consideration 
for  those  who  know  less  than  you  do. 

18 


274  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

Very  giddy  girls  will  sometimes  so  far  forget 
themselves,  as  to  ridicule  personal  defects ; 
they  will  speak  like  a  stammerer,  or  listen  like 
the  deaf,  or  imitate  the  awkward  movements 
of  the  near-sighted  or  the  lame.  Nothing  can 
be  more  inhuman.  All  personal  defects  should 
be  held  sacred ;  and,  so  far  from  indulging  in 
mockery  or  laughter,  they  should  not  even  be 
commented  upon,  or  referred  to,  unnecessarily. 
No  expression  of  disapprobation  is  too  strong 
for  you  to  use  to  your  young  companions, 
whenever  they  fall  into  this  fault.  It  is  not 
sufficient  that  you  do  not  share  in  it,  you 
should  express  your  utter  abhorrence  of  the 
practice. 

Few  persons  can  bear  to  be  laughed  at ;  it  is 
a  mode  of  attack  which  admits  of  no  defence ; 
if  you  become  the  subject  of  it,  and  appear 
angry  at  the  first  laugh,  it  is  sure  to  raise 
another  at  your  expense,  and  so  on.  The  best 
policy  is  to  join  in  the  laugh.  The  direst  en- 
mities have  been  occasioned  by  laughter.  A 
striking  instance  of  this,  is  given  by  Miss 
Edgeworth,  in  her  "  Castle  Rackrent,"  when 
she  describes  the  bride  of  Sir  Kit,  just  arrived 
from  England,  and  laughing  at  all  the  peculiar- 
ities of  her  husband's  Irish  residence,  partic- 
ularly at  the  name  of  a  bog  on  his  estate.  This 
is   the   foundation    of   an  enmity,  that  caused 


LAUGHTER.  275 

her  ladyship  an  imprisonment  of   seven  years 
in  her  own  house. 

Another  great  painter  of  human  nature,  Sir 
Walter  Scott,  makes  the  mortal  hatred  of  old 
Elspeth  for  Eveline  Neville  to  have  originated 
in  her  having,  when  a  school-girl,  laughed  at, 
and  made  sport  of,  the  northern  dialect  of  the 
Scotch  w^oman. 

Whilst  you  strive  to  bear  being  laughed  at 
yourself,  be  very  careful  how  you  inflict  that 
pain  on  others.  When  a  good-humored  laugh 
has  involuntarily  been  indulged  in,  at  the  ex- 
pense of  one  of  the  company,  you  should 
always  try  to  say  or  do  something  directly 
after,  which  shall  assure  the  person  laughed 
at,  that  she  has  lost  no  esteem  or  regard  by 
being  the  object  of  your  merriment. 

A  certain  degree  of  reserve  should  be  main- 
tained, even  with  your  familiar  acquaintance 
Never  expose  your  person  before  them,  never 
suffer  them  to  intrude  on  what  ought  to  be  pri- 
vate hours  and  occasions.  This  is  a  proper 
self-respect,  and  you  will  not  be  loved  any 
the  less  for  maintaining  it;  though  you  may 
be  called  queer  and  over-particular.  If  'you 
make  a  point  of  never  going,  uninvited,  into 
the  sleeping-rooms  of  your  young  companions, 
you  can  keep  your  own  sacred  from  intruders, 
and  it  is  very  desirable  that  you  should  do  so ; 
for,  unless  that  retreat   is  respected,  you  must 


276  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

be  ever  at  the  mercy  of  idle  visiters,  who, 
having  no  value  for  their  own  time,  will  not 
mind  wasting  yours.  If  you  keep  your  room 
to  yourself,  you  can  often  save  some  precious 
hours,  by  sending  word  you  are  engaged. 
There  must  always  be  times,  when  the  entrance 
of  your  most  intimate  friend,  unbidden,  into 
your  room,  would  be  an  unwelcome  intrusion  ; 
and  therefore  it  is  best  never  to  begin  the  cus- 
tom with  any  one,  and  never  to  use  the  liberty, 
however  kindly  it  may  be  urged  upon  you  by 
another. 

Much  time  is  frittered  away  in  receiving  and 
paying  unmeaning  visits,  in  stopping  to  talk 
when  you  ought  to  be  doing  something  useful, 
in  doubting,  and  deliberating,  and  consulting, 
about  some  trifling  purchase,  and  in  aimless, 
useless  talk.  If  you  are  free  from  these  follies, 
some  of  your  companions  are  not;  and,  unless 
you  can  say  no,  when  importuned  to  fall  in  with 
them,  you  will  waste  more  precious  hours  than 
you  are  at  all  aware  of,  and  the  end  of  the  week 
will  come,  before  half  its  allotted  tasks  are  ac- 
complished. If  you  have  a  plan  of  life,  to 
which  you  strictly  adhere,  your  young  friends 
will  respect  it ;  but  if  you  let  them  seduce  you 
from  it  once,  they  will  of  course  repeat  the  at- 
tempt, their  importunity  will  annoy  you,  and 
your  occasional  firmness  will  be  called  per- 
verseness. 


PRESENTS.  27T 

If  you  happen  to  borrow  a  little  money  from 
a  friend,  be  very  prompt  and  exact  in  repay- 
ing it,  taking  care  to  make  up  the  exact  sum  in 
clean  bank  bills,  and  with  as  little  copper  as 
possible;  fold  the  whole  up  in  a  piece  of  white 
paper,  and  direct  it,  so  that  it  may  be  ready  to 
be  transmitted  at  a  moment's  notice.  Never 
imagine,  that  carelessness  about  money  mat- 
ters is  a  proof  of  generosity ;  for,  in  order  to 
be  generous,  you  must  first  learn  to  be  just. 

In  the  matter  of  giving  and  receiving  pres- 
ents, there  is  more  wisdom  and  good  feeling 
required  than  very  young  people  can  well  im- 
agine. Presents  have  as  often  made  enemies 
as  friends  ;  and,  though  the  heart  of  a  person 
must  be  wrong,  where  a  well-meant  offering  is 
not  kindly  received,  however  unsuitable  it  may 
be,  ill-chosen  presents  are  sometimes  resented 
as  insults. 

The  least  exceptionable  presents  are  those 
which  consist  of  the  work  of  your  own  hands. 
But  then,  you  must  be  careful  not  to  make 
something,  the  fashion  of  which  has  entirely 
passed  away,  or  the  materials  of  which  are  in- 
ferior to  those  then  in  use.  You  must  ascertain 
that  the  article  you  propose  making  will  be  an 
acceptable  gift,  and  that  you  can  prepare  it  in 
the  best  manner,  and  then  its  being  your  own 
work  is  a  compliment  to  your  friend. 

It  is  best  not  to  receive  presents   from  those 

X 


278  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

whom  you  do  not  esteem  and  love.  By  letting 
your  sentiments  be  known  on  this  point,  you 
can  generally  avoid  it  without  a  direct  refusal. 
Of  purchased  presents,  there  are  none  more 
useful  or  more  elegant  than  books ;  and,  as 
these  may  be  had  at  any  price,  and  to  suit 
every  age  and  taste,  you  need  never  be  at  a 
loss  what  to  get  for  a  young  friend.  Rings 
are  the  most  sentimental  gifts,  and  should  be 
reserved  as  expressions  of  real  affection,  and 
only  accepted  and  worn  when  that  affection  is 
reciprocal.  It  is  best  not  to  accept,  or  bestow, 
very  expensive  presents,  whilst  you  are  still 
young.  The  least  change  in  your  feelings 
towards  the  person  would  make  the  obligation 
irksome,  and  perhaps  cause  the  giver  to  repent 
her  liberality.  Never  accept  as  a  present  any 
ornament  or  article  of  dress  which  is  more 
expensive  than  suits  your  condition  in  life.  Its 
inconsistency  with  the  rest  of  your  dress  will 
mar,  rather  than  improve  your  appearance ; 
and  its  having  cost  you  nothing  is  no  rea- 
son for  wearing  it.  A  present  between  equals 
should  be  merely  the  expression  of  a  sentiment, 
and  should  be  well  chosen,  but  not  very  expen- 
sive, even  where  your  means  are  large.  Some 
rich  girls,  that  are  unpopular,  strive  to  gain 
friends  by  extravagant  gifts;  these  you  may 
certainly  refuse,  for  the  sooner  they  learn  their 
error,  the  better.     If  you  have    an   allowance, 


CORRESPONDENCE.  279 

and  make  your  presents  out  of  that,  your  gene- 
rosity is  more  exercised,  than  when  you  draw 
directly  upon  your  father's  purse ;  in  the  latter 
case,  he  ought  to  be  consulted  in  the  purchases 
you  make  to  give  away,  since  they  are  more 
his  gifts  than  yours. 

Always  accept  a  present,  however  ill-chosen, 
in  the  same  kind  spirit  in  which  it  is  offered ; 
and  never  allow  yourself  to  criticize  or  depre- 
ciate it.  Let  not  your  appreciation  of  a  gift  be 
according  to  its  intrinsic  worth,  but  according 
to  the  value  of  the  sentiment  that  prompted 
it.  Let  the  cheapest  offering  of  a  rich  heart 
be  honored,  and  placed  among  those  of  great- 
est price.  Some  persons  are  mean  enough  to 
calculate  the  value  of  the  presents  they  make, 
and  of  those  they  receive  in  return,  to  see 
whether  they  have  their  quid  pro  quo.  Such 
had  better  tu.'n  pedlers  at  once,  and  give  up 
the  name  of  lady  altogether.  The  regular  ex- 
changes of  presents,  which  some  people  make 
on  new-year's  day,  have  rather  too  much  the 
effect  of  barter,  and  too  little  of  sentiment  in 
them.  If  a  present,  among  equals,  be  not  the 
token  of  a  feeling,  that  must  be  expressed,  it 
is  of  no  value;  and  if  it  be  such  a  token,  it 
is  the  heart  must  balance  the  account,  not  the 
purse. 

An  extensive  correspondence  among  girls  of 
your  own  age  is  not  desirable,  it  consumes  too 


280  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

much  time ;  but  a  few  correspondents  are  use- 
ful as  furnishing  inducements  for  you  to  prac- 
tise the  art  of  letter-writing.  Do  not  feel 
bound  to  write  to  every  girl  that  begs  you  to  do 
so;  but  choose  carefully  w^hom  you  will  have 
in  that  relation;  and,  when  you  have  a  few 
choice  correspondents,  do  not  neglect  them 
and  begin  every  letter  with  an  apology;  but 
write  in  due  season,  and  waste  no  paper  on 
commonplace  excuses.  Always  notice  the  con- 
tents of  your  friend's  letter,  and  endeavour 
to  writ^  of  those  things  which  will  most  inter- 
est her. 

Madame  de  Sevigne  praises  her  daughter  for 
her  attention  to  dates,  which,  she  says,  shows 
an  interest  in  the  correspondence ;  a  dateless 
letter  certainly  loses  much  of  its  value,  and 
they  are  but  too  common. 

Remember  the  liability  of  a  le"Lter  to  miscar- 
ry, to  be  opened  by  the  wrong  person,  to  be 
seen  by  other  eyes  than  those  for  whom  it  is 
meant,  and  be  very  careful  what  you  write  to 
the  disadvantage  of  any  one.  Praise  and  ad- 
mire as  much  as  you  please,  but  beware  of 
blame.  Your  judgment  may  be  wrong,  and 
you  know  not  when  nor  where  it  may  come 
up  against  you,  and  make  you  sorry  you  ever 
penned  it. 

Inexperienced  letter-writers  often  feel  pro- 
voked with  themselves,  when   they  have  filled 


CORRESPONDENCE.  28 1 

a  sheet  without  touching  on  some  topics,  that 
they  fully  intended  to  introduce,  and  perceive 
that  they  have  spread  out  one  of  inferior  im- 
portance over  half  their  paper.  This  may  be 
avoided  by  considering,  before  you  begin,  all 
that  you  w^ish  to  write  about,  and  allowing  to 
each  topic  its  proper  space. 

If  your  correspondent  require  that  her  letters 
be  kept  private  from  all  friends,  make  it  a  point 
of  honor  to  comply  with  her  wishes  ;  only  make 
an  exception  in  favor  of  your  mother,  in  case 
she  should  desire  to  see  the  correspondence, 
for  young  ladies  under  age  should  gracefully 
acknowledge  their  parent's  right  of  inspection; 
though,  where  there  is  a  proper  confidence  on 
both  sides,  it  will  rarely  be  enforced. 

The  more  rational  and  elevated  the  topics 
are,  on  which  you  write,  the  less  will  you  care 
for  your  letters  being  seen,  or  for  paragraphs 
being  read  out  of  them ;  and  where  there  is  no 
need  of  any  secrecy,  it  is  best  not  to  bind  your 
friend  by  promises,  but  to  leave  it  to  her  dis- 
cretion. 

A  letter,  written  m  a  fair,  legible  hand,  with- 
out any  blots  or  erasures,  and  properly  folded, 
sealed,  and  directed,  *  is  one  very  good  index 
to  a  lady's  character. 

*  Directions  how  to  do  this,  will  be  found  in  "  The  Youth's 
Letter- Writer,"  by  Mrs.  Farrar,  published  by  Bartlett  & 
Raynor,  New  York. 


282  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

The  letters  of  a  regular  correspondent  should 
be  endorsed  and  filed,  as  regularly  by  young 
ladies  as  by  merchants  ;  this  facilitates  your 
reference  to  any  one  of  them,  prevents  their 
being  lost,  or  mislaid,  or  exposed  to  curious 
eyes,  saves  your  table  from  being  strewed, 
and  your  letter-case  from  being  crowded  with 
them. 

The  letters  of  past  years  should  either  be 
destroyed,  or  carefully  locked  up,  with  direc- 
tions on  the  box,  that  in  case  of  your  death 
they  are  to  be  returned,  unread,  to  the  writers, 
or,  if  that  cannot  be  done,  that  they  should  be 
burnt,  unread.  This  disposal  of  letters  after 
death  is  often  the  only  important  part  of  a 
young  girl's  last  will,  and  yet  this  is  rarely 
provided  for.  It  is  best  to  be  always  so  pre- 
pared, by  making  the  necessary  arrangements 
whilst  in  health. 

The  letters  of  very  young  persons  rarely 
have  any  interest  beyond  the  period  in  which 
they  are  written ;  they  are  very  seldom  read 
after  they  are  a  year  old,  and  the  idea  of 
keeping  them  for  future  perusal,  is  altogether 
chimerical;  life  is  too  short,  and  too  much 
crowded  with  novel  interests,  to  allow  time 
for  reading  over  quires  of  paper,  filled  with 
the  chat  of  young  girls,  however  good  it  may 
have  been  in  its  day;  and,  therefore,  the  wisest 
plan   is,  to  agree   with  your  correspondent,  to 


CARE    OF    BOOKS.  283 

make  each  a  bon-fire  of  the  other's  letters  when 
they  shall  be  more  than  a  year  old.  A  year's 
letters  are  enough  for  a  memorial  of  your 
friend,  if  she  be  taken  from  you  j  and,  by 
keeping  the  latest,  you  will  have  her  most 
mature  compositions. 

As  you  value  the  minds  of  your  friends,  be 
ever  ready  to  lend  them  your  books  ;  although 
they  may  be  misused  and  injured,  yet  lend 
them  freely;  offer  them  to  those  who  do  not 
care  to  borrow  them,  if,  by  so  doing,  you  can 
excite  a  thirst  for  knowledge. 

If  you  would  not  lose  your  books,  write  your 
name  legibly  in  the  title-page,  and  keep  a  list 
of  those  that  are  lent,  and  of  the  persons 
borrowing  them.  If  you  would  not  have  your 
books  soiled,  put  on  paper  covers  before  they 
go  out  of  your  hands,  and  do  the  same  when 
you  use  a  borrowed  book  yourself.  If  a  new 
book  is  lent  to  you,  and  you  have  not  time  to 
read  it  directly  through,  you  had  better  return 
it,  and  borrow  it  again,  than  keep  it  lying- 
useless  on  your  shelf,  whilst  others  are  longing 
to  have  it. 

If  you  take  good  care  of  your  own  books, 
you  will  not  be  likely  to  injure  those  you  bor- 
row, by  any  of  the  careless  tricks  which  are 
but  too  common ;  such  as  eating  cake  or  fruit 
over  an  open  volume,  and  then  shutting  it  up 
with  crumbs  between  the  leaves,  that  will  in- 


284  FEMALE    COMPANIONSHIP. 

evitably  make  grease  spots ;  spilling  tea  or 
wine  upon  the  pages  or  covers,  making  pencil 
marks,  or  turning  down  leaves  ;  but  these 
things  done  to  your  books,  will  be  a  great  trial 
of  your  equanimity.  Yet  it  is  better  quietly  to 
put  up  with  this  abuse  of  books,  than  not  to 
have  them  used.  If  an  accident  happens  to  a 
book  that  you  have  borrowed,  and  you  can 
replace  it  with  another  equally  good,  you  are 
bound  to  do  so;  if  it  cannot  be  replaced,  a 
very  earnest  expression  of  regret  should  ac- 
company it  home.  The  attempt  to  hide  an  ac- 
cident, is  often  worse  than  the  mishap  itself, 
and  offends  the  owner  more.  I  have  known  a 
book  to  be  borrowed  and  used  without  being 
covered,  and  so  misused,  that  the  back  was 
burst  open;  when  sent  home,  this  was  conceal- 
ed by  a  paper  cover,  and  no  mention  made  of 
it.  This  meanness  was  ten  times  worse  than 
the  ill-treatment  of  the  book. 

Some  persons  have  a  senseless  trick  of  nib- 
bling every  thing  they  can  lay  hold  of,  like 
mice.  I  have  seen  the  corners  of  book-covers 
disfigured  in  this  way,  of  well-bound  books, 
too,  and  have  longed  to  ring  the  bell,  and  call 
for  a  piece  of  wood,  to  take  the  place  of  a 
beautiful  morocco  volume  in  the  mouth  of  a 
nibbling  lady.  The  corners  of  fire-screens  and 
of  drawings,  gloves,  pocket-books,  fans,  are  all 
food  to  this  kind  of  mouse,  and  I  have  heard  of 


KASH    JUDGMENTS*  285 

a  person  who  is  so  dreaded  in  this  particular, 
that,  when  she  is  going  to  a  friend's  house, 
there  is  a  general  putting  away  of  everything 
she  can  gnaw. 

I  have  spoken  of  the  danger  of  rushing  too 
hastily  into  intimacies,  and  forming  rash  judg- 
ments, from  insufficient  proof.  If  this  is  to  be 
guarded  against,  where  the  opinion  is  favor- 
able, it  is  doubly  to  be  avoided,  when  it  is  like- 
ly to  be  otherwise.  How  often  do  we  hear  one 
young  girl  speak  of  another,  as  selfish,  and  that 
too  on  some  single  instance!  It  is  a  very 
serious  thing,  to  pronounce  upon  the  motives 
of  another  ;  selfishness  is  a  grave  charge,  and 
should  not  be  lightly  made;  it  should  show  it- 
self in  many  unquestionable  shapes,  before  we 
make  up  our  minds,  that  it  is  the  prevaling  dis- 
position in  any  one.  We  should  remember, 
also,  that  if  we  had  no  selfishness  at  all,  we 
should  not  feel  another's,  when  exercised  to- 
wards us,  and  that  it  is  generally  those,  who  are 
most  selfish  themselves,  that  are  most  annoyed 
at  the  selfishness  of  others,  and  complain  most 
of  it. 


286  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

CHAPTER  XIIL 

Behaviour  to   Gentlemen. 

A  great  Mistake.  —  Effect  of  Example.  —  A  good  Listener. — 
Perpetual  Smiles.  —  Personal  Familiarity.  —  Receiving  Com- 
pany alone.  —  Riding.  —  Pecuniary  Favors,  —  Jokes. —  Con- 
versation.—  Platonic  Love.  —  Offers  and  Refusals. —  Behav- 
iour to  Rejected  Lovers.  —  Presents.  —  Flattery.  —  Distinction 
between  Friends  and  Acquaintances. —  Early  Marriages. — 
Disappointed  Affections.  —  Religion  the  only  Cure  for  a 
Wounded  Heart. 

What  a  pity  it  is,  that  the  thousandth  chance 
of  a  gentleman's  becoming  your  lover,  should 
deprive  you  of  the  pleasure  of  a  free,  unem- 
barrassed, intellectual  intercourse  with  all  the 
single  men  of  your  acquaintance !  Yet  such  is 
too  commonly  the  case  with  young  ladies,  who 
have  read  a  great  many  novels  and  romances, 
and  whose  heads  are  always  running  on  love 
and  lovers. 

Some  one  has  said,  that  "  matrimony  is  with 
women  the  great  business  of  life,  whereas  with 
men  it  is  only  an  incident ;  "  an  important  one, 
to  be  sure,  but  only  one  among  many,  to  which 
their  attention  is  directed,  and  often  kept  en- 
tirely out  of  view  during  several  years  of  their 
early  life.  Now  this  difference  gives  the  other 
sex  a  great  advantage  over  you ;  and  the  best 
way  to  equalize  your  lot,  and  become  as  wise 


A    GREAT    MISTAKE.  287 

as  they  are,  is  to  think  as  little  about  it  as 
they  do. 

The  less  your  mind  dwells  upon  lovers  and 
matrimony,  the  more  agreeable  and  profitable 
will  be  your  intercourse  with  gentlemen.  If 
you  regard  men  as  intellectual  beings,  who 
have  access  to  certain  sources  of  knowledge 
of  which  you  are  deprived,  and  seek  to  derive 
all  the  benefit  you  can  from  their  peculiar  at- 
tainments and  experience ;  if  you  talk  to  them, 
as  one  rational  being  should  with  another,  and 
never  remind  them  that  you  are  candidates  for 
matrimony,  you  will  enjoy  far  more  than  you 
can  by  regarding  them  under  that  one  aspect 
of  possible  future  admirers  and  lovers.  When 
that  is  the  ruling  and  absorbing  thought,  you 
have  not  the  proper  use  of  your  faculties  ;  your 
manners  are  constrained  and  awkward ;  you 
are  easily  embarrassed,  and  made  to  say  what 
is  ill-judged,  silly,  and  out  of  place;  and  you 
defeat  your  own  views,  by  appearing  to  a 
great   disadvantage. 

However  secret  you  may  be  in  these  specu- 
lations, if  you  are  continually  thinking  of  them, 
and  attaching  undue  importance  to  the  ac- 
quaintance of  gentlemen,  it  will  most  certainly 
show  itself  in  your  manners  and  conversation, 
and  will  betray  a  weakness  that  is  held  in 
especial  contempt  by  the  stronger  sex. 


288  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

Since  the  customs  of  society  have  awarded 
to  man  the  privilege  of  making  the  first  ad- 
vance towards  matrimony,  it  is  the  safest  and 
happiest  way  for  woman  to  leave  the  matter 
entirely  in  his  hands.  She  should  be  so  edu- 
cated as  to  consider,  that  the  great  end  of  ex- 
istence, preparation  for  eternity,  may  be  equal- 
ly attained  in  married  or  single  life ;  and  that 
no  union,  but  the  most  perfect  one,  is  at  all 
desirable.  Matrimony  should  be  considered  as 
an  incident  in  life,  which,  if  it  come  at  all,  must 
come  without  any  contrivance  of  yours,  and 
therefore  you  may  safely  put  aside  all  thoughts 
of  it,  till  some  one  forces  the  subject  upon  your 
notice,  by  professions  of  a  particular  interest 
in  you. 

Lively,  ingenuous,  conversable,  and  charming 
little  girls,  often  spoil  into  dull,  bashful,  silent 
young  ladies,  and  all  because  their  heads  are 
full  of  nonsense  about  beaux  and  lovers.  They 
have  a  thousand  thoughts  and  feelings  which 
they  w^ould  be  ashamed  to  confess,  though  not 
ashamed  to  entertain  ;  and  their  preoccupation 
with  a  subject  which  they  had  better  let  entire- 
ly alone,  prevents  their  being  the  agreeable  and 
rational  companions  of  the  gentlemen  of  their 
acquaintance,  which  they  were  designed  to  be. 

Girls  get  into  all  sorts  of  scrapes,  by  this 
undue  preoccupation  of  mind ;  they  miscon- 
strue the  commonest  attentions  into  marks  of 


A    GREAT    MISTAKE  289 

particular  regard,  and  thus  nourish  a  fancy  for 
a  person  who  has  never  once  thought  of  them, 
but  as  an  agreeable  acquaintance.  They  lose 
the  enjoyment  of  a  party,  if  certain  beaux  are 
not  there,  whom  they  expected  to  meet ;  they 
become  jealous  of  their  best  friends,  if  the 
beaux  are  there,  and  do  not  talk  to  them  as 
much  as  they  wish ;  every  trifle  is  magnified 
into  something  of  importance,  a  fruitful  source 
of  misery,  and  things  of  real  importance  are 
neglected  for  chimeras.  And  all  this  gratuitous 
pains-taking  defeats  its  own  ends  !  The  labor 
is  all  in  vain;  such  girls  are  not  the  most  popu- 
lar, and  those,  who  seem  never  to  have  thought 
about  matrimony  at  all,  are  sought  and  prefer- 
red before  them. 

We  have  been  shown,  in  the  most  striking 
manner,  by  Miss  Edgeworth,  how  "  manoeuvr- 
ing "  to  get  husbands  defeats  its  owm  aims  in 
the  old  country;  and  its  want  of  success  here 
is  even  more  complete.  Where  there  is  a  fair 
chance  of  every  woman's  being  married,  who 
wishes  it,  the  more  things  are  left  to  their  nat- 
ural course,  the  better.  Where  girls  are  brought 
up  to  be  good  daughters  and  sisters,  to  con- 
sider the  developement  of  their  own  intellec- 
tual and  moral  natures  as  the  great  business 
of  life,  and  to  view  matrimony  as  a  good,  only 
when  it  comes  unsought,  and  marked  by  such 
a  fitness  of  things  inward  and  outward,  as 
Y  19 


290  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

shows  it  to  be  one  of  the  appointments  of  God, 
they  will  fully  enjoy  their  years  of  single  life, 
free  from  all  anxiety  about  being  established, 
and  will  generally  be  the  first  sought  in  mar- 
riage by  the  wise  and  good  of  the  other  sex; 
whereas  those  who  are  brought  up  to  think  the 
great  business  of  life  is  to  get  married,  and 
who  spend  their  lives  in  plans  and  manoeuvres 
to  bring  it  about,  are  the  very  ones  who  re- 
main single,  or,  what  is  worse,  make  unhappy 
matches. 

Policy  and  propriety  both  cry  aloud  to  the 
fair  ladies  of  this  favored  country,  to  let  the 
subject  of  matrimony  alone,  until  properly  pre- 
sented to  their  consideration,  by  those  whose 
right  it  is  to  make  the  first  advances.  This 
is  at  once  the  safest,  wisest,  happiest  course ; 
and  I  have  been  thus  explicit  upon  it,  in 
this  chapter,  beca.use  right  or  wrong  views  of 
this  subject  will  make  the  greatest  difference 
in  your  behaviour  to  gentlemen.  Let  this  one 
fruitful  source  of  error  be  removed,  and  you 
will  find  it  as  easy  to  acquit  yourself  properly 
towards  the  young  men,  as  the  young  women 
of  your  acquaintance. 

Women  are  happily  endowed  with  a  quick 
sense  of  propriety,  and  a  natural  modesty, 
which  will  generally  guide  them  aright  in  their 
intercourse  with  the  other  sex,  and  the  more 
perfectly  wellbred    and    discreet    you    are,   in 


EFFECT    OF    EXAMPLE.  291 

your  intercourse  with  female  friends,  the  more 
easy  will  it  be  for  you  to  acquit  yourself  well 
with  your  male  ones. 

Very  young  girls  are  apt  to  suppose,  from 
what  they  observe  in  older  ones,  that  there  is 
some  peculiar  manner  to  be  put  on,  in  talking 
to  gentlemen,  and,  not  knowing  exactly  what  it 
is,  they  are  embarrassed  and  reserved ;  others 
observe  certain  airs  and  looks,  used  by  their 
elders  in  this  intercourse,  and  try  to  imitate 
them,  as  a  necessary  part  of  company  beha- 
viour, and  so  become  affected,  and  lose  that 
first  of  charms,  simplicity,  naturalness.  To  such 
I  would  say,  your  companions  are  in  error  :  it 
requires  no  peculiar  manner,  nothing  to  be  put 
on,  in  order  to  converse  with  gentlemen,  any 
more  than  with  ladies ;  and  the  more  pure  and 
elevated  your  sentiments  are,  and  the  better 
cultivated  your  intellect  is,  the  easier  will  you 
find  it  to  converse  pleasantly  vnth.  all.  If, 
however,  you  happen  to  have  no  facility  ^in 
expressing  yourself,  and  you  find  it  very  difl&- 
cult  to  converse  with  persons  whom  you  do  not 
know  well,  you  can  still  be  an  intelligent  and 
agreeable  listener,  and  you  can  show,  by  your 
ready  smile  of  sympathy,  that  you  would  be 
sociable,  if  you  could.  There  is  no  reason  in 
the  world  why  any  one  who  is  not  unhappy, 
should  sit  in  the  midst  of  gay  companions, 
with   a  face  so  solemn  and  unmoved,  that  she 


292  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

seems  not  to  belong  to  the  company  ;  that  she 
should  look  so  glum  and  forbidding  that  stran- 
gers should  feel  repulsed,  and  her  best  friends 
disappointed.  If  you  cannot  look  entertained 
and  pleasant,  you  had  better  stay  away,  for 
politeness  requires  some  expression  of  sym- 
pathy in  the  countenance,  as  much  as  a  civil 
answer  on  the  tongue. 

There  is  an  error,  the  opposite  of  this,  a 
perpetual  and  unmeaning  smile,  or  simper, 
which,  if  not  so  repelling  as  glum  looks,  is  a 
more  hopeless  fault,  because  it  is  not  com- 
mitted unconsciously,  as  the  other  is ;  it  is 
the  result  of  a  studied  effort  to  please,  and 
savours  of  affectation.  I  have  seen  the  prettiest 
girl  at  a  party,  spoiled  by  this  constant  smile. 
A  smile,  to  have  an  agreeable  effect,  must  be 
the  natural  consequence  of  a  kind,  social  feel- 
ing, and  it  must  be  followed  by  the  repose  of 
the  risible  muscles ;  and  these  alternations 
should  pass  over  the  countenance,  like  the 
lights  and  shadows  on  a  field  of  waving  grain 
in  summer.  Cultivate,  then,  a  feeling  of  social 
sympathy,  and  the  expression  of  it  will  come 
unbidden.  Never  consider  it  allowable,  in  a 
company  of  your  equals  in  age,  to  sit  by,  silent 
and  unmoved ;  such  conduct  is  a  damp  upon 
the  spirits  of  the  rest,  to  whose  pleasure  you 
should  feel  bound  to  contribute  your  part.  The 
expression  of  unsympathizing   silence    should 


PERSONAL    FAMILIARITY.  293 

be  reserved  for  those  occasions,  where  there  is 
something  going  on,  that  you  disapprove  of; 
a  grave  countenance  is  then  your  best  protest 
against  the  folly  of  those  around  you,  and  will 
often  produce  a  better  effect  than  words. 

If  the  natural  feelings  of  modesty  are  not 
sufficient  to  guard  you  from  all  personal  famil- 
iarity with  the  young  men  of  your  acquaint- 
ance, let  good  breeding,  and  good  taste,  aid 
you  in  laying  down  rules  for  yourself  on  this 
head.  Never  join  in  any  rude  plays,  that  will 
subject  you  to  being  kissed  or  handled  in  any 
way  by  gentlemen.  Do  not  suffer  your  hand 
to  be  held  or  squeezed,  without  showing  that 
it  displeases  you  by  instantly  withdrawing  it. 
If  a  finger  is  put  out  to  touch  a  chain  that  is 
round  your  neck,  or  a  breast-pin  that  you  are 
wearing,  draw  back,  and  take  it  off  for  inspec- 
tion. Accept  not  unnecessary  assistance  in 
putting  on  cloaks,  shawls,  over-shoes,  or  any- 
thing of  the  sort.  Be  not  lifted  in  and  out  of 
carriages,  on  or  off  a  horse  ; ysit  not  with  an- 
other in  a  place  that  is  too  narrow;  read 
not  out  of  the  same  book ;  let  not  your  eager- 
ness to  see  anything  induce  you  to  place 
your  head  close  to  another  person's.  These, 
and  many  other  little  points  of  delicacy  and  re- 
finement, deserve  to  be  made  fixed  habits,  and 
then  they  will  sit  easily  and  gracefully  upon 
you,    heightening   the  respect    of  all  who  ap- 


294  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

proach  you,  and  operating  as  an  almost  invis- 
ible, though  a  very  impenetrable  fence,  keep- 
ing off  vulgar  familiarity,  and  that  desecration 
of  the  person,  which  has  too  often  led  to  vice. 
The  custom  of  a  young  lady's  receiving 
company,  apart  from  the  rest  of  the  family,  is 
attended  with  many  awkward  circumstances 
and  much  waste  of  time.  There  are  very  few 
cases  where  it  had  not  better  be  dispensed 
with.  If  a  family  is  so  situated,  that  the  moth- 
er cannot  spare  time  from  her  domestic  duties, 
to  receive  the  casual  visits  of  her  friends, 
her  daughters  had  better  be  assisting  her,  than 
dressed  up  every  day,  at  calling  hours,  and 
seated,  unemployed,  waiting  the  entrance  of 
visitors.  No  one  can  expect  to  carry  on  any 
plan  of  study  or  usefulness,  in  a  city,  who  allows 
her  morning  or  evening  hours  to  be  given  to 
company.  Supposing,  however,  that,  though 
living  in  a  city,  you  so  arrange  your  time, 
that  you  think  you  can  give  two  hours  before 
dinner  to  chance  visitors;  unless  you  can  do  it 
in  company  with  your  mother,  or  an  elder  sis- 
ter, it  is  placing  yourself  in  a  very  awkward 
situation.  You  may,  in  this  way,  bring  on  your- 
self long  tete-a-tetes  with  persons  whose  society 
is  irksome  to  you,  and  be  forced  into  acquaint- 
ances   that   are   undesirable.     If  it  be  known, 

as  it  soon  will  be,  that   Miss  A is  always 

ready  to  see   company   at  such  an  hour,  your 


RECEIVING    COMPANY    ALONE.  295 

parlour  will  be  a  lounge  for  all  the  idle  youth 
of  your  acquaintance,  whilst  the  more  worthy 
part,  being  full  of  occupation,  cannot  appear 
there,  and  will  think  the  less  of  you.  for  sitting 
in  that  manner,  at  the  receipt  of  custom. 

For  those  who  live  in  the  country,  where 
morning  calls  are  rare,,  and  persons  must  go  a 
long  distance  to  make  them,  it  would  be  quite 
out  of  place  to  refuse  them;  but,  in  a  city,  it  is 
perfectly  proper  to  reserve  to  yourself  those 
precious  hours,  by  saying  you  are  engaged. 
When  gentlemen  are  received  in  the  morning, 
they  should  be  shown  at  once  into  the  common 
sitting-room,  and  their  visit  should  be  shared 
with  the  rest  of  the  family ;  this  saves  the  em- 
barrassment of  taking  the  visit  wholly  to  your- 
self, and  gives  you  a  better  opportunity  of 
judging  of  character,  by  seeing  them  different- 
ly drawn  out  towards  the  various  members  of 
your  family.  Much  may  be  inferred  from  the 
manner  of  behaving  to  your  parents,  and  from 
the  treatment  of  the  little  children ;  if  a  per- 
son appear  to  advantage  in  these  relations, 
the  acquaintance  prospers  all  the  better  for 
such  domestic  influences  ;  far  better  than  it 
would,  if  you  were  shut  up  together  in  the  best 
parlour,  with  nothing  to  do  but  to  get  over  your 
embarrassment  and  make  conversation. 

As  to  the  propriety  of  receiving  invited 
guests  in   a   room    apai't  from   the  rest   of  the 


296  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

family,  that  must  be  determined  by  the  cus- 
toms of  the  place  you  live  in,  and  the  wishes 
of  your  parents.  It  never  seems  to  me  a  desir- 
able thing.  The  spirits  of  young  people  are 
often  so  high,  that  they  are  carried  away  by 
them,  and  commit  indiscretions  for  which  they 
are  afterwards  very  sorry,  and  which  the  pres- 
ence of  elder  friends  would  have  prevented.  I 
would  have  children  on  such  friendly  terms 
with  their  parents,  that  they  should  regard  a 
mother's  presence  as  no  restraint  upon  their 
innocent  merriment,  only  as  a  welcome  regula- 
tor, to  save  them  from  extremes  that  they 
would  themselves  condemn,  in  a  cooler  mo- 
ment. 

When  and  where  it  is  proper  to  take  the 
arm  of  a  gentleman,  must  be  also  determined 
by  the  customs  of  the  society  you  live  in; 
only  be  careful  to  keep  within  the  prescribed 
bounds,  whatever  they  may  be,  and  think  it  no 
proof  of  wisdom  or  valor,  to  venture  beyond 
them. 

Where  it  is  thought  proper  for  you  to  join 
large  parties  of  young  people,  for  the  purpose 
of  riding,  walking,  or  sleighing,  without  any 
lady  to  matronize  them,  it  may  be  best  to  go ; 
but  if  you  can  influence  your  young  companions 
to  invite  a  matron,  it  is  highly  desirable  to  do 
so,  and  it  should  add  to  your  comfort  and 
pleasure.     Where   there    is    none,   you    should 


RIDING    WITH    GENTLEMEN.  297 

feel  doubly  on  your  guard  to  do  only  what  is 
right,  and  not  to  be  led  away  by  your  own  or 
others'  high  spirits. 

Riding  on  horseback  or  in  a  chaise,  alone 
with  a  gentleman,  ought  to  be  a  mark  of  con- 
fidence, reserved  for  your  most  worthy  and 
approved  friends,  and  not  done  with  every 
common  acquaintance  that  asks  you.  The 
dangers  attendant  on  horseback  exercise  to 
a  lady,  are  so  numerous,  that  it  is  always  best 
to  have  a  female  friend  in  company,  and  if  she 
has  her  escort,  as  well  as  you,  your  conversa- 
tion need  not  be  interrupted  ;  and  in  case  of 
accident,  you  will  have  female  assistance,  and 
be  saved  from  very  awkward  predicaments. 

It  is  best  to  decide  before  you  leave  home, 
and  let  your  parents  or  friends  know,  where 
you  intend  to  go  ;  and,  having  calculated  the 
time  it  will  take,  be  very  particular  to  return 
at  the  hour  you  are  expected,  or  you  may 
cause  your  family  much  uneasiness,  and  be 
beguiled  by  your  companion  into  staying  out 
unreasonably  late.  There  is  no  propriety  in 
voluntarily  prolonging  your  ride,  with  a  young 
gentleman,  till  after  dark;  even  if  there  were 
no  one  at  home,  watching  anxiously  for  your 
return.  If  you  have  a  proper  self-respect,  you 
will  not  be  lavish  of  your  company  to  any  one; 
if  you  have  a  proper  estimate  of  the  value  of 
time,  you   will,  as    soon    as    one   engagement 


298  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

is  ended,  have  some  other  occupation  planned 
to  succeed  it 

You  should  always  endeavour  to  avoid  pecu- 
niary obligations  to  gentlemen,  and  contrive, 
through  your  father,  brothers,  or  domestics,  to 
be  beforehand  with  them,  or  else  to  reimburse 
them  what  they  may  have  paid  for  you.  If 
elderly  gentlemen,  the  fathers  of  families,  seem 
really  desirous  of  paying  for  you,  you  may  let 
them  ;  but  young  men  often  think  it  a  neces- 
sary piece  of  politeness  to  pay  for  ladies,  even 
when  they  can  ill  afford  it  and  secretly  regret 
it;  therefore  it  is  safest  to  make  a  rule  of  never 
receiving  such  favors  from  those  of  your  own 
age.  Some  girls  not  only  allow  young  men  to 
treat  them  to  the  play  and  other  public  places, 
but  call  upon  a  favorite  beau  to  take  a  whole 
party  of  them  to  some  such  show.  I  have 
known  a  youth,  who  had  not  a  spare  dollar  in 
the  world,  thus  taxed,  and  obliged  to  borrow 
the  necessary  sum  of  a  friend. 

Never  condescend  to  use  any  little  arts  or 
manoeuvres,  to  secure  a  pleasant  beau  at  a 
party,  or  during  an  excursion ;  remember  that 
a  woman  must  always  wait  to  be  chosen,  and 
"  not  unsought  be  won,"  even  for  an  hour. 
When  you  are  so  fortunate  as  to  be  attended 
by  the  most  agreeable  gentleman  present,  do 
not  make  any  effort  to   keep  him  entirely  to 


JOKES.         CONVERSATION.  299 

yourself;  that  flatters  him  too  much,  and  ex- 
poses you  to  being  joked  about  him. 

How  strange  a  thing  it  is,  in  the  constitution 
of  English  and  American  society,  that  the  sub- 
ject, of  all  others  the  most  important,  and  the 
most  delicate,  should  be  that  on  which  every- 
body is  most  given  to  joke  and  banter  their 
friends.  Much  mischief  has  been  done  by  this 
coarse  interference  of  the  world  in  what  ought 
to  be  the  most  private  and  sacred  of  our  earth- 
ly concerns ;  and  every  refined,  delicate,  and 
high-minded  girl  should  set  her  face  against  it, 
and,  by  scrupulously  refraining  from  such  jokes 
herself,  give  no  one  a  right  to  indulge  in  them 
at  her  expense. 

Well-educated  girls  have  a  wide  range  of 
topics,  w^hich  afford  plenty  of  agreeable  and 
useful  discussion,  between  them  and  their 
gentlemen  friends  ;  and  it  is  much  better  to 
talk  with  them,  and  with  your  female  friends, 
of  things  than  of  people  ;  of  books,  pictures, 
and  the  beauties  and  wonders  of  nature,  than 

of  Miss    A 's    spoilt    complexion,    or   Mr. 

B 's    broken    engagement,   or  the    quarrel 

between  C and  D .  If  you  are  famil- 
iar with  the  works  of  great  minds,  and  spend 
much  time  in  reading  them,  or  if  you  love  na- 
ture and  scientific  researches,  you  need  not  be 
told  to  avoid  gossip,  you  will  have  no  relish 
for  it.     If  not  possessed  of  much  mental  culti- 


300  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 


vation,  you  may  yet  find  topics  enough  without 
talking  of  people ;  and  it  is  so  difficult  to  do 
that,  without  sinning  against  truth  or  charity, 
that  it  is  best  to  avoid  it  whenever  you  can. 

Some  girls,  w^ho  have  but  little  sense  and  a 
great  deal  of  vanity,  try  to  attract  the  special 
regard  of  gentlemen  by  talking  very  sentimen- 
tally of  themselves,  their  feelings,  and  ex- 
perience in  life,  and  try  to  supply  their  own 
want  of  ideas  by  quoting  largely  from  those  of 
others.  Very  silly  people  can  often  repeat 
volumes  of  modern  poetry,  songs,  and  sen- 
tences from  fashionable  novels;  but  as  it  re- 
quires great  sense  and  discrimination  to  make 
apt  quotations,  theirs  are  misplaced  and  be-' 
come  very  tiresome ;  they  miss  their  aim,  too, 
for  instead  of  its  being  agreeable,  gentlemen 
have  a  great  dread  of  reciting-ladies,  walking 
scrap-books.  If  you  wish  to  be  on  civil  term^s 
with  a  gentleman,  and  to  avoid  all  intimacy, 
talk  to  him  only  of  things  that  are  indifferent 
to  you,  and  never  speak  of  your  private  affairs 
or  feelings  ;  if  you  wish  to  be  kind,  but  still 
not  intimate,  encourage  him  to  speak  to  you  of 
his  own  concerns,  and  show  a  friendly  interest 
in  them.  Speak  of  yourself  only  to  your  inti- 
mate friends,  and  of  them,  let  the  number  be 
very  limited  and  very  well  chosen. 

Mrs.   Sigourney,  in   her  excellent   letter   on 
Conversation,  quotes   the  words  of  a  German 


PLATONIC    LOVE.  301 

author  to  his  daughter,  which  are  so  full  of 
wisdom,  that  the  young  lady,  who  should  make 
them  her  rule,  would  avoid  half  the  scrapes  of 
her  companions  ;  they  are  as  follows.  "  Con- 
verse always  with  your  female  friends,  as  if  a 
gentleman  were  of  the  party,  and  with  young 
men,  as  if  your  female  companions  were  pres- 
ent " 

There  is  no  objection  to  your  having  a  great 
deal  of  friendly  talk,  and  many  social  visits 
from  gentlemen  of  approved  character  and 
known  moral  worth ;  but  do  not  fall  into  the 
prevalent  fashion  of  talking  about  Platonic  love, 
and  having  one  gentleman  devoted  to  you  in 
public  and  in  private,  as  your  chosen  friend 
and  confidant.  That  is  a  folly  pregnant  with 
mischief,  where  it  is  entered  upon  in  good  faith, 
and  it  is  rendered  doubly  odious  by  the  use 
some  ladies  make  of  it,  merely  to  secure  to 
themselves  a  beau  upon  all  occasions.  Much 
nonsense  is  talked  about  Platonic  love,  by  girls 
who  know  not  the  real  meaning  of  the  word, 
and  who  designate,  by  that  term,  the  restless 
craving  of  their  hearts  for  sympathy,  but  who 
are  the  farthest  removed  from  the  calm  and 
pure  sentiment  described  by  Plato. 

As  soon  as  young  ladies  go  into  general  so- 
ciety, they  are  liable  to  receive  attentions  that 
indicate  a  particular  regard,  and,  long  before 
they  are  really  old   enough  to   form   any  such 


302  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

ties,  they  often  receive  matrimonial  overtures  ; 
it  is,  therefore,  highly  necessary  to  know  how- 
to  treat  them. 

The  offer  of  a  man's  heart  and  hand,  is  the 
greatest  compliment  he  can  pay  you,  and,  how- 
ever undesirable  to  you  those  gifts  may  be, 
they  should  be  courteously  and  kindly  declined, 
and,  since  a  refusal  is,  to  most  men,  not  only  a 
disappointment,  but  a  mortification,  it  should 
always  be  prevented,  if  possible.  Men  have 
various  ways  of  cherishing  and  declaring  their 
attachment ;  those  who  indicate  the  bias  of 
their  feelings  in  many  intelligible  ways,  before 
they  make  a  direct  offer,  can  generally  be  spar- 
ed the  pain  of  a  refusal.  If  you  do  not  mean 
to  accept  a  gentleman  who  is  paying  you  very 
marked  attentions,  you  should  avoid  receiving 
them  whenever  you  can;  you  should  not  allow 
him  to  escort  you;  you  should  show  your  dis- 
pleasure when  joked  about  him  ;  and,  if  sound- 
ed by  a  mutual  friend,  let  your  want  of  recip- 
rocal feelings  be  very  apparent. 

You  may,  however,  be  taken  entirely  by  sur- 
prise, because  there  are  men  who  are  so  secret 
in  these  matters,  that  they  do  not  let  even  the 
object  of  their  affections  suspect  their  prefer- 
ence, until  they  suddenly  declare  themselves 
lovers  and  suitors.  In  such  a  case  as  that,  you 
will  need  all  your  presence  of  mind,  or  the 
hesitation  produced  by  surprise  may  give  rise 


OFFERS    AND    REFUSALS.  303 

to  false  hopes.  If  you  have  any  doubt  upon 
the  matter,  you  may  fairly  ask  time  to  consider 
of  it,  on  the  grounds  of  your  never  having 
thought  of  the  gentleman  in  the  light  of  a  lover 
before ;  but  if  you  are  resolved  against  the  suit, 
endeavour  to  make  your  answer  so  decided, 
as  to  finish  the  affair  at  once.  Inexperienced 
girls  sometimes  feel  so  much  the  pain  they  are 
inflicting,  that  they  use  phrases  which  feed  a 
lover's  hopes ;  but  this  is  mistaken  tender- 
ness ;  your  answer  should  be  as  decided,  as 
it  is  courteous.  • 

Whenever  an  offer  is  made  in  writing,  you 
should  reply  to  it  as  soon  as  possible  ;  and 
having,  in  this  case,  none  of  the  embarrassment 
of  a  personal  interview,  you  can  make  such  a 
careful  selection  of  words,  as  will  best  convey 
your  meaning.  If  the  person  is  estimable,  you 
should  express  your  sense  of  his  merit,  and 
your  gratitude  for  his  preference  in  strong 
terms ;  and  put  your  refusal  of  his  hand,  on 
the  score  of  your  not  feeling  for  him,  that 
peculiar  preference,  necessary  to  the  union  he 
seeks.  This  makes  a  refusal  as  little  painful 
as  possible,  and  soothes  the  feelings  you  are 
obliged  to  wound.  The  gentleman's  letter 
should  be  returned  in  your  reply,  and  your  lips 
should  be  closed  upon  the  subject  for  ever 
afterwards.  It  is  his  secret,  and  you  have  no 
right  to  tell  it  to  any  one;   but  if  your  parents 


304  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

are  your  confidential  friends  on  all  other  occa- 
sions, he  will  not  blame  you  for  telling  them. 

Your  young  female  friends  should  never  be 
allowed  to  tease  or  banter  you  into  the  betray- 
al of  this  secret.  You  cannot  turn  your  inge- 
nuity to  better  account,  than  by  using  it  to 
baffle  their  curiosity.  Some  girls  are  tempted 
to  tell  of  an  offer  and  refusal,  in  order  to 
account  for  a  cessation  of  those  attentions,  on 
the  part  of  the  gentleman,  which  have  before 
been  so  constant  and  marked,  as  to  be  observ- 
ed by  their  friends.  •  But  this  is  no  sufficient 
reason  for  telling  another  person's  secret.  You 
cannot  always  prevent  a  suspicion  of  the  truth, 
but  you  should  never  confirm  it  by  any  disclo- 
sure of  yours. 

If  you  are  so  situated  as  to  meet  the  gentle- 
man whose  hand  you  have  refused,  you  should 
do  it  with  frank  cordiality,  and  put  him  at  ease 
by  behaving  as  if  nothing  particular  had  passed 
between  you.  If  this  manner  of  yours  is  so 
far  mistaken,  as  to  lead  to  a  renewal  of  the 
offer,  let  him  see,  as  soon  as  possible,  that  he 
has  nothing  to  hope  from  importunity,  and  that 
if  he  would  preserve  your  friendship,  he  must 
seek  for  nothing  more.  Always  endeavour  to 
make  true  friends  of  your  rejected  lovers,  by 
the  delicacy  and  honor  with  which  you  treat 
them.  If,  when  your  own  conduct  has  been 
unexceptionable,   your  refusal  to  marry  a  man 


PRESENTS.  305 

produces  resentment,  it  argues  some  fault  of 
character  in  him,  and  can  only  be  lamented  in 
silence.  The  feeling  of  many  a  high-minded 
man,  on  such  an  occasion,  is  akin  to  that  which 
I  once  knew  expressed  by  a  noble  and  delicate 
soul,  who  had  loved  a  friend  of  mine  in  vain  ; 
so  far  from  feeling  mortified  or  angry,  he  said, 
"  I  am  proud  to  have  loved  you."  Such  a  sen- 
timent does  honor  to  both  parties. 

Never  think  the  less  of  a  man  because  he  has 
been  refused,  even  if  it  be  by  a  lady  whom  you 
do  not  highly  value.  It  is  nothing  to  his  dis- 
advantage. In  exercising  their  prerogative 
of  making  the  first  advances,  the  wisest  will 
occasionally  make  great  mistakes,  and  the  best 
will  often  be  drawn  into  an  affair  of  this  sort, 
against  their  better  judgment,  and  both  are  but 
too  happy,  if  they  escape  with  only  the  pain  of 
being  refused.  So  far  from  its  being  any  reason 
for  not  accepting  a  wise  and  good  man  when 
he  offers  himself  to  you,  it  should  only  increase 
your  thankfulness  to  the  overruling  Providence 
of  God  which  reserved  him  for  you,  and  to  the 
lady,  through  whose  instrumentality  he  is  still 
free  to  choose. 

Accepting  presents  from  gentlemen  is  a  dan- 
gerous thing.  Some  men  conclude  from  your 
taking  one  gift  that  you  will  accept  another, 
and  think  themselves  encouraged  by  it  to  offer 
their  hearts  to  you;  but,  even  when  no  misap- 
z*  20 


306  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

prehension  of  this  kind  follows,  it  is  better  to 
avoid  every  such  obligation,  and  if  you  make 
it  a  general  rule  never  to  accept  a  present  from 
a  gentleman,  you  will  avoid  hurting  any  one's 
feelings,  and  save  yourself  from  all  further 
perplexity. 

Where  ladies  are  known  to  be  in  the  habit  of 
refusing  presents,  and  yet  are  objects  of  great 
admiration  and  devotion,  they  will  often  re- 
ceive anonymous  gifts,  which  it  is  impossible 
to  elude.  When  this  is  the  case,  it  is  a  good 
way  to  put  them  by,  out  of  sight,  and  never  to 
mention  them.  The  pleasure  of  seeing  them  on 
your  table,  and  hearing  them  talked  about,  and 
the  donor's  name  speculated  upon,  is  often  suf- 
ficient to  induce  a  repetition  of  the  anonymous 
deed,  or  an  acknowledgment  of  it,  which  is 
very  embarrassing,  as  you  must  either  break 
your  rule,  or  hurt  the  feelings  of  the  donor. 

Of  all  the  votive  offerings  made  to  the  young 
and  the  fair,  flowers  are  the  most  beautiful  and 
most  unexceptionable.  Where  it  is  the  fashion 
for  gentlemen  to  present  bouquets  to  their  fe- 
male friends,  so  many  are  given,  that  it  seems 
more  like  a  tribute  to  the  sex,  than  a  mark  of 
particular  regard,  and  their  perishable  nature 
exempts  them  from  the  ban  put  upon  more  en- 
during memorials.  You  can  accept  and  wear 
flowers  without  committing  yourself,  and  to 
refuse   them  would    be  unnecessary  rigor.     If 


MISUSE    OF    POWER.         FLATTERY.  307 

any  peculiar  circumstances  make  you  desirous 
of  distancing  a  gentleman,  you  can  take  the 
flowers  without  wearing  them. 

If  it  be  unsafe  to  receive  presents,  it  is 
doubly  so  to  make  them  to  gentlemen,  and 
should  never  be  done  except  under  peculiar 
circumstances.  If  a  young  friend  is  going 
away,  on  some  distant  expedition,  and  you, 
with  other  girls,  present  him  with  something 
that  will  be  useful  to  him  on  his  journey,  it 
is  all  very  well.  If  the  joke  of  Philipine  has 
passed  round  a  circle,  you  with  the  rest  can 
make  and  receive  the  forfeited  gifts  without 
any  impropriety  ;  this  is  very  different  from 
sentimental  tokens  given  privately;  these  have 
so  much  the  appearance  of  a  lady's  courting  a 
gentleman,  that  modesty  should  forbid  it. 

Suffer  not  the  jokes  of  thoughtless  compan- 
ions to  lead  you  into  the  cruel  mistake  of  using 
the  power  which  a  man's  love  gives  you  over 
him,  to  make  him  appear  ridiculous,  or  to  tyr- 
annize over  him  in  any  way.  This  is  a  most 
ungenerous  proceeding,  and  yet  very  good 
girls  are  sometimes  guilty  of  it. 

Mistrust  a  flatterer,  whether  he  make  the 
graces  of  your  person  or  your  mind,  the  theme 
of  his  eulogiums.  Many  women,  who  are  proof 
against  the  flattery  addressed  to  their  person- 
al charms,  are  blinded  by  that  which  touches 
their  intellectual   endowments ;    but    it   is    all 


308  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

equally  injurious,  and  equally  to  the  discredit 
of  the  person  who  offers  it.  A  gentleman  may 
make  you  sensible  that  he  admires  you,  that  he 
has  a  due  appreciation  of  your  powers  and  at- 
tainments, without  flattering  you;  but  if  he 
does  that,  if  he  entertains  you  with  your  own 
praises,  and  is  constantly  paying  you  fine 
compliments,  he  does  not  respect  and  esteem 
you ;  and  you  should  let  him  perceive  that  he 
has  mistaken  the  means  of  recommending  him- 
self to  your  good  graces. 

Some  gentlemen  try  to  make  themselves 
agreeable  to  one  young  lady,  by  disparaging 
others  of  her  acquaintance.  This  shows  that 
a  man  has  a  poor  opinion  of  the  sex,  and  that 
he  considers  you  envious  of  the  charms  of  your 
companions  ;  and  you  will  do  well  to  convince 
him  of  his  mistake. 

There  should  be  a  wide  distinction  observed 
between  the  casual  acquaintance  made  in  a 
party,  or  during  an  excursion,  and  those  whom 
you  allow  to  visit  you  on  friendly  terms.  Among 
the  former  may  be  men  of  doubtful,  or  even 
bad  character,  to  whom  you  cannot  always 
avoid  being  introduced ;  but  towards  whom 
you  should  maintain  a  very  cold,  reserved  man- 
ner. Such  should  never  be  allowed  to  visit 
you  at  your  own  home ;  that  privilege  should 
be  reserved  exclusively  for  men  of  irreproach- 
able morals.     If  you   are  so  happy  as  to  have 


EARLY    MARRIAGES.  309 

good  brothers,  who  are  grown  up,  they  can 
assist  you  greatly  in  ascertaining  the  charac- 
ters of  the  gentlemen  you  know,  and  in  select- 
ing for  friends  only  the  truly  deserving. 

Do  not  be  afraid  to  refuse  the  acquaintance 
of  a  known  libertine,  it  is  a  tribute  which  you 
owe  to  virtue,  and,  if  generally  paid,  would  do 
more  to  purify  society,  and  keep  the  moral 
standard  of  it  high,  than  the  laws  of  the  land 
or  the  eloquence  of  the  pulpit. 

In  treating  the  subject  of  behaviour  to  gen- 
tlemen, I  shall  not  attempt  to  say  much  on  the 
great  topics  of  love  and  marriage.  I  would 
fain  believe  that  I  am  writing  for  a  class  of 
ladies  too  young  to  need  much  advice  upon 
that;  and  though  I  occasionally  hear  of  school- 
girl Sj  who  forfeit  the  privileges  and  pleasures 
of  being  grown-up  young  ladies,  and  jump  at 
once  into  the  cares  of  married  life,  I  trust,  that 
increased  knowledge  and  wisdom,  on  the  part 
of  the  young  and  old,  will  prevent  such  imma- 
ture marriages,  and  give  women  an  opportunity 
of  being  more  fully  developed  in  body  and 
mind,  before  they  subject  either  to  the  severe 
trials  which  belong  to  wives  and  mothers. 

Mr.  Combe  thinks,  that  "  many  young  peo- 
ple of  both  sexes  fall  sacrifices  to  early  mar- 
riages, who  might  have  withstood  the  ordinary 
risks  of  life,  and  lived  together  in  happiness, 
if  they  had  delayed  their  union  for  a  few  years. 


310  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

and  allowed  time  for  the  consolidation  of  their 
constitutions." 

Early  marriage  also,  prevents  the  literary- 
education  of  a  girl  being  carried  far  enough, 
for  it  to  go  forward  easily  amid  the  cares  of 
a  family,  and,  therefore,  it  often  ceases  alto- 
gether ;  in  a  few  years,  she  loses  what  little 
she  acquired  at  school,  and  degenerates  into  a 
mere  housekeeper  and  nurse. 

The  married  school-girl  deprives  herself  of  a 
most  delightful  and  useful  stage  in  her  exist- 
ence, that  of  a  grown-up  daughter,  maturing 
under  the  eye  of  a  mother  and  the  influence  of 
a  home  circle,  with  time  enough  for  mental 
culture,  and  a  useful  experience  of  domestic 
affairs,  without  the  care  which  belongs  to  the 
mistress  of  a  family.  She  loses  all  the  varied 
pleasures  of  a  young  lady,  and  skips  at  once 
from  childhood  to  married  life. 

Another  reason  for  my  not  entering  fully 
into  the  subject  of  love  and  matrimony,  is,  that 
every  book  of  advice  for  young  ladies  is  full  of 
it,  and  you  can  easily  find  it  elsewhere.  It  is 
the  principal  material  in  every  novel  and  tale, 
and  the  best  fictions  of  our  day  hold  up  to 
view  the  mistakes  and  faults,  which  young 
persons  are  most  likely  to  commit,  in  a  more 
impressive  manner  than  can  be  done  here. 

The  writings  of  Miss  Edgeworth  abound 
with  excellent  lessons   on  the  proper  regula- 


DISAPPOINTED    AFFECTIONS.  311 

tion  of  the  affections,  and  on  the  consequences 
of  various  faults  which  young  ladies  are  prone 
to  commit,  and  to  them  I  refer  you  for  further 
light  on  the  subject. 

There  is,  however,  one  branch  of  this  impor- 
tant subject,  which  it  behoves  me  to  touch 
upon,  because  it  is  fruitful  of  misery  if  not 
nipped  in  the  bud,  and  it  is  only  by  having  the 
mind  early  trained  to  right  views  of  it,  that 
the  heart  can  possess  power  enough  to  combat 
it.  I  allude  to  that  greatest  of  trials  to  a 
woman,  disappointment  in  love,  either  from  an 
unrequited  attachment,  or  a  misplaced  one 
These  are  the  secret  sources  of  half  the  wretch- 
edness and  ill  health,  that  we  see  among 
women ;  and  to  guard  sedulously  against  this 
catastrophe  should  be  one  of  the  aims  of  fe- 
male education,  and  the  concern  of  the  best 
friends  of  youth. 

So  very  common  is  it  for  women  to  be  dis- 
appointed in  their  first  loves,  that  an  English 
writer  has  said,  she  considered  the  loss  and 
recovery  of  the  heart,  to  be  to  the  mind,  what 
the  whooping-cough,  or  measles,  is  to  the  body, 
a  necessary  disorder  to  be  gone  through,  after 
which  come  maturity  and  health.  But  I  would 
not  have  the  fair  daughters  of  this  happy  land 
to  consider  this  painful  experience  of  the  heart 
as  so  inevitable  a  process,  though  it  is  well  to 
regard    it    as  one,  from  which   it   is    possible 


312  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

entirely  to  recover.  Religion  has  a  balm  for 
the  heart's  worst  wounds.  Those  who  have 
languished  through  long  years  of  suffering, 
occasioned  by  an  early  disappointment,  and 
found  all  the  pleasures  of  the  world  insufficient 
to  fill  the  void,  have  felt  themselves  to  be  cur- 
ed, as  by  a  miracle,  when  they  gave  their 
hearts  wholly  to  God,  and  made  his  love  their 
supreme  good.  Peculiarly  necessary  to  wo- 
man's tender  nature,  is  the  shield  which  true 
piety  affords  to  the  affections ;  and  if  she 
would  only  give  her  heart  first  to  God,  she 
would  be  in  little  danger  of  bestowing  it  after- 
wards unw^orthily  or  in  vain.  Religion  has 
always  been  considered  as  a  refuge  for  the 
unhappy,  but  its  power  will  be  more  perfectly 
manifested,  when  the  young  and  the  gay  em- 
brace it,  as  the  surest  defence  against  senti- 
mental suffering,  and  the  best  guide  to  happi- 
ness in  this  world. 

The  more  perfectly  you  perform  all  your 
duties,  the  more  diligently  you  carry  on  your 
moral  and  intellectual  education,  the  higher  is 
your  standard  of  character,  and  the  more  spir- 
itual are  your  aims,  the  less  will  be  your  dan- 
ger from  the  tenderness  of  your  heart.  Instead 
of  thoughts  about  love  and  marriage  being 
busy  and  importunate,  they  will  take  their 
proper  place  in  your  mind,  you  will  go  on  your 
way  enjoying  life  by  "  doing  good  and  making 


DISAPPOINTED    AFFECTIONS.  313 

others  happy,"  and,  when  the  right  time  and 
the  right  person  come,  your  attention  will  be 
properly  called  to  the  subject,  the  attraction 
will  become  mutual,  and  a  strong  individual 
attachment  will  grow  up  in  your  heart,  adding 
to  your  happiness,  strengthening  your  highest 
and  holiest  feelings,  filling  your  soul  with 
gratitude  to  God  and  to  the  fellow-disciple 
who  has  chosen  you  to  be  his  help-mate  for 
time  and  for  eternity. 

Since  but  a  small  proportion  of  the  rising 
generation  give  themselves  thus  early  to  God, 
and  so  serure  themselves  against  the  thousand 
ills  and  temptations  that  beset  their  path ; 
since  women  are  prone  to  think  much  of  love, 
to  read  books  of  sickly  sentimentality  and  the 
poetry  of  amatory  bards  ;  since  girls  will  put  it 
into  each  other's  heads,  that  they  are  in  love, 
or  that  some  one  is  in  love  with  them,  it  is 
desirable  that  they  should  understand  the  first 
symptoms  of  the  disorder,  and  take  early  and 
vigorous  measures  to  stop  its  dangerous  course. 

Love,  in  the  heart  of  a  woman,  should  partake 
largely  of  the  nature  of  gratitude  ;  she  should 
love,  because  she  is  already  loved  by  one  de- 
serving her  regard ;  and  if  you  never  allowed 
yourself  to  think  of  gentlemen  in  the  light  of 
lovers  or  husbands  until  you  were  asked  to  do 
so,  you  would  escape  much  suffering. 


AA 


3 14  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

The  credulity  of  women,  on  the  subject  of 
being  loved,  is  very  great;  they  often  mistake  a 
common  liking  for  a  particular  regard,  and,  on 
this  foundation,  build  up  a  castle  in  the  air, 
and  fill  it  with  all  the  treasures  of  their  bright 
hopes  and  confiding  love,  and,  when  some  start- 
ling fact  destroys  the  vision,  they  feel  as  if  the 
whole  creation  were  a  blank  to  them,  and  they 
were  the  most  injured  of  women.  It  is  safer 
to  be  very  skeptical  on  the  subject  of  being 
loved ;  but,  if  you  do  make  the  mistake,  take 
all  the  blame  to  yourself,  and  save  your  digni- 
ty by  secrecy,  if  you  cannot  keep  your  heart 
from  loving. 

If  you  only  have  a  wholesome  dread  of  being 
entangled,  and  watch  over  your  preferences 
with  a  jealous  eye,  you  need  never  be  caught 
in  the  snares  of  Cupid.  If  one  person  is  becom- 
ing uppermost  in  your  thoughts,  if  his  society 
is  more  and  more  necessary  to  your  happiness, 
if  what  he  does  and  says  seems  more  important 
than  that  of  any  one  else,  it  is  time  to  be  on 
your  guard,  time  to  deny  yourself  the  danger- 
ous pleasure  of  his  company,  time  to  turn  your 
thoughts  resolutely  to  something  else.  The 
beginning  of  a  preference  may  be  checked,  it 
may  be  stifled  to  death;  it  is  only  by  indul- 
gence that  it  becomes  unmanageable.  Speak- 
ing of  it  to  any  one,  even  to  your  bosom  friend, 
is  dangerous  ;   so  long  as  no    one  knows  your 


DISAPPOINTED    AFFECTIONS.  315 

weakness,  you  have  strong  inducements  to 
behave  as  if  it  did  not  exist,  and  that  self- 
command  is  good  for  you.  Directing  the  mind 
vigorously  to  some  new  study,  is  a  w^holesome 
remedy,  and  a  generous  devotion  of  yourself 
to  the  interests  and  happiness  of  others,  will 
save  you  from  dangerous  reverie  and  painful 
reflections.  There  are  few  partialities,  which, 
if  taken  early  enough,  and  dealt  with  in  this 
way,  cannot  be  overcome  without  any  breaking 
of  hearts,  or  destruction  of  health  and  happi- 
ness ;  whilst  the  power  gained  by  such  self- 
discipline,  is  a  permanent  advantage  to  the 
character.  For  good  paternal  advice  upon  the 
subject  of  discovering  a  prepossession,  I  would 
refer  you  to  that  which  Mr.  Tyrold  gives  his 
daughter,  in  the  novel  of  "  Camilla  "  by  Mrs. 
D'Arblay. 

Where  the  attachment  has  ever  been  recip- 
rocal, and  has  been  allowed  to  gain  ground, 
before  the  necessity  came  for  combating  it, 
the  struggle  will  of  course  be  harder,  and  the 
suffering  much  greater.  I  know  of  no  sufficient 
remedy  for  this,  but  vital  piety ;  that  giving 
of  the  heart  to  God,  which  enables  a  disciple 
to  say,  "  Whom  have  I  in  heaven  but  Thee, 
and  there  is  none  on  earth,  that  I  desire,  in 
comparison  of  Thee."        f  :>  '?  3 

The  cure  for  a  wounded  heart,  which  piety 
affords,  is  so  complete,  that   it  makes  it  possi- 


316  BEHAVIOUR    TO    GENTLEMEN. 

ble  for  the  tenderest  and  most  constant  natures 
to  love  again.  When  a  character  is  thus  dis- 
ciplined and  matured,  its  sympathies  will  be 
called  forth,  only  by  superior  minds  ;  and,  if  a 
kindred  spirit  presents  itself,  as  a  partner  for 
life,  and  is  accepted,  the  union  is  likely  to  be 
such,  as  will  make  the  lady  rejoice  that  her 
former  predilection  was  overruled. 


LYCEUM    LECTURES.  317 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

Conduct  at  Public  Places. 

Lyceums.  —  Use  of  Lectures.  —  The  meaning  of  Lady.  — 
Good  Manners.  —  The  Golden  Rule.  —  Suffocating  Many 
to  please  a  Few.  —  Little  Acts  of  Rudeness.  —  Public  Cele- 
brations. —  Example  of  111  Conduct.  —  True  Politeness.  — 
Shopping.  —  Deportment  in  the  Street.  —  Avoiding  Con- 
tact. —  Apologies.  —  Taking  the  Wall.  —  Draggled  Clothes. 
Behaviour  at  Church. 

The  admirable  institution  of  Lyceum  lec- 
tures should  be  held  in  great  esteem  by  wo- 
men, if  it  were  only  for  the  good  they  do  those 
who  would  otherwise  never  quit  the  narrow 
round  of  household  cares  ;  and  who  have  no 
access  to  libraries,  or  to  cultivated  society ;  as 
well  as  to  those  who  think  they  have  no  time 
to  drink  at  those  fountains.  To  such,  even  the 
sprinkling  of  a  Lyceum  lecture  is  refreshing, 
and  sometimes  leads  to  a  draught  from  other 
streams. 

Lectures  are  valuable,  not  so  much,  perhaps, 
for  the  amount  of  information  they  convey,  as 
for  the  ideas  they  suggest,  the  means  of  knowl- 
edge they  point  out,  the  direction  they  give  to 
the  thoughts.  A  lecture  on  the  life  and  wri- 
tings of  some  great  man,  sets  many  of  the  audi- 
ence to  reading  his  works,  and  enables  them 
to  do  it  understandingly;  they  have  learned 
from  the  lecture  the  scope  and  tendency  of  the 


318  CONDUCT    AT    PUBLIC    PLACES. 

book,  and,  from  the  account  of  the  author, 
they  can  better  understand  his  writings.  A 
lecture  on  any  branch  of  natural  history  leads 
people  to  examine  specimens,  and  to  read 
books  upon  the  subject;  and  this  impulse  giv- 
en to  minds,  that  would  otherwise  rust  in  in- 
activity, is  an  incalculable  good.  But,  in  order 
to  reap  the  full  benefit  of  a  course  of  lectures, 
it  is  necessary  to  make  a  study  of  the  subject 
whilst  attending  it,  and  to  make  copious  notes 
of  each  lecture  from  memory.  However  inter- 
ested you  may  be  at  the  time,  you  easily  forget 
all  you  have  heard,  unless  you  make  a  written 
memorial  of  it,  whilst  it  is  fresh  in  your  mind. 

Besides  the  direct  advantages  of  this  sort  of 
instruction,  there  are  indirect  ones  to  be  gain- 
ed. It  suggests  useful  topics  of  conversation, 
and  promotes  sociability  among  neighbours ;  it 
affords  opportunity  for  learning  to  respect  the 
rights  of  strangers,  and  to  behave  courteously 
and  delicately  to  all.  The  conduct  of  others, 
under  such  circumstances,  is  a  living  and  in- 
structive lesson,  presenting  models  of  all  that 
we  ought  to  imitate  or  avoid. 

It  is  well  to  bear  in  mind,  if  you  happen  to 
be  the  daughters  of  a  rich  man,  that  all,  who 
attend  lectures  together,  meet  on  terms  of  per- 
fect equality.  You  have,  therefore,  no  claim  to 
certain  seats  because  you  have  before  occupi- 
ed them ;   no  right  to  hinder  others  from  hear- 


THE    MEANING    OF    "LADY."  319 

ing  well,  because  the  subject  is  so  familiar  to 
you,  that  you  had  rather  whimper  than  listen;  no 
right  to  go  in  late,  disturbing  the  audience  and 
advancing  to  the  front  seats,  secure  that  the 
best  will  be  relinquished  to  you,  as  soon  as  you 
appear  to  wish  for  them.  All  this  is  extremely 
offensive  and  ill-bred,  and  no  real  lady,  in  the 
true  sense  of  that  much  abused  word,  would 
ever  be  guilty  of  such  conduct. 

It  may  be  well  here  to  state,  what  I  mean  by 
the  terms  lady  and  gentlewoman.  In  this  privil- 
edged  land,  where  we  acknowledge  no  distinc- 
tions but  what  are  founded  on  character  and 
manners,  she  is  a  lady,  who,  to  in-bred  mad- 
esty  and  refinement,  adds  a  scrupulous  atten- 
tion to  the  rights  and  feelings  of  others.  Let 
her  worldly  possessions  be  great  or  small,  let 
her  occupations  be  what  they  may,  such  an  one 
is  a  lady,  a  gentlewoman.  Whilst  the  person 
who  is  bold,  coarse,  vociferous,  and  inatten- 
tive to  the  rights  and  feelings  of  others,  is  a 
vulgar  woman,  let  her  possessions  be  ever  so 
great,  and  her  way  of  living  ever  so  genteel. 
Thus  we  may  see  a  lady  sewing  for  her  liveli- 
hood, and  a  vulgar  woman  presiding  over  a 
most  expensive  establishment. 

In  no  country  is  it  more  important  to  culti- 
vate good  manners,  than  in  our  own ;  and  yet 
there  is  a  great  deficiency  of  care  and  instruc- 
tion,  in   this  particular.     A   young  girl   often 


320        CONDUCT  A.T  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

grows  up,  without  ever  being  told,  that  to 
laugh  audibly  in  public,  or  in  crowded  assem- 
blies, is  not  good  manners ;  that  presenting 
herself  at  the  end  of  a  crowded  bench,  and 
looking  for  a  seat,  till  some  gentleman  feels 
himself  obliged  to  give  her  his,  is  very  ill-bred ; 
yet  all  these  points  should  be  well  settled  in  a 
young  lady's  education  ;  and  those  who  have 
had  the  greatest  advantages  in  this  way, 
should  be  ready  to  set  an  example  worthy  of 
imitation,  to  those  who  look  up  to  them. 

If  you  have  a  true  sympathy  for  the  listeners 
at  a  Lyceum,  if  you  have  a  benevolent  wish 
that  the  whole  audience  should  be  well  accom- 
modated, and  a  wholesome  fear  of  disturbing, 
or  incommoding,  any  part  of  it ;  if,  in  short, 
you  think  more  of  others  than  of  yourself,  as 
Christian  politeness  dictates,  you  will  never  do 
anything  rude  or  ill-bred  ;  or  be  thoughtless 
of  others  in  a  lecture-room. 

You  \vill  be  careful  not  to  wear  any  head- 
dress that  will  prevent  those  behind  you  from 
seeing  well ;  you  will  never,  by  whispering, 
hinder  those  around  you  from  hearing  easily ; 
you  will  never  seem  to  claim  any  particular 
seat  as  your  right ;  you  will  never  attempt  to 
keep  seats  for  those  of  your  party,  who  come 
later  than  you;  you  will  never  suffer,  much  less 
oblige,  a  gentleman  to  relinquish  to  you  the 
good  seat  which  he  has  fairly  earned,  by  going 


THE  GOLDEN  KULE  TRANSGRESSED.     321 

very  early,  and  sitting  long  in  patience.  You 
will  carefully  avoid  going  in  late,  and  disturb- 
ing the  company,  after  the  lecture  has  begun  ; 
but,  if  you  do  chance  to  arrive  late,  you  will 
step  softly  and  take  the  first  seat  you  can  find, 
instead  of  making  further  interruption,  by  pa- 
rading through  the  room  in  search  of  a  better. 
Where  the  seats  are  arranged,  as  in  an  amphi- 
theatre, it  makes  very  little  diflference  on  what 
part  of  a  bench  you  sit ;  and  therefore,  if  you 
are  the  first  to  occupy  it,  and  it  is  open  at  both 
ends,  you  should  take  the  middle  of  it ;  if  open 
only  at  one  end,  you  should  take  that  part  next 
the  wall;  because,  by  not  doing  this,  you  either 
oblige  people  to  crowd  past  you,  or  you  make  a 
great  stir  by  moving,  every  time  one  is  added 
to  the  number  ;  the  seat,  too,  appears  to  be  full 
when  it  is  not,  and  persons  sit  very  far  back, 
who  might  have  filled  it  up,  and  been  better 
accommodated.  Always  think  of  the  good  of 
the  whole  audience,  rather  than  of  your  own 
individual  convenience. 

This  rule  is  often  transgressed  in  crowded 
assemblies,  in  warm  weather ;  the  windows  are 
opened  for  the  good  of  the  whole;  but  the  air 
comes  too  powerfully  on  the  neck  of  some  in- 
dividual, and  she  very  coolly  desires  that  the 
window  may  be  shut,  entirely  regardless  of 
those,  who,  in  the  middle  of  the  building,  are 
panting  for  that  breath  of  fresh  air,  which  she 

21 


322        CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES, 

is  shutting  out.  Health  and  life  may  depend 
on  your  not  sitting  in  that  draught  of  air  ;  but 
if  so,  you  should  protect  yourself  by  additional 
clothing,  change  your  seat,  or  leave  the  place, 
rather  than  incommode  hundreds  by  having  a 
window  shut  on  your  account.  I  have  seen  a 
large  assembly  of  people  almost  suffocated  for 
want  of  fresh  air,  in  consequence  of  one  window 
after  another  being  closed,  at  the  request  of 
some  two  or  three  persons  sitting  by  them.  It  is 
a  great  pity  that  the  mode  of  ventilating  used 
in  England,*  to  prevent  the  air  from  blowing 
upon  those  next  to  a  window,  is  not  adopted 
in  our  country,  where  it  might  be  the  means  of 
preserving  the  health  now  sacrificed  to  breath- 
ing bad  air,  or  sitting  in  strong  currents  from 
a  window ;  but  since  it  is  not,  you  should  go 
provided  with  a  shawl,  and,  if  you  cannot  bear 
a  draught,  choose  a  seat  in  some  sheltered 
corner. 

When  anything  is  handed  round  at  a  lec- 
ture to  be   looked  at,  remember  that  your  eyes 

*  In  English  churches  and  lecture-rooms,  the  top  edge 
of  one  of  the  upper  panes  of  glass  in  each  window  is  made 
to  fall  forward  into  the  room,  three  or  four  inches,  and 
secured  in  that  position  by  goring-pieces  of  glass  fixed 
on  each  side ;  a  glass  cover  is  made  with  hinges  to  shut 
down  upon  the  opening  thus  left,  and  this  is  pulled  up 
by  a  string  when  air  is  wanted ;  or  it  can  be  left  always 
open,  as  the  slope  of  the  pane  prevents  any  rain  from 
beatinsf  in. 


CONDUCT  AFTER  THE  LECTURE.       323 

are  not  at  your  fingers'  ends,  and  be  satisfied 
without  touching  the  article.  When  specimens 
are  exhibited  on  a  table  after  the  lecture, 
they  are  often  seriously  injured  by  handling ; 
and  that,  too,  after  the  earnest  request  of  the 
lecturer  that  the  audience  would  refrain  from 
touching  them.  This  is  very  inconsiderate  and 
ungenerous,  and  no  lady  will  be  guilty  of  it. 
However  delicately  you  may  finger  them,  you 
ought  not  to  attempt  it ;  you  should  set  an 
example  of  forbearance  to  those  whose  mode 
of  handling  may  be  less  gentle. 

When  the  lecture  is  over,  and  the  greetings 
of  friends  begin,  be  careful  that  your  voice 
is  not  heard  above  the  gentle  hum  around 
you,  either  in  laughter  or  conversation.  Deli- 
cacy and  refinement  require  that  a  young  lady 
should  never  make  herself  conspicuous  in  a 
public  assembly;  and,  if  by  any  chance  your 
high  spirits  have  betrayed  you  into  an  audible 
laugh,  check  yourself  as  soon  as  possible,  and 
meet,  with  sober  and  modest  looks,  the  gaze 
which  you  have  drawn  upon  yourself;  do  not 
try  to  brave  it  out,  as  if  it  were  all  right,  and 
people  had  no  business  to  look  at  you ;  that 
only  makes  the  matter  worse.  Be  careful  not 
to  press  against  people,  not  to  tread  on  their 
clothes  in  going  down  stairs,  not  to  incommode 
others  by  stopping  to  speak  to  friends,  and  so 
blocking  up  the  way ;  if   you  have   so  incom- 


324        CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

moded  anybody,  apologize  in  the  most  civil 
manner,  and  draw  back  to  let  them  pass. 

The  best  way  to  overcome  the  selfishness 
and  rudeness  you  sometimes  meet  with  on 
public  occasions,  is  by  great  politeness  and 
disinterestedness  on  your  part ;  overcome  evil 
with  good,  and  you  will  satisfy  your  own  con- 
science, and,  perhaps,  touch  theirs.  Contend- 
ing for  your  rights  stirs  up  the  selfish  feel- 
ings in  others ;  but  a  readiness  to  yield  them 
awakens  generous  sentiments,  and  leads  to 
mutual  accommodation.  The  more  refined  you 
are,  and  the  greater  have  been  your  advanta- 
ges, the  more  polite  and  considerate  you  should 
be  toward  others,  the  more  ready  to  give  place 
to  some  poor,  uneducated  girl,  who  knows  no 
better  than  to  push  herself  directly  in  your  way. 

On  all  public  occasions  in  this  country,  there 
is  great  attention  paid  to  the  accommodation 
of  the  female  part  of  the  audience.  Certain 
seats  are  allotted  to  their  use,  and  they  are  ad- 
mitted to  them  before  the  house  is  otherwise 
occupied  ;  but,  as  there  are  often  more  than  can 
get  in,  there  is  sometimes  such  crowding,  push- 
ing, squeezing,  and  elbowing  at  the  doors,  be- 
fore they  are  open,  and  such  a  rush  when  ad- 
mittance is  gained,  that  it  is  a  scene  little 
creditable  to  the  delicacy  and  refinement  of 
our  ladies.  A  gentlewoman  should  never  for- 
get   herself,    should    never   do    anything    that 


PTTBLIC    OCCASIONS.  325 

is  ungentle,  should  never  run,  jump,  scream, 
scramble,  and  push,  in  order  to  get  a  good  seat 
anywhere ;  she  should  not  force  herself  into  a 
place  that  is  already  nearly  full;  but,  if  she 
thinks  there  may  be  room  for  one  more,  she 
should  ask  it  politely.  This  courtesy  opens 
the  hearts  of  the  people  around  her,  and  they 
make  room  for  her  with  pleasant  feelings,  in- 
stead of  resenting  her  presence  as  an  intrusion. 

On  public  occasions,  there  are  rules  laid 
down  for  the  good  order  of  the  day,  and  offi- 
cers appointed  to  carry  them  into  effect ;  to  in- 
fringe on  those  rules,  and  resist  that  authori- 
ty, is  a  mark  of  bad  citizenship  in  a  gentle- 
man ;  but  for  ladies  to  use  the  privileges,  gen- 
erously awarded  them  by  the  stronger  sex, 
to  break  through  the  rules  of  the  day,  is  high- 
ly indecorous  and  unlady-like.  I  have  been 
ashamed  of  my  sex,  when  I  have  seen  women, 
(for  I  will  not  call  them  ladies,)  refuse  to  obey 
the  orders  of  the  marshals,  and  insist  on  keep- 
ing seats  that  were  intended  to  be  reserved 
for  the  military ;  thus  taking  advantage  of  the 
courtesy  shown  to  them  as  females,  to  do  that, 
which  men  would  have  been  turned  out  of 
doors  for  doing.  When  women  so  far  forget 
themselves,  the  officers  of  the  day  would  be 
justified  in  forgetting  they  are  women,  and  in 
treating  them  as  they  would  men. 

When    you   are   unpleasantly    leaned    upon, 

BB 


326        CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

or  unnecessarily  crowded  by  the  thoughtless 
women  about  you,  if,  instead  of  a  peevish  re- 
mark or  angry  look,  you  address  their  kind 
feelings,  in  a  kind  manner,  and  ask  them  to 
oblige  you  by  doing  differently,  they  will  sel- 
dom fail  to  become  civil  and  accommodating. 
I  have  seen  the  most  determined  expression 
relax  under  such  treatment,  and  the  most  pro- 
truding elbows  robbed  of  their  sharpness  by 
courteously  giving  way  before  them. 

If  you  wish  to  be  a  well-bred  lady,  you  must 
carry  your  good  manners  everywhere  with  you. 
It  is  not  a  thing  that  can  be  laid  aside  and 
put  on  at  pleasure.  True  politeness  is  uni- 
'form  disinterestedness  in  trifles,  accompanied 
by  the  calm  self-possession  which  belongs  to 
a  noble  simplicity  of  purpose ;  and  this  must 
be  the  effect  of  a  Christian  spirit  running 
through  all  you  do,  or  say,  or  think  ;  and,  unless 
you  cultivate  it  and  exercise  it,  upon  all  occa- 
sions and  towards  all  persons,  it  will  never  be 
a  part  of  yourself.  When  you  try  to  assume  it 
for  some  special  purpose,  it  will  sit  awkwardly 
upon  you,  and  often  fail  you,  at  your  utmost 
need.  If  you  are  not  polite  to  your  washer- 
woman, you  are  in  great  danger  of  not  being 
so  to  the  lady  whom  you  most  wish  to  propiti- 
ate ;  you  cannot  be  sure  of  possessing  yourself; 
rudeness  of  manner,  occasionally  indulged,  will 
steal   upon  you   unawares.     The  charm,  which 


SHOPPING.  327 

true  Christian  politeness  sheds  over  a  person, 
though  not  easily  described,  is  felt  by  all 
hearts,  and  responded  to  by  the  best  feel- 
ings of  our  nature.  It  is  a  talisman  of  great 
power,  to  smooth  your  way  along  the  rugged 
paths  of  life,  and  to  turn  towards  you  the 
best  side  of  all  you  meet. 

This  politeness  is  very  essential  to  the  right 
transaction  of  that  great  business  of  woman's 
life,  shopping.  The  variety  afforded  by  the 
shops  of  a  city  renders  people  difficult  to 
please,  and  the  latitude  they  take  in  examin- 
ing and  asking  the  price  of  goods  which  they 
have  no  thought  of  buying,  is  so  trying  to  the 
patience  of  those  who  attend  upon  them,  that 
nothing  but  the  most  perfect  courtesy  of  de- 
meanor, can  reconcile  them  to  it,  and  then 
it  is  hard  enough  to  bear.  Shopping  in  the 
country  is  quite  a  different  thing;  it  is  a  se- 
rious business,  despatched  with  all  conveni- 
ent speed,  at  the  end  of  a  long  ride  or  walk, 
and,  if  the  country  store  does  not  contain 
what  you  want,  you  must  take  what  you  can 
get,  and  make  the  best  of  it.  Instead  of  be- 
ing assiduously  waited  upon  and  pressed  to 
buy,  you  can  hardly  get  the  busy  owner's  eye 
or  ear,  or  find  out  the  price  of  the  articles  you 
really  wish  to  purchase ;  the  customers,  on  a 
fine  day,  are  so  numerous  and  the  attendance  so 
scanty.     There  is   very  little  pleasure  in  such 


328        CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

shopping,  and  very  few  of  the  temptations 
which  belong  to  what  passes  under  this  name 
in  a  city,  where  it  is  often  a  favorite  pastime 
of  young  ladies.  It  furnishes  an  excuse,  in 
their  opinion,  for  entering  all  the  finest  shops, 
and  looking  at  all  sorts  of  pretty  things.  They 
like  the  consequence,  which  they  fancy  they 
derive  from  being  the  purchaser  of  some  ar- 
ticle, which  is  to  them  a  great  affair,  and  to 
which  they  attach  so  much  importance,  that 
they  will  spend  hours,  and  walk  miles,  to  get 
a  particular  shade  of  color,  or  the  precise  form 
and  texture,  on  which  they  have  set  their 
hearts.  Too  much  time  and  too  many  thoughts 
are  often  lavished,  in  this  way,  on  trifles;  and 
the  truly  conscientious  would  do  well  to  set 
bounds  to  their  fancy  in  this  respect,  and  to 
have  some  consideration  for  those  who  wait 
upon  their  caprices.  If,  when  you  wish  to  buy 
a  pair  of  gloves,  or  a  belt,  or  a  bonnet  ribbon, 
you  go  into  twenty  stores,  and  tumble  over  the 
goods  in  each,  and  take  up  the  time,  and  try 
the  patience  of  twenty  people,  think  how  dis- 
proportioned  is  the  trouble  you  give,  to  the 
want  in  question.  Some  persons  behave  in 
shopping,  as  if  no  one  had  any  rights,  or  any 
feelings,  but  the  purchasers  ;  as  if  the  sellers 
of  goods  were  mere  automatons,  put  behind 
the  counter  to  do  their  bidding ;  they  keep 
them  waiting,  whilst  they  talk  of  other   things 


SHOPPING.  329 

with  a  friend ;  they  call  for  various  goods,  ask 
the  price,  and  try  to  cheapen  them,  without  any 
real  intention  of  buying.  A  lady  who  wants  de- 
cision of  character,  after  hesitating,  and  debat- 
ing, till  the  poor  trader's  patience  is  almost  ex- 
hausted, will  beg  him  to  send  the  article  to  her 
house,  for  her  to  examine  it  there ;  and,  after 
giving  him  all  this  trouble,  she  will  refuse  to 
purchase  it,  without  any  scruple  or  apology. 
Some  think  they  have  a  right  to  exchange  ar- 
ticles at  the  place  where  they  were  bought ; 
whereas,  that  privilege  should  be  asked  as  a  fa- 
vor, only  where  you  are  a  good  customer ;  and 
then,  but  rarely.  For  the  sake  of  buying  a  com- 
mon calico  dress,  some  girls  will  run  through 
all  the  dry-goods  stores  they  can  find,  tumbling 
over  a  counter-full  of  printed  goods  in  each ; 
asking  for  patterns  at  every  place,  and  yet  not 
make  up  their  minds  to  buy  either.  They  are 
so  puzzled  by  the  variety,  they  cannot  choose. 
Now,  would  it  not  be  far  better,  to  confine  your- 
self to  two  or  three  stores  where  you  are  known, 
and  where  you  can  rely  upon  what  is  said,  and 
where  they  have  but  one  price  ?  It  is  a  great 
mistake,  to  suppose  that  you  get  things  cheap- 
er, for  dealing  with  persons  whom  you  can 
beat  down  in  their  prices,  for  such  persons  al- 
ways begin  with  asking  as  much  more  as  they 
mean  to  abate,  of  a  customer  who  is  in  thai 
habit.     When   you   have  quite  decided  on  tlit- 


330        CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

piece  of  goods  you  prefer,  asking  for  a  pattern 
of  that,  to  see  if  it  will  wash  well,  is  all  very 
proper.  If  your  dealings  are  confined  to  a  few 
places,  and  to  persons  who  know  you,  you  can 
with  a  better  grace  allow  them,  sometimes,  to 
wait  upon  you  in  vain ;  but,  when  you  have 
given  strangers  much  trouble  in  showing  you 
goods,  none  of  which  suit  you,  you  should 
make  a  point  of  buying  something  else,  before 
you  leave  the  store.  There  are  certain  articles 
which  can  never  come  amiss  to  a  woman,  and 
in  which  there  need  be  very  little  choice;  such 
as  tape,  thread,  pins,  &c.  Any  little  purchase, 
with  a  civil  expression  of  regret,  for  the  trou- 
ble you  have  given,  will  save  all  unpleasant 
feeling,  and  is  the  least  return  you  can  make 
for  wasted  services.  If  you  are  habitually  at- 
tentive to  the  convenience  of  others,  you  will 
be  on  the  alert,  to  prevent  those  who  attend 
upon  you,  from  opening  more  parcels  of  goods 
than  is  necessary;  you  will  also  be  careful  how 
you  handle  nice  goods,  and  will  not  tumble 
them  over  carelessly ;  you  will  not  try  on 
gloves  without  asking  leave  to  do  so,  nor 
then,  without  great  care  not  to  injure  those  you 
reject. 

Be  in  the  habit  of  calculating  for  yourself 
the  amount  you  are  to  pay,  instead  of  blindly 
paying  whatever  you  are  told  is  the  sum  due ; 
always  look  at  the  change  you  receive,  and  sat- 


SHOPPING  33 1 

isfy  yourself  that  it  is  right,  before  you  put  it 
into  your  purse.  If  two  persons  agree  in  their 
calculations,  it  is  most  likely  they  are  correct, 
but,  without  this  check,  you  may  pay  more  or 
less  than  you  owe  ;  for  tenders  in  shops  often 
make  blunders,  and  a  dollar  given  away  in  a 
mistake  may  deprive  you  of  the  pleasure  of 
giving  it  in  charity. 

I  cannot  imagine  any  one  of  a  highly  culti- 
vated mind,  and  full  of  useful  occupation,  with 
a  just  appreciation  of  the  value  of  time,  and  of 
the  true  end  of  existence,  being  fond  of  shop- 
ping, as  a  pastime  ;  to  such,  therefore,  I  would 
say,  if  you  would  economize  time  and  money, 
never  go  a  shopping  with  girls  of  your  own  age ; 
never  look  round  a  store  to  see  what  there  is 
to  tempt  you  to  useless  expenditure  ;  but,  when 
you  have  ascertained,  at  home,  that  you  really 
need  some  articles  of  dress,  make  up  your 
mind  as  to  the  material  and  the  cost,  and  then 
go,  either  alone  or  with  an  experienced  friend, 
to  a  well-known  store,  and  make  the  purchase. 
If  you  afterwards  see  something  that  you  like 
better,  it  will  not  trouble  you,  if  you  have 
learned  not  to  attach  much  importance  to  the 
subject,  and  would  rather  wear  something  less 
becoming,  than  spend  your  time  in  searching 
all  the  stores  for  the  prettiest  pattern. 

Always  remember  that  a  store  is  a  public 
place  ;  that  you  are  speaking  before,  and  often 


332       CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

to,  strangers,  and,  therefore,  there  should  be 
a  certain  degree  of  reserve,  in  all  you  do  and 
say ;  never  carry  on  any  conversation  with 
your  companions,  on  topics  that  have  nothing 
to  do  with  your  shopping,  and  do  not  speak  or 
laugh  aloud ;  but  despatch  your  business  in  a 
quiet  and  polite  manner,  equally  removed  from 
haughtiness  and  familiarity.  Sometimes,  in 
pressing  you  to  buy  their  goods,  young  shop- 
keepers will  become  too  talkative  and  familiar ; 
silence  and  seriousness  are  the  best  checks  to 
this ;  and  it  should  always  be  met  by  calm 
self-possession.  If  you  have  good  manners, 
you  will  very  rarely  meet  with  impertinence  or 
rudeness ;  when  ladies  complain  of  being  fre- 
quently annoyed  in  any  such  way,  it  is  a  sure 
sign  that  their  own  deportment  is  faulty.  Self- 
possession  and  self-reliance  are  the  result  of  a 
well-disciplined  mind  and  cultivated  manners  ; 
and  a  person  possessed  of  them,  will  always  be 
equal  to  the  occasion ;  their  looks  alone  are 
sufficient  to  repress  insolence.  If  a  slight  im- 
pertinence produces  a  great  deal  of  agitation 
and  embarrassment,  a  temptation  is  felt  to  see 
how  a  greater  liberty  will  be  borne,  and  there- 
fore, if  you  cannot  so  far  command  your  nerves 
and  your  feelings,  as  to  meet  such  a  thing  in 
a  calm  and  dignified  manner,  you  had  better 
not  venture  out  without  the  protection  of  your 
mother,  or  some  elderly  friend. 


IN    THE    STREET.  333 

The  habit  of  running  through  the  streets 
in  childhood,  and  lounging  through  them  as 
school-girls,  laughing  and  talking  aloud  as  you 
go,  is  unfavorable  to  good  manners  in  after 
life ;  but,  when  you  become  young  ladies,  your 
deportment  in  the  street  should  be  more  guard- 
ed and  reserved.  You  should  converse  in  low 
tones,  and  never  laugh  audibly ;  you  should 
not  stare  at  people,  nor  turn  round  to  look 
after  them  when  passed;  you  must  leave  off 
your  juvenile  tricks  of  eating  as  you  walk 
along,  going  without  gloves,  swinging  your 
bag,  untying  your  bonnet,  running  to  overtake 
a  person,  or  beckoning  to  a  friend.  These 
things  may  seem  very  harmless  in  themselves, 
but  they  all  serve  to  give  an  impression  of 
character  ;  and,  as  persons,  who  see  you  only 
in  the  streets,  must  judge  of  you  by  what  oc- 
curs there,  it  is  desirable  that  all  your  actions, 
movements,  and  looks  should  indicate  modesty 
and  refinement. 

In  France,  where  politeness  is  found  in  every 
class,  the  people  do  not  run  against  each  other 
in  the  streets,  nor  brush  rudely  by  each  other, 
as  they  sometimes  do  in  our  cities.  It  adds 
much  to  the  pleasure  of  walking,  to  be  free 
from  such  annoyance ;  and  this  can  only  be 
brought  about  by  the  well-taught  few  setting 
a  good  example  to  the  many.  By  having  your 
wits  about  you,  you  can  win  your  way  through 


334        CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

a  thronged  street  without  touching  even  the 
extreme  circumference  of  a  balloon  sleeve;  and, 
if  each  one  strove  to  avoid  all  contact,  it  would 
be  easily  accomplished.  In  the  management  of 
umbrellas  and  parasols,  too,  persons  show  their 
good  or  ill  breeding.  In  approaching  a  lady, 
with  either  in  her  hand,  you  should  raise  yours 
high  enough  to  pass  by  hers,  without  interfer- 
ing; and  never  carry  it  along  with  regard  only 
to  your  own  convenience,  but  be  constantly  on 
the  alert  to  prevent  the  sharp  points  from  touch- 
ing people's  faces  or  deranging  their  dresses. 
Whenever  you  do  incommode  any  one,  be 
prompt  to  say,  "I  beg  your  pardon;"  that  is 
the  only  amends  you  can  make,  and  it  will 
instantly  repair  the  injury  and  restore  a  kindly 
feeling.  Some  are  so  sorry  for  any  little  awk- 
wardness that  has  troubled  others,  that  they 
are  dumb  for  very  shame ;  any  such  propen- 
sity should  be  strenuously  resisted,  for  stran- 
gers will  not  understand  your  silence,  but 
would  be  propitiated  at  once  by  a  civil  apol- 
ogy- 
Some  ladies  carry  their  notions  of  female 
privilege  so  far,  as  to  think  a  gentleman  ought 
never  to  take  the  wall  of  them  ;  but  it  is  far 
more  rational  and  convenient,  to  have  one  rule 
about  that,  for  both  sexes.  When  you  have 
the  wall  on  your  right  hand,  you  should  keep 
it ;  when  on  the  left,  you  should  give  it  up. 


DRAGGLED    PETTICOATS.  335 

Well  protected  as  ladies  generally  are  by 
pantalettes,  they  do  not  avail  themselves  of 
them,  to  save  their  petticoats  and  skirts  from 
being  draggled  by  sweeping  down  every  step 
and  curbstone  over  which  they  pass.  Young- 
ladies  think  that  it  looks  ungraceful,  to  see  a 
woman  holding  up  her  petticoats,  but  there  is 
no  momentary  action  of  the  kind,  which  could 
convey  such  unpleasant  ideas  to  the  mind  of  a 
beholder,  as  the  sight  of  cloaks  and  pellises 
wiping  up  the  mud  of  the  streets  and  convey- 
ing it  to  the  stockings  beneath  them.  Of  the 
few  who  mean  to  avoid  this,  not  one  in  ten  is 
successful ;  because,  by  holding  their  clothes  out 
behind,  they  only  make  a  more  effectual  brush 
of  them.  There  is  a  way  of  drawing  the  clothes 
in  close  to  the  ancles  behind,  which  is  effectual 
without  any  exposure,  and  is  well  worth  a  little 
practising  to  acquire  it. 

It  is  well  to  avoid  walking  three  or  four 
abreast,  as  well  as  collecting  in  groups  on  a 
narrow  sidewalk,  filling  up  the  way  to  the  in- 
convenience of  other  passengers. 

If  you  perceive  a  lady  to  be  in  danger  of 
losing  some  article  of  dress,  such  as  a  veil,  or 
boa,  collar,  or  handkerchief,  tell  her  of  it,  with 
grave  politeness,  and  she  will  feel  obliged, 
whether  she  has  the  manners  to  tell  you  so  or 
not. 


336       CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

If  you  find  some  lost  article  on  the  pavement, 
pick  it  up,  with  a  view  of  restoring  it  to  its 
owner;  and  lose  no  time  in  advertising  it,  or 
placing  it  where  it  will  be  easily  claimed. 

Without  possessing  any  superstitious  rever- 
ence for  a  church,  or  for  the  Sabbath,  every 
person  of  reflection  must  feel  the  propriety  of 
adapting  her  deportment  to  the  place  and  the 
occasion,  and  therefore  we  rarely  see  any  great 
violation  of  decorum  in  places  of  public  w^or- 
ship.  Once  in  awhile  the  sound  of  merry  voices 
and  of  laughter  comes  too  near  the  church 
door,  and  grates  upon  the  feelings  of  those 
whose  minds  are  attuned  to  a  more  serious 
strain.  Occasionally,  too,  a  young  lady  may  be 
seen  busily  adjusting  her  curls,  or  her  ruffles, 
or  some  part  of  her  dress,  which  had  better  be 
let  alone,  than  touched  so  unseasonably.  So 
much  of  the  good  to  be  derived  from  public 
worship  depends  upon  the  state  of  mind  in 
which  we  enter  upon  the  services,  that  the  few 
minutes  w^hich  precede  them  ought  to  be  better 
applied  than  in  arranging  your  dress,  or  watch- 
ing for  the  entrance  of  your  friends,  or  spying 
out  new  bonnets  and  strange  faces.  Those 
moments  spent  in  self-recollection,  in  calling 
home  your  wandering  thoughts,  and  centring 
them  upon  God,  would  prepare  you  for  the  de- 
votional exercise  in  which  you  are  about  to 
join,  in  appearance,  if  not  in  reality  ;  or  for  that 


BEHAVIOUR    AT    CHURCH.  337 

silent  prayer  of  the  soul,  which  ascends  alone 
to  the  Father  of  spirits.  The  reading  of  a 
hymn,  or  a  chapter  in  the  Bible,  is  sometimes  a 
help  to  devotional  feeling;  a  far  better  occu- 
pation than  watching  the  entrance  of  the  con- 
gregation. It  is  so  desirable  to  maintain  a 
devotional  frame  of  mind  through  the  services, 
that  we  should  avoid  everything  which  may 
disturb  it  in  ourselves  or  others ;  and,  so  far 
from  whispering  about  irrelevant  things,  it  is 
better  to  suffer  some  personal  inconvenience, 
and  to  omit  some  little  civilities,  than  to  risk 
interrupting  a  train  of  pious  thought.  There 
is  often  an  unnecessary  parade  about  finding 
the  hymns  and  passing  about  the  books ;  it 
is  a  vent  for  the  restless  activity  of  children ; 
but,  where  the  mind  is  fixed  on  God,  it  is  a 
painful  jar  to  the  feelings,  and  when  any  one 
appears  to  be  absorbed  in  thought,  it  had  bet- 
ter be  omitted. 

If  the  place  and  the  occasion  fail,  as  they 
sometimes  will,  to  call  up  a  devotional  frame 
of  mind,  we  must  be  doubly  on  our  guard  not 
to  let  our  wandering  thoughts  be  the  means  of 
disturbing  those  around  us.  All  unnecessary 
motions  and  noises  should  be  scrupulously 
avoided;  and,  by  smothering  the  sound  of  a 
cough  in  a  pocket  handkerchief,  we  may  ren- 
der it  far  less  annoying  than  it  would  other- 
wise be. 

cc  22 


338       CONDUCT  AT  PUBLIC  PLACES. 

If  a  strong  impression  has  been  made  upon 
your  mind,  and  your  heart  has  been  filled  with 
the  highest  emotions  of  which  it  is  capable, 
you  will  not  be  disposed,  on  quitting  the  church, 
to  greet  everybody  you  know,  and  enter  into 
the  commonplace  chit-chat  of  the  day ;  you 
will  rather  avoid  the  salutations  of  indifferent 
people,  and,  quietly  wending  your  way  home, 
you  will  endeavour  to  preserve  your  mind  in 
that  state  of  solemnized  feeling. 

The  display  of  finery  and  of  new  clothes, 
which  is  too  often  made  at  church,  is  so  out 
of  place,  and  grates  so  harshly  on  the  feel- 
ings of  more  sober-minded  people,  that  I  have 
heard  wishes  expressed  that  we  had  a  fixed 
costume  to  wear  to  places  of  worship,  like  the 
Spanish  ladies,  w^ho  always  put  on  a  black 
dress  and  veil  on  such  occasions.  If  our  ladies 
were  obliged  to  appear  at  church  all  dressed 
alike,  in  some  very  plain  guise,  I  fear  their 
attendance  on  public  worship  would  not  be  so 
frequent  as  it  is  now.  Better  than  this,  how- 
ever, far  better,  would  it  be,  if  every  sober- 
minded  Christian  woman  would  dress,  at  all 
times,  in  a  style  suited  to  her  character,  and 
not  let  the  tyranny  of  fashion  force  upon  her 
an  outward  seeming,  wholly  at  variance  with 
the  inward  reality.  I  hope  the  time  is  not 
distant,  when  it  will  be  considered  ungenteel 
to  be  gayly  dressed   in  walking  the  streets  of 


PLAIN    DRESS    FOR    WALKING.  339 

cities,  towns,  and  villages,  when  a  plain  bonnet 
that  shades  the  face,  a  plain  dress,  and  thick 
shoes  and  stockings,  shall  be  as  indispensable 
to  the  walking  costume  of  an  American  lady  as 
they  are  to  that  of  most  Europeans. 


340  DINNER    PARTIES. 

CHAPTER  XV. 

Dinner  Parties. 

A  Dinner  Engagement  Binding.  —  Dress.  —  Entrance.  — 
Places.  —  Manners  at  Table.  —  Accidents.  —  Eating  and 
Conversing.  — Refined  Manners.  —  Champagne.  —  Finger- 
Glasses.  —  Leaving  Table.  —  Coffee.  —  Departure.  —  Con- 
versation between  Mr.  Turner  and  his  Daughter.  — Desire 
for  Improvement  common. 

Having  been  particularly  requested  to  write 
a  chapter  on  the  manners  which  belong  to  din- 
ner and  evening  parties,  I  will  endeavour  to 
suggest  a  few  rules,  which  may  be  of  general 
application  ;  but  no  precise  instructions  on 
points  of  etiquette  can  be  given,  as  that  varies 
in  different  places,  and  can  only  be  learned  by 
personal  observation  and  inquiry. 

Whenever  dinners  are  given  to  invited 
guests,  civility  requires,  that  an  early  answer 
should  be  returned ;  for  the  proper  wording  of 
such  answers,  I  must  refer  you  to  "  The  Youth's 
Letter-Writer,"  where  full  directions  are  given. 
An  acceptance,  in  such  a  case,  should  be  as 
binding  as  a  promissory  note  ;  and  no  slight 
cause  should  ever  be  allowed  to  prevent  your 
fulfilling  your  engagement.  This  occasion  is 
a  very  different  affair  from  an  evening  party, 
where  you  would  not,  perhaps,  be  missed,  if 
you  stayed   away  ;    only  a  certain  number  can 


A    DINNER    ENGAGEMENT    BINDING.  341 

be  asked  to  a  dinner,  and  these  are  carefully- 
selected  and  assorted,  so  as  to  be  agreeable  to 
each  other  ;  and,  if  one  or  more  fail  at  last, 
their  places  cannot  be  filled  up,  and  the  va- 
cancies at  the  table  mar  the  completeness  of 
the  party,  and  throw  a  damp  on  the  spirits 
of  the  host  and  hostess.  A  dinner  engage- 
ment should,  therefore,  be  regarded  as  partic- 
ularly binding,  and  as  imposing  an  obligation 
to  be  strictly  punctual.  Want  of  punctuality, 
at  a  dinner  party,  is  an  affront  to  the  whole  com- 
pany, as  well  as  to  the  gentleman  and  lady  of 
the  house. 

A  ceremonious  dinner  requires  that  the  com- 
pany should  be  well  and  handsomely  dressed, 
though  not  in  such  gay  attire,  as  is  usually 
worn  at  a  ball,  or  evening  party.  Your  hair 
should  be  arranged  with  great  neatness,  and 
everything  about  you  should  be  in  perfect  or- 
der ;  for  day-light  reveals  those  little  defects, 
which  candle-light  conceals.  Having  given 
proper  attention  to  your  toilet,  before  you 
leave  home,  think  no  more  of  it  afterwards  ;  it 
is  very  disagreeable  to  see  any  one  continually 
adjusting  her  dress ;  it  shows  that  the  thoughts 
are  upon  it,  whereas,  the  mind  should  be  given 
to  what  is  passing  around  you. 

Arrived  at  the  place,  and  disrobed  of  your 
shawl  or  cloak,  let  your  gloves  be  on,  and,  with 
erect  carriage  and  firm  step,  enter  the  drawing- 


342  DINNER    PARTIES. 

room,  either  with  your  parents,  three  together, 
or  following  them  alone,  or  on  the  arm  of  a 
friend  or  sister.  Look  towards  the  lady  of  the 
house,  and  walk  up  at  once  to  her,  not  turning 
to  the  right  or  left,  or  noticing  any  one,  till 
you  have  made  your  courtesy  to  her,  and  to  the 
host.  Then,  you  may  turn  off  towards  the 
young  people,  and  take  a  seat  among  them, 
with  that  agreeable  expression  of  ready  sym- 
pathy on  your  face,  which  encourages  conver- 
sation. Be  quick  to  answer,  when  addressed, 
always  looking  the  person  in  the  face ;  be  ob- 
servant of  all  that  is  passing  around  you,  and 
ready  to  be  amused,  with  whatever  presents 
itself. 

A  child,  a  picture,  an  annual,  a  worked  otto- 
man, a  bunch  of  flowers,  may  furnish  topics  for 
conversation,  till  dinner  is  announced.  When 
that  moment  comes,  stand  back  for  all  the 
married  dames  to  pass  out  before  you:  and,  if 
ct  gentleman,  wishing  to  escort  you,  attempt 
to  lead  you  out  before  them,  draw  back,  and 
do  not  let  him.  If  you  are  a  stranger  in  a 
place,  and  the  dinner  is  made  for  you,  young 
as  you  are,  the  gentleman  of  the  house  "will 
lead  you  out,  next  to  the  lady  of  the  feast,  and 
in  that  case,  it  is  proper  for  you  to  go.  But, 
when  you  are  visiting  with  your  parents,  your 
mother  will  receive  the  first  honors,  and  you 
may  fall  back  among  the  young  people.      On 


PLACE     AT    TABLE.  343 

entering  the  dining-room,  you  must  use  your 
eyes,  to  discover  which  part  of  the  table  is 
considered  the  most  honorable  ;  for,  in  some 
places,  it  is  only  that  end  where  the  lady  sits, 
in  others,  both  ends  are  equally  honored,  and 
the  young  folks  sit  in  the  middle ;  whilst  there 
are  houses,  in  which  the  host  and  hostess  sit 
in  the  middle  on  each  side,  and  take  the  most 
honored  guests  next  to  them.  Try  to  seat 
yourself  among  the  least  important  portion  of 
the  company,  unless  desired  by  the  gentleman 
or  lady  of  the  house,  to  take  a  particular  seat ; 
in  which  case,  you  should  always  comply.  Ob- 
serve next,  whether  a  blessing  is  to  be  asked, 
that  you  may  not  sit  down  before  the  rest,  and 
have  to  rise  again. 

When  fairly  seated  in  the  right  place,  spread 
your  napkin  in  your  lap,  to  protect  your  dress 
from  accident;  take  off  your  gloves  and  put 
them  in  your  lap,  under  the  napkin.  If  soup  is 
helped  first,  take  some,  whether  you  like  it  or 
not ;  because,  if  you  do  not,  you  alone  may  be 
unemployed,  or  else  the  regular  progress  of 
things  is  disturbed,  to  help  you  to  some  other 
dish;  so  take  the  soup,  and  sip  a  few  spoon- 
fuls, if  you  do  no  more.  Where  the  old  fashion 
of  challenging  ladies  to  take  wine  prevails,  it 
generally  begins  directly  after  soup ;  if  you  are 
asked,  do  not  refuse,  because  that  is  a  rebuff; 
but  accept  the  challenge  graciously,  choose  one 


344  DINNER    PARTIES 

of  the  wines  named  to  you,  and  when  your 
glass  is  filled,  look  full  at  the  gentleman  you 
are  to  drink  with,  then  drop  your  eyes  as  you 
bow  your  head  to  him,  and  lift  the  glass  to 
your  lips,  whether  you  drink  a  drop  or  not.  If 
challenged  a  second  time,  accept,  and  have  a 
drop  added  to  your  glass,  and  bow  as  before. 
If  asked  what  part  of  anything  you  will  have, 
always  make  a  choice,  whether  you  have  a 
preference  or  not ;  because  it  is  most  agree- 
able to  the  carver,  to  have  the  matter  decided 
by  you. 

If  you  sit  near  a  dish  of  vegetables,  or  a  gra- 
vy tureen,  be  on  the  alert,  to  help  to  its  con- 
tents, when  called  upon.  It  must  depend  on 
the  number  of  servants  in  attendance,  and  on 
the  style  in  which  the  dinner  is  given,  whether 
it  is  proper  for  you  to  pass  plates,  or  not ;  at 
some  tables,  it  is  a  necessary  attention,  whilst 
at  others,  it  would  be  a  barbarous  piece  of  offi- 
ciousness.  If  you  are  calm  and  quiet,  and  self 
possessed,  you  will  easily  see  what  is  right, 
and  fall  into  the  manners  of  the  place. 

If  you  would  avoid  embarrassing  accidents, 
move  very  gently ;  take  care  of  your  large 
sleeves,  that  they  do  not  get  into  anything,  or 
sweep  off  anything. 

If  you  should  happen  to  meet  with  an  acci- 
dent at  table,  endeavour  to  preserve  your  com- 
posure, and  do  not  add  to  the  discomfort  you 


ACCIDENTS.  345 

have  created,  by  making  an  unnecessary  fuss 
about  it.  The  easier  such  things  are  passed 
over,  the  better.  I  remember  hearing  it  told 
of  a  very  accomplished  gentleman,  that  when 
carving  a  tough  goose,  he  had  the  misfortune 
to  send  it  entirely  out  of  the  dish,  and  into  the 
lap  of  the  lady  next  to  him ;  on  v^hich  he  very 
coolly  looked  her  full  in  the  face,  and,  with  ad- 
mirable gravity  and  calmness,  said,  "  Ma'am,  I 
will  thank  you  for  that  goose."  In  a  case  like 
this,  a  person  must  necessarily  suffer  so  much, 
and  be  such  an  object  of  compassion  to  the 
company,  that  the  kindest  thing  he  could  do, 
was  to  appear  as  unmoved  as  possible.  This 
manner  of  bearing  such  a  mortifying  accident 
gained  him  more  credit,  than  he  lost  by  his 
awkward  carving. 

Such  presence  of  mind  as  this,  we  do  not 
expect  from  very  young  persons ;  but  even 
they  may  refrain  from  all  exclamations,  when 
anything  is  spilt  on  their  clothes;  and  refuse 
all  such  assistance,  in  wiping  the  place,  as 
would  derange  the  company,  or  interrupt  con- 
versation. If  you  break  anything  belonging  to 
the  persons  you  visit,  you  should  express  re- 
gret, and  blame  your  own  awkwardness ;  but 
even  then,  take  care  not  to  say  too  much  about 
it.  What  is  the  loss  of  a  tumbler,  or  wine- 
glass, compared  with  the  discomfiture  of  a 
guest,  or  the  interruption  of  conversation  ! 


346  DINNER    PARTIES. 

Some  persons,  at  a  dinner,  are  so  engrossed 
by  the  good  eatables,  that  they  care  not  for 
conversation ;  others  are  so  occupied  with  talk- 
ing, they  forget  to  eat;  the  first  annoys  the 
company,  the  latter  your  hostess,  so  it  is 
better  to  avoid  both  extremes.  By  dining  on 
one  dish,  and  that  the  plainest  on  the  table, 
you  will  preserve  your  habitual  temperance, 
and  have  time  enough  to  be  sociable  with  your 
neighbours.  If  conversation  flourishes  among 
the  elders  of  the  company,  and  you  wish  to 
listen  to  it,  you  may  do  so  with  propriety, 
provided  your  countenance  shows  that  you 
are  an  attentive  and  pleased  listener  3  but  to 
sit  silent  and  with  forbidding  looks,  or  a  dull, 
tired  expression,  is  a  trespass  against  the  so- 
cial feelings  of  all  present.  To  yawn,  or  gape, 
is  unpardonable  rudeness. 

When  you  send  your  plate  for  anything, 
whether  by  the  hand  of  a  servant,  or  friend, 
take  off  the  knife  and  fork,  and  lay  them  down 
on  the  cloth,  supporting  the  ends  on  your  bread, 
or  else  hold  them  in  your  hand,  in  a  horizontal 
position.  If  you  wish  to  imitate  the  French 
or  English,  you  w^ill  put  every  mouthful  into 
your  mouth  with  your  fork ;  but  if  you  think,  as 
I  do,  that  Americans  have  as  good  a  right  to 
their  own  fashions  as  the  inhabitants  of  any 
other  country,  you  may  choose  the  convenience 
of  feeding  yourself  with  your  right  hand,  armed 


CHAMPAGNE.  FINGER-GLASSES.  347 

with  a  steel  blade  ;  and  provided  you  do  it 
neatly,  and  do  not  put  in  large  mouthfuls,  or 
close  your  lips  tight  over  the  blade,  you  ought 
not  to  be  considered  as  eating  ungenteelly. 
When  not  engaged  in  eating,  do  not  let  your 
fingers  find  employment  in  playing  with  any 
of  the  table  furniture,  or  in  making  pellets  of 
bread.  If  you  would  be  very  refined,  you  must 
avoid  blowing  your  nose  at  table,  or  touching 
your  hair,  or  adjusting  a  comb ;  those  are,  in 
some  persons'  eyes,  great  offences.  I  once 
heard  a  gentleman  describe  a  young  lady  as 
having  every  virtue  and  every  charm  that  could 
be  desired,  and  then  he  added  with  a  sigh, 
"She  would  be  perfect  w^ere  it  not  for  one 
thing."  I  eagerly  asked  what  that  was ;  and 
he  replied,  "She  blows  her  nose  at  dinner- 
time." 

If  you  are  puzzled  what  to  choose  of  all  the 
variety  which  the  second  course  presents,  and 
the  lady  of  the  house  invites  you  particularly 
to  take  of  a  certain  dish,  let  that  determine 
you.  Where  champagne  is  given  between  the 
courses,  a  young  lady  may  very  properly  take 
one  glass;  but,  when  it  comes  round  a  second 
time,  let  her  cover  the  top  of  the  glass  with 
her  hand,  as  a  signal  to  the  servant  that  she 
will  take  no  more. 

If  little  glass  bowls,  with  water  in  them, 
called  finger-glasses,  are  served  round  to  each 


348  DINNER    PARTIES. 

person,  at  the  end  of  the  second  course,  it  is 
that  you  may  dip  your  fingers  in  and  wipe  them 
on  your  napkin.  Observe,  whether  after  this, 
the  lady  of  the  house  throws  her  napkin  on  the 
table,  or  retains  it,  and  do  likewise,  for  the 
customs  of  houses  vary.  Where  there  is  a  des- 
sert of  fresh  fruits,  and  colored  napkins  or 
doileys  are  served,  take  care  to  wipe  your  fin- 
gers on  them,  as  the  juice  of  some  fruits  stains 
a  white  napkin.  Be  sure  to  get  through  with 
your  dessert,  and  have  your  gloves  on,  all 
ready  to  move,  by  the  time  the  lady  of  the 
house  gives  the  signal,  and  take  pains  not  to 
put  yourself  or  your  chair  in  the  way  of  those 
who  are  passing  down  the  room  to  the  door. 

The  time  between  leaving  the  dinner-table 
and  being  joined  by  the  gentlemen,  is  generally 
a  very  easy  and  social  one  w4th  the  ladies  ;  the 
younger  ones  walk  about,  or  run  up  stairs,  or 
play  with  children,  or  have  some  jokes  and 
stories  in  ^  corner  by  themselves,  whilst  the 
matrons  discourse  of  their  own  affairs.  If  your 
dress  wants  any  adjusting,  this  is  the  time  to 
attend  to  it. 

Presently,  coffee  is  handed  round,  and  then 
the  gentlemen  come  dropping  in,  the  young 
ones  first  and  the  politicians  last.  This  end 
of  a  dinner  party  is  like  any  other  small  as- 
semblage of  friends,  and  unless  you  have  been 
svarned  that    you    were  to  expect  an  evening 


CONVERSATION    ON    TABLE-MANNERS.  349 

party  added  to  it,  the  sooner  you  depart  after 
taking  coffee  the  better. 

A  dinner,  well  performed  by  all  the  actors  in 
it,  is  very  fatiguing,  and,  as  it  generally  occu- 
pies three  hours  or  more,  most  persons  are 
glad  to  go  away  when  it  is  fairly  done.  After 
dinner,  you  are  expected  to  take  leave  more 
generally  and  sociably,  than  after  any  other 
kind  of  party,  except  it  be  a  small  supper 
party. 

By  way  of  showing  what  sort  of  faults  in 
table-manners  young  persons  are  liable  to 
commit,  I  will  subjoin  a  conversation  between 
a  gentleman  of  the  old  school  and  his  well- 
bred  daughter,  after  a  dinner  party  at  their 
house. 

"  Well,  my  dear  father,  I  hope  you  enjoyed 
your  dinner  to-day,  and  that  everything  went 
off  to  your  satisfaction,"  said  Mr.  Turner's 
eldest  daughter  to  him.  He  was  a  widower, 
and  this  daughter  had  been  several  years  at 
the  head  of  his  very  handsome  establishment. 

"  Humph,  I  don't  know,"  was  his  unsatisfac- 
tory reply. 

"  Then  I  am  sure  something  was  wrong," 
said  his  good-humored  daughter.  — "  Was  the 
turkey  cooked  to  your  liking,  and  the  gravy 
made  right  ?  I  gave  very  particular  directions 
to  our  new  cook." 

"  O  yes,  that  was   all  well   enough  ;   the  din- 

DD 


350  DINNER    PARTIES. 

ner  was  all  very  well  cooked,  and  very  prop- 
erly served." 

"Well,  I  hope  I  presided  to  your  satisfac- 
tion; do  tell  me  if  I  pained  you,  by  anything 
wrong  on  my  part." 

"Far  from  it,  my  dear;  you  presided,  as  you 
always  do,  in  the  most  lady-like  and  agreeable 
manner ;  if  everybody  had  as  good  manners  as 
you,  there  would  be  some  satisfaction  in  hav- 
ing dinner  company;  bat  it  takes  away  all  my 
pleasure  to  be  surrounded  by  awkward  people ; 
the  best  dish  in  the  world  would  be  unpalata- 
ble to  me,  if  I  was  helped  to  gravy  by  your 
cousin  Tom." 

"Indeed,  Sir;  how  does  he  help  to  it  ?  I  did 
not  observe  him." 

"  Not  observe  him  !  why  I  could  not  keep  my 
eyes  off  of  him,  and  had  it  been  at  your  end  of 
the  table,  it  could  not  have  escaped  me.  He 
took  hold  of  the  gravy-ladle  the  wrong  way, 
and  so  clumsily,  that  you  would  have  supposed 
he  never  used  one  before;  then  he  helped  the 
gravy  without  stirring  it  up,  or  putting  the 
ladle  to  the  bottom  of  the  tureen;  so  the  first 
persons  helped  would  have  all  the  thin  and  the 
next  all  the  thick  part  of  the  gravy.  To  some 
he  gave  half  a  ladle-full,  to  others  two  full 
ladles,  and  all  without  any  regard  to  the  quan- 
tity of  meat  on  the  plate.  You  smile,  as  if 
this  were  a  very  small  aifair,  and  ought  not  to 


CONVERSATION    ON    TABLE-MANNERS.  351 

trouble  me  so  much.  It  is  a  trifle,  compared 
with  the  more  serious  business  of  life,  but  still, 
even  these  trifles  mark  a  defect  of  character. 
A  well-regulated  mind  prompts  to  correctness 
even  in  trifles ;  if  gravy  is  to  be  helped  to  ten 
persons,  a  man  of  common  sense,  and  accustom- 
ed to  aim  at  doing  everything  in  the  best  man- 
ner, would  give  thought  enough  to  what  he 
was  about,  to  do  it  well.  He  would  take  hold 
of  the  ladle  in  the  most  convenient  manner,  he 
would  gently  stir  up  the  gravy  till  it  was  of 
like  consistency  throughout,  and  then  appor- 
tion it  properly  to  the  meat  on  each  plate.  Af- 
ter thinking  about  it  once,  he  would  do  it 
properly  all  the  rest  of  his  life,  without  think- 
ing at  all  about  it ;  it  would  become  an  in- 
stinct; and  that  is  the  difference  between  well- 
educated,  well-trained  young  people,  and  such 
as  dined  with  us  to-day." 

"  My  dear  father,  do  you  not  call  the  gentle- 
men, who  dined  with  us  to-day,  well-educated 
men!" 

"  0  yes,  well-educated,  as  far  as  school- 
learning  goes,  but  I  mean  that  sort  of  training, 
in  childhood  and  youth,  which  includes  good 
manners.  I  believe  the  times  are  altered  since 
I  was  a  boy  ;  then,  parents  took  as  much  pains 
to  teach  their  sons  and  daughters  to  behave 
well  at  table,  as  to  make  them  cut  a  good 
figure  at  a  school  examination.      For  my  part. 


352  DINNER    PARTIES. 

if  I  had  sons,  I  would  rather  have  them  con- 
duct themselves  properly  at  meals,  and  perform 
well  those  ever-recurring  duties,  than  have  them 
win  prizes  for  being  the  best  Latin  scholars  in 
their  school.  But  there  is  no  reason  why  they 
should  not  do  both.  Because  some  of  the  eti- 
quette and  formality  of  the  old  school  has  been 
abolished,  parents  seem  to  think  there  is  noth- 
ing to  be  taught  of  table-manners.  I  do  not 
believe  any  of  our  guests  to-day  were  ever 
taught,  when  boys,  how  to  help  a  person  to  a 
potato,  much  less  to  carve  meat  or  poultry; 
now,  when  I  was  young,  we  were  taught  some- 
thing at  every  meal  that  we  took  alone  with  our 
parents,  and  I  early  made  a  point  of  teaching 
you  table-manners." 

"  I  know  it,  and  I  am  obliged  to  you  for 
teaching  me  how  to  carve,  but  I  always  sup- 
posed that  helping  to  potatoes  came  of  itself." 

"  Then  why  did  it  not  come  to  that  smart 
young  lawyer,  who  sat  by  the  potatoes  to-day. 
You  must  have  seen  how  awkwardly  he  kept 
digging  away  at  one  particular  potato,  on  one 
side  the  dish,  regardless  of  pushing  two  or 
three  over  the  other  side,  on  the  cloth,  when, 
by  only  turning  the  spoon,  and  taking  the  po- 
tato he  wished  for  on  the  other  side,  he  could 
have  got  at  it  at  once.  It  put  me  in  such  a 
fidget,  I  could  not  eat  my  dinner  for  watching 
him,  every  time  he  helped  anybody,  and  it  re- 


CONVERSATION    ON    TABLE    MANNERS.  353 

quired  all  my  politeness  to  refrain  from  giving 
him  a  lesson  at  the  moment." 

"  I  remember,  now,  that  I  did  see  him  push 
some  of  the  potatoes  out  of  the  dish;  but  I 
looked  another  way,  directly,  for  fear  of  em- 
barrassing him." 

"  That  was  very  kind  of  you,  my  dear ;  it 
was  more  than  the  man  deserved,  who  could  be 
so  clumsy,  and  when  you  turned  your  head  the 

other  way,  did  you  not   see   Mr.  N doing 

something  almost  as  awkward  ?  He  was  help- 
ing his  neighbour  to  wine,  and  filling  the  glass 
till  it  was  a  bumper,  that  could  scarcely  be  car- 
ried to  the  mouth  without  spilling; — whoever 
saw  a  lady's  glass  filled  more  than  half  full  or 
two-thirds  at  most,  when  asked  to  drink  wine 
with  a  gentleman  at  dinner !  Then,  instead  of 
taking  off  the  drop  from  the  decanter,  by  touch- 
ing it  to  the  edge  of  the  wine-glass,  allowing  it 
to  trickle  down  the  neck,  and  wet  the  hand  of 
the  next  person  who  touches  it.  Oh,  how  that 
annoys  me  !  and,  of  all  the  people  who  dine  with 
me,  there  are  but  two  or  three  who  avoid  it." 

"  Few  people,  my  dear  father,  have  had  any 
opportunity  of  instruction  on  these  points,  and 
those  who  have  not  are  entitled  to  indulgence. 

Mr.  N 's   parents  were  not   in  a  situation 

of  life  to  teach  their  son  such  niceties.  His 
talents  and  industry  have  made  him  what  he  is, 
and  he  has  so  much  real  merit  that  I  hope  you 
DD*  23 


364  DINNER    PARTIES. 

will  forgive  his  being  that  one  drop  out  of  the 
way." 

"  Why,  to  be  sure,  he  has  great  merit,  and,  as 
you  say,  he  could  not  have  had  any  training 
when  young.  I  observed  he  helped  to  the 
squash  well,  as  a  man  of  sense  ought  to  do; 
and  if  he  would  only  use  his  reason  once,  in 
helping  wine,  he  would  find  out  how  it  should 
be  done,  and  so  make  up  for  the  want  of  early 
instruction  in  such  matters.  I  always  mean  to 
make  allowance  for  such  as  could  not  have  had 
proper  training  in  childhood  and  youth,  but  I 
often  see  such  do  much  better  than  the  chil- 
dren of  affluent  parents,  who  ought  to  know 
what  is  proper.  The  man  who  makes  himself 
is  generally  observant,  and  desirous  of  catch- 
ing the  manners  of  the  persons  he  wishes  to 
associate  with;  and  any  man,  who  thinks  upon 
these  matters  of  table  comfort,  will  soon  find 
out  the  best  way  of  doing  everything.  Where- 
as those  who  have  always  been  used  to  silver 
forks  and  cut  glass,  have  no  fear  of  doing 
wrong;  they  suppose,  like  you,  that  helping 
potatoes  must  come  of  itself,  and  so  they  never 
think  anything  about  it,  and  do  it  awkwardly 
all  their  lives.  There  is  that  whole  family 
of  Bentons,  who  have  been  brought  up  in  the 
midst  of  luxury  and  indulgence  ;  I  dread  to 
see  any  of  them  enter  my  house,  they  are  so 
awkward  and  unmannerly." 


CONVERSATION    ON    TABLE-MANNERS.  355 

"  Oh,  my  dear  father,  how  can  you  say  so  ! 
Why  Julia  is  thought  a  most  graceful  and  ele- 
gant girl,  Harriet  is  very  refined,  and  James 
dances  better  than  any  of  my  acquaintance, 
and  is  very  polite  to  the  ladies,  and  always 
attentive  to  everybody. 

"Yes,  I  have  seen  his  attentions;  he  never 
hands  anybody  a  chair,  that  he  does  not  knock 
the  legs  of  it  against  every  piece  of  furniture 
near  him.  He  rubs  by  the  centre-table,  carry- 
ing the  cloth  with  him,  and  endangering  every- 
thing upon  it.  He  never  dined  here,  without 
spilling  wine,  or  salt,  or  gravy.  If,  instead  of 
taking  so  many  dancing  lessons,  he  had  learn- 
ed how  to  behave  in  other  matters,  he  would 
be  vastly  more  agreeable.  His  father  never 
does  these  awkward  things,  and  how  he  can 
let  his  son  grow  up,  without  drilling  him  into 
something  like  good  manners,  I  do  not  know." 

"James  is  so  high-spirited,  he  would  not 
like  to  be  drilled  in  these  matters." 

"He  should  have  been  taught  them  long  ago, 
before  his  spirit  rose  to  such  a  height;  but,  if 
I  had  any  right  to  interfere,  I  would  venture  to 
displease  him,  rather  than  let  him  continue  so 
disagreeable.  If  you  young  ladies  would  take 
up  the  matter,  and  let  the  beaux  know,  that  to 
be  agreeable  in  your  eyes,  they  must  be  dex- 
terous  in   their  movements,  and  well  behaved 


356  DINNER    PARTIES. 

in  trifles,  it  would  soon  reform  the  society  we 
live  in." 

"  Well,  father,  to  have  done  with  James  now, 
what  can  you  object  to  in  his  sisters  ?  " 

"  I  object  to  Julia's  way  of  cutting  her  food 
and  putting  it  in  her  mouth,  and  to  Harriet's 
treatment  of  it,  when  there." 

"  Upon  my  word,  Sir,  you  are  a  nice  observ- 
er. I  never  saw  anything  amiss  in  either ;  but 
do  explain  yourself." 

"  Julia's  way  of  sitting  at  the  table  is  awk- 
ward; she  is  too  far  off,  and  often  a  little  side- 
ways. Then  she  accepts  everything  that  is 
offered  her,  and  leaves  the  greater  part  of  it 
untouched." 

"  That  she  does  to  be  genteel,  I  suppose." 

"  Well,  she  is  greatly  mistaken,  if  she  thinks 
that  a  proof  of  gentility.  Then  she  eats  with 
an  affected  nonchalance,  and  cuts  such  awk- 
ward three-cornered  mouthfuls,  putting  in 
three  or  four  pieces  of  meat,  one  after  another, 
without  any  bread  or  vegetable,  that  it  quite 
disgusts  me.  And  she  leaves  such  an  untidy 
plate,  I  cannot  bear  to  see  it;  and  she  lets  her 
knife  and  fork  fall,  as  it  were,  out  of  her  hand, 
just  where  they  may,  so  that  it  is  ten  chances 
to  one,  but  they  fall  off  the  plate,  when  the 
man  takes  it  away.  I  once  saw  a  greasy  knife 
fall,  in  that  way,  on  her  silk  dress,  and  I  could 


CONVERSATION    ON    TABLE-MANNERS.  357 

not  be  sorry,  her  awkwardness  so  well  deserv- 
ed it." 

"  I  believe  Julia  does  affect  a  carelessness 
about  such  trifles,  which  she  thinks  genteel, 
and  I  never  heard  it  found  fault  with  before." 

"  But  you,  my  dear  child,  know  that  what  is 
affected  can  never  be  truly  genteel.  Real  gen- 
tility, requires  that  everything  should  be  well 
done ;  and  so  habitually  well  done,  as  to  re- 
quire no  effort.  Good  manners  are  not  merely 
conventional  rules.  There  are  many  points  of 
good-breeding,  which  do  not  change  with  time 
or  place ;  but  are  founded  on  reason  and  sound 
sense,  and  are,  therefore,  worthy  of  serious  con- 
sideration. Instead  of  thinking  it  genteel  to 
eat  carelessly,  Julia  should  know,  that  it  is 
the  mark  of  a  true  lady,  to  do  that,  as  well  as 
everything  else,  as  well  as  possible ;  and,  by 
always  eating  and  helping  others  in  the  best 
manner,  to  be  as  little  occupied  by  it,  as  by 
her  slovenly  way  of  doing  either." 

"  Well,  Harriet  is  much  more  precise  than 
Julia ;  I  hope  you  like  her  better." 

"  She  is  more  expert  in  all  her  manipula- 
tions ;  but  she  puts  me  in  constant  fear  for  her 
digestion.  She  does  not  seem  to  know  the 
use  of  those  pretty  teeth  of  hers.  She  seems 
to  think  they  were  only  made  to  look  well  in 
a  smile      But  then   she  might  know,  that  her 


358  DINNER    PARTIES. 

jaw  teeth  were  given  her  to  chew  her  food 
with.     I  wonder  she  has  such  good  health." 

"  0,  you  allude  to  her  not  chewing  her  food. 
I  know  that  she  does  think  that  very  refined 
and  pretty.  I  have  heard  her  speak  with 
great  disgust  of  some  of  her  acquaintance, 
jfor  chewing  their  food  so  much.  She  says 
her  dinner  has  often  been  spoiled,  by  sitting 
opposite  to  a  great  chewer,  and  seeing  the 
contents  of  the  mouth  displayed  in  the  pro- 
cess of  eating  and  talking." 

"  That  is  very  odious,  to  be  sure.  But  a 
person  may,,  by  putting  in  proper-sized  mouth- 
fuls,  and  chewing  with  their  lips  shut,  masti- 
cate their  food  thoroughly,  without  any  such 
display ;  and  every  one  should  early  learn  to 
empty  their  mouths  of  food  before  they  speak, 
even  to  reply  to  a  question.  You  may  remem- 
ber the  story  of  the  epicure,  who  found  such 
serious  fault  with  a  table  companion,  for  asking 
him  a  question  when  eating  turtle  soup,  and  so 
obliging  him  to  swallow  untasted  a  morsel  of 
green  fat.  Gourmand,  as  he  was,  he  had  the 
manners  to  swallow  before  he  spake,  and  that 
is  more  than  some  of  our  guests  do,  who  have 
no  such  savoury  bit  on  the  palate." 

"  Well,  my  dear  father,  suppose  you  give 
lectures  on  good  manners,  and  so  correct  some 
of  these  faults  in  the  rising  generation;  if 
other  people  are  as  much  annoyed  by  them  as 


CONVERSATION    ON    TABLE-MANNERS.  359 

you  are,  they  would  be  thankful  to  send  their 
children  to  hear  you." 

"  I  am  too  old  to  do  anything  but  scold  at 
them,  in  ray  easy  chair,  and  try  my  good 
daughter's  patience,  by  finding  fault  with  all 
her  young  acquaintance." 

"  Dear  Sir,  what  you  say  is  so  just  and  true, 
that  I  often  regret,  that  others  besides  me  are 
not  benefited  by  your  strictures.  Most  young 
people  desire  to  have  good  manners,  but  do 
not  know  in  what  they  consist ;  now,  if  they 
could  hear  you  point  out  the  faults  that  were 
committed  here  to-day,  they  would  never  fall 
into  them  again;  and  if  you  would  agree  to 
lecture  to  them  from  your  easy  chair,  just  as 
you  have  talked  to  me  to-day,  only  without 
using  names,  I  would  engage  to  assemble  an 
audience  in  this  room,  that  should  listen  eager- 
ly to  all  you  have  to  say,  and  be  for  ever  obliged 
to  you." 

"  0  nonsense,  nonsense,  child,  don't  laugh 
at  your  old  father.  I  never  desire  any  auditor 
for  my  fault-finding  but  my  indulgent  daugh- 
ter ;  so  now  give  me  my  leg-rest,  and  let  me 
have  a  nap." 

Such  lectures  as  those  desired  by  Miss  Tur- 
ner, would  certainly  be  very  useful,  and  I  have 
no  doubt  they  would  be  very  popular  too ;  for 
there  is  a  strong  desire  for  improvement,  in 
young  people  of  both  sexes  ;   and,  in  a  fluctuat- 


360  DINNER    PARTIES. 

ing  society  like  ours,  where  the  sudden  acqui- 
sition of  wealth  brings  families  into  new  posi- 
tions, and  surrounds  them  with  new  associates ; 
where  talents  and  education  carry  people  into 
the  most  refined  circles,  without  any  previous 
training  in  manners,  it  is  very  necessary  to 
have  some  means  of  finding  out  what  belongs 
to  polished  life. 


ENTERING    A    ROOM.  361 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

Evening  Parties. 

Entering  a  Room.  —  Self-possession. —  Means  of  Enjoyment. — 
Popularity.  —  Matrons.  —  Simplicity.  —  Dress. — Late  Hours. 
—  Politeness  in  a  Crowd.  —  Supper. —  Engrossing  Beaux.  — 
Departure. 

The  days  of  minuets,  and  courtesies,  and 
handing  of  ladies  by  the  tips  of  their  fingers, 
are  gone !  and  with  them  is  gone  much  graceful 
carriage,  and  many  distinguishing  traits  of  a 
high-bred  lady  are  lost.  When  a  lady  was 
handed  into  a  room,  at  arm's  length,  she  had 
an  opportunity  of  making  a  graceful  courtesy, 
and  the  gentleman,  a  low  bow;  but  when  her 
arm  is  tucked  under  that  of  the  gentleman,  a 
little  bob  of  the  head  and  neck  is  all  that  each 
can  accomplish,  and  therefore  entering  a  large 
assembly  has  ceased  to  be  a  matter  of  any  con- 
sequence. There  are,  to  be  sure,  different  de- 
grees of  awkwardness  in  this  simple  act  of 
being  led  in,  and  saluting  the  lady  of  the 
house ;  but  the  most  graceful  person  has  no 
opportunity  of  doing  herself  justice.  As  much 
bending  of  the  knees  and  body,  as  is  compati- 
ble with  your  position,  should  be  attempted  ; 
but  a  very  retreating  courtesy,  on  the  lady's 
part,   with  a  forward    bending   of  the   gentle- 

EE 


362  EVENING    PARTIES. 

man's  body,  in  a  bow,  has  a  very  bad  eliect ; 
they  appear  to  be  pulling  two  ways  at  once 
Having  made  your  obeisance  as  well  as  you 
can,  be  careful  not  to  step  back  upon  those 
who  are  coming  after  you,  but  make  way  for 
them,  by  turning  off  on  one  side. 

Some  girls  have  a  trick  of  jiggling  their 
bodies,  (I  am  obliged  to  coin  a  word  in  order 
to  describe  it)  ;  they  shake  all  over,  as  if  they 
were  hung  on  spiral  wires,  like  the  geese  in  a 
Dutch  toy^  than  which,  nothing  can  be  more 
ungraceful,  or  unmeaning.  It  robs  a  lady  of 
all  dignity,  and  makes  her  appear  trifling  and 
insignificant.  Some  do  it  only  on  entering  a 
room,  others  do  it  every  time  they  are  intro- 
duced to  anybody,  and  whenever  they  begin  to 
talk  to  any  one.  It  must  have  originated  in 
embarrassment,  and  a  desire  to  do  something, 
without  exactly  knowing  what ;  and  being 
adopted  by  some  popular  belle,  it  became, 
at  one  time,  a  fashion  in  New^  York,  and 
spread  thence  to  other  cities. 

All  unmeaning  and  unnecessary  movements 
are  contrary  to  the  rules  of  grace  and  good- 
breeding.  When  not  intentionally  in  motion, 
your  body  and  limbs  should  be  in  perfect  rest. 
Addison  says,  that  "  the  use  of  dancing  lessons 
is  to  teach  a  lady  how  to  sit  still  gracefully." 
Your  whole  deportment  should  give  the  idea 
that  your  person,   your   voice,  and  your  mind 


SELF-POSSESSION.  363 

are  entirely  under  your  own  control.  Self- 
possession  is  the  first  requisite  to  good  man- 
ners, and  where  it  is  wanting,  there  is  gener- 
ally a  reason  for  it  in  some  wTong  feeling  or 
false  appreciation  of  things.  Vanity,  a  love  of 
display,  an  overweening  desire  to  be  admired 
are  great  obstacles  to  self-possession;  where- 
as, a  well  disciplined  and  well  balanced  char- 
acter will  generally  lead  to  composure  and 
self-command.  In  a  very  elegant  assemblage 
in  a  large  drawing-room  in  a  southern  city,  I 
saw  a  young  lady  walk  quietly  and  easily  across 
the  apartment,  to  speak  to  a  friend ;  who  said 
to  her,  "I  wanted  very  much  to  get  to  you,  but 
I  had  not  the  courage  to  cross  the  room  ;  how 
could  you  do  it,  all  alone,  too,  and  w^ith  so 
many  persons  looking  at  you  !" 

"  I  did  not  think  of  anybody's  looking  at 
me,"  was  the  reply ;  and  in  that,  lay  the  secret 
of  her  self-possession.  Very  modest  people 
believe  themselves  to  be  of  too  little  conse- 
quence to  be  observed ;  but  conceited  ones 
think  everybody  must  be  looking  at  them.  In- 
experienced girls,  who  are  not  wanting  in  mod- 
esty, are  apt  to  dread  going  into  a  crowded 
room,  from  an  idea  that  every  eye  will  be  turn- 
ed upon  them;  but  after  a  while,  they  find  that 
nobody  cares  to  look  at  them,  and  that  the 
greater  the  crowd,  the  less  they  are  observed. 


364  EVENING    PARTIES. 

Your  enjoyment  of  a  party  depends  far  less 
on  what  you  find  there,  than  on  what  you  carry 
with  you.  The  vain,  the  ambitious,  the  design- 
ing will  be  full  of  anxiety  when  they  go,  and 
of  disappointment  when  they  return.  A  short 
triumph  will  be  followed  by  a  deep  mortifica- 
tion, and  the  selfishness  of  their  aims  defeats 
itself.  If  you  go  to  see,  and  to  hear,  and  to 
make  the  best  of  whatever  occurs,  with  a  dis- 
position to  admire  all  that  is  beautiful,  and  to 
sympathize  in  the  pleasures  of  others,  you  can 
hardly  fail  to  spend  the  time  pleasantly.  The 
less  you  think  of  yourself  and  your  claims  to 
attention,  the  better.  If  you  are  much  attend- 
ed to,  receive  it  modestly,  and  consider  it  as  a 
happy  accident;  if  you  are  little  noticed,  use 
your  leisure  in  observing  others.  A  woman  of 
sound  sense  will  neither  be  elated  by  atten- 
tion, nor  depressed  by  the  want  of  it ;  and  if 
not  invited  to  join  in  the  dance  which  would  so 
well  suit  her  buoyant  spirits,  she  will  indemni- 
fy herself  by  entering  into  conversation  with 
some  agreeable  person  near  her,  or  by  studying 
some  bust  or  picture,  or  specimen  of  art,  which 
the  place  affords.  There  is  much  pleasure  to 
be  taken  in  at  the  eyes,  by  a  person  who  un- 
derstands the  art  of  seeing. 

The  popular  belle,  who  is  the  envy  of  her 
own  sex  and  the  admiration  of  the  other,  has 
her  secret  griefs  and  trials,  and  thinks  that  she 


POPULARITY.  365 

pays  very  dearly  for  her  popularity ;  whilst 
the  girl,  who  is  least  attended  to  in  crowded 
assemblies,  is  apt  to  think  hers  the  only  hard 
lot,  and  that  there  is  unmixed  happiness  in  be- 
ing a  reigning  belle.  She,  alone,  whose  steady 
aim  is  to  grow  better  and  wiser  every  day  of 
her  life,  can  look  with  equal  eye  on  both  ex- 
tremes. If  your  views  are  elevated,  and  your 
feelings  are  ennobled  and  purified  by  commun- 
ion with  gifted  spirits,  and  with  the  Father 
of  spirits,  you  will  look  calmly  on  the  gayest 
scenes  of  life,  you  will  attach  very  little  impor- 
tance to  the  transient  popularity  of  a  ball- 
room ;  your  endeavour  will  be  to  bring  home 
from  every  visit  some  new  idea,  some  valuable 
piece  of  information,  or  some  useful  experi- 
ence of  life. 

Next  to  great  beauty,  good  manners  are  the 
chief  attraction  in  a  party ;  these,  combined 
with  good  sense  and  cultivation  of  mind,  gen- 
erally procure  a  young  lady  as  much  attention 
as  is  good  for  her,  as  much  as  she  ought  to 
expect. 

In  the  present  state  of  society,  these  large 
evening  parties  are  considered  as  a  necessary 
evil;  and,  until  some  better  way  of  associating 
is  devised,  the  most  reasonable  people  feel 
obliged,  occasionally,  to  attend  them ;  but  it  is 
a  great  waste  of  time  to  go  often,  and  very 
young  ladies  would  do  well    to    avoid   the  •   ■-■ 


366  EVENING    PARTIES. 

long  as  they  can,  and,  when  obliged  to  begin, 
to  partake  very  sparingly  of  a  gratification 
that  is  so  empty  and  transient,  and  one  that 
is  so  often  purchased  at  the  expense  of  health. 

Very  young  ladies  should  always  be  accom- 
panied, on  these  occasions,  by  a  mother  or  some 
matron,  on  whose  aid  and  guidance  they  can 
rely;  and,  when  not  necessarily  separated, 
they  should  keep  near  their  chaperone. 

There  may  be  occasions,  when  girls,  over 
twenty,  may  go  into  general  society  without 
this  protection ;  but,  for  girls  in  their  teens,  it 
is  very  undesirable ;  there  are  a  thousand  little 
contingencies,  wherein  the  experience  of  an 
older  person  is  needed,  and  a  look  from  the 
lady  who  matronizes  them,  may  save  them  from 
something  they  would  be  sorry  for. 

The  great  temptation  of  this  sort  of  society, 
is,  to  do  or  say  something  which  is  not  true 
to  yourself,  and  therefore  you  should  be  as 
much  on  your  guard,  to  speak  the  exact  truth 
in  a  party,  as  if  you  were  on  oath  in  a  court 
of  justice.  The  desire  of  pleasing,  the  wish 
to  appear  that  which  they  know  another  ad- 
mires, too  often  makes  girls  affected,  and  in- 
duces them  to  express  sentiments  they  do  not 
really  feel.  If  you  are  conscientious,  and  call 
yourself  to  a  strict  account  for  all  you  say  and 
do,  you  will  suffer  so  much  from  any  such 
want  of  truth,  as  to  be  saved  from  the  degra- 


DRESS.  367 

dation  which  invariably  follows  its  habitual  in- 
dulgence ;  but,  if  you  are  careless  of  yourself, 
and  think  more  of  the  effect  you  have  produced 
on  others,  than  of  the  good  or  evil  you  have 
done  to  your  own  soul,  you  may  be  led  away 
by  your  desire  of  attracting  attention,  till  you 
become  false  to  yourself  and  to  others,  and 
your  whole  character  will  be  corrupted  by  this 
early  perversion.  It  is  a  mistaken  policy,  too  ; 
because  there  is  a  greater  charm  in  truth  and 
simplicity,  than  in  any  particular  sentiments 
that  can  be  feigned.  All  the  most  delightful 
heroines  in  Miss  Edgeworth's  tales,  are  distin- 
guished for  their  perfect  sincerity,  their  noble 
candor.  How  much  we  love  Lady  Geraldine, 
Belinda,  and  Grace  Nugent,  for  their  honesty 
of  character,  for  the  truth  of  all  their  words. 

There  is  a  charm  in  mere  youth,  w^hich  is  set 
off  to  the  best  advantage  by  a  simple  style  of 
dress.  Young  girls  lose  a  great  deal,  if  they 
sacrifice  their  peculiar  privileges  for  the  sake 
of  ornament  and  an  elaborate  toilet,  which 
would  better  become  them  at  a  later  period. 
The  simplest  muslin,  frock,  if  well  made,  and 
accompanied  by  well-dressed  hair,  neat  gloves 
and  shoes,  will  become  a  girl  in  her  teens  far 
better  than  the  richest  satins  and  laces.  If 
you  have  any  doubt  as  to  the  size  and  nature 
of  the    party  you    are   going  to    attend,  it  is 


368  EVENING    PARTIES. 

better  to  be  on  the  safe  side,  and  err  by  being 
too  littk  rather  than  too  much  dressed. 

Whatever  the  fashions  may  be,  never  be  in- 
duced by  them  to  violate  the  strictest  modesty. 
No  woman  can  strip  her  arms  to  her  shoulders 
and  show  her  back  and  bosom  without  injuring 
her  mind  and  losing  some  of  her  refinement ; 
if  such  would  consult  their  brothers,  they  would 
tell  them  how  men  regard  it. 

Do  not  stake  your  gentility  on  going  late  to 
parties ;  but  show  your  love  of  reasonable 
hours,  by  going  as  early  as  it  will  do  to  go. 
Late  hours  are  the  bane  of  some  of  the  old 
countries  of  Europe  ;  let  us  beware  how  we  aid 
in  introducing  them  here.  It  seems  to  me  that 
all  w^ise  and  good  people  should  do  their  ut- 
most to  prevent  their  countrymen  from  run- 
ning into  the  folly  of  turning  night  into  day, 
by  midnight  revels  and  morning  sleep. 

There  is  a  great  difference  in  the  manner  of 
moving  about  in  a  crowed  ;  some  push  rudely 
through,  regardless  of  the  finery  they  are  dis- 
turbing ;  they  tread  upon  the  feet  of  others,  or 
press  unshrinkingly  against  their  elders  ;  whilst 
a  true  gentlewoman  wins  her  graceful  way 
without  harm  or  offence  to  any,  but  conciliating 
every  one  she  approaches ;  she  never  retreats 
without  looking  to  see  if  she  incommodes  any 
person  behind   her;   she  never  pushes  forward 


SUFFER.  369 

without  taking  every  pains  to  avoid  coming  in 
contact  with  the  dresses  around  her. 

At  the  supper-table,  too,  great  difference  of 
character  is  seen.  Where  things  are  so  man- 
aged as  to  give  the  elderly  and  married  people 
the  precedence  they  ought  to  have,  there  will 
sometimes  be  a  want  of  proper  courtesy  in  the 
eagerness  shown  by  the  young  people  to  reach 
the  scene  of  action.  The  pushing  and  crowd- 
ing is  sometimes  more  like  that  of  a  street 
mob,  or  the  mixed  company  on  board  a  Hudson 
steam-boat,  than  what  befits  a  private  house, 
and  an  occasion  where  all  will  be  equally  well 
served  without  it.  Gentlemen  often  feel  their 
pride  engaged  in  doing  their  utmost  to  provide 
well  for  the  ladies  on  their  arms,  and  so  press 
on  too  violently  ;  it  is,  therefore,  incumbent 
upon  a  lady  to  repress  the  earnestness  of  her 
cavalier,  to  say  she  is  in  no  haste,  she  will  go 
presently,  when  there  is  more  room.  A  slight 
movement  back  from  the  crowd  will  often  affect 
all  around  you,  and  induce  others  to  wait 
as  you  do ;  thus  a  party  is  formed  who  eat 
their  supper  half  an  hour  later,  and  all  are  bet- 
ter accommodated.  In  the  matter  of  eating 
the  good  things  provided,  the  characters  of  in- 
dividuals are  shown,  and  very  greedy  propen- 
sities will  occasionally  appear,  under  very  fair 
forms.  It  is  best  to  make  up  your  mind  be- 
forehand as  to  what  refreshments  agree  with 

24 


370  EVENING    PARTIES. 

you,  and  what  do  not,  and  then  partake  of  them 
accordingly.  Both  health  and  delicacy  are 
best  consulted  by  avoiding  mixtures ;  to  eat 
freely  of  one  thing  is  better  than  to  eat  of  a 
variety  of  things,  and  to  eat  slowly  is  not  only 
better  for  your  stomach,  but  for  your  reputa- 
tion, too  ;  for  what  is  more  disagreeable  than  to 
see  a  person  devouring  rich  things  as  though 
they  were  famished,  or  never  before  had  tasted 
anything  so  good. 

However  agreeable  a  beau  may  be,  he  should 
not  be  allowed  to  engross  a  lady  for  any  con- 
siderable time.  Some  gentlemen  make  a  prac- 
tice of  selecting  a  young  lady  whom  they  like, 
and  keeping  her  to  themselves  for  the  great- 
er part  of  an  evening,  unless  the  lady  take 
measures  to  prevent  it.  If  she  appear  pleased 
with  the  tete-a-tete,  other  gentlemen  will  avoid 
interrupting  it ;  and  thus  a  foundation  is  laid 
for  one  of  those  idle  reports,  which  every  one 
should  take  pains  to  avoid.  In  such  a  case, 
you  need  not  hesitate  to  break  off  the  conver- 
sation, and  to  change  your  position  so  as  to 
ensconce  yourself  among  ladies,  and  get  rid  of 
such  marked  attentions.  No  man  of  delicacy 
w^ould  choose  so  to  exhibit  a  real  preference  of 
the  heart;  this  sort  of  monopoly  is  one  of  the 
amusements  of  the  selfish,  and  if  you  suffer  it, 
they  will  think  you  highly  honored  by  their 
notice. 


CONDUCT    ON    GOING    AWAY.  371 

There  is  a  predicament,  the  opposite  of 
this,  which  inexperienced  young  girls  some- 
times fall  into ;  it  is  that  of  keeping  a  gentle- 
man talking  to  them  longer  than  he  wishes, 
because  they  do  not  give  him  a  chance  to  break 
off.  They  are,  perhaps,  standing  apart  from  the 
rest  of  the  company,  and  he  cannot  leave  her 
without  her  remaining  quite  alone.  If  you  sus- 
pect that  a  gentlemen  has  said  his  say,  and 
wishes  to  be  off,  make  it  easy  for  him  to  go,  by 
changing  your  position,  or  speaking  to  another 
person;  taking  care  not  to  do  it  so  pointedly, 
that  he  shall  be  obliged  to  go,  if  he  do  not 
wish  it.  If  you  have  a  quick  eye  and  observe 
the  expression  of  faces,  you  will  be  able  to 
regulate  your  words  and  actions  so  as  to  be 
true  to  yourself,  without  hurting  the  feelings 
of  any.  The  less  you  think  of  yourself  and  the 
more  you  consider  others,  the  more  agreeable 
you  will  be. 

If,  on  going  away  from  a  party,  a  gentleman 
begs  leave  to  hand  you  to  your  carriage,  or  to 
walk  home  w^ith  you,  and  you  are  obliged  to 
leave  him  in  the  entry,  whilst  you  go  in  search 
of  your  shawl,  look  out  for  him  again  wdien  you 
are  equipped ;  and  do  not  let  another  intercept 
him,  if  you  can  avoid  it  wdthout  making  a  fuss. 
If  another  arm  is  offered,  you  can  hesitate,  and 
say,  "Mr.  such-an-onc  was  going  with  me;" 
then,  if  he  is  at  hand,  he  will  appear,  and  if  not, 


372  EVENING    PARTIES. 

you  can  proceed  with  the  substitute.  This  is 
the  rule  of  politeness,  where  there  is  no  special 
reason  for  refusing  a  gentleman's  attentions. 

Learn  to  put  on  your  things  very  expedi- 
tiously, if  you  would  not  exhaust  the  patience 
of  all  concerned.  A  gentleman  is  so  easily 
equipped,  that  he  often  has  to  wait,  and  cannot 
but  wonder  at  the  time  ladies  consume ;  to 
lengthen  his  penance,  by  dawdling  or  stopping 
to  talk,  is  not  fair,  and  shows  a  want  of  proper 
consideration  for  others 


THE    UNRULY    MEMBER.  373 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

Conversation. 

The  Unruly  Member.  —  Two  Besetting  Sins.  —  Ridicule.  — 
Exaggeration.  —  Misuse  of  Words.  —  Example  from  Mrs. 
Barbauld.  —  Favorite  Words  Misapplied.  —  Trifles  Magni- 
fied.—  Irony.  —  Little  Games  and  Riddles.  — Advantages  of 
Hearing  Good  Conversation.  —  Conversation  made  an  Art. — 
Fluency  without  Method.  —  Example.  —  Listening  Well. 

Many  of  the  hints  which  would  otherwise 
be  arranged  under  this  head,  have  already- 
been  given,  in  connexion  with  other  subjects ; 
but  much  remains  to  be  said ;  and,  were  I  to 
go  fully  into  the  duties  that  belong  to  the  gov- 
ernment of  the  tongue,  I  should  fill  a  volume, 
instead  of  a  chapter.  But  this  little  work,  as 
already  premised,  is  addressed  to  those  who 
have  been  morally  and  religiously  brought  up; 
and,  therefore,  I  must  trust  to  their  being 
aware  of  the  evils  and  dangers  which  belong 
to  that  unruly  member,  as  they  are  powerfully 
described  by  the  Apostle  James,  and  other 
writers  of  the  Old  and  New  Testaments  ;  and, 
since  the  proper  government  of  the  tongue  is 
the  result  of  thorough  Christian  discipline,  I 
might  as  well  hope  to  change  the  nature  of 
water,  flowing  from  a  bitter  fountain,  by  throw- 
ing sugar  into  the  streams  that  branch  off  from 
it,  as  to  give  rules  that  will  render  conversa- 

FF 


374  CONVERSATION. 

tion  sinless,  whilst  the  heart  remains  unregen- 
erate,  and  the  character  is  formed  on  worldly 
principles. 

Young  people  are  generally  so  ardent  and  so 
incautious,  that  whatever  is  in  their  thoughts 
and  feelings  w^ill  find  vent  in  their  conversa- 
tion; the  vain,  the  proud,  the  envious,  the  sus- 
picious, will  each  exhibit  in  it  her  prevailing 
fault,  and  nothing  but  that  diligent  "  keeping 
of  the  heart,"  recommended  in  the  sacred  vol- 
ume, can  correct  the  evil. 

Those  who  have  felt  the  blessed  influences 
of  religion,  and  are  endeavouring  to  regulate 
their  thoughts  and  words  by  the  Christian 
standard,  will  often  have  occasion  to  lament 
the  errors  they  commit  in  conversation ;  to 
correct  these  is  the  business  of  a  life,  for  the 
Apostle  says  truly,  "  If  any  man  offend  not  in 
word,  the  same  is  a  perfect  man."  To  give  a 
few  hints  to  such  as  are  striving  after  this  per- 
fection, and  to  show  how  conversation  may  be 
made  not  only  an  innocent  recreation,  but  the 
means  of  intellectual  growth,  is  the  object  of 
this  chapter. 

Supposing  my  young  friends  then,  to  be  on 
their  guard  against  the  graver  errors  of  the 
tongue,  such  as  direct  falsehood,  misrepresen- 
tation, calumny,  insinuation,  violations  of  confi- 
dence, and  the  like,  I  would  warn  them  against 
a  few  of  the  lesser  sins  of  young  people,  which, 


RIDICULE.  375 

from  their  very  commonness,  might  escape  their 
notice  in  the  earlier  stages  of  self-discipline ; 
such  as  the  love  of  ridicule,  the  spirit  of  exag- 
geration, &c.,  which  are  so  apt  to  pervade  the 
conversation  of  inexperienced  girls,  and  are 
often  indulged  in  by  them,  without  a  suspicion 
of  their  real  nature  and  tendency. 

The  practice  of  turning  into  ridicule  what- 
ever does  not  please  her  in  the  appearance  or 
conduct  of  others,  too  often  gains  a  young 
lady  the  reputation  of  being  a  very  agreeable 
companion,  and  her  lively  sallies  are  mistaken 
for  wit ;  whereas,  there  is  no  faculty  of  the 
mind,  that  can  be  cultivated  at  a  less  expense 
of  wit  and  wisdom,  than  that  of  ridicule,  and 
none  that  finds  more  ready  auditors  ;  for  the 
silliest  can  join  in  the  laugh  which  it  raises, 
and  the  wisest  can  hardly  resist  its  infection. 

A  sense  of  the  ridiculous,  is  an  original  fac- 
ulty of  the  human  mind ;  it  is  much  keener  in 
some  individuals  than  in  others,  and,  under 
proper  management,  it  might  possibly  find  its 
place  in  a  Christian  character;  but  it  is  like 
some  plants,  which,  though  wholesome  in  them- 
selves, are  never  admitted  into  our  gardens, 
because  they  spread  too  rapidly,  and  root  out 
what  is  far  more  valuable.  The  love  of  ridi- 
cule grows  by  indulgence,  till  it  destroys  the 
power  of  discrimination,  lessens  the  sensibility 
to  others'  pain,  disturbs  the  balance  of  justice, 


376  CONVERSATION. 

blunts  all  noble  and  generous  feelings,  and 
gives  a  general  taint  of  coarseness,  to  the 
whole  character.  There  is  nothing  too  inno- 
cent or  unobtrusive  to  be  food  for  this  morbid 
love  of  fun  ;  nothing  too  valuable  or  too  beau- 
tiful, to  be  viewed  in  this  false  light ;  nothing 
too  high,  and  nothing  too  low,  to  minister  to 
this  diseased  appetite  ;  and  the  pain  which  it 
often  inflicts  upon  those  who  are  its  innocent 
objects,  is  a  small  evil,  compared  with  the  im- 
mense injury  it  does  to  the  mind  that  enter- 
tains it.  Besides  the  evils  already  enumerat- 
ed, the  love  of  ridicule  indisposes  the  mind  to 
find  pleasure  in  admiring,  which  is  robbing  it 
of  one  of  its  noblest  attributes ;  one  stamped 
with  the  approbation  of  God,  by  being  made 
the  source  of  pure  and  exquisite  enjoyment. 
If  you  would  taste  the  full  happiness  of  admir- 
ing all  that  is  good,  and  true,  and  beautiful,  in 
the  beings  who  surround  you,  avoid  the  prac- 
tice of  ridiculing  them,  for  these  cannot  exist 
together. 

Equally  common  with  the  love  of  ridicule,  is 
the  spirit  of  exaggeration.  How  many  per- 
sons, who  would  be  shocked  at  the  idea  of  tell- 
ing a  deliberate  falsehood,  yet  daily  violate 
truth,  by  exaggerated  statements  and  extrav- 
agant expressions.  This  fault  often  shows 
itself  in  childhood,  and  has  its  origin  in  the 
activity  of  the   imagination,  joined  to  an  im- 


EXAGGERATION.  377 

perfect  knowledge  of  language;  where  it  is  not 
early  corrected,  it  grows  with  the  growth  and 
strengthens  with  the  strength,  and  becomes 
one  of  the  most  incurable  maladies  of  the  mind. 
By  some,  it  is  suddenly  assumed,  as  a  means 
of  making  themselves  agreeable  to  their  com- 
panions, or  by  way  of  equalling  them  in  their 
style  of  conversation.  Now  I  would  earnestly 
beg  those  who  are  voluntarily  adopting  this 
habit  of  speech,  as  they  would  learn  an  accom- 
plishment, to  avoid  it  whilst  it  is  yet  in  their 
power,  and  to  regard  it  in  its  true  light,  as  a 
sin  against  God,  against  their  fellow-beings, 
and  against  their  own  natures. 

It  is  a  sin  against  God,  inasmuch  as  it  vio- 
lates his  holy  laws,  which  require  perfect  truth 
of  speech.  It  is  a  sin  against  our  fellows-crea- 
tures, because  it  lessens  the  confidence  neces- 
sary to  social  intercourse,  and  because  it  leads 
to  misrepresentation  and  injustice.  It  is  a  sin 
against  our  own  natures,  because  it  deadens 
the  conscience,  lessens  the  reverence  for  truth, 
blunts  that  nice  perception  by  which  we  were 
intended  to  see  things  as  they  really  are,  and 
accustoms  the  mind  to  entertain  distorted  and 
inflated  visions  of  its  own  creating. 

Besides  all  this  moral  evil  attendant  on  a 
habit  of  exaggeration,  it  is  a  great  mistake  to 
suppose  that  it  makes  a  person  more  agreeable, 
01*  that  it  adds  to  the  importance  of  her  state- 


378  CONVERSATION. 

ments.  The  value  of  a  person's  words  is  de- 
termined  by  her  habitual  use  of   them "I 

like  it  much,"  "  It  is  well  done,"  will  mean  as 
much  in  some  mouths,  as  "  I  am  infinitely  de- 
lighted with  it,"  "  'T  is  the  most  exquisite 
thing  you  ever  saw,"  will  in  others.  Such  large 
abatements  are  necessarily  made  for  the  state- 
ments of  these  romancers,  that  they  really  gain 
nothing  in  the  end,  but  find  it  diflicult  some- 
times to  obtain  credence  for  so  much  as  is 
really  true  ;  whereas  a  person  who  is  habitually 
sober  and  discriminating  in  his  use  of  lan- 
guage, will  not  only  inspire  confidence,  but  be 
able  to  produce  a  great  effect  by  the  occasional 
use  of  a  superlative. 

Fidelity  and  exactness,  are  indispensable  in 
a  narrative,  and  the  habit  of  exaggerating  de- 
stroys the  power  of  accurate  observation  and 
recollection,  which  would  render  the  story  truly 
interesting.  If,  instead  of  trying  to  embellish 
her  account  with  the  fruits  of  her  imagination, 
a  young  lady  possessed  the  power  of  seizing 
upon  the  points  best  worth  describing,  and 
could  give  an  exact  account  of  them,  she  would 
be  far  more  entertaining  than  any  exaggeration 
could  make  her ;  for  there  is  no  romance  like 
that  of  real  life  ;  and  no  imaginings  of  an  inex- 
perienced girl  can  equal  in  piquancy  the  scenes 
and  characters  iLat  are  every  day  presented  to 


TAKING    FOR    GRANTED.  379 

our  view.  Extravagant  expressions  are  some- 
times resorted  to,  in  order  to  atone  for  defi- 
ciences  of  memory  and  observation  ;  but  they 
will  never  hide  such  defects ;  and,  an  habitual 
use  of  them  lowers  the  tone  of  the  mind,  and 
leads  to  other  deviations  from  the  simplicit} 
of  truth  and  nature. 

Another  way  of  falsifying  a  narrative,  is  by 
taking  for  granted  what  you  do  not  know,  and 
speaking  of  it  as  if  you  did.  This  jumping  at 
conclusions  is  a  fruitful  source  of  false  reports, 
and  does  great  mischief  in  the  world.  Let  no 
one  imagine  that  she  is  walking  conscien- 
tiously, who  is  not  in  the  habit  of  discriminat- 
ing nicely  between  what  she  knows  to  be  fact, 
and  what  she  only  supposes  to  be  such. 

Some  girls,  without  any  wish  to  exaggerate, 
contract  a  habit  of  using  certain  forcible  ex- 
pressions on  all  occasions,  great  and  small,  and 
consequently  make  some  very  absurd  speeches. 
A  young  lady,  for  example,  told  me  she  was 
"  passionately  fond  of  embroidery."  She  had 
used  the  word,  in  the  sense  of  very,  till  she 
had  lost  all  perception  of  its  true  meaning. 

Mrs.  Barbauld  gives  an  excellent  example 
of  this  misuse  of  words,  in  a  conversation  be- 
tween a  mother  and  daughter,  to  be  found  in 
the  last  volume  of  her  works,  as  reprinted  in 
this  country. 


380  CONVERSATION. 

The  frequent  use  of  some  favorite  word  or 
phrase,  is  a  common  defect  in  conversation, 
and  can  only  be  guarded  against  by  asking 
your  friends  to  point  it  out  to  you,  whenever 
they  observe  such  a  habit;  for  your  own  ear, 
having  become  accustomed  to  it,  may  not  de- 
tect it.  Some  persons  apply  the  epithet  glo- 
rious, or  splendid,  to  all  sorts  of  objects  indis- 
criminately from  a  gorgeous  sunset  to  a  good 
dinner. 

A  young  lady  once  tried  to  describe  a  pic- 
nic party  to  me,  in  the  following  terms.  "  There 
w^ere  ten  of  us,  four  on  horseback,  and  the  rest 
in  carriages ;  we  set  off  at  a  glorious  rate,  and 
had  a  splendid  time  in  getting  there  ;  I  rode  the 
most  elegant,  perfect  creature  you  ever  saw, 
and  capered  along  gloriously.  When  w^e  got 
there,  we  all  walked  about  in  the  w^oods,  and 
gathered  the  most  splendid  flowers,  and  dined 
under  the  shade  of  a  glorious  old  elm  tree.  We 
had  our  cold  provisions  spread  out  on  the 
grass  and  everything  was  elegant.  We  had 
glorious  appetites,  too,  and  the  ham  and  ale  were 
splendid,  and  put  us  all  in  fine  spirits.  Some  of 
the  gentlemen  sang  funny  songs,  but  one  sang 
such  a  dreadfully  sentimental  one,  and  to  such 
a  horrid,  doleful  tune,  it  made  us  all  miserable. 
So,  then,  we  broke  up,  and  had  a  splendid  time 
packing  away  the  things.  Such  fun  !  I  almost 
killed  myself  with  laughing,  and  we  broke  half 


MAGNIFYING    TRIFLES.  381 

the  things.  But  the  ride  home  was  the  most 
splendid  of  all;  we  arrived  at  the  top  of  the 
hill,  just  in  time  to  see  the  most  glorious  sun- 
set I  ever  beheld." 

In  this  short  account,  the  word  "  glorious  " 
is  used  five  times,  and,  in  all  but  the  last,  it  is 
grossly  misapplied ;  the  same  is  the  case  with 
the  term"  splendid,"  except  that  it  is  not  once 
used  properly.  "  Elegant,"  too,  is  equally  in- 
applicable to  horses  and  cold  provisions.  Yet 
this  style  of  conversing  is  so  common,  that  it 
hardly  arrests  the  attention  of  many  who,  nev- 
ertheless, would  condemn  it  at  once,  if  they 
thought  at  all  about  it. 

There  is  great  danger  of  the  young  and 
ardent  doing  injustice  to  their  companions,  by 
magnifying  trifles,  drawing  large  conclusions 
from  small  premises,  and  judging  from  a  par- 
tial knowledge  of  facts.  How  often  have  I  seen 
a  young  girl,  all  eagerness  to  tell  some  extraor- 
dinary thing  about  a  companion,  and  represent- 
ing some  trifling  occurrence  as  the  most  atro- 
cious ill  conduct ;  when  the  very  next  hour, 
perhaps,  has  brought  to  light  some  circum- 
stance that  changes  entirely  the  whole  aspect 
of  the  case,  and  shows  that  all  her  excitement 
was  wasted  on  a  mistake.  It  is  a  good  rule 
never  to  believe  anything  on  mere  report,  that 
is  inconsistent  with  what  you  already  know  of 
a  person.      Consider  how  much  more  probable 


382  CONVERSATION. 

it  is,  that  there  is  some  error  in  the  statement, 
than  that  a  trust-worthy  man  or  woman  should 
do  something  entirely  out  of  character.  When 
some  false  rumor  about  yourself  or  family 
reaches  your  ear,  instead  of  being  provoked 
by  it,  lay  it  up  as  a  lesson  against  believing 
what  you  hear  reported  of  others. 

Talking  ironically  is  sometimes  indulged  in 
to  such  an  excess  as  to  become  very  tiresome 
to  the  hearers.  A  little  dash  of  irony  enlivens 
conversation,  and  when  well  and  sparingly  in- 
troduced, it  is  pleasant  enough;  but  some  girls 
have  such  a  habit  of  it,  that  on  all  occasions, 
to  persons  of  all  ages,  all  degrees  of  intimacy 
and  acquaintance,  on  all  subjects,  whether 
grave  or  gay,  they  will  answer  you  in  that 
strain.  All  reverence  for  age  and  superior 
wisdom,  and  all  sense  of  propriety  are  sacri- 
ficed to  the  indulgence  of  this  propensity, 
whilst  they  are  unconscious  of  its  being  in  ex- 
cess. To  make  the  whole  strain  of  conver- 
sation ironical,  is  like  serving  up  a  dinner, 
composed  wholly  of  gravies,  sauces,  and  con- 
diments without  one  substantial  dish. 

In  like  manner  all  jesting,  bantering,  and 
quizzing  should  be  very  sparingly  indulged  in, 
and  with  constant  reference  to  the  feelings  of 
others,  or  you  may  inflict  a  wound  before  you 
are  aware  of  it. 


GAMES    AND    RIDDLES.  383 

There  is,  in  some  persons,  a  diseased  sensi- 
tiveness which  it  is  impossible  to  guard  against ; 
for  they  consider  every  remark  made  in  con- 
versation, as  a  covert  attack  on  them,  and  im- 
mediately begin  a  personal  justification,  whilst 
the  unfortunate  offender  sits  by,  amazed  at  the 
construction  put  upon  her  words,  and  too  much 
disconcerted  to  disclaim  it 

When,  in  company  with  your  young  friends, 
the  conversation  flags,  or  becomes  too  trifling, 
or  joking  is  carried  too  far,  it  is  in  the  power 
of  some  leading  spirit  to  give  a  new  impulse 
to  the  party,  by  proposing  to  play  some  of 
those  games,  which  exercise  the  mind  in  a  use- 
ful and  innocent  manner,  and  are,  at  the  same 
time,  very  amusing  ;  such  as,  "  Twenty  Ques- 
tions," "  Dumb  Crambo,"  "  How  do  jou  like  it," 
"  What  are  my  thoughts  like,"  "  Capping  Ver- 
ses," "Drawing  Questions  and  Words,"  and 
many  more  of  the  same  kind.  Charades,  too, 
and  riddles,  and  all  such  puzzles,  may  occa- 
sionally prove  an  agreeable  resource ;  and  it 
is  well  to  have  a  selection  of  the  best  in  your 
memory,  ready  to  be  produced  in  a  fitting 
moment.  If  any  of  my  readers  feel  disposed 
to  treat  such  amusements  with  contempt,  I 
w^ould  beg  them  to  read  Mrs.  Barbauld's  paper 
on  Riddles,  as  the  high  authorities  she  quotes 
in  their  favor,  may  reconcile  them  to  this  sort 
of  play  of  the  mind.     In  order  to   enjoy  this 


384  CONVERSATION. 

sport,  a  few  rules  of  politeness  should  be  at- 
tended to,  like  the  following.  Be  as  willing 
to  puzzle  over  a  riddle,  as  to  give  one  out.  If 
you  are  previously  acquainted  with  the  solution 
of  a  riddle,  do  not  tell  it ;  but  let  the  person 
who  gave  it  out  have  that  privilege.  If  you 
do  not  know  it,  and  do  not  like  to  puzzle  over 
it,  do  not  insist  on  being  told  what  it  is,  before 
the  rest  of  the  company.  If  you  have  no  readi- 
ness in  guessing  charades,  &c.,  you  can  amuse 
yourself  with  their  ingenuity,  when  they  are 
explained,  and  not  feel  mortified  at  your  ill 
success,  and  then  try  to  hide  it,  by  speaking 
contemptuously  of  the  pastime. 

Those  who  have  not  learned  to  think,  and 
have  no  facility  in  methodizing  and  arranging 
the  materials  which  accumulate  in  their  memo- 
ries, will  find  themselves  much  assisted  in  the 
task,  by  talking  over  with  a  friend,  what  they 
have  lately  acquired.  If  that  friend  be  wiser 
than  they  are,  so  much  the  better;  but  if  not, 
something  will  be  gained,  by  the  effort  to  ex- 
press their  ideas  to  another. 

Great  are  the  advantages  to  be  reaped  from 
listening  attentively  to  the  conversation  of  in- 
telligent and  cultivated  people,  and  you  should 
be  earnest  to  improve  every  such  opportunity. 
When  a  sensible  discussion  of  a  new  book,  or 
interesting  topic  of  any  sort,  is  going  on  in 
your  presence,  you  may  be  justified  in  breaking 


CONVERSATION  CULTIVATED  AS  AN  ART.   385 

off  a  trifling  conversation  with  one  of  your  own 
age,  and  in  putting  aside  any  common  avoca- 
tion, in  order  to  give  your  undivided  atten- 
tion to  it. 

Good  conversation  is  one  of  the  highest  at- 
tainments of  civilized  society.  It  is  the  readi- 
est way  in  which  gifted  minds  exert  their  in- 
fluence, and  as  such,  is  worthy  of  all  consid- 
eration and  cultivation.  I  remember  hearing 
an  English  traveller  say,  many  years  ago,  on 
being  asked  how  the  conversational  powers 
of  the  Americans  compared  with  those  of  the 
English,  "  Your  fluency  rather  exceeds  that  of 
the  old  world,  but  conversation  here  is  not 
cultivated  as  an  art."  The  idea  of  its  being 
so  considered  anywhere,  was  new  to  the  com- 
pany;  and  much  discussion  followed  the  de- 
parture of  the  stranger,  as  to  the  desirableness 
of  making  conversation  an  art.  Some  thought 
the  more  natural  and  spontaneous  it  was,  the 
better ;  some  confounded  art  with  artifice,  and 
hoped  their  countrymen  would  never  leave 
their  own  plain  honest  way  of  talking,  to  be- 
come adepts  in  hypocrisy  and  affectation.  At 
last  one,  a  little  wiser  than  the  rest,  explained 
the  difference  between  art  and  artifice,  asked 
the  cavillers,  if  they  had  never  heard  of  the  art 
of  thinking,  or  the  art  of  writing ;  and  said, 
he  presumed  the  art  of  conversing  was  of  the 
same  nature.      A.nd  so  it  is.     By  this  art  per- 

GG  25 


386  •  CONVERSATION. 

sons  are  taught  to  arrange  their  ideas  method- 
ically, and  to  express  them  with  clearness  and 
force  ;  thus  saving  much  precious  time,  and 
avoiding  those  tedious  narrations,  which  inter- 
est no  one  but  the  speaker.  It  enforces  the 
necessity  of  observing  the  effect  of  what  is 
said,  and  leads  a  talker  to  stop,  when  she  finds 
that  she  has  ceased  to  fix  the  attention  of  her 
audience. 

The  art  of  conversing  would  enable  a  com- 
pany, when  a  good  topic  was  once  started,  to 
keep  it  up,  till  it  had  elicited  the  powers  of  the 
best  speakers,  and  it  w^ould  prevent  its  being 
cut  short  in  the  midst,  by  the  introduction  of 
something  entirely  foreign  to  it. 

Fluency  of  speech  seems  to  me  a  natural 
gift,  varying  much  in  different  individuals,  and 
capable  of  being  rendered  either  a  delightful 
accomplishment,  or  a  most  wearisome  trait  of 
character,  according  as  it  is  combined  with  a 
well  or  ill  disciplined  mind.  If,  as  a  nation  we 
are  fluent,  it  is  especially  incumbent  upon  us 
to  be  correct  and  methodical  thinkers,  or  we 
shall  only  weary  those  who  are  so,  by  our  care- 
less and  thoughtless  volubility. 

Some  persons  seem  to  forget  that  mere  talk- 
ing is  not  conversing  ;  that  it  requires  two  to 
make  a  conversation,  and  that  each  must  be,  in 
turn,  a  listener  ;  but  no  one   can  be   an  agree- 


CONVERSATION    CULTIVATED    AS    AN    ART.       387 

able  companion,  who  is  not  as  willing  to  listen 
as  to  talk. 

Selfishness  shows  itself  in  this,  as  in  a  thou- 
sand other  ways ;  one  who  is  always  full  of 
herself,  and  who  thinks  nothing  so  important 
as  what  she  thinks,  and  says,  and  does,  will  be 
apt  to  engross  more  than  her  share  of  the  talk, 
even  when  in  the  company  of  those  whom  she 
loves. 

There  are  situations,  however,  wherein  it  is 
a  kindness  to  be  the  chief  talker,  as  when  a 
young  lady  is  the  eldest  of  the  party,  and  has 
seen  something,  or  been  in  some  place,  the  de- 
scription of  which  is  desired  by  all  around  her. 
If  your  mind  is  alive  to  the  wishes  and  claims 
of  others,  you  will  easily  perceive  when  it  is  a 
virtue  to  talk,  and  when  to  be  silent.  It  is 
undue  preoccupation  with  self  that  blinds  peo- 
ple, and  prevents  their  seeing  what  the  occa- 
sion requires. 

Sometimes  the  most  kind  and  sympathizing- 
person  will  not  do  justice  to  her  nature,  but 
will  appear  to  be  cold  and  inattentive,  because 
she  does  not  know  that  it  is  necessary  to  give 
some  sign,  that  she  is  attending  to  what  is  ad- 
dressed to  her.  She  averts  her  eye  from  the 
speaker,  and  listens  in  such  profound  silence, 
and  with  a  countenance  so  immovable,  that 
no  one  could  suppose  her  to  be  at  all  interest- 
ed by  what  she  is  hearing.     This  is  very  dis- 


388  CONVERSATION. 

couraging  to  the  speaker,  and  very  impolite. 
Good  manners  require  that  you  should  look 
at  the  person  who  speaks  to  you,  and  that  you 
should  put  in  a  word,  or  a  look,  from  time  to 
time,  that  will  indicate  your  interest  in  the 
narrative.  A  few  interjections,  happily  thrown 
in  by  the  hearer,  are  a  great  comfort  and  stim- 
ulus to  the  speaker  ;  and  one  who  has  always 
been  accustomed  to  this  evidence  of  sympathy, 
or  comprehension  in  their  friends,  feels,  when 
listened  to  without  it,  as  if  she  were  talking  to 
a  dead  wall. 


USES    OF    CEREMONY.  389 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

Visits. 

Uses  of  Ceremony.  —  Morning  Calls.  —  Friendly  Visits.  — 
Conformity  to  Family  Rules.  — A  Snare  to  be  avoided.  — 
Receiving  and  Returning  Calls.  —  Trouble  of  Domestics.  — 
Neatness  in  your  Chamber.  —  Care  of  Furniture.  —  Change 
of  Circumstances  by  Marriage.  —  Mistakes  of  the  Rich.  — 
Usefulness  of  Young  Girls.  —  A  Caution.  —  Confidence  be- 
tween Host  and  Guest. 

Visits  may  be  either  ceremonious  or  friendly, 
and,  in  populous  places,  the  one  are  as  necessa- 
ry as  the  other.  Some  persons  have  a  great 
dread  of  ceremony,  as  if  it  implied  a  sacri- 
fice of  sincerity  and  simplicity;  but  the  thing- 
meant  by  it  in  this  country  is  merely  an  estab- 
lished rule,  for  regulating  little  particulars  of 
conduct,  in  which  all  are  desirous  of  doing 
what  is  expected  of  them,  but  v»'ould  not 
know  what  that  was,  unless  there  was  such  a 
guide.  These  usages  vary  in  different  places, 
but  it  is  easy  to  ascertain  what  they  are,  and 
then,  by  conforming  to  them,  you  are  sure  to 
do  the  right  thing. 

However  laughable  it  may  appear  to  some 
persons,  to  see  bits  of  pasteboard  with  names 
on  them,  left  at  the  doors  of  houses,  it  is  a  most 
convenient  custom,  and  the  only  way  of  being 
sure  that  your  call  will  be  known  to  youi'  fi-iend, 


390  VISITS. 

for  no  domestic  can  be  expected  to  remember  a 
number  of  strange  names,  given  her  verbally  in 
one  morning.  All  such  usages  have  a  meaning 
and  a  use,  and  grow  out  of  the  necessities  of 
populous  places.  Etiquette  is  intended  to  save 
us  from  some  of  the  inconveniences  attendant 
on  a  large  acquaintance;  and,  by  settling  certain 
points,  it  enables  us  to  keep  up  a  ceremonious 
acquaintance  with  a  circle  too  large  for  friend- 
ly visiting,  as  that  consumes  far  more  time 
than  could  be  given  to  the  number  of  persons 
whom  you  must  be  acquainted  with,  if  you  live 
in  a  city.  All  innocent  customs  should  be  wel- 
comed, which  prevent  the  waste  of  time,  and 
allow  a  person  to  choose  the  best  way  of  em- 
ploying it.  When  the  dinner  hour  is  near  the 
middle  of  the  day,  receiving  visits  before  din- 
ner is  a  sad  interruption  of  the  precious  morn- 
ing hours  ;  and  a  custom  of  refusing  them  by 
directing  the  domestic  to  say,  that  the  ladies 
are  engaged,  is  a  very  good  one,  and  becoming 
more  and  more  common  in  our  large  cities, 
where  the  forenoon  is  the  only  quiet  time  you 
can  command. 

Different  customs  are  required  for  those  who 
live  in  the  country ;  they  should  always  re- 
ceive guests  that  have  ridden  several  miles 
to  see  them;  and  they  may  very  well  give  up 
the  morning  hours,  because  their  evenings  are 
generally  uninterrupted. 


MORNING    CALLS.  391 

As  a  general  rule,  it  is  safe  and  proper  to 
conform  to  the  customs  of  the  place  you  live 
in.  All  calls  should  be  returned,  and  the  more 
promptly  this  is  done,  the  more  civil  you  will 
be  considered.  Where  it  is  the  fashion  to  call 
at  a  house  after  having  been  invited  to  a  party 
there,  make  it  a  rule  to  do  so.  The  reason 
should  be  a  very  cogent  one,  that  induces  you 
to  neglect  any  of  these  established  forms  of 
civility;  at  the  same  time  you  should  receive 
the  omissions  of  others  with  complacency. 
Be  strict  with  yourself,  and  indulgent  to  oth- 
ers. To  be  tenacious  on  points  of  etiquette, 
is  a  sign  of  a  little  mind ;  the  most  noble  na- 
tures are  the  most  placable,  and  if  any  one 
would  act  up  to  her  Christian  profession,  in 
small  matters  as  well  as  in  great,  she  must 
overlook  omissions,  pay  visits  she  does  not 
owe,  invite  the  negligent,  and  never  listen  to 
the  suggestions  of  pride,  suspicion,  or  jealousy, 
in  regulating  her  intercourse  with  the  world. 

Many  persons  consider  a  morning  call,  made 
upon  a  mere  acquaintance,  as  an  utter  waste  of 
time.  To  those  who  feel  so  about  it,  it  proba- 
bly is  just  such  a  vain  thing.  But  a  truly  be- 
nevolent mind,  and  one  richly  stored  and  well 
balanced,  even  in  a  short  morning  visit  to  a 
person  almost  a  stranger,  will  find  some  topic 
of  general  interest,  on  which  to  speak,  and  will 


392  VISITS. 

say  something  worth  remembering,  or  call  forth 
something  from  others  that  is  interesting  and 
edifying.  A  book,  a  picture,  a  flower,  a  child 
may  furnish  an  occasion  for  thought  and  feel- 
ing, which,  properly  expressed,  stamps  a  value 
on  the  call.  Its  duration  should  depend  in 
part  on  the  turn  which  conversation  takes,  if 
that  is  prosperous,  it  may  exceed  the  quarter 
of  an  hour  usually  allotted  to  a  morning  visit, 
if  not,  let  that  suffice. 

Nothing  but  a  quick  perception  of  the  feel- 
ings of  others,  and  a  ready  sympathy  with 
them,  can  regulate  the  thousand  little  proprie- 
ties that  belong  to  visits  of  condolence  and 
congratulation.  There  is  one  hint,  however, 
as  regards  the  former,  which  may  perhaps  be 
useful,  and  that  is,  not  to  touch  upon  the  cause 
of  affliction,  unless  the  mourner  leads  the  way 
to  it ;  and  if  a  painful  effort  is  made  to  appear 
cheerful,  and  to  keep  aloof  from  the  subject,  it 
is  best  to  make  the  call  a  very  short  one. 

Friendly  visits,  not  being  subject  to  the  rales 
of  etiquette,  are  regulated  by  the  character  of 
the  individual,  and  are  therefore  more  fruitful 
in  mistakes.  The  most  common  errors  are  a 
want  of  due  consideration  for  the  time  and  en- 
gagements of  others,  and  a  want  of  candor  in 
letting  a  friend  know  that  her  visit  is  inoppor- 
tune.      If  your  intimates  are  not  to  be  told   at 


CONFURMrJ'Y    TO    FAMILY    RULES.  393 

the  door,  that  you  are  engaged,  but  enter  your 
apartments  at  all  times,  they  should  learn  from 
yourself,  that  there  are  days  when  you  are  too 
busy  to  see  any  one. 

Young  ladies  staying  at  the  houses  of  friends 
much  older  than  themselves,  are  in  danger  of 
doing  many  things  which  will  annoy  their  host 
and  hostess  ;  however  amiable  their  charac- 
ters, and  agreeable  their  manners,  there  will 
be  little  points  on  which  they  never  thought, 
and  cannot  therefore  be  expected  to  do  exactly 
right. 

If  it  be  your  first  visit  from  home,  you  can- 
not be  aware  of  the  difference  there  is  in  the 
customs  of  different  families,  and  cannot  there- 
fore be  too  watchful  to  find  them  out,  nor  too 
careful  to  conform  to  them.  If  your  habits  at 
home  are  those  of  order,  neatness,  and  punctu- 
ality, you  will  not  disturb  the  lady  of  the  house 
by  any  very  careless  tricks  ;  but  if  such  are 
not  your  habits,  you  can  scarcely  make  your- 
self so  agreeable,  as  to  atone  for  the  numerous 
vexations  you  will  cause  her.  An  inexperien- 
ced girl,  however  well  trained  at  home,  will 
make  mistakes  enough  on  first  leaving  it,  to 
need  all  the  indulgence  of  her  elders,  and 
therefore  a  few  hints  upon  this  subject  may  be 
acceptable. 

When  there  are  young  people  in  the  house 
about  the  same  age  as  the  visitor,  it   is   easier 


394  VISITS. 

for  her  to  find  occupation  and  amusement,  in- 
dependent of  the  heads  of  the  family,  than 
where  there  are  none ;  but  in  that  case,  care 
should  be  taken  to  find  out  whether  the  plans 
they  lay,  and  the  pleasures  they  propose,  are 
agreeable  to  the  parents,  before  the  guest 
surrenders  herself  to  their  guidance.  Some 
daughters  take  advantage  of  having  a  young 
friend  staying  with  them,  to  transgress  some  of 
the  family  rules,  and,  by  leading  her  to  do  the 
same,  make  it  appear  to  be  wholly  her  fault. 
This  applies  particularly  to  late  hours  at  night 
and  to  want  of  punctuality  at  breakfast,  and 
family  worship.  When  visiting,  therefore,  it 
is  best  always  to  ascertain  from  the  lady  of 
the  house,  what  are  the  usual  hours  of  rising, 
retiring,  taking  meals,  &c.,  and  then  conform 
scrupulously  to  them,  whether  the  younger 
members  of  the  household  do  so,  or  not. 

Be  careful  to  interfere  as  little  as  possible 
with  the  regular  avocations  of  the  family ;  and, 
by  having  your  work  or  book  always  at  hand, 
make  it  easy  to  them  to  leave  you  alone  when- 
ever it  best  suits  their  convenience  to  do  so. 
When  you  can  aid  in  the  performance  of  any 
of  their  daily  duties,  you  will  show  your  readi- 
ness to  do  so ;  but  be  sure  not  to  urge  your 
offers  of  assistance  where  it  is  not  wanted. 

Make  a  point  of  being  ready  to  receive 
those  calls  which  are  made  on   you,  and  of  re- 


CONSIDERATION    OF    nOMESTlCS.  395 

membering  and  returning  every  one  in  due 
season.  To  ensure  this,  where  the  society  is 
large,  it  is  necessary  to  begin  at  once  and 
keep  a  list  of  all  your  visitors,  or  you  may  omit 
some  one,  which  is  a  great  breach  of  polite- 
ness, and  involves  your  friends  in  the  blame; 
though  you  ought  never  to  throw  on  them  the 
burden  of  remembering  what  calls  you  have 
had.  Your  time  should  be  so  far  at  the  dis- 
posal of  those  you  are  staying  with,  as  to  keep 
you  from  making  any  engagements  without 
consulting  them ;  and  great  care  should  be 
taken  not  to  involve  them  in  an  intimacy  or 
acquaintance  that  does  not  suit  them. 

No  one  can  stay  in  another  person's  house 
without  adding  something  to  the  work  of  it, 
and  constant  consideration  of  others  is  neces- 
sary to  prevent  that  something  from  becoming 
burdensome,  either  to  the  friends  themselves, 
or  to  the  domestics.  Where  guests  can  well 
afford  to  pay  for  their  washing,  they  should 
always  have  it  done  out  of  their  friend's  house, 
and  not  suffer  their  clothes  to  be  added  to  the 
family  wash.  If  they  cannot  do  this,  it  be- 
hoves them  to  assist  in  ironing  their  own 
things,  and  in  doing  up  their  ow^n  muslins.  If 
you  find  that  your  hostess  has  no  objection  to 
your  entering  her  kitchen,  you  can  save  the 
domestics  many  steps,  by  going  there  to  ask 
for  what  you  want,  and  by  waiting  upon  your- 


396  VISITS 

self.  If  you  are  in  the  habit  of  making  your 
own  bed  at  home,  you  may  very  well  do  it 
when  staying  at  a  friend's  house ;  and  this 
trouble  saved  to  the  chamber-maid,  will  make 
her  think  less  of  other  services,  that  she  must 
render  you.  Do  not  imagine  that  because  you 
are  not  at  home,  you  are  not  responsible  for  the 
neatness  of  the  chamber  you  occupy ;  whether 
your  accommodations  are  large  or  small,  your 
things  should  be  put  away  as  snugly  as  possi- 
ble, and  if  you  have  no  drawers  or  closets, 
keep  as  many  of  your  clothes  in  your  trunk  as 
you  can;  and  what  must  be  about,  pile  up 
neatly,  and  cover  them  with  a  handkerchief  or 
towel. 

If  the  house  of  your  friend  is  furnished  in  a 
style  superior  to  your  own,  take  especial  care 
not  to  misuse  her  things,  and  mistrust  your 
own  knowledge  of  what  will  injure  them.  For 
instance,  a  person  always  accustomed  to  sofas 
made  with  hair-cloth,  will  not  be  aware,  how 
easily  one  covered  with  silk  damask  will  be 
injured,  by  lounging  upon  it  with  leather  shoes 
on,  or  by  suffering  the  head  to  come  in  contact 
with  the  silk,  or  by  dropping  crumbs  of  rich 
cake  upon  it.  A  person  accustomed  to  com- 
mon mahogany  tables,  will  set  a  wet  cup  or 
tumbler  down  on  a  white  marble  one,  entirely 
unconscious  of  the  stain  it  will  leave.  The 
richer  the  furniture,  the  more  care  it  requires 


CARE    OF    FURNITURE.  397 

to  keep  it  in  good  order ;  and  this  is  one  of 
the  many  penalties,  which  the  rich  pay  for  their 
luxuries. 

Still  worse  mistakes  are  sometimes  commit- 
ted by  those  who  find  the  furniture  of  their 
hostess  less  costly  than  what  they  have  been 
accustomed  to,  and  are,  therefore,  careless  of 
their  manner  of  treating  it.  To  spill  ink  or 
oil  on  the  well-scoured  boards  of  a  nice  white 
floor,  is  worse  than  to  do  it  on  a  carpet.  To 
step  on  the  seat  of  a  rush-bottom  chair,  does 
far  more  harm,  than  to  stand  on  a  cane-bottom, 
or  hair-cloth  one ;  and  where  the  means  of 
your  friend  are  small,  every  mar  on  her  furni- 
ture is  either  attended  with  some  expense  for 
repairs,  or  lessens  the  good  looks  of  the  ar- 
ticle. 

The  marriages  of  school-mates  and  intimate 
friends  often  leads  to  a  great  ditference  in 
their  style  of  living;  and  as  the  intercourse, 
founded  on  affection,  should  never  be  influ- 
enced by  the  circumstance  of  having  a  few  more 
or  a  few  less  dollars,  or  by  the  nature  of  the 
husband's  calling,  it  is  well  to  know  how  we 
ought  to  conduct  ourselves  towards  those  who 
are  wanting,  as  well  as  towards  those  who 
abound,  in  the  riches  of  this  world.  There  is 
often  more  satisfaction  to  be  found  in  visiting 
a  friend,  who  has  made  what  the  world  calls  a 
poor  match,  than  in  following  a  rich  bride  to 

HH 


398  VISITS. 

her  sumptuous  halls ;  in  sharing  "  humble  toils 
and  destiny  obscure,"  than  in  joining  with  the 
giddy  throng,  that  flock  around  the  favorite 
of  fortune  ;  and  if  you  have  the  command  of 
money,  there  cannot  be  a  more  agreeable  way 
of  disposing  of  a  portion  of  it,  than  by  supply- 
ing some  of  the  deficiencies  in  your  friend's 
establishment,  after  finding  out  what  would  be 
most  acceptable  to  her. 

The  rich  are  often  less  generous  than  they 
might  be,  because  their  habits  prevent  their 
comprehending  the  situation  of  those  who  are 
less  affluent,  and  yet  live  comfortably.  A  per- 
son of  great  wealth,  writing,  on  new-year's 
day,  to  a  friend  who  is  in  narrow  circum- 
stances, will  express  her  regret,  that  she  has 
nothing  pretty  enough  to  send  her  ;  now  such 
an  one  ought  to  know  that  an  useful  present, 
if  not  very  pretty,  would  be  acceptable;  and 
if  the  season  of  the  year  suggested  the  idea 
of  presents,  she  should  have  made  a  point  of 
being  provided  with  something  both  useful  and 
pretty,  to  send  her  friend. 

It  is  in  the  power  of  young  girls,  to  make 
themselves  very  dear  and  very  useful  to  their 
married  friends,  and  to  render  them  such  ser- 
vices as  are  beyond  all  price.  In  times  of  sick- 
ness and  of  sorrow,  the  sympathy  and  presence 
of  a  beloved  female  friend,  are  among  the  best 
of  Heaven's  gifts ;  whilst  she  w^ho  ministers  to 


A    CAUTION.  399 

the  afflicted,  is  as  much  blessed  as  blessing. 
Let  no  young  person  stay  away  from  a  friend 
who  is  sick,  or  in  affliction,  from  the  fear  that 
her  inexperience  will  render  her  company  un- 
desirable ;  all  who  have  strong  affections,  and 
a  ready  power  of  sympathy,  can  make  them- 
selves acceptable,  and,  in  endeavouring  to  do 
so,  will  increase  their  own  happiness. 

Never  let  mere  convenience  induce  you  to 
stay  at  the  houses  of  persons  whom  you  cannot 
esteem;  by  so  doing,  you  bring  on  yourself  an 
irksome  obligation;  you  take  on  yourself  the 
duties  of  a  friend,  without  having  the  senti- 
ments that  would  make  their  discharge  easy. 

There  is  a  tacit  confidence  reposed  in  all 
guests,  and  the  greatest  delicacy  is  required, 
in  order  to  keep  it  inviolate.  Whatever  you 
may  have  remarked  to  the  disadvantage  of 
your  friends,  whilst  sharing  their  hospitality, 
should  never  transpire  through  your  means. 
Speak  only  of  what  redounds  to  their  praise, 
or  of  circumstances  which  cannot  affect  them 
unpleasantly.  Better  omit  relating  the  most 
entertaining  event  of  your  visit,  than  give  cir- 
culation to  anything,  that  will  violate  the  pri- 
vacy of  your  friend's  family.  In  like  manner, 
a  guest  should  be  protected  from  the  gossip  of 
the  world,  by  the  friends  she  visits  ;  and  those 
foibles  which  are  only  found  out  by  the  inti- 
macy of  daily  communion,  should  never  be  ex- 


400  VISITS. 

posed  to  indifferent  persons.  Whatever  good 
is  there  discovered,  may  be  commented  upon  ; 
but  let  silence  cover  whatever  is  amiss. 

The  attentions  which  young  ladies  receive 
as  the  guests  of  those  who  are  older,  may  al- 
ways be  so  graciously  accepted  and  acknowl- 
edged, as  to  show  that  the  guest  fully  appre- 
ciates the  hospitality ;  and,  as  a  proof  that  it 
is  held  in  remembrance,  some  little  offering  of 
gratitude  should  be  made  after  the  visit.  No 
matter  how  well  supplied  your  friends  may  be 
with  the  comforts  and  luxuries  of  life,  nor  how 
small  your  means  are,  you  can  always  think  of 
something  which  you  can  present  and  they 
accept,  and  though  it  be  only  a  pincushion  or  a 
guard  chain,  of  your  own  making,  it  will  have 
a  certain  value  as  the  expression  of  the  grati- 
tude which  it  becomes  you  to  feel. 


RIGHTS    OF    FELLOW-PASSENGERS.  401 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

Travelling. 

Rights  of  Fellow-passengers.  —  Courtesy  to  Women.  —  Anec- 
dote. —  Appurtenances  of  a  Lady.  —  Dress.  —  Steam-boats. 
Hotels.  —  Chamber-maids.  —  A  good  Traveller.  —  Punctu- 
ality. —  Packing.-—  Self-possession.  —  Anecdote.  —  Another. 
—  Avoid  a  Rush.  —  Anecdote  of  a  Father  and  Daughter. 

In  no  country  in  the  world  is  the  proportion 
of  travellers  to  the  population  so  great  as  in 
ours  ;  and  therefore  it  is  peculiarly  incumbent 
upon  us  to  understand  the  morals  of  travelling, 
that  we  should  have  clear  ideas  of  the  rights 
of  those,  whose  interests  are  most  likely  to 
clash  with  ours,  such  as  inn-keepers,  stage- 
coach proprietors,  drivers,  waiters,  chamber- 
maids, and  fellow-passengers. 

If  you  have  just  notions  of  your  relation  to 
all  these  persons,  you  will  never  exclaim  at 
the  ninth  passenger  in  a  stage-coach,  as  if  he 
had  no  right  to  be  there ;  you  will  feel,  that, 
although  his  room  would  be  preferable  to  his 
company,  his  right  is  as  good  as  yours,  and  it 
is  unkind  to  say  or  look  anything  that  will 
make  him  feel  like  an  intruder  ;  you  will  never 
express  atiy  regret,  nor  even  look  displeased, 
when  a  child  is  handed  into  a  public  coach. 
The  mother  and  her  babe  have  as  good  a  right 
HH*  26 


402  TRAVELLING. 

there  as  you  ;  and  her  task  of  carrying,  and 
tending,  and  amusing  her  child  among  stran- 
gers, is  wearisome  enough,  without  the  added 
pain  of  feeling  that  its  presence  is  considered 
a  nuisance.  We  should  be  glad  to  lighten  her 
toil  by  a  smile  and  a  kind  word,  or  by  giving 
the  child  something  new  to  play  with ;  and 
when  the  poor  little  creature  cries,  let  the 
mother's  disinterested  tenderness  as  she  ex- 
claims "  bless  his  little  heart  I "  teach  us  to 
think  less  of  our  own  annoyance  than  of  the 
babe's  discomfort. 

Though  public  conveyances  are  used  by  per- 
sons of  every  description  and  condition,  it 
very  rarely  happens  that  anything  unpleasant 
occurs,  whilst  the  spirit  of  mutual  accommo- 
dation, that  is  generally  observed,  is  admira- 
ble. The  courtesy  shown  to  women  too,  is 
highly  creditable  to  the  Americans ;  it  is  some- 
thing far  better  than  the  treacherous  spirit  of 
modern  gallantry  which  prevails  in  the  old 
world  ;  the  former  partakes  more  of  the  char- 
acter of  a  father's  or  a  brother's  protecting 
care  ;  whereas  the  latter  has  more  of  the  lover 
in  it ;  and  is  far  less  safe,  and  less  to  be  relied 
upon.  Our  countrymen  extend  their  courte- 
sies to  women  of  all  conditions,  whether  rich 
or  poor,  old  or  young,  ugly  or  pretty  ;  if  a 
woman  presents  herself,  she  is  to  be  taken 
care  of  and  attended  to  ;  whereas  an  English- 


COURTESY    TO   WOMEN.  403 

man,  in  a  public  conveyance,  is  apt  to  have 
neither  eyes  nor  ears  for  any  woman  beneath 
him  in  rank,  unless  she  happens  to  be  pretty, 
and  then  his  attentions  are  of  a  doubtful  char- 
acter. 

It  is  hardly  possible  for  the  protection  and 
the  services,  needed  by  the  weaker  sex,  to  be 
given  on  a  better  footing  than  they  are  in  this 
country  ;  and  it  is  highly  important  that  they 
should  be  properly  received  and  justly  appre- 
ciated. I  have  sometimes  felt  great  anxiety 
for  the  future  fate  of  woman,  when  I  have  seen 
the  patience  of  men  tried  by  petty  exactions, 
and  the  privileges,  derived  from  their  gen- 
erosity, claimed  as  rights. 

Foreigners,  travelling  among  us,  are  struck 
by  the  coldness,  almost  sullenness,  with  which 
women  receive  the  attentions  of  strangers. 
This  should  not  be.  Every  little  service,  ren- 
dered by  a  travelling  companion,  should  be 
either  civilly  declined,  or  courteously  accepted, 
and  care  should  be  taken  not  to  let  the  lords 
of  the  creation  do  too  much  for  us ;  not  to 
trespass  upon  their  generosity,  and  not  to  tax 
their  patience  too  far.  Nothing  is  more  cred- 
itable to  our  countrymen,  than  the  readiness 
with  which  they  give  up  their  places,  in  a  full 
coach,  whenever  a  female  traveller  appears  ; 
but  women  should  never  claim  this  accommo- 
dation as  a  ri2;ht. 


404  TRAVELLING. 

Whoever  can  ride  with  their  backs  to  the 
horses,  without  being  incommoded  by  it,  should 
offer  to  do  so,  and  be  ready  to  change  with 
any  pale  sufferer  on  a  front  seat.  If,  moreover, 
you  take  cold  easily,  you  ought  to  take  that 
seat,  in  order  that  other  people  may  have  the 
windows  open  without  your  being  endangered, 
as  that  is  the  most  sheltered  situation. 

Great  care  should  be  taken  that  the  little 
appurtenances  of  women  do  not  incommode 
others.  Those  who  travel  for  pleasure  should 
not  carry  baskets,  larger  than  they  can  con- 
veniently hold  in  their  own  hands,  or  the  bur- 
den of  them  will  fall  on  every  gentleman  who 
waits  upon  them  to  or  from  a  coach  or  steam- 
boat. Band-boxes  should  be  banished  from 
every  traveller's  baggage ;  it  is  better  to  take 
a  second  trunk,  than  to  plague  everybody  with 
the  care  of  so  frail  a  thing  as  a  paper  box. 
Some  ladies  have  tin  boxes  instead  of  paper, 
which  is  an  improvement ;  but  it  is  better  still, 
to  travel  without  carrying  any  bonnet  but  the 
one  you  wear,  or  any  finery,  but  wdiat  you  can 
put  in  the  tray  of  your  portmanteau.  Some 
fathers  make  it  a  condition  with  their  daugh- 
ters, that  they  should  have  no  baggage  but  a 
moderate-sized  portmanteau  and  a  carpet  bag; 
and  these  are  sufficient  for  any  reasonable 
woman  on  a  summer  excursion  ;  if  you  are 
going  to   a  place    to    spend    some  months,   a 


APPURTENANCES    OF    A    LADY.  405 

greater  wardrobe  may  be  necessary  ;  but  even 
then,  you  may,  by  contrivance,  avoid  having 
many  trunks  and  boxes. 

Everybody  should  have  some  distinguishing 
mark  upon  each  piece  of  their  baggage,  besides 
a  full  direction,  by  which  the  trunk  and  bag 
may  be  properly  forwarded,  if  accidentally  left 
behind.  Large  initials,  painted  in  white,  on 
each  end  of  a  trunk,  are  very  useful  ;  ordin- 
arily, a  piece  of  red  or  w^hite  tape,  tied  to  each 
handle,  will  enable  you  easily  to  identify  your 
trunk.  When  escorted  by  any  one  besides 
your  own  family,  you  should  look  after  your 
own  baggage. 

The  plainer  your  dress  is  for  travelling,  the 
longer  it  will  look  nice.  All  ornaments,  and 
all  embroidery  besides  that  of  small  collars, 
are  out  of  place  on  a  journey.  Neat  gloves 
and  shoes  and  a  clean  bonnet-cap  will  give 
you  a  more  genteel  appearance  than  all  the 
chains  and  earrings,  ruffles  and  capes,  you  can 
put  on.  A  neat  plain  cap,  that  will  look  de- 
cent when  your  bonnet  is  off,  is  indispensable 
on  a  long  journey,  as  it  will  save  you  from  the 
fatigue  of  wearing  a  bonnet  constantly,  and 
spare  you  the  trouble  of  adjusting  your  hair 
frequently.  The  ladies'  cabin  in  a  steam-boat 
is  a  complete  vardty  fair.  In  the  midst  of  the 
finest  scenery,  some  girls  will  leave  the  deck 
to  spend  their  time  in  combing  and  arranging 


406  TRAVELLING. 

their  hair  in  a  crowded  cabin,  and  the  looking- 
glasses,  numerous  as  they  are,  are  seldom  out 
of  use. 

Nowhere  is  politeness  more  needed  than  in 
a  crowded  steam-boat,  and  nowhere  is  it  more 
apt  to  be  laid  aside.  The  more  numerous  and 
more  mixed  the  company  is,  the  more  need 
there  is  of  politeness  as  a  common  bond.  It 
is  the  duty  of  every  real  lady  to  set  the  best 
examples  in  manners  and  conduct  to  the  crowd 
around  her,  never  pushing  her  way  rudely 
among  them,  never  seizing  on  a  chair  that 
another  wishes  for  ;  never  standing  in  the 
way ;  never  staring  at  what  is  going  on  near 
her ;  never,  in  short,  forgetting  the  conven- 
ience of  others,  but  always  calling  forth  their 
best  feelings  by  treating  them  generously  and 
courteously. 

One  of  the  worst  features  in  steam-boat 
travelling,  is  the  struggle  for  the  best  places 
at  meals,  and  the  rude  elbowing  and  pushing 
of  those  who  call  themselves  ladies.  I  have 
been  among  the  first  dozen  that  entered  the 
dining-room  from  the  ladies'  cabin,  and  yet 
have  been  unable  to  get  a  seat,  until  I  was 
pushed  down  to  the  other  extremity  of  the 
table,  because  I  could  not  bring  myself  to  con- 
tend for  a  place,  or  scramble  for  a  seat,  as  all 
around  me  were  doing ;  and  who  would  not 
rather  lose  a  dinner,  than  their   self-respect  1 


STEAM-BOATS.  407 

Where  two  dinners  are  provided,  it  is  much 
better  to  wait  for  the  second  one  ;  I  have,  by 
doing  this,  had  as  good  a  dinner  without  any 
rush  or  scramble. 

Where  ladies  spend  a  night  on  board  a 
steam-boat,  the  cabin  affords  a  fine  display  of 
character  and  breeding.  A  true  lady  can  be 
known  at  once,  and  the  woman  who  attends 
upon  the  passengers  quickly  discriminates  be- 
tween the  real  and  the  simulated,  though  her 
situation  is  one  so  full  of  trial  to  her  patience 
that  her  manners  are  seldom  very  complaisant 
to  any.  No  one  in  the  habit  of  thinking  much 
of  the  comfort  of  others,  would  give  this  weary 
chamber-maid  an  unnecessary  step,  or  add  to 
her  vexations  by  needless  exactions  and  fault- 
finding. 

A  person  of  refinement  can  ill  brook  the 
exposure  of  making  her  toilet  in  a  crowd  of 
strangers  ;  and  therefore  she  will  only  throw 
off  her  upper  garments,  and  loosen  the  rest, 
before  she  lies  down  for  the  night.  It  is  bet- 
ter, on  many  accounts,  not  to  undress  entirely; 
in  case  of  accidents,  a  woman's  helplessness  is 
much  increased  by  being  in  her  night  dress. 
Whatever  you  take  off  should  be  disposed  of 
with  a  view  to  knowing  exactly  where  to  lay 
your  hand  upon  it  in  any  case  of  emergency; 
and  broaches,  rings,  watches  should  never  be 
laid  on  the  bed,  or  put  in  out-of-the-way  places, 


408  TRAVELLING. 

but  kept  in  sight  and  pinned  to  some  article 
of  clothing  that  you  must  put  on. 

If  you  would  not  be  a  nuisance  to  all  the  pas- 
sengers, do  not  sit  up  in  the  cabin  and  talk  after 
the  ladies  have  retired  for  the  night ;  however 
wakeful  you  may  feel,  you  have  no  right  to 
disturb  the  repose  of  the  sleepy.  When  the 
crying  of  a  child  breaks  the  slumbers  of  the 
company,  it  is  complained  of  as  a  great  incon- 
venience, yet  that  is  an  accident  which  cannot 
be  helped ;  whereas  talking  can  be  avoided. 

If  you  would  escape  the  panic  arising  from 
the  danger-  of  being  left  behind,  or  carried 
whither  you  do  not  mean  to  go,  or  hurried  on 
shore  half  dressed,  be  sure  to  get  up  the  mo- 
ment the  chamber-maid  calls  you;  use  all  dili- 
gence in  your  preparations ;  put  up  all  your 
things  as  they  are  to  go  on  shore,  before  you 
leave  the  cabin;  keeping  in  your  own  hand 
your  basket,  shawl,  and  parasol. 

Attention  to  these  things  makes  much  of  the 
difference  between  an  agreeable  and  a  disa- 
greeable fellow-traveller  ;  and  joined  to  a  habit 
of  punctuality,  can  hardly  fail  to  render  you  a 
desirable  companion,  and  may  be  the  means  of 
procuring  you  many  an  invitation  which  would 
otherwise  be  withheld. 

On  arriving  at  a  hotel,  one  of  the  gentlemen 
of  your  company  goes  to  the  bar,  puts  down 
his  name,  and   specifies   the  number  of  rooms 


HOTELS.  409 

and  beds  that  his  party  require,  and  then  the 
ladies  should  hold  themselves  in  readiness  to 
go  up  stairs,  to  choose  and  appropriate  the 
chambers.  Here  is  another  display  of  selfish- 
ness or  generosity,  as  the  case  may  be.  The 
younger  members  of  a  party  should  consider 
the  least  commodious  apartments  as  their 
proper  allotment,  and  by  readily  making  the 
best  of  everything,  keep  in  good  humor.  As 
soon  as  your  chamber  is  assigned  you,  observe 
the  number,  so  as  to  give  proper  directions  to 
chamber-m^ids  and  others  as  occasion  may  re- 
quire. Then  see  whether  the  sheets  &c.  are 
clean,  and  what  is  the  state  of  your  washing 
apparatus  ;  and  when  you  can  speak  with  the 
chamber-maid,  do  it  in  a  pleasant  way,  and 
however  ill  arranged  your  room  may  be,  speak 
as  if  all  that  was  wrong,  was  so  from  mistake, 
or  accidental  omission,  and  needed  only  to  be 
named  to  be  rectified.  This  way  of  treating 
the  matter  will  often  procure  you  all  you  wish 
when  a  fault-finding  tone  of  voice  would  put 
the  girl  who  waits  upon  you  out  of  humor,  and 
make  it  very  difficult  for  you  to  get  anything 
you  most  needed.  Take  pains  to  tell  her,  at 
once,  all  you  want,  in  order  to  save  her  unne- 
cessary steps ;  and  let  her  see  that  you  wish 
to  give  her  as  little  trouble  as  possible.  Kind- 
ness and  consideration,  on  your  part,  will  gen- 
erally increase  her  willingness  to  serve  you  5 
II 


410  TRAVELLING. 

and  if  it  does  not,  it  will  satisfy  your  own  con- 
science, and  enable  you  to  bear  her  omissions 
patiently.  It  will  help  you  to  do  this,  if  you 
picture  to  yourself  the  slavish  life  she  leads, 
and  all  the  unreasonable  people  she  has  to  deal 
with,  and  if  you  contrast  her  situation,  toiling 
late  and  early,  to  wait  upon  hundreds  of  per- 
sons who  care  nothing  for  her,  and  whom  she 
never  expects  to  see  a  second  time,  with  your 
own  more  favored  lot,  travelling  for  your  pleas- 
ure, and  perpetually  ministered  to  by  others 
Whenever  you  are  obliged  to  give  extra  trou- 
ble, you  should  reward  it  by  a  small  fee,  from 
your  own  purse,  taking  care,  however,  that 
your  liberality  does  not  induce  the  chamber- 
maid to  devote  herself  to  you,  to  the  disadvan- 
tage of  the  rest  of  the  party.  Whoever  travels 
with  a  number  of  friends  or  relations,  should 
feel  bound,  in  love  and  in  honor,  to  consult  the 
good  of  the  whole,  and  should  scorn  any  sel- 
fish indulgence  obtained  at  the  expense,  or  to 
the  exclusion  of  the  rest. 

A  good  traveller  will  shut  her  eyes  as  much 
as  possible  to  the  dirt  and  bad  management  of 
a  poor  inn  ;  she  will  avoid  looking  behind  the 
scenes,  and  carefully  abstain  from  mentioning 
to  her  companions  any  discovery,  of  an  un- 
pleasant nature,  which  she  may  have  made, 
especially  in  regard  to  food,  as  a  dish  eaten  in 
ignorance,  may  relish  well,  whilst  a  word  from 


IMPORTANCE  OF  PUNCTUALITY.       411 

the  more  initiated,  might  turn  the  whole  party 
against  it. 

Important  as  punctuality  is  to  the  fulfilment 
of  all  our  social  duties,  and  the  improvement 
of  our  time,  it  is  especially  necessary  to  the 
comfort  of  a  party  when  travelling. 

The  greatest  inconvenience  to  a  whole  party 
is  sometimes  occasioned,  by  the  want  of  punc- 
tuality in  a  single  member  of  it.  Every  one, 
therefore,  who  sets  out  on  a  journey  with  a 
party  of  friends,  should  feel  that  they  enter 
into  a  covenant  to  sacrifice  their  own  conven- 
ience and  pleasure,  whenever  it  would  interfere 
with  their  punctuality;  and  no  lovely  prospect, 
no  desired  purchase,  no  wish  to  see  sights, 
should  prevent  your  return  from  a  walk  at  the 
hour  appointed  for  departure.  The  necessi- 
ty of  punctuality  at  meals,  and  at  the  fixed 
hours,  agreed  on  by  all,  should  be  so  promi- 
nent an  idea,  that  the  pen  should  be  thrown 
down,  though  only  a  line  be  wanting  to  com- 
plete the  day's  journal,  the  arrangements  of 
dress  should  be  calculated  to  a  nicety,  and 
any  readjustment  postponed,  that  would  inter- 
fere with  being  ready  at  the  time  prescribed. 
Young  ladies  who  are  not  punctual,  think  it 
a  sufficient  excuse,  to  say  they  could  not  be 
ready  sooner,  because  they  had  to  mend  a 
glove,  or  put  on  new  strings  to  a  cap,  or  to  get 
something  out  of   their  trunk   after  they  had 


412  TRAVELLING. 

fastened  it  down ;  but  all  such  excuses  are 
wholly  inadmissible.  Our  determination  to  be 
true  to  our  engagement,  should  be  so  absolute, 
as  to  make  us  provide  against  all  such  contin- 
gencies, by  beginning  our  operations  so  early 
as  to  leave  us  time  for  accidents,  or  time  to 
spare.  The  unpunctual  never  allow  themselves 
time  enough,  and  the  only  way  to  cure  them- 
selves of  this  fault  in  judgment,  is,  to  begin  by 
allowing  themselves  double  the  portion  they 
think  they  shall  need ;  and  if,  when  entirely 
ready,  they  have  any  time  left,  to  use  it  in  the 
best  way  they  can.  Nothing  wears  more  on  the 
spirits  of  those  who  are  the  heads  of  the  party, 
than  want  of  punctuality  in  the  younger  mem- 
bers of  it ;  I  have  known  the  whole  pleasure 
of  a  day  marred,  in  this  way,  by  the  fault  of 
one. 

The  art  of  packing  a  trunk  well,  is  very 
necessary  to  the  comfort  of  travelling.  It  en- 
ables a  person  to  carry  many  more  things  in  a 
given  space,  than  can  be  done  without  it ;  it 
prevents  your  clothes  being  injured  or  tumbled, 
and  helps  you  to  find  what  you  want,  without 
deranging  the  whole  contents  of  your  trunk. 
It  is  too  practical  an  affair  to  be  taught  by 
written  rules  ;  but  if  you  can  only  be  impress- 
ed with  the  desirableness  of  understanding  it, 
you  can  learn  it  from  some  experienced  friend. 
Those    persons    acquire   it  most  readily,  who 


SELF-POSSESSION.  413 

have  a  correct  eye  for  form  and  space,  and 
therefore,  one  who  knows  how  to  draw,  will 
learn  to  pack,  more  easily  than  one  who  never 
measured  distances  by  her  eye. 

It  is  a  good  rule  in  travelling,  never  to  un- 
pack your  trunk  unnecessarily;  but  to  keep 
those  things  on  the  top  that  you  will  need  first, 
and  when  you  are  to  set  off  early  in  the  morn- 
ing, to  pack  your  trunk  the  night  before,  and 
leave  out  only  such  things  as  can  be  put  in  your 
carpet  bag. 

It  is  best  not  to  put  your  watch  under  your 
pillow  at  night,  unless  you  are  always  in  the 
habit  of  doing  so,  and  can  depend  on  yourself 
for  not  forgetting  it  in  the  morning. 

Self-possession  in  time  of  difficulty,  is  an  im- 
portant quality  of  the  mind,  and  can  be  very 
successfully  cultivated.  I  have  known  very 
timid  children  to  become,  by  proper  self-disci- 
pline, calm  and  courageous  in  danger,  and  to 
acquire  by  degrees,  that  presence  of  mind, 
which  has  often  been  the  means  of  preserving 
life.  No  one  is  fit  to  travel,  who  has  not  ac- 
quired enough  of  it,  to  refrain  from  screaming 
when  alarmed.  Whatever  the  feelings  may  be, 
there  should  be  sufficient  self-command  to  keep 
silence ;  for  in  many  situations  the  danger  is 
greatly  increased  by  the  shrieks  of  women ;  as 
in  the  case  of  runaway  horses,  or  of  horses  tak- 
ing fright  in   \  ferry-boat.     I  recollect  an  in- 


414  TRAVELLING. 

stance  of  a  coachman's  life  being  sacrificed,  in 
consequence  of  a  lady's  screams. 

A  mother  and  daughter  returning  home  from 
a  morning  ride  in  their  own  carriage,  were 
alarmed  by  perceiving  that  the  horses  were 
unruly,  and  immediately  the  young  lady  began 
to  scream ;  this  frightened  the  horses  and  ren- 
dered them  entirely  unmanageable  ;  the  coach- 
man was  thrown  from  his  seat,  and  so  severely 
injured,  that  he  died  in  a  few  days.  The 
ladies  were  not  hurt,  but  they  had  the  pain  of 
hearing  the  dying  man  say,  that  he  should 
have  commanded  the  horses, "  if  Miss  Lucinda 
had  not  screamed  so."  What  a  sad  recollec- 
tion to  carry  through  life  ! 

The  reverse  of  this  was  the  experience  of 
another  lady  of  my  acquaintance.  She  was 
going  through  the  streets  of  a  large  city  in  her 
own  carriage,  and  stopped  at  the  entrance  of 
an  alley  down  which  she  sent  her  coachman 
on  an  errand,  without  taking  the  reins  into  her 
hand,  as  every  person  so  situated  ought  to  do ; 
before  the  man  returned,  the  horses  trotted 
slowly  off.  The  lady  had  sufficient  presence  of 
mind,  to  make  no  outcry,  but  simply  beckoned 
to  the  people  on  the  side-walks  to  come  to  her 
aid ;  for  some  time  no  one  noticed  her,  and  her 
horses,  having  taken  the  direction  of  home,  be- 
gan to  quicken  their  pace ;  the  danger  increas- 
ed  every  moment,  still   they  were   not  alarmed 


SELF-POSSESSION.  415 

by  any  noise  within  the  carriage,  and  at  last 
some  one  observed  there  was  no  coachman  on 
the  box  and  stopped  them  before  any  accident 
occurred.  A  lady  addicted  to  screaming  would 
probably  have  been  seriously  injured,  if  not 
killed  by  the  horses  running  away  at  full  speed, 
and  dashing  the  carriage  against  something  in 
their  way. 

It  is  for  the  most  part  safer  to  remain  in  a 
carriage,  when  the  horses  run  away  with  it,  than 
to  attempt  to  get  out,  whilst  it  is  in  motion ; 
and  better  not  to  put  the  head  or  arms  out  of 
the  windows,  but  sit  quietly  within,  with  your 
arms  close  to  your  body,  and  all  your  muscles 
relaxed ;  and  then,  if  the  carriage  is  overturn- 
ed, you  will  run  less  risk  of  breaking  your 
limbs,  than  you  would,  if  you  were  braced  and 
holding  on  with  all  your  might.  I  have  been 
overturned  so  often,  that  I  know  exactly  how 
to  fall ;  and  when  I  feel  the  carriage  tipping 
over,  I  draw  myself  all  up  together  and  make 
myself  as  much  like  a  bag  of  wool  as  possible. 

The  various  kinds  of  danger,  to  which  one  is 
subject,  in  steam-boat  accidents,  makes  it  diffi- 
cult to  say  beforehand  what  course  is  best;  but 
there  is  one  general  rule  which  may  be  given, 
and  that  is,  never  to  join  in  a  rush  to  any  one 
part  of  the  boat.  By  keeping  aloof  and  retain- 
ing your  self-possession,  you  will  be  ready  to 
take  advantage  of  whatever  may  occur  ;  where- 


416  TRAVELLING. 

as,  by  following  the  crowd,  you  are  liable  to  be 
infected  by  their  panic  and  to  be  hurried  into 
some  imprudent  step. 

I  am  acquainted  with  a  young  lady  who  es- 
caped much  suffering  by  adhering  to  this  rule. 
She  and  her  father  were  on  board  a  steam- 
boat, in  the  Mississippi,  when  it  ran  against 
another  vessel,  and  was  so  much  injured  as  to 
sink  rapidly.  There  was  a  general  rush  of  all 
the  passengers  to  the  bows  of  the  boat  ;  she 
alone  remained  at  the  stern  with  her  father  ; 
both  were  perfectly  calm,  and  provided  them- 
selves with  buoyant  articles  to  assist  them  in 
floating,  when  it  should  become  necessary  to 
commit  themselves  to  the  water.  Whilst  thus 
aloof  from  the  crowd,  a  little  boat  approached  ; 
the  father  hailed  it,  and  in  a  few  moments,  he 
and  his  daughter  were  safely  placed  in  it,  and 
rowed  towards  the  shore.  No  lives  were  even- 
tually lost ;  but  other  persons  suffered  much 
more  before  they  were  taken  off,  than  this 
young  lady,  who  never  lost  her  presence  of 
mind,  but  acted  from  the  first  according  to 
to  fixed  principles  inculcated  by  her  father. 


CONVERSATION  ON  USEFULNESS.       417 

CHAPTER  XX. 

Mental  Culture. 

A  Conversation  on  Usefulness.  —  Display.  —  Reading  without 
Thinking.  —  Applications  for  Aid.  —  Periodical  Literature 
unfit  for  the  Young.  —  Reading  with  an  Object  desirable.  — 
Study  of  History.  —  Exercises  in  Composition.  —  A  Course 
of  Reading  on  History.  —  Biography.  —  British  Poets.  — 
Travels.  —  Grammar  and  Rhetoric.  —  Sentiment  and  Mo- 
rality. 

So  much  time  is  ordinarily  wasted  in  the  life 
of  a  young  lady,  that  few  are  aware  how 
much  might  be  accomplished  by  a  scrupulous 
economy  of  minutes  and  a  methodical  appropri- 
ation of  hours.  But,  believing  as  I  do,  that 
there  is  time  enough  for  the  performance  of 
every  domestic  duty,  and  for  the  cultivation 
of  the  mind  also,  I  would  warn  my  young 
friends  against  sacrificing  one  to  the  other. 
Some  persons  make  an  arbitrary  division  of 
things  into  useful  and  ornamental,  and  class 
mental  culture  under  the  latter  head.  This  mis- 
take was  so  well  combated  by  a  friend  of  mine, 
aged  twenty,  in  conversation  with  a  girl  of 
eighteen,  that  I  will  relate  what  passed.  Sa- 
rah, the  elder  one,  had  been  talking  to  Anna 
about  reading  and  studying,  when  the  latter 
said  with  a  sigh,  "  Well  I  cannot  expect  to  be 
like  you  ;  Nature  meant  me  to  be  only  useful." 

27 


418  MENTAL    CULTURE. 

Sarah.  "I  should  be  very  sorry,  if  I  thought 
she  had  not  made  me  for  the  same  purpose." 

Anna.  "  O,  you  are  above  being  useful.  You 
were  meant  to  be  ornamental ;  everybody  is 
willing  you  should  be  so ;  few  can  be  like  you, 
for  few  can  make  such  attainments,  and  those 
who  can  are  not  expected  to  be  useful." 

Sarah.  "  What  do  you  mean  by  being  use- 
ful?" 

Anna.  "  0,  you  know,  fulfilling  one's  duty  in 
the  common  relations  of  life." 

Sarah.  "  Do  I  neglect  that  ?  " 

Anna.  "  No,  I  would  not  say  that,  but  you 
do  not  put  your  whole  mind  into  it." 

Sarah.  "  Why  should  I,  if  I  have  mind  enough 
for  that  and  other  things  too  ?  " 

Anna.  "  Well,  you  are  more  ornamental  than 
useful  at  any  rate." 

Sarah.  "It  seems  to  me  that  you  strangely 
limit  the  term  useful.  I  suppose  you  mean  that 
we  are  useful,  only  when  we  are  making  rai- 
ment for  the  body,  or  setting  the  house  in 
order,  or  tending  the  sick." 

Anna.  "  0,  and  visiting  the  poor,  and  keep- 
ing Sunday  school." 

Sarah.  "  Well,  do  you  propose  doing  this 
last  without  cultivation  ?  Shall  the  blind  lead 
the  blind  1 " 

Anna.  "  That  requires  no  knowledge  beyond 
Christian  morality." 


CONVERSATION  ON  USEFULNESS.       419 

Sarah.  "  The  highest  knowledge  of  all,  and 
to  which  all  other  attainments  are  subsidiary ! " 

»^nna,  "  Well,  but  granting  that,  of  what 
other  use,  Sarah,  are  all  your  accomplishments  ? 
They  make  you  very  independent,  I  know,  and 
much  admired  by  certain  persons ;  but  then 
they  render  insipid  other  society,  in  which  they 
are  not  appreciated,  and  from  which  you  can 
gain  nothing  ;  and  what  good  do  they  do  any- 
body but  yourself?" 

Sarah.  "  I  think  they  do  some  good,  when 
they  make  my  father  and  brothers  like  to  be  at 
home  and  talk  with  me.  You  have  often  com- 
plained, that  you  could  not  make  home  attrac- 
tive to  your  father  and  brothers,  and  lamented 
the  ennui  of  the  one,  and  the  idle  amusements 
of  the  other.  As  to  its  making  the  sort  of 
society,  of  which  you  speak,  insipid  to  me,  I 
know  that  although  you  spend  so  much  time 
in  it,  it  is  as  disagreeable  to  you,  as  it  is 
wearisome  to  me.  You  are  always  bringing 
me  stories  of  the  calumnies  which  are  afloat 
about  you  and  your  friends.  Now  I  say,  that 
much  of  this  wicked  gossiping  arises  from 
idleness,  and  that  if  these  people's  minds  were 
better  furnished,  their  tongues  would  be  less 
venomous." 

Anna.  "  But  if  we  can  do  nothing  for  this 
society,  ought  we  to  withdraw  ourselves  wholly 
from  it  ?  " 


420  .  MENTAL    CULTURE. 

Sarah.  "  If  we  cannot  raise  its  tone,  I  think 
it  may  be  of  some  use  to  bear  a  quiet  testi- 
mony, that  we  can  find  some  better  way  of 
passing  our  time,  than  in  tasteless,  childish 
amusements,  the  monotony  of  which  is  only 
relieved  by  the  most  malicious  backbiting." 

Anna.  "  I  wish  I  could  think  as  you  do,  but 
I  have  always  been  afraid,  that  if  I  were  very 
cultivated,  I  should  not  be  so  useful." 

Sarah.  "  If  you  enlarge  your  views  of  utility, 
you  will  perhaps  see  that  we  promote  it  no 
less  by  ministering  to  the  spiritual  than  the 
temporal  wants  of  others.  I  cannot  consider 
the  person  who  gives  me  a  beautiful  thought, 
enriches  me  with  a  valuable  truth,  or  leads  me 
to  take  more  liberal  views  of  the  capacity  of 
the  soul  or  the  value  of  time,  is  less  useful  to 
me  than  that  other  kind  of  beings  who  make 
jellies  for  me  and  watch  with  me  in  illness,  or 
take  me  to  ride,  and  entertain  me  with  their 
best  cheer,  when  I  am  well.  Let  none  of  us 
neglect  the  common  duties  of  our  spheres  ;  but 
if  any  hours  be  left,  can  we  devote  them  better 
than  to  acquiring  a  knowledge  of  the  laws  of 
God's  world,  or  the  minds  and  history  of  his 
creatures  1  Are  we  not  thus  fitting  ourselves 
to  perform  the  highest  kind  of  duty  towards 
each  other  ?  And  I  do  believe,  that  if  we  judi- 
ciously manage  our  time  on  earth,  short  though 
it  be,  there  will  be  sufficient  to   enable  us  to 


READING    WITHOUT    THINKING.  421 

be  useful  in  the  highest  sense  of  that  term,  as 
well  as  in  the  sense  in  which  you  use  it." 

A  great  many  very  good  people  limit  the 
sense  of  the  word  useful,  as  Anna  did  ;  but  as 
well  might  we  query  what  the  use  is  to  the 
body  of  each  portion  of  food  it  receives,  as  to 
doubt  that  knowledge,  properly  taken  into  the 
mind,  conduces  to  its  strength  and  enlargement. 

There  is  another  class,  who  value  intellectual 
attainments  very  highly,  but  not  on  the  true 
ground  ;  not  because  they  increase  our  useful- 
ness and  happiness  ;  not  because  we  have  im- 
mortal souls,  that  crave  knowledge  as  the  body 
does  food  ;  but  merely  as  the  means  of  succeed- 
ing in  society,  for  the  poor  purpose  of  display ; 
and  the  leading  thought  of  such  girls  is,  "What 
shall  I  do  with  this  that  I  am  learning  ?  "  She 
w^ho  reads  merely  for  the  sake  of  talking  aboL 
a  book,  with  which  others  are  acquainted,  or 
that  she  may  embellish  her  conversation  with 
quotations,  or  because  it  is  expected  that  she 
should  know  certain  facts  and  names  in  his- 
tory, will  miss  the  true  end  of  all  study,  and 
wall  be  unable  effectually  to  reproduce  any  of 
the  ideas  so  taken  in. 

"  The  knowledge  which  is  gained  by  read- 
ing, is  of  little  worth,  when  the  mind  is  unpre- 
pared to  receive  and  assimilate  it.  If  w^e  pas- 
sively adopt  the  opinions  w^e  meet  with  in 
books,  or  remember  the  facts  they  relate  with- 
.ij 


422"  MENTAL    CULTURE 

out  any  endeavour  to  reflect  upon  them,  or  to 
judge  of  their  relation  to  other  facts,  we  might 
almost  as  well  not  read  at  all.  We  may  gain 
knowledge,  such  as  it  is  ;  but,  at  the  same 
time,  that  knowledge  will  impede  instead  of 
strengthening  the  operations  of  our  intellects, 
and  the  load  of  facts  will  lie  like  a  heavy 
w^eight,  under  which  the  motions  of  the  reason- 
ing power  will  become  more  and  more  feeble, 
till  at  length  they  stop.  If,  on  the  contrary,  we 
meditate,  compare,  choose,  and  reject,  where 
opinions  are  in  question  ;  arrange  and  apply, 
where  facts  are  the  subject  of  inquiry,  we  can- 
not read  too  much  for  our  intellectual  improve- 
ment. The  mind  will  hold  all  the  knowledge 
that  can  ever  be  put  into  it,  if  it  be  well  chosen 
and  properly  introduced." 

Let  those  who  are  seriously  desirous  of  im- 
proving their  minds,  read  first  such  books  as 
will  throw  light  upon  the  proper  treatment  of 
them.  Read  the  letters  of  Mrs.  Barbauld,  on 
"Female  Studies,"  and  on  "The  Uses  of  His- 
tory"; also,  "Philosophical  Essays  on  the  Art 
of  Thinking,"  by  a  distinguished  English  lady; 
these  will  show  you  what  is  the  necessary  pre- 
paration of  the  mind  for  deriving  improvement 
from  reading,  and  give  you  clear  ideas  of  the 
true  uses  of  knowledge. 


READING    WITH    AN    OBJECT.  423 

Very  young  ladies  should  not  aim  at  being 
acquainted  with  the  periodical  literature  of  the 
day,  nor  with  the  various  new  books  which 
they  hear  their  elder  friends  conversing  about. 
Their  leisure  should  be  chiefly  given  to  stand- 
ard works  in  their  own  language,  or  the  study 
of  classic  authors  in  foreign  tongues.  Life  is 
too  short,  and  time  too  precious,  and  books  too 
numerous,  to  allow  of  your  reading  a  work  in 
order  to  ascertain  whether  it  be  worth  the  pe- 
rusal. It  is  wise  to  profit  by  the  experience 
of  others  in  this  respect,  and  to  read  only  such 
books  as  are  well  recommended. 

A  course  of  reading,  undertaken  for  the  pur- 
pose of  ascertaining  some  particular  points  in 
history,  or  by  way  of  testing  some  theory  in 
morals,  or  for  any  specific  object,  w^ill  fructify 
the  mind  more  than  years  of  aimless  reading. 
If  you  consult  the  works  alluded  to  by  the 
authors  you  are  studying,  and  acquire  all  the 
collateral  information  which  belongs  to  any 
subject  that  engages  your  attention,  you  will 
find  your  interest  to  increase  as  you  trace  the 
connexion,  and  that  ideas,  thus  followed  out, 
become  a  part  of  your  own  mind,  and  suggest 
new  thoughts  and  feelings. 

It  should  be  a  rule  with  you  never  to  pass 
over  a  word  you  do  not  know,  or  a  thing  you 
do  not  understand,  without  either  looking  for 
its  explanation  in  dictionaries,  encyclopaedias, 


424  MENTAL    CULTURE. 

&c.,  or  making  a  note  of  it  in  a  little  book, 
kept  for  the  purpose,  that  you  may  inquire  its 
meaning  of  the  first  person  you  meet  with,  who 
is  competent  to  give  it. 

Many  persons  take  a  dislike  to  history,  from 
having  studied  it  only  in  the  abridgments  used 
in  schools  ;  whereas  the  voluminous  accounts 
given  of  the  same  events,  and  w^hich  are  shun- 
ned as  a  heavy  task,  would  prove  far  more 
entertaining.  The  more  you  read  about  some 
things,  the  more  interested  you  become,  and 
this  is  the  case  with  history.  When  you  are 
familiar  with  certain  scenes  and  characters, 
you  will  wish  to  know  additional  particulars 
concerning  them.  When  you  have  read  Gold- 
smith's and  Littleton's  accounts  of  the  parent 
country,  you  will  like  to  know  how  Hume  de- 
scribes the  same  events  ;  and  having  read  what 
two  Protestants  and  one  infidel  say  of  them,  it 
will  be  doubly  interesting  to  know  what  Lin- 
gard,  the  Roman  Catholic,  will  write  on  the 
same  subject ;  and  after  all  these,  the  sketch 
given  by  a  philosopher,  such  as  the  late  Sir 
James  Mackintosh  was,  will  impart  a  new  in- 
terest to  England's  story. 

There  are  so  many  entertaining  biographies 
and  memoirs  which  may  be  read  in  connexion 
with  English  history,  that  it  must  prove  a  high 
treat,  an  intellectual  feast,  to  any  mind  prepar- 
ed to  enjoy  it.     After   reading   two   or  three 


EXERCISES    IN    COMPOSITION.  425 

short  histories,  so  as  to  have  a  general  idea  of 
the  progress  of  events,  it  is  well  to  take  a  full 
account,  like  Hume's,  and  read  the  biographies 
of  great  characters,  in  connexion  with  the 
times  in  which  they  flourished.  The  various 
memoirs,  too,  should  be  read  in  the  same  way. 
The  history  should  be  considered  as  a  skeleton, 
which  is  to  be  filled  out  by  all  the  collateral  in- 
formation you  can  procure.  Shakspeare's  his- 
torical plays,  and  Scott's  historical  novels,  may 
be  read  to  great  advantage  in  connexion  with 
the  history  of  the  period  to  which  they  belong. 

Written  abstracts  of  what  you  read  will  not 
only  assist  your  memory  in  recollecting  dates 
and  facts,  but  will  aid  you  in  arranging,  com- 
paring, and  reflecting  upon  what  you  have  ac- 
quired. They  should  be  frequently  referred 
to,  and  occasionally  studied  very  thoroughly, 
if  you  would  reap  the  full  benefit  of  them. 

Whenever  you  are  reading  or  studying,  take 
care  to  have  within  reach,  gazetteers,  maps, 
biographical  charts,  dictionaries,  encyclopaedi- 
as, &c.,  and  never  grudge  the  time  that  yoa 
spend  in  consulting  them. 

However  irksome  may  have  been  the  writing 
of  themes  at  school,  you  cannot  relinquish  the 
frequent  exercise  of  the  mind  in  composition, 
without  neglecting  one  of  the  most  important 
means  of  mental  culture.  Nothino^  is  a  o-reater 
help  to   accuracy    of  statement,   and    accuracy 


426  MENTAL    CULTURE. 

of  thought.  Those  who  are  unaccustomed  to 
this  exercise,  may  begin  by  writing  down  the 
thoughts  of  others  from  memory ;  a  sermon  or 
a  lecture,  a  conversation  or  a  passage  from  a 
book,  will  furnish  a  topic.  In  the  last  case, 
the  novice  can  compare  her  composition  with 
the  original,  and  so  correct  it.  The  more  vari- 
ed the  subjects  you  treat  of,  the  more  useful 
will  be  the  exercise;  and  if  the  labor  of  compo- 
sition be  irksome  to  you,  there  can  be  no  stron- 
ger proof  that  your  mind  requires  the  disci- 
pline. It  should  be  remembered,  that,  however 
valuable  these  compositions  are,  as  exercises 
of  the  young  mind,  they  seldom  have  any  in- 
trinsic merit,  and  should,  therefore,  be  kept  to 
yourGelf,  and  destroyed  when  they  have  an- 
swered their  purpose. 

Having  been  frequently  applied  to  for  a  list 
of  the  books  which  I  should  recommend  a 
young  lady  with  plenty  of  leisure  to  read,  I 
presume  that  such  a  guide  will  be  sought  for 
in  this  work,  and  shall  therefore  endeavour  to 
furnish  it.  *  No  course  of  reading  can  be 
pointed  out,  which  will  suit  the  minds  of  all 
equally  well,  or  be  accessible  to  the  generality 
of  readers.  Many  must  be  satisfied  to  cull 
from  it,  what  the  scanty  libraries  around  them 
will  supply ;  but  such  may  comfort  themselves 
with  the  reflection,  that  a  few  books,  thorough- 

*  See  Note  A,  at  the  end  of  the  volume. 


COURSE    OF    READING.  427 

ly  studied  and  well  assimilated  to  the  mind, 
do  us  more  good  than  a  hasty,  careless  perusal 
of  many  volumes. 

Every  well  educated  person,  whose  mother 
tongue  is  English,  must  be  acquainted  with  the 
great  poets  who  have  adorned  and  enriched 
the  literature  of  England.  Many  of  them  it  is 
sufficient  to  read ;  but  you  must  study  Milton, 
and  Shakspeare,  become  intimately  acquainted 
wdth  Young,  Goldsmith,  Thomson,  Gray,  Par- 
nel,  Cowper,  Campbell,  Burns,  Wordsworth, 
and  Southey;  also  the  ethical  parts  of  Pope's 
poetry. 

Always  read  the  life  of  an  author  in  connex- 
ion with  his  works,  if  you  would  fully  under- 
stand and  appreciate  them ;  but  beware  of 
surrendering  your  mind  passively  to  what  the 
biographer  may  think  of  his  subject.  John- 
son's "Lives  of  the  Poets"  is  a  celebrated 
w^ork,  and  one  worthy  of  an  attentive  perusal 
in  connexion  with  the  British  Poets  ;  but  it 
contains  many  of  that  great  author's  pre- 
judices, and  some  examples  of  flagrant  injus- 
tice, against  which  the  reader  should  be  on  his 
guard. 

In  judging  of  the  character  of  the  English 
poets,  from  Chaucer  to  Cowper,  you  will  find 
no  better  guides  than  Campbell  in  his  "  Speci- 
mens of  the  British  Poets,"  and  Dr.  Aikin  in 
his  "  Letters  to  a  Young  Lady,  on  a  Course  of 


428  MENTAL    CULTURE. 

English  Poetry."  Indeed,  in  a  majority  of  the 
poets  mentioned  by  Campbell,  the  specimens 
which  he  has  given,  together  with  "  Aikin's 
Select  Works  of  British  Poets,"  are  sufficient 
for  a  young  reader.  Campbell's  "Biographical 
and  Critical  Notices  of  the  British  Poets,"  his 
"  Essay  on  English  Poetry,"  and  his  Lectures 
on  Poetry,  in  the  "  New  Monthly  Magazine," 
will  assist  you  in  forming  a  correct  taste  and 
in  appreciating  the  various  merits  of  the  differ- 
ent poets. 

Study  Shakspeare  with  Schlegel's  Lectures 
and  Mrs.  Jameson's  "  Characteristics  of  Wo- 
men." 

Your  course  of  reading  should  be  partly  de- 
termined by  the  interest  excited  in  your  mind 
by  accidental  circumstances  and  conversations. 
When  you  have  heard  an  animated  discussion  of 
the  merits  of  certain  standard  works,  with  which 
you  are  unacquainted,  that  is  the  time  to  read 
them,  whilst  your  mind  is  all  alive  to  the  sub- 
ject. If  you  are  introduced  to  a  foreigner,  who 
discourses  of  his  own  country  till  he  awakens 
an  interest  in  scenes  and  manners  that  are  new 
to  you,  follow  up  the  impression,  by  reading  all 
you  can  find  that  relates  to  those  subjects.* 

If  anything  leads  your  mind  to  consider  the 
philosophy  of  language  and  grammar,  and  you 
become  interested  in  examining  the  instrument 

*  See  Note  B,  at  the  end  of  tlio  volume. 


CONCLUSION.  429 

that  you  are  constantly  using,  you  will  be  great- 
ly assisted  in  doing  so,  by  reading  "  Harris's 
Hermes,"  and  "  The  Diversions  of  Purley." 

Rhetoric  may  next  claim  your  attention ;  and 
if  your  mind  is  properly  awakened  to  the  sub- 
ject, you  will  find  great  entertainment,  as  well 
as  instruction,  in  the  following  works  ;  "  Blair's 
Lectures  on  Rhetoric,"  "  Kames's  Elements  of 
Criticism,"  and  '•  Campbell's  Philosophy  of 
Rhetoric." 

Of  the  Tattler,  Spectator,  Rambler,  and 
numerous  other  periodical  papers  which  had 
such  a  vogue  in  the  last  century,  it  is  now  ne- 
cessary to  read  only  a  selection ;  and  this  has 
been  wisely  made  by  Mrs.  Barbauld,  and  pub- 
lished for  the  benefit  of  young  persons,  with 
an  admirable  critical  essay  prefixed  to  it. 

Works  of  sentiment  and  morality  are  so 
numerous,  and  of  so  mixed  a  character,  that, 
whilst  great  care  is  necessary  in  making  a  wise 
selection,  the  number  of  good  ones  is  too  large 
for  me  to  attempt  a  list  of  them. 


CONCLUSION. 


I  HOPE  that  no  one  can  have  read  the  pre- 
ceding pages,  without  perceiving,  that  I  con- 
sider all  true  happiness  to  depend  on  the 
faithful  performance   of  duty,  and   all   duty  to 


430  CONCLUSION. 

be  based  upon  love  to  God  and  love  to  man ; 
that,  where  these  affections  fill  the  heart  they 
show  themselves  in  the  smallest  as  well  as  the 
greatest  affairs  of  life ;  that  nothing  is  too 
trifling  to  be  referred  to  those  two  great  prin- 
ciples, and  that  it  is  Avith  a  view  to  making  the 
most  of  life,  under  those  influences,  that  I  in- 
culcate the  value  of  time,  the  advantages  of 
m^ethod,  the  happiness  of  virtue,  the  healthful- 
ness  of  constant,  vigorous  action,  both  of  body 
and  mind,  and  the  importance  of  choosing 
nicely  bet\veen  the  various  occupations  which 
life  presents. 

The  hints  which  I  proposed  giving  to  young 
ladies  on  leaving  school,  have  now  filled  a  vol- 
ume, the  size  of  which  may  look  sufficiently 
formidable  in  their  eyes,  and  yet  the  half  has 
not  been  said  of  what  would  be  useful  advice 
to  them.  The  subject  embraces  so  w^ide  a  field, 
that  no  single  volume  can  do  more  than  touch 
on  a  few  topics.  I  have  chosen  the  most  obvi- 
0  !s  because  they  are  of  most  frequent  recur- 
rence, and  must  leave  the  rest,  in  the  hope  that 
those  whose  attention  has  been  arrested  by 
what  is  here  said,  will  follow  out  for  them- 
selves these  suggestions,  and  that  they  w^ill 
apply  the  principles  here  laid  dow^n,  to  the 
thousand  other  particulars  which  should  1» 
regulated  by  them. 


NOTES  431 


NOTE  A. 


LIST    OF    BOOKS    FOR    A    COURSE    OF    READING    ON 
HISTORY    AND    BIOGRAPHY. 


HISTORY. 

Historical  Books  of  the  Bible. — Josephus's  History.—  Jahn's 
Hebrew  Commonwealtli.  —  Milman's  History  of  the  Jews. 

Rollin's  Ancient  History. — Beloe's   Herodotus.  —  Travels  of 

Anacharsis.  —  Mitford's  Greece. 

With  these  may  be  read  the  Iliad  and  Odyssey,  also  Plutarch's  Lives,  as 
each  name  occurs  in  history- 
Ferguson's  History  of  the  Roman  Republic. —  Baker's  Livy. — 

Middleton's    Life    of  Cicero.  —  Murphy's   Tacitus.  —  Sis- 

mondi's  Decline  of  the  Roman  Empire. 

Miiller's  Universal  History.  —  Hallam's  History  of  the  Middle 
Ages.  —  James's  Life  of  Charlemagne.  —  Mills  History  of 
the  Crusades  and  of  Chivalry. 

Turner's  History  of  England.  —  The  most  interesting  Chapters 
in  Henry's  and  Lingard's  Histories  of  England.  —  Burnet's 
Histor}'^  of  His  Own  Times. 
Shakspeare's  Historical  Plays,  and  Scott's  Historical  Novels,  in  chrono- 

logical  order,  and  Miss  Aikin'.s  Memoirs,  may  be  rend  with  these  histories. 

Robertson's  History  of  Scotland.  —  Scott's  Tales  of  a  Grand- 
father, 1st,  2d,  aiid  3d  Series. 
Scott's  Poems  and  Scottish  Tales  may  be  read  with  these. 

Scott's  Tales  of  a  Grandfather,  4th  Series.  —  Robertson's 
Charles  V.  —  Watson's  Philip  H.  and  Philip  HL  — Sully's 
Memoirs. 

Vertot's  Revolutions  of  Sweden.  — Voltaire's  Charles  XIL 

Vertot's  Revolutions  of  Portugal. —Sismondi's  History  of  the 
Italian  Repiiblics,  (abridged  in  Lardners  Cabinet  of  His- 
tory).—  Roscoe's  Lorenzo  de'  Medici  and  Leo  X.—  Sketches 
from  Venetian  History.  —  Malcolm's  History  of  Persia. 

Irvine's  Life  of  Columbus.  —  Robertson's  History  of  America.  — 
BancrofVs  History  of  America.  —  Winthrop's  Journal,  (Sav- 


432  NOTES. 


age's    Edition).  —  Hutchinson's  History  of  Massachusetts, 
with  Minot's   Continuation.  —  Belknap's   History    of   New 
Hampshire.  —  R.amsay's    American    Revolution.  —  Lee's 
Memoirs  of  the  War  in  the  Southern  Department. 
Read,  with  these  histories,  the  Biographies  of  Peun,  Jay,  Hamilton,  Hen- 
ry, Greene,  Otis,  Quincy,  Morris,  The  Signers  of  the  Declaration  of  Indepen- 
peiice,  Sparks's  American  Biography,  and  any  other  lives  of  distinguished 
Americans,  that  you  can  get. 

Tlie  biographies,  mentioned  in  the  foregoing  list,  are  of  char- 
acters especially  connected  with  the  history  of  their  country  ; 
but  there  is  a  long  list  of  interesting  lives,  which  have  no  such 
connexion,  and  may  be  read  at  odd  times,  and  whenever  you 
can  obtain  the  books,  always  taking  care  to  have  a  clear  idea, 
before  you  begin,  of  the  history  of  the  period  to  which  they 
belong.  I  will  name  a  few  of  the  most  celebrated,  that  you 
may  know  what  to  fix  upon,  when  the  opportunity  offers. 
When  you  can  read  in  succession  the  biographies  of  contempo- 
raries, this  will  add  much  to  the  interest,  and  make  you  feel 
familiar  with  the  scenes  described. 


BIOGRAPHY. 

Gilpin's  liives  of  the  Reformers.  —  Account  of  the  Gilpin 
Family,  in  Warner's  liiterary  Recollections.  —  Life  of  Eliza- 
beth Smith,  and  Henry  Kirke  White. —  Scott's  Lives  of  the 
Novelists.  —  Johnson's  Lives  of  the  Poets.  —  Boswell's  Life 
of  Johnson.  —  Madame  D'Arblay's  Life  of  Dr.  Burney. — 
Forbes's  Life  of  Beattie.  — Teignmouth's  Life  of  Sir  William 
Jones.  —  Southey's  Life  and  Correspondence  of  Cowper.  — 
Cunningham's  Lives  of  Painters  and  Sculptors.  —  Lives  of 
Collingwood,  Cuvier,  Howard,  Oberlin,  Burns,  Schiller, 
Wakefield,  Wesley,  and  Mrs.  Cappe. 


NOTE  B. 

Travels  are  very  entertaining  and  instructive ;  their  perusal 
should  always  be  accompanied  by  the  study  of  maps.  A  few 
of  the  most  celebrated  are  the  following. 

Brace's  Travels  in  Abyssinia.  —  Denon's  Travels  in  Egypt.  — 
Belzoni's  Personal  Narrative.  —  Humboldt's  Personal  Narra- 
tive.—  Clarke's  Travels  in  Russia.  —  Mackenzie's  Travels  in 
Iceland.  —  Mungo  Park's  Mission  to  Africa.  —  Denham  and 
Clapperton's  Travels  in  Africa.  —  Simond's  Italy,  France, 
and  England.  —  Eustace's  Tour  in  Italy.  —  Rome  in  the 
Nineteeiith  Century. 


NEW    PUBLICATIONS. 


TWICE-TOLD    TALES. 

BY    NATHANIEL    HAWTHORNE. 

This  work,  in  one  volume  duodecimo,  is  composed 
of  a  series  of  Tales,  which  have  been  before  published 
in  the  New-England  Magazine,  Token,  &lc.  although 
the  author's  name  is  now  for  the  first  time  given  to 
the  public.  It  has  been  received  with  uncommon 
favor,  and  has  elicited  universal  commendation  from 
the  public  press.  Many  of  the  Tales  have  also  been 
copied  with  high  praise  by  some  of  the  literary  peri- 
odicals of  England.  Extracts  from  several  critical 
notices  of  it  will  be  found  below.  The  Tales  which 
make  up  the  volume  are  as  follows  :  — 


The  Gray  Champion, 

Suiulay  at  Home, 

The  Wedding  Knell, 

The  Minister's  Black  Veil, 

The  May-Pole  of  Merry  Mount, 

The  Gentle  Boy, 

Mr.  Higginbottom's  Catastrophe, 

Little  Annie's  Ramble, 

Wakefield, 


A  Rill  from  the  Town-Pump, 

The  Great  Carbuncle, 

The  Proi)hetic  Pictures, 

David  Swan, 

Sights  from  a  Steeple, 

The  Hollow  of  the  Three  Hills, 

The  Vision  of  the  Fountain, 

Fancy's  Show-Box, 

Dr.  Heidegger's  Experiment. 


"  Most  of  these  tales  and  sketches  have  appeared  before,  in  an- 
nuals and  periodical  publications,  where  they  were  noticed,  at 
once,  as  remarkable  productions,  and  their  merit  amply  justifies 
their  being  collected  and  published  in  a  separate  volume.  Mr. 
Hawthorne  is  endowed,  in  no  inconsiderable  degree,  with  those  ele- 
ments which,  when  combined,  make  up  the  mysterious  essence 
called  genius.  Without  being  affected  or  unnatural,  his  style  of 
writing  and  thinking  is  marked,  original,  and  peculiar,  —  copying  no 
models,  and  stamped  with  the  vigorous  impress  of  individuality. 
There  is  nothing,  in  his  book,  of  the  hackneyed  commonplace  of 
the  mob  of  story-writers  and  essayists.  lie  has  evidently  been  a 
solitary  man,  and  yet,  as  we  should  judge,  more  of  an  observer  and 
thinkef;  than  reader.     He  has  gathered 

the  h:irvest  of  a  quiet  eye 


That  broods  and  sleeps  on  its  own  heart. 


He  is  a  keen  and  delicate  observer,  and  cuts  through  the  superfl- 
cial  rind  into  the  heart  and  marrow  of  his  subject.  He  delights  to 
startle  his  readers  with  novel  incidents,  striking  combinations,  and 
unexpected  turns  of  the  narrative.  He  is  remarkable  for  his  power 
of  producing  vivid  and  deep  impressions  by  means  of  very  un- 
promising materials.  The  most  prosaic  forms  of  life  supply  him 
with  glimpses  of  beauty  and  touches  of  pathos  and  the  deepest 
hues  of  tragedy,  because  he  deals  not  with  the  garb  and  decora- 
tions, but  with"^the  naked  heart  and  mind  of  man.  He  reminds  us 
of  those  chemists  who  extract  the  most  penetrating  and  aromatic 
essences  from  common  wild  flowers  and  garden  herbs.  The  con- 
tents of  his  volume  are  of  unequal  merit,  and  we  are  free  to 
confess,  that  we  prefer  the  grace  and  sweetness  of  such  papers  as 
'  Little  Annie's  Ramble,'  or  '  A  Rill  from  the  Town- Pump,'  to 
those  of  a  more  ambitious  cast,  and  in  which  thie  page  glows  with  a 
wider  and  more  fearful  interest,  like  "The  Minister's  Black  Veil' 
and  '  Dr.  Heidegger's  Experiment.'  A  book  like  this,  evincing  a 
mind  of  such  peculiar  organization,  may,  or  may  not  become  popu- 
lar ;  but  whether  they  read  it  or  not,  the  public  may  be  assured,  that 
in  this  unpretending  Volume  by  a  countryman  and  neighbor,  they 
will  find  more  of  that  which  indicates  thought  in  the  writer  and 
begets  thought  in  the  reader,  than  in  nine-tenths  of  the  English  re- 
prilits,  whicli  are  so  eagerly  devoured. 

"  The  work  is  published  by  tlie  American  Stationers'  Company 
in  a  style  of  typographical  execution  very  creditable  to  them." 
—  Boston  Daily  Adi^ertiser. 

"  This  modest  volume,  which  comes  before  us  without  preface, 
or  any  sort  of  appeal  to  the  public  regard,  is  well  calculated  to  stand 
on  its  own  merits,  and  to  acquire  enduring  popularity.  The  author 
possesses  the  power  of  winning  immediate  attention,  and  of  sustain- 
ing it,  by  a  certain  ingenuous  sincerity,  and  by  the  force  of  a  style 
at  once  simple  and  graceful.  In  all  his  descriptions,  whether  of 
scenes  or  emotions,  nature  is  his  only  guide.  In  short,  in  quiet 
humor,  in  genuine  pathos,  and  deep  feeling,  and  in  a  style  equally 
unstudied  and  pure,  the  author  of  'Twice-Told  Tales'  has  few 
equals,  and  with  perhaps  one  or  two  eminent  exceptions,  no  supe- 
rior in  our  country.  We  confidently  and  cordially,  therefore,  com- 
mend the  beautiful  volume  to  the  attention  of  our  readers."  —  IVie 
Knickerbocker. 

"  The  style  of  this  writer  is  remarkable  for  ease,  grace,  and  deli- 
cacy 5  in  which  qualities,  as  well  as  in  purity  and  classical  finish,  it 
will  compare  advantageously  with  that  of  the  best  living  Ensflish 
writers.  In  the  adaptation'  of  a  style  appropriate  to  the  subject 
on  which  he  writes,  Mr.  Hawthorne  is  peculiarly  happy.  When 
portraying  the  times  of  the  Puritans,  for  instance,  the  style  is  in 
such  perfect  accordance  with  the  subject,  that  the  reader  fancies 
himself  carried  back  to  the  age  and  presence  of  those  stern  and 
self-denying  men.  Probably  we  have  no  wTiter.  more  deeply  versed 
in  the  early  literature  and  history  of  this  countrv,  or  who  can  so 
well  describe  the  manners  and  customs  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers. 

"  One  of  the  greatest  merits  of  this  author  is  originality  of  con- 
ception. The  reader  cannot  fail  to  perceive  that  the  pieces  in  this 
volume  are  perfectly  distinct  conceptions,  differing  among  them 


selves,  and  unlike  wliat  other  writers  have  conceived ;  and  this  too, 
without  any  unnatural  straining  after  originality,  but  the  natural 
eflect  of  a  mind  that  forms  its  own  combinations,  and  takes  its  own 
views  respecting  them. 

"  There  is  much  of  strong  thought  and  deep  feeling  in  this  book, 
though  there  is  little  or  none  of  what  is  often  termed  powerful  writ- 
ing, i.  e.  ranting,  and  foaming  at  the  mouth  —  lacerating  the  read- 
ers nerves,  and,  as  it  were,  taking  his  sympathies  by  storm.  The 
author  sometimes  gives  too  free  a  rein  to  fancy,  but  never  leaves 
entirely  the  range  of  human  sympathies.  There  is  a  pervading 
warmth  in  all  the  stories,  which  proves  them  to  be,  iu  a  certain 
sense,  true  to  nature. 

"  To  characterize  a  few  of  the  articles,  we  should  say,  that '  The 
CIray  Champion'  shows  a  massive  simplicity  of  conception,  and 
that  its  coloring  is  sombre,  as  befitted  the  people  and  times.  It  was 
an  original  and  a  fortunate  idea,  that  of  making  the  old  man  the 
type  of  the  hereditary  spirit  of  New  England,  and  connecting  his 
reappearance  with  the  great  occasions  on  which  that  sj)irit  is,  and 
shall  be  manifested.  '  The  Gentle  Boy  '  is  beautifully  written,  and 
in  it  the  author  has  struck  a  vein  of  the  deepest  pathi  s.  The  boy 
is  a  character  of  tenderness  and  beauty,  more  fit  for  Heaven  than 
for  the  world,  and  therefore  inevitably  crushed  by  human  sufferings 
and  wrongs.  '  Sunday  at  Home,'  '  Little  Annie's  Ramble,'  and 
'  Sights  from  a  Steeple  '  may  form  one  class,  the  merit  of  which 
consists  in  a  graphic  representation  of  visible  objects,  and  connect- 
ing those  objects  with  thoughts,  images,  and  sentiments  appropriate 
to  each,  so  that  nothing  passes  before  the  eye  without  being  turned 
to  some  purpose  in  the  mind.  'David  Swan,"  aptly  termed  'a 
Fantasy,'  is  a  conception  which  will  impress  some  readers  very 
strongly,  while  others  will  see  little  merit  in  it.  The  execution  of 
tiiis  piece  is  admi.able  :  the  dreamlike  flow  of  those  events  which 
we  neither  see,  nor  hear,  nor  are  otherwise  sensible  of,  was  to  be 
illustrated,  and  the  author  has  ingeniously  done  it  in  such  a  manner, 
that,  while  the  passing  scenes  are  distinctly  painted,  they  seem 
rather  like  visions  sweeping  past  the  sleeping  David  than  like  re- 
alities." —  Augusta  Age. 

"  — The  volume  of '  Twice-Told  Tales,'  by  Nathaniel  Hawthorne, 
which  might  be  repeated  many  times  without  wearying  the  reader. 
There  is  real  genius  shown  in  every  page  of  his  Writing, —  a  deli- 
cate taste  and  quick  perception  which  create  the  finest  touches  of 
feeling  and  fancy  ;  a  brilliant  and  bold  imagination  which  leads  him 
far  out  of  the  beaten  track  of  common  story-tellers  ;  and  a  beautiful 
simplicity  and  elegance  of  style  which  place  him  among  the  very 
first  of  American  writers.  Every  story  in  this  little  volume  is 
marked  by  some  distinctive  beauty  and  excellence.  Mr.  Haw- 
thorne's quiet  and  cheerful  humor  brightens  every  view  of  human 
nature,  while  a  tone  of  pensive  feeling  breathes  out  even  from  the 
lightest  sports  of  his  fancy.  It  is  this  combination  which  makes 
him  so  fascinating  a  writer,  and  which  has  been  said  to  be  an  unfail- 
ing characteristic  of  true  genius.  A  fine  moral  tone  pervades  all 
the  creations  of  his  fancy,  which  gives  them  a  still  stronger  hold 
upon  our  regard.  We  cannot  but  hope  to  hear  again  from  one  so 
eminently  qualified  to  take  a  conspicuous  rank  among  those  who 
have  already  gained  a  wide  and  enduring  fame. 


"  We  are  glad  to  perceive  that  the  book  is  printed  in  the  neat 
and  beautiful  style  which  marks  every  work  that  is  published  by  the 
American  Stationers  Co."  —  Salem  Gazette. 

"  Some  of  the  stories  in  this  very  pleasant  book  have  already 
appeared  in  the  annuals,  but  will  bear  reprinting.  Mr.  Haw- 
tnorne  is  one  of  those  shrewd,  yet  gentle  observers,  who  *  reap  the 
harvest  of  a  ^Mze^  eye.'  There  is  none  of  the  imitation,  —  imita- 
tion, —  imitation,  —  together  with  the  ridiculous  pretence  and 
vexatious  fooleries  of  A.  B.  and  C.  through  the  alphabet,  who 
profess  to  be  the  stars  of  our  literary  hemisphere  ;  and  all  whose 
petty  twinkling  is  from  so  much  borrowed  light  as  their  small  cun- 
ning enables  them  to  appropriate  from  foreign  sources  Mr.  Haw- 
thorne differs  from  all  this  genus  in  observing  nicely,  and  then 
revealing  his  discoveries  in  a  natural  manner.  His  style  reminds 
us  more  of  Washington  In-ing,  than  of  any  other  American  writer  j 
and  we  do  not  see  why  he  may  not  claim  to  rank  near  hira  sine 
longo  intervallo. 

"  Both  the  books  referred  to,  are  very  handsome  specimens  of 
typography,  and  do  credit  to  the  American  Stationers  Company, 
from  whose  press  they  issue."  —  Newbunjport  Herald. 

"  The  rich  and  quiet  humor  which  pervades  every  page,  renders 
it  one  of  the  pleasantest  companions  in  the  world,  for  a  leisure 
hour.  It  contains  eighteen  tales,  of  which  '  A  Rill  from  the  Town- 
Pnmp/  and  '  Dr.  Heidegger's  Experiment '  are  among  the  best. 
They  were  originally  published,  we  believe,  in  the  New  England 
Magazine,  ai  d  were  read  with  great  avidity.  In  their  present  form 
they  will  prove  a  sure  cure  for  ennui,  and,  as  we  before  observed,  a 
pleasant  companion  for  a  leisure  hour."  —  Eastern  Argus. 

''Mr.  Hawthorne's  style  is  rich,  refined,  and  graceful,  and  the 
present  volume  is  an  ornament  to  the  literature  of  our  country." 

—  Boston   Atlas. 

"  The  writer  of  these  Tales  is  by  no  means  destitute  of  literary 
fame  ;  neither  is  he,  by  his  productions,  wholly  unknown  to  some  of 
our  readers.  We  should  indeed  hope  he  is  not  to  most  of  them, 
otherwise  they  have  deprived  themselves  of  much  pleasure  which 
they  might  have  derived  from  a  perusal  of  such  of  these  stories  as 
have  already  been  offered  them,  at  different  seasons,  in  one  or  more 
of  our  periodicals. 

"  The  Tales  are  so  tvell  told,  that  their  author  has  done  veil,  to 
collect,  arrange,  and  publish  them  together.  Telling  so  well  as  they 
do  on  repetition,  to  our  readers,  we  really  hope  and  do  not  distrust 
but  that  they  will  tell  icell  to  the  author,  in  the  form  both  of  literary 
credit,  and  also  of  that  great  essential  to  supply  man's  bodily  wants, 
pecuniary  recompense.  '  The  stories,'  to  use  the  language  of  one 
well  qualified  to  judge,  '  will  bear  not  only  being  "  twice  told,"  but 
you  may  apply  to  each  Horace's  test  of  fine  writing ;  Decies  repetifa 
placebit  —  tell  it  ten  times,  and  it  will  continue  to  charm."  —  Provi- 
dence Journal. 

"The  Tales  are  worth  tivice  telling  and  a  dozen  readings." 

Boston  Courier. 


LITTLE    GIRL'S    OWN    BOOK. 

BY    MRS.    CHILD. 

A  ncio  and  improved  Edition, 

This  popular  work,  of  which  many  thousands  have 
been  sold,  still  meets  with  an  unabated  demand.  A 
new  edition  has  just  been  published,  very  much  im- 
proved in  external  appearance,  being  ornamented  with 
a  tastefully  engraved  fancy  cover. 

This  favorite  little  book  possesses  the  rare  merit  of 
combining  usefulness  with  ornament  and  amusement, 
at  the  same  time  that  it  affords  a  rich  fund  of  pleasure, 
in  describing  a  great  variety  of  games  and  methods  of 
youtliful  amusement.  It  is  eminently  useful,  in  giving 
directions  for  many  important  branches  of  an  accom- 
plished female  education,  as  well  as  in  the  recommend- 
ation and  illustration  of  a  series  of  active  exercises, 
calculated,  not  to  make  children  rude  and  disorderly, 
but  to  promote  physical  strength  and  gracefulness  of 
manner.  The  publishers  can  with  great  confidence 
recommend  it,  as  a  delightful  aid  to  the  improvement 
of  the  leisure  hours  of  youth,  and  as  containing  nothing 
which  will  in  any  degree  mislead  the  minds  or  vitiate 
the  morals  of  children. 


PETER    PARLEY'S    GEOGRAPHY 
OF    THE    BIBLE. 

This  v.'ork  is  intended  for  both  connnon  and  Sab- 
bath Schools.     *'  The  leading  objects  of  the  book," 


6 


as  stated  by  the  author  in  the  preface,  *'  are  to  fortify 
the  youthful  mind  in  a  belief  of  the  Scriptures,  — 
to  increase  his  interest,  and  aid  his  comprehension, 
in  the  perusal  of  the  sacred  pages.  To  secure  these 
desirable  ends,  I  have  endeavoured  to  carry  my  little 
reader  with  me  across  the  Atlantic  and  the  Mediter- 
ranean, and  place  him  on  the  shores  of  Palestine ;  I 
have  endeavoured  to  show  him  that  Jerusalem  really 
exists,  that  the  waters  of  the  Jordan  still  continue  to 
flow,  and  that  the  sea  of  Galilee  which  bore  our 
Saviour  and  his  disciples  upon  its  bosom  is  still  to  be 
seen  ;  I  have  endeavoured  to  show  that  nature  is  thus 
a  witness  to  the  truth  of  the  Bible,  and  that  the  scat- 
tered ruins  of  temples  and  cities,  now  gone  to  decay, 
also  speak  of  those  times  of  which  the  Bible  speaks, 
and  thus  attest  its  veracity.  I  have  also  endeavoured, 
by  the  use  of  maps,  and  other  means,  to  give  a  clear 
idea  of  the  various  countries  mentioned  in  Scripture, 
their  extent  and  boundaries,  the  position  of  mountains, 
the  relative  situation  of  cities  and  their  distances  from 
each  other,  the  character  of  climates,  the  aspect  of 
nature,  and  the  manners  and  customs  of  the  people  in 
the  various  countries." 

"  We  hail  with  pleasure  our  old  friend  Feter  Parley,  and  are 
satisfied  that  his  appearance  will  afford  unalloyed  gratification  to  all 
of  our  little  friends  who  have  (and  we  trust  there  are  but  few  who 
have  not)  been  favored  with  a  reading  of  his  other  published  tales 
and  stories.  We  find  that  the  old  gentleman  since  his  last  visit,  has 
lost  none  of  his  accustomed  spirit  and  vivacity,  and  that  he  mani- 
fests as  great  a  desire  and  ability  as  formerly  to  communicate  in- 
struction that  is  both  entertaining  and  useful. 

"  He  is  now  desirous  of  communicating  to  the  young,  intelligence 
about  '  Bible  times,'  and  proposes  travelling  with  them  through 
Jerusalem,  and  other  places  of  Palestine,  Judea,  Samaria,  Galilee, 
Syria,  Macedonia,  Greece,  Rome,  Canaan,  Assyria,  Babylon,  Per- 
sia, &c.,  and  in  this  account  of  his  plan,  in  order  that  his  intentions 
may  be  perfectly  understood,  he  gives  a  number  of  maps,  and  very 
many  cuts,  showing  some  of  the  wonderful  things  to  be  met  with, 
and  exhibiting  some  of  the  cities,  temples,  ruins,  &r;..  to  be  seen." 
—  Providt'Tire  Jounial. 


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